Instant Hippo Thoughts – Wild Card Sunday, 2018 Season

Jesus Christ, y’all.  How do Bearistocrats! fans go on after that??

Yes, there was an early game, too.  John Harbaugh was too stubborn to go to Mr. Elite, or to change up his gameplan until waaaayyyyy too late.  In schoolyard ball time, Lamar! did lead his Ratbirds to 2 TDs.  But it was 23-3 before that happened.  Then he was sack stripped before they could get into Hail Mary range, and it was over.

Turns out you can’t stage an NFL playoffs comeback running the veer, especially not without going for it on 4th and short.  Great job by Anthony Lynn boxing up the run, applying pressure, and forcing Charm City out of its comfort zone – and out of the playoffs.  Clippers du Merde will experience the unfamiliar sensation of having a legion of rabid fans, when they go to Masshole-land next Sunday.  Early (10:00 am PST) body-clock start time.  Again.

All the actual footballing took place at Soldier Field, where two truly awesome front sevens did mightily battle for 3+ hours.  Chi**** refused to let Philly run the ball, and couldn’t get their own ground attack really going.  So it was down to the QBs, with Bollo Del Verdad surprisingly making the more difficult throws in the 4th quarter.  Finally, the Bearistocrats! got their TD, but narrowly missed the 2-point conversion to lead 15-10.

Foles kept attacking the middle of the field (especially on critical 3rd down conversions), using all but a minute of clock and getting 1st and goal from the 3 or 4.  Two running plays stuffed, two Chi**** timeouts.  An incomplete pass and Iggles timeout followed, ensuring 4th and goal from the 2 would be all or nothing (as the timeout meant Philly could no longer get the ball back with any meaningful time left).  But it was worth it, as Golden Fucking Taint worked his way open and just got across.

Not wanting to risk a Pick Two loss, the Iggles ran for the conversion…and tried a goalline stretch and fumbled.  It was not returnable (sadly), and stood as a “no breaky the plane” on review.  Even closer than Chi****’s prior attempt.  16-15.

Then Leonard Cohen made a balls-out kick return to the 42, followed by Bollo hitting the pass of the game to Philly’s 33.  But they had to burn their last timeout, which mucked up the play sequence of the last 30 seconds.  Chi**** could manage only 7 yards, a spike, and a (cautiously overthrown) end zone shot, leaving Cody Parkey to be hero or goat from 43 yards.

And the kick hit the left upright.  And then it hit the crossbar.  It did NOT bounce the right way, and Philly is going to N’Awlins.

Credit to Matt Nagy – he wasn’t deliberately settling for a long FG on a cold midwestern winter’s night.  He did not run up the gut and spike it at 3 seconds.  The clock/sideline just wasn’t kind.  Like the kick…the bounces didn’t go his way.

So…that wraps the weekend.  Next Saturday brings Humps at Chefs early, Non-Gendered Cowpersons at RRRRRRRRRAM IT!! late.  Unlike Wild Card weekend, Saturday looks like fireworks and post-coital cigarette time.  Sunday more meh.  But the most predictable thing about the NFL is its unpredictability.

Just ask Cody Parkey.