INT. SECRET NFL QUARTERBACKS CLUB – DAY
The secret NFL quarterbacks club is decorated festively, with mementos from the War on Christmas displayed prominently throughout the otherwise lush interior. A butler moves throughout the room, topping off the hot mulled wine that is traditionally part of the annual pre-Christmas gathering. A pair of regulars are in the process of welcoming a new arrival.
ELI MANNING: Wow! I can’t believe Peyton never told me about this place!
RUSSELL WILSON: Well, it’s wasn’t really his secret to tell. You’re not allowed to tell anyone about this place until they’ve won the Super Bowl.
ELI: But I’ve won two Super Bowls! At one point I had won more rings than he had!
PHILIP RIVERS: Okay, Eli, apparently Peyton decided that you’re mature enough to know about this place, so I think that means that you’re mature enough to know the truth: Peyton didn’t think you were mature enough to know about this place. We had a long discussion with him about it, and there was a lot of argument on both sides. Russell here argued in favor, making the claim that on an epistemological basis you had shown…
RUSSELL: Oh, here he goes again. Philip, stop hazing him.
ELI: Huh?
PHILIP RIVERS takes a deliberately long sip from his mug, then slowly rotates it around so Eli can read its caption.
RUSSELL: Truth is, Eli, Peyton felt bad after you guys lost to the Titans last week. Seventeen to nothing! Man, that must have been humiliating! In fact, one could even say…
RUSSELL WILSON also takes a long sip then slowly rotates his mug around.
ELI: Oh, very funny, you guys…
Someone comes up behind ELI and envelops him in a massive bear hug.
ANDREW LUCK: HODOR!
ELI: [dusting himself off] Aw man, it’s good to see you too, Andrew.
ANDREW LUCK rotates his mug around, too.
ELI: Ha ha, yeah, I guess I did, big fella.
MATT STAFFORD: [wandering over] Eli! Welcome aboard! [takes a sip from his mug, then turns it so Eli can see]
ELI: Oh man, that’s corny.
MATT: [taking another sip] Hmm, no, I’m not tasting it. [checks again] Yeah, no corn in here. Just good old American flour, butter, black pepper, and turkey pan drippings.
ELI: Wait, are you drinking gravy?
MATT: What? No! YOU’RE drinking gravy! [wanders back towards the buffet]
RUSSELL: Anyhow, Eli, we got you a little present now that everything has been made official…
The butler arrives with a silver tray, on which sits a canister of ovaltine and a mug. The butler slowly rotates the mug so ELI can enjoy his gift…
RUSSELL: …from the playoffs, that is.
—
So your old pal Beastmode and I started a little venture making mugs. You can check out our stuff over at youjustgotmugged.com and maybe find something for that special someone whose name we happened to come up with a slogan for. Or suggest some new ones! Please feel very, very strongly encouraged to share this with everyone you’ve ever met, worked with, or done time with. Merry Christmas!
“You just got Trented? Wow — sucks for whoever that guy is.”
– T. Green
“So, does LA care about us now?”
Does not ship to anywhere other than USA. Boooo
I thought we came up with a new Stafford nickname?
and he was drinking gravy
/mmmmmmmmmm gravy
Is there a THE BEN mug, “You’ve just been BEN sexually assaulted a bathroom.”?
I mean, sort of. You have to go to the site to see, though!
“I get all my news about BLAX at [DFO]!”
-Jerry Richardson
Also, on the mugged website, why are there two “Bo” options but none for “Bort”?
Because the Bort mugs are sold out, duh.
/quietly adds “you just got aBORTed” to spreadsheet, writes off entire swath of country as potential customers.
Abortions for some, tiny American flags for all!
Trubisky’s mug is just two round orbs.
You know, because he can’t read since he went to U*NC.
I was going to do a bit about Josh Allen showing up holding Nathan Peterman’s mug, but forgot.
So that’s the new way of being “mugged”, taking away your self respect but not your money?
Yeah. I know it’s bad.
And did I switch timelines again, as I don’t remember Rivers ever winning a SB. “You’re not allowed to tell anyone about this place until they’ve won the Super Bowl.”
Is Joe Biden still president?
That was just nonsense they were telling Eli to make him feel better about being excluded.
I was just thinking super duper quiverfull christian Philip would never break one of the 10 commandments, particularly about the one about lying. Well except to his wife, “Baby, I swear I’ll pull out this time”.
I hear Blax needs a few mugs. First customer discount?
Meanwhile Joe Flacco’s mug just says “Joe Flacco’s Mug.”
It’s got a chip in the upper lip, but it still works fine as a mug, you know? Not something that needs to be thrown out quite yet.
“Joe Flacco’s Mug” is too specific. Ol’Wintergreen Ice Malk would just have a mug with “MUG” on it. Everyone would know it was his.
Eli is obviously sipping out of his “Body by Sunday Gravy” mug.
It’s funny when I read his mug, I heard it said by the MXC guys in my mind.
“Right you are, Ken.”
Waiting for Foles to show up with his “You Just Got A Deep Nicking” mug.