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Darkest Timeline Zack Morris

Darkest Timeline Zack Morris

Webmaster: Dick Joke Blog at Evil Corp
DTZM escaped his dark timeline through a wormhole created by Lord Screech, after he destroyed Bayside for never allowing him to mate with Lisa Turtle.Zach now lives a quiet life in St. Louis with his wife, Darkest Timeline Kelly Kapowski.They have no children, but do have the world’s cutest dogs.
Darkest Timeline Zack Morris

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Skitterphoto / Pixabay

Hey guys, nice to see all of you random drunks and weirdos again.  It’s your old pal, Internet Dad, the original boss around these parts.  How the hell are ya?

Anyway, niceties are out of the way, lets talk about some STUFF.

I’d like to talk about announcers today.

So, many of you may not know this, but old Internet Dad originally wanted to do play-by-play, when I was but a wee lad.  I had grandiose dreams of being Jack Buck or the fictional Harry Doyle from Major League, just telling the millions what was going on in a baseball game and having a great time doing it.  I grew up listening to Jack and Harry Carray and thought that they were the coolest sons-of-bitches alive, and that was my dream job.

Well, the state of broadcasting is at a weird place now.

It seems that everyone, everywhere, hates their local guy or the national guy.  Joe Buck takes a lot of heat, and frankly, deserves some of it.  However, I think that passionate sport fans everywhere get a bit too in the weeds when it comes to the local guy.  Nobody can be impartial.  If a guy’s a homer, they hate it.  If he’s too dry, they hate it.  If he replaces their guy, they hate it.  We love a guy until we don’t anymore – (look out, Tony Romo, they’ll hate you soon enough).  I feel like yelling at the announcer is fun, and easy, especially when they are a moron.

I guess what I’m trying to say is, Fuck Phil Simms.

Anyway, this is a bit short, I know, I’m filling in for RTD, who has had some kind of shit this morning and forced me to get out of bed, but them’s the breaks.  I’ll be around more so watch your language, shitheads.

Darkest Timeline Zack Morris
Darkest Timeline Zack Morris
DTZM escaped his dark timeline through a wormhole created by Lord Screech, after he destroyed Bayside for never allowing him to mate with Lisa Turtle. Zach now lives a quiet life in St. Louis with his wife, Darkest Timeline Kelly Kapowski. They have no children, but do have the world's cutest dogs.
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King HippoMoose -The End Is Well NighWCSblaxabbathDarkest Timeline Zack Morris Recent comment authors
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King Hippo

DAD!!!!!!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
WCS

Looking at you, Seamus…

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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herodotus450
herodotus450

The military was working on a secret project to get Kieth Jackson and John Madden to call a game together, but it was deemed too dangerous.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

This bears repeating:

Fuck Phil Simms.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Todd Christensen ranks in my top five all time of Moose-hate. I hated him so much he died.

DTZM; sorry that some want to call you Internet Daddy.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

But…but…but…

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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WCS

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’ve softened a bit on my hatred of Joe Buck over the last couple of years. His call of the Minneapolis Miracle was so elevated from his usual standard it actually entered the realm of “tolerable” for me. These days I can proudly admit that I would no longer wish for him to suffer a protracted and unthinkably painful death. A quick and painless one would be just fine.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I have never really had that much hatred for him; this is mainly due to the fact thatt I am able to ignore him, tune him out fairly well. Wish I could do that for some people at work.

Senor Weaselo

If we’re mocking our home announcers, I give you John Sterling’s Giancarlo Stanton home run call.

Or singing “The sun’ll come out… Tanaka” when he throws a complete game shutout.

Sharkbait
Sharkbait

Anything by the Yankees announcers is embarrassing. For example, when whats her name lost her shit because Roger Clemens said he was coming back.

WCS

Mike Lange is the greatest hockey announcer of all-time. Full stop.

Sharkbait
Sharkbait

Sam Rosen would like a word.

WCS

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Senor Weaselo

+1 power-play goal?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Subjective FACT.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

I enjoyed reading this post. Your point was interesting and well made. I would like to read more posts like this in the future.

blaxabbath

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My issue with our local announcers is that, because they are homers, they think they can do no wrong. Like, I am tuning in to see the game and get coverage. The fact that you’re on the broadcast IN SPITE OF being so annoying is only proof of the strength of the product and has no relevance towards your skills as an announcer.

In short, Ron Wolfly is the overpriced disgusting $8 hot dog at the Stadium Grill of announcing.

WCS

That’s WVU alum Ron Wolfey!

(Yeah, he’s a moron. Also, his brother is the Stillers sideline guy, who is clearly suffering from CTE. He talks like a Trump tweet.)

blaxabbath

We need some Wolfley v Wolfley pieces!

Sharkbait
Sharkbait

I’d kill for a pay-per-view style event where there are no announcers and the referees are mic’d up and is completely uncensored.

Game Time Decision

the CFL has been doing something close to this. It’s a live mic on a few players, and then the announcing team can pipe in as well. I assume it’s on a delay to let them bleeep out stuff.

yeah right

The local Lakers coverage will occasionally have the standard feed with the announcers but a different feed that features no announcers, just the arena announcer, court side camera angles and best of all no commercials.

Know what they do instead of showing commercials? They show the Laker Girls.

How the fuck is that NOT a superior game experience.

Sharkbait
Sharkbait

When I worked at my last job we would broadcast NHL/EPL matches that were straight production feeds. It was the best viewing experience for sure.

Senor Weaselo

For some reason I read this as a pay-per-view between announcers. Which I would absolutely watch. Bonus points if deathmatch of course.