The hallmark of a treacly Christmas are the movies that tend to pop up informing us of the inherent goodness that the season brings. In The Canada these orts of cinema can be found on The Women’s Network. Perhaps you’re subjected to them by the SO and you’d like to wriggle out of the obligation-that’s where I come in. That way you can say, “SEEN IT!” and go about your manly business like the domestic superstar that you are. Here. We. Go.

The Players:

Brooke Burns is a 40-ish actress that was going to be a ballerina until she did in her ACL. Her leggy goodness eventually ended up on Baywatch. She plays Sydney.

Tom Everett Scott is a tv movie guy for the most part but he was in LaLa Land. He’s Jon.

Plot Shenanigans:

Sydney is a stewardess that’s been all over this great big world and has been entrusted to care for Jon’s little girl who is flying back solo from somewhere. (I missed the first ten minutes) Jon is ever so grateful that his daughter arrives in one piece that he invites Syd for a coffee. It’s here we learn that our heroine is pretty much a blank slate of a character. She lost her parents, was raised by her grandparents who are gone, she has no siblings and has never been married! She does fill that immense void by travelling all around. The Great Wall, Machu Picchu, Mount Fuji-she’s seen ’em all, baby.

Jon is a widower (natch) that is a struggle-bunny just trying to get by. He’s a writer that does human interest stories. His single-dad status precludes him…everything, I guess.

Syd gets snowed in *and* manages to have a possession of Jon’s so naturally she calls her employer and gets his cell phone # and address and turns up on his doorstep to return said item. She’s invited into the house (which is massive btw-the whole family is richer than hell, of course) and is introduced to his parents, sister, brother, in-laws etc., all of whom are mere props. The interior is a ghastly beast of Xmas decorations-I assume the set designers were coked-out during the assembly. “We don’t do Christmas half-way around here” is said, needlessly. Syd is snowed in once again so Jon suggests doing a human interest piece on her because she knows her parents met in Chicago at Christmas (where they happen to be) but she doesn’t know how. Does anyone see a connection here?

Plot Furtherance:

Syd absolutely adores the daughter and ends up doing Christmas-y things with her like making cookies and doing snow angels. She very much admires Jon for his total devotion to the little girly-cake. That, and the prospect of getting an insta-family, I’m sure. Jon’s really into the self-doubt game so he’s not gonna make a move. But lo, here comes “first contact”! It been used a few times before though. There’s a skating rink and Syd was a figure skater back in the day but Jon has never donned the blades. She helps him along, they touch, and he thinks “hey, I just might be able to bang this broad because she willingly laid her hands on me!”.

Obstacle?:

Syd has slaved for ten years to get the much-wanted “Post in Rome”. The coming decision is looming over this burgeoning relationship. Woah, wait a sec, Syd runs into a buddy that tells her, a) Syd hasn’t looked more happy in her entire life and b) She got the Rome thing! What to do…. What to do… She makes her final decision in the cab on the way to the airport. “FUCK CHICAGO, ROME IS WHERE IT’S AT, SUCKERS!”, she yells out the window for all the city to hear.

Resolution:

Kidding! She makes her way to the skating surface where Jon just happens to be hanging out. She learns that her parents entered a figure-skating contest on that very rink! Does anyone see a connection? She’s gonna work out of the Windy City now. Kisses! [snowfall begins on cue]

Observation:

Roles-wise, this was a very, very white Christmas indeed. Also, how do the actors not sweat their balls/ovaries off when they’re dressed in winter clothing and doing an interior scene? Are they naked underneath?

Farewell, I’m off to watch The Rooftop Christmas Tree!