Your “Let’s Keep This Bus Rolling” mid-Afternoon NFL Football Open Thread

If the tilts keep coming I’ll keep doing the intros. TO THE GAMES!

 

Oak/LAC:

The things you learn when you do a bit of homework: rook safety Derwin James is by far the top-rated first year player that plays in the secondary, according to PFF. That rating system also places him 4th overall among all players. The guy leads the team in sacks, plays the outfield, plays on the edge and does work at slot corner! Are you kidding me? This fella might just be something.

Min/Phi:

The Vikes D that was #1 in points allowed last year is now 18th after four weeks. (maybe you should play Ajayi, scotch) More bad news-Minny’s league-worst rushing attack figures to stay that way as Dalvin Cook sits another game out this week.

Ari/SF:

This should be the bestest of chances for the Cards to grab a W even though they’ve got a rook qb starting for them. C.J. Beathard, who otherwise shows no signs of being concussed, recently stated on the sports radio that the Niners are a playoff team! Everyone together now-say “Oof!”

LAR/Sea:

After much hand-wring and pearl-clutching and decisioning I’ve decided to split my chances between Goff and Brees in my money leagues. I can’t go against Breezy at home and I have to play Goff until he lays an egg. (note to my fantasy buddies in Ottawa that don’t read the site-how did you let me get Goff in the 10th round in one league and for $4 in the auction?) Methinks The Goffer is going to expose the once mighty Legion of Boom for what it is now-older, missing some key parts and quite vulnerable in the secondary. Prove me right, youngster!

Let’s do that thing we do.

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King HippohippofantRikki-Tikki-DeadlyballsofsteelandfuryLow Commander of the Super Soldiers Recent comment authors
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blaxabbath

You know, ARi won’t need a QB in the draft so I guess it’s fine they may be picking second or third. And, more important than believing in this franchise, is seeing SF stay as absolute shit. With Jed York at the helm, this team deserves to go winless until Brett Kavanaugh is gunned down [appropriately] in the street.

ballsofsteelandfury

I’m actually quite surprised there are not any assassinations like there were in the 70s. With the lack of gun control, you’d think they would be more prevalent.

hippofant
hippofant

I’ve wondered this myself and am somewhat shocked there weren’t any attempts on Obama. Maybe there were and we just never heard about them. But I also wonder if maybe it’s a result of police forces having more reach now, with electronic media, they’re better at intercepting communications and disrupting efforts before they take place?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I don’t know, if they were actually good at doing that you’d think they’d prevent more massacres.

hippofant
hippofant

Maybe it’s really labour-intensive, so they can only focus on high priority targets? Also, maybe they are doing more to prevent massacres, but, like balls said, lack of gun control has made massacres more common, so though their percentage stopped is up, # incidents is also up? Dunno.

LemonJello
LemonJello

You’d think something called the “Domino’s Stat Tracker” would concern itself with cases of nausea and diarrhea .

blaxabbath

CJ Beathard: fantasy scorer

ballsofsteelandfury

Pete Carroll snatches defeat from the jaws of possible victory once again. No way you call a timeout when the punting team comes on.

blaxabbath

::Chews gum HARD::

-Pete Carroll

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Are these Rams gonna win the Super Bowl?

ballsofsteelandfury

No

blaxabbath

New England

King Hippo

YES!!!!

Spur
Spur

RAAMMMMIITTT!

King Hippo

Baby Buster FTW!!! No interest in seeing a bunch of charm slung about. 😀

hippofant
hippofant

Fake punt let’s gooooo

blaxabbath

“You had me at Fake Pu-“

– Manti T’eo

Gatoraids
Gatoraids

Seahawks trying to ice the punter

ballsofsteelandfury

So stupid.

ThePirateSloth
ThePirateSloth

Cooper Kupp, Brandin Cooks sounds like the type of law firm you get for a misdemeanor.

Spur
Spur

RAMMITT got a bad spot.

LemonJello
LemonJello

Bonus RAMMIT! vs SeaTruthers gameplay? Well, if you insist…

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Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

Well I’ve cleaned the kitchen, took out the trash, cleaned my bathroom, sorted my desk, got the mail, paid some bills and put fresh batteries in the carbon monoxide detector, so I guess it’s finally time to start updating my resume.

[Sits down at computer]

[Stomach rumbles]

Hmm, I am kind of hungry… What’s a long and distracting Sunday Gravy recipe?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Look at this peasant cleaning his own bathroom.

blaxabbath

Getting the mail on a Sunday, after it’s sat for three days, is no accomplishment.

Go drink!

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

…fine. But not because you told me to!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

One nice thing about the Raiders being such a disaster is that it’s much easier to come up with episode ideas for That’s My Raiders!

blaxabbath

OAK still in better shape than the federal government.

And actually may exist in its current form for longer into the future than our impending New Confederacy.

Spur
Spur

Viks needed that win.

Sharkbait
Sharkbait

Off to hockey. Zeke and Fuller can both get 0 points right??

Brocky

Hippo, refresh my memory, who is broke back?

In regards to my question earlier

LemonJello
LemonJello

Isn’t it the chucklefuck under center in Buffalo?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

So I think the Raiders are now into “Punch Yourself in the Dick for Nick (Bosa)” territory.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Maybe “Win No More Than One for Raekwon”.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Or perhaps the relatively mundane “Play Dead for Ed.”

blaxabbath

I have no idea what passes as JV talent this year.

On the male side, I mean.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I had to google it.

blaxabbath

“Five turnovers? Are they apple, cherry, or mixed?”

– A Reid

blaxabbath

Know what sucks most about the 49ers?

Their owner.

blaxabbath

Damn 49ers. This is why ARI is cursed with two wins this year.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Worse. At the end of the day, they’re still stuck in Arizona.

blaxabbath

Truth hurts.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

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Unsurprised
Unsurprised

When the gang comes to visit Portland.

blaxabbath

Chandler Jones is the Arizona Cardinals defense.

King Hippo

Jones get that one too?

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

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King Hippo

Suh redux – this time, it counts!

blaxabbath

SF sucks

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

That play by Lockett would have been funnier if he’d lost the fumble.

Dolph Ucker
Dolph Ucker

Lockett down due to sniper attack.