Yes indeed, tis that time once again. Cheerleaders to leer over, prospects to scout, GAMBLOR to hail. Let’s get to the #ACTION!
James Madison at NC State (Noon, ESPNU)
How does a match like this garner national teevee coverage? Wolven QB Ryan Finley, soon to dominate Mel Kiper wet dreams, and leader of the Most Interesante 6-6 or 7-5 team in the land. For the entire badass defensing unit (led by #5 overall pick Bradley Chubb) graduated to the NFL, you see. People will boil alive in that stadium today, tune in and watch them die!
Oregon State at Ohio State (Noon, ABC)
The fecklessness of tOSU’s “punishment” of Head Coach “See No Evil” (she fell, okay!) will be quite apparent today. Sparty’s scare Friday night against Team Secular Big Love State demonstrates why B1G athletic directors take no chances whatsoever in scheduling.
Texas at Maryland (Noon, FS1)
Watch this, or be a pussy bitch.
Ole Miss at Texas Tech (Noon, ESPN)
Hey, an actual competitive, interesting fixture! I would even watch this one in October. Probably have to stream this while watching my Shitty Wolves ™ on the big screen. There will deffo be points.
Washington v. Auburn @ Megatron’s Butthole aka NO HOMOES CHIKIN DOME (3:30, ABC)
Another interesting matchup that could very likely be decided by West Coast team travel. When in doubt, always bet on SEC West front seven athleticism. Though I wouldn’t bet this one at all, given how much of a yo-yo side War Damn Eagle tends to be.
West By God Virginia at Tennessee (3:30, CBS)
WCS has to put his game face on early, as these teams meet fer the first time in EVAR?? (that don’t sound right) Pour one out FOAR Butch Jones, who these pages don’t have to kick around no more. Sad Hippo.
Washington State at Wyoming (3:30, CBSSN)
You want Sleeper Interesting Game? Here it is, as two Hippo/Litre 2017 betting talismans clash in Laramie. Laramie is kind of a post-apocalyptic wasteland, FWIW. Good for one’s sinuses, apparently.
Cincinnati at UCLA (7:00, ESPN)
I know nothing about either side, other than I hope to laugh at Chip Kelly and how much “gritty” talent he has managed to assemble in La-La Land. Also, Redshirt and Balls need to make a side bet to keep things interesting here, night slate is kind of liquid shit.
Michigan at Notre Dame (7:30, NBC)
You know, the great thing about Lesser Footy is that when two asshole sides like this clash, one can always root for a Draw. With lots of crippling injuries.
Middle Tennessee at Vanderbilt (7:30, SECN)
Oh come on, you know this will be fucking hilarious.
Louisville v. Alabama @ Orlando aka “Mr. Disney sez NO JEWS!!” (8:00, ABC)
Did the teevee folk expect Ville to remain good post-LAMAR! Because, I have a surprise for them coming. Especially given they weren’t particularly hot LAST year, once folk had FILM on LAMAR! Over/under on puppies sacrificed as Roll Damn Tide builds 5 TD lead too slowly for Saban’s liking? 7.5
BYU at Arizona (10:45, ESPN)
Your first late night tweaker fixture is solid, as Bear Down FOAR Midterms hosts the Stormin’ Mormons aka Team Big Love, Original Recipe. If this game goes into like 5 OT, won’t the magic undies crew have to forfeit due to the clock striking Sunday?