Yes indeed, tis that time once again. Cheerleaders to leer over, prospects to scout, GAMBLOR to hail. Let’s get to the #ACTION!
James Madison at NC State (Noon, ESPNU)
How does a match like this garner national teevee coverage? Wolven QB Ryan Finley, soon to dominate Mel Kiper wet dreams, and leader of the Most Interesante 6-6 or 7-5 team in the land. For the entire badass defensing unit (led by #5 overall pick Bradley Chubb) graduated to the NFL, you see. People will boil alive in that stadium today, tune in and watch them die!
Oregon State at Ohio State (Noon, ABC)
The fecklessness of tOSU’s “punishment” of Head Coach “See No Evil” (she fell, okay!) will be quite apparent today. Sparty’s scare Friday night against Team Secular Big Love State demonstrates why B1G athletic directors take no chances whatsoever in scheduling.
Texas at Maryland (Noon, FS1)
Watch this, or be a pussy bitch.
Ole Miss at Texas Tech (Noon, ESPN)
Hey, an actual competitive, interesting fixture! I would even watch this one in October. Probably have to stream this while watching my Shitty Wolves ™ on the big screen. There will deffo be points.
Washington v. Auburn @ Megatron’s Butthole aka NO HOMOES CHIKIN DOME (3:30, ABC)
Another interesting matchup that could very likely be decided by West Coast team travel. When in doubt, always bet on SEC West front seven athleticism. Though I wouldn’t bet this one at all, given how much of a yo-yo side War Damn Eagle tends to be.
West By God Virginia at Tennessee (3:30, CBS)
WCS has to put his game face on early, as these teams meet fer the first time in EVAR?? (that don’t sound right) Pour one out FOAR Butch Jones, who these pages don’t have to kick around no more. Sad Hippo.
Washington State at Wyoming (3:30, CBSSN)
You want Sleeper Interesting Game? Here it is, as two Hippo/Litre 2017 betting talismans clash in Laramie. Laramie is kind of a post-apocalyptic wasteland, FWIW. Good for one’s sinuses, apparently.
Cincinnati at UCLA (7:00, ESPN)
I know nothing about either side, other than I hope to laugh at Chip Kelly and how much “gritty” talent he has managed to assemble in La-La Land. Also, Redshirt and Balls need to make a side bet to keep things interesting here, night slate is kind of liquid shit.
Michigan at Notre Dame (7:30, NBC)
You know, the great thing about Lesser Footy is that when two asshole sides like this clash, one can always root for a Draw. With lots of crippling injuries.
Middle Tennessee at Vanderbilt (7:30, SECN)
Oh come on, you know this will be fucking hilarious.
Louisville v. Alabama @ Orlando aka “Mr. Disney sez NO JEWS!!” (8:00, ABC)
Did the teevee folk expect Ville to remain good post-LAMAR! Because, I have a surprise for them coming. Especially given they weren’t particularly hot LAST year, once folk had FILM on LAMAR! Over/under on puppies sacrificed as Roll Damn Tide builds 5 TD lead too slowly for Saban’s liking? 7.5
BYU at Arizona (10:45, ESPN)
Your first late night tweaker fixture is solid, as Bear Down FOAR Midterms hosts the Stormin’ Mormons aka Team Big Love, Original Recipe. If this game goes into like 5 OT, won’t the magic undies crew have to forfeit due to the clock striking Sunday?
Hippo, you like that decision by JMU? I did. You think they should’ve gone for it?
oh good Lord, that was stupid. Less than a yard, on the road against a heavy favourite?
Our coach has “evolved” into someone who finally gets leverage and going for it more on 4th down, but even at his most doltish – he goes for THAT one.
/also State is missing its top two DL, a position where we have the LEAST depth, having graduated the ENTIRE starting unit to the NFL.
And as you see, our coach goes for it on his own 38. Leverage.
Two safeties on the day so far, that’s a safety worth of safeties!
Fuck Maryland with a red-hot poker (and this HAET comes from 15+ years of H8in’, well before their latest crap), and Texas can jump off a cliff.
GO METEOR
I reckon yinz less worried about playing NC State now?
I’m not paying for TWWL College Version, but, I see the score online. JMU won the national title couple years ago.
it ain’t them, it’s us. We’ve been ass.
You need to be more clear; we’re not sure where you stand on this.
Yeah, sorry Maryland. I won’t root for your anymore.
ppl forget Maryland also beat Texas last year… Wait that cant’ be right, can it?
it was right AND Hippo-predicted last season (or 2 seasons ago, whenever it happened)
Yay! Go Turtles!
The University of Texas. Where hot coaching careers go to die a horrific, fiery death.
Does anyone know any really big and at least sort of athletic guys who might like to play D line in West Raleigh?
Not gloating, but Ohio State should try and put in all walkons in this game. Especially seniors. Give them a chance to say they’ve played in Ohio Stadium.
the phrase “Bad even by Pac 12 standards” comes to mind
Seven for Wolven Sort (whew) and Guns Up!! before the half, each margin is 10
Wait there’s a pocket for punts?
OSU backup quarteredback already has a bunch of tattoos, so that’s one less thing to worry about.
Well, the recycling’s not gonna take itself to the dump, and the lawn’s not going to mow itself, so I’ll be busy for a bit
/yells at son: “GET OFF YOUR ASS, MOW THE LAWN AND TAKE THE RECYCLING TO THE DUMP!!!!”
Now, where were we?
If you had a goat it would mow itself.
UMD? is also my go to opening line on Doctr, the Professionals-only dating app.
I see tOSU has restored order, whilst Shitty Wolves are barely ahead thanks to the work of a previously unknown honky WR. Name? Thayer Thomas. Gimme a WASP-ier name than that, YOU CAN’T!!
I didn’t realize it was OSU’s first game when I decided I wanted wings. College football fans are inhuman
Not sure if OSU or OSU…
Sorry, tOSU. I hate this fucking state
Oh so you hate Bigfoot?
http://ohiobigfootconference.org/hof.html
The man next to me sat down in his buckeye jersey, asked the bartender her name, and declared “let’s have a fun time Bailey.” He high fives her after every buckeye score OR just anytime she takes his order.
Sprotsfans at a bar?
Sorry it makes less sense out of context. Buckeye fans are all hog humans.
Maryland and Rutgers are still winning! THIS IS NOT A DRILL,PEOPLE!
Meanwhile Illinois losing to Kent St.
Goals to Newcastle!!!
/patents T-shirt idea
I have a serious beef with no Sunday afternoon match this opening weekend.
Boy, Corey Coleman got cut? Dallas or Indy ought to be ringing his phone, like today.
yeah, I know he’s had hamstring trouble, but on a fucking free? Either the draft evaluation was WAY off or this guy has the personality of Hitler impersonating Stalin.
Dallas: “Thanks, but we’ve got Allan Hurns and Terence Williams. We’re good.”
Dallas fans: https://tenor.com/view/naked-gun-face-palm-funny-omg-oh-no-gif-5707607
Ohio St. Offsides by #2 AND Pass Interference by #1 on the Same F***ing Play Counter: 2*
* SAME DRIVE**
** TWO OUT OF THREE PLAYS
Clearly the worst offenses committed by Ohio State this season.
It’s throwback week at Darlington this weekend, so I assume they’ll be racing without seatbelts or HANs devices, and while hauling three cases of moonshine while drinking from a jug of the same.
Fuck it, I’d watch.
That would actually be pretty cool.
What the… YOU CAN FAIR CATCH A BALL ON THE 2 AND IT COUNTS AS A TOUCHBACK?!
Inside the 20 I think you can fair catch
No. SMIRE.
Looks like we gotta First to 50 game in Columbus.
What the… I just went to took a dump and the Beavers scored a TD? Bullcrap!
Shitty Wolves down 0-7 as well.
Pretty… ironic? that James Madison University is nicknamed the Dukes. The “Judicial Commission Papers” was right there for the taking!
/This joke brought to you by the Marbury v. Madison wikipedia page
Ole Miss now has a “land shark” mascot and it is goddamned nightmare fuel.
From Johnny, to Bear to Shark?
M’kay.
I hope those PC History Correctors are happy! I’m okay replacing the rebel but replacing with that?!
They should have replaced Johnny Reb with a happy African-American farm labourer. Surely that would have sufficed?
If they’re following the progress in the South, they should’ve replace the Rebel with a Ghost.
A little higher…
…or lower.
We can have both.
“Nice follow-through, asshole. Gimme that shovel….”
I wish some phlegm would have popped out or some chicken.
Fuck
Finley throws that TE slant like nobody’s business.
Kelvin Harmon is also a legit NFL prospect at WR for the wolven sort. Our Motel 6 Randy Moss.
Leave the light on.
Finley bailed out by his receiver, that’s a first for ya.
Ryan Finley, motherfuckers.
Oregon State: “We’re driving against Ohio State in Columbus on the first drive. It happening. The real OSU is gonna beat those phony – OH SHIT!”
(fumbles handoff; Ohio State Recovers)
How the fuck is Reggie Gallaspy still in school?
Maryland AND Rutgers are both leading against teams from Texas!
#PussyBitches
I’d kiss you on the mouth right now if you were here.
surprise run and it’s 7-7 5 minutes in. The points prediction looks good.
What a catch by Guns Up!!
Loving the new sideline shrubbery that ohio state installed this year. A little odd that it’s only one shrubbery, about human-sized, with headset cables running into it. And all the coaches keep running over to it and look like they’re asking it questions about play calls.
I was wondering why they had to give it heart medicine, too.
My father and I were talking about the Urban Meyer thing and I came up with a good point: If Urban’s wife was told about the abuse, she is under no responsibility or obligation to report it to her husband as she does not work for Ohio State. Moreover, she probably didn’t feel like reporting it for putting stress on her husband.
But still, a suspension was required. Urban is from Miami-FL so his rep for running a clean school is questionable. His performance at Ohio State has been better (knock on wood), but you can’t change your past, you can only rebuild from it. Even if Urban didn’t know about it, once he learned about it, he should’ve been up front and candid about the whole situation. Any signs of lying or coverup makes you look guilty, and that’s the last thing you want.
Either way, this whole situation sucks. This coach was the grandson or Earle Bruce. That’s damn near royalty in Ohio State history.
Meyer just oozes guilt even when he doesn’t do anything.
Like clockwork, Ded President James Madison is near the Wolven 40.
That’s was a fugly 3rd down blitz by the wolven sort fo’ sho’.
I don’t have any hopes for jv-Arizona this year because, if I had any at all, they’d be Khalil Tate to put up a Manziel-like Heisman year.
And that isn’t happening.
ABC going with the legendary one-man announcer setup today?
Oh no, a wild Greg McElroy appears!
If its anything like his NFL Career, he’ll saying something when it doesn’t count, mumble a full other things when it does and disappear by the 1st Qtr.
osu, osu, and osu should all play each other every year for the coveted ‘osu’ trophy.
Hippo you lie. You do too know something about one of the the sides re: Cincy/UCLA.
Exhibit A….
Go Bruins.
Also, Redshirt and Balls need to make a side bet to keep things interesting here, night slate is kind of liquid shit.
Food bet or loser votes Republican?
Now, let’s not be hasty.
Food bet it is! If UCLA loses, I will make and eat Cincinnati- style spaghetti with chili. If UCLA wins, Redshirt must find a health store with vegan “meat” and make himself a “burger’.
Deal?
Deal! I’ll even let you decide which #-way you want.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cincinnati_chili#The_“way”_system
Ok, i’m going three way as I hate raw onions.
“Ok, i’m going three way”
No shit.
Hey! Don’t knock a four-way until you’ve had one!
this is just wonderful
NOW WE’RE TALKING DAMMIT!!!!!!