Your Afternoon-ish NFC Wild Card Game Open Thread

I finish this intro off with 6 minutes left in the Bolts/Dead Birds game. Please Football Deity, let your glorious light shine through in this tilt in the form of touchdowns, great catches, good execution on both sides of the ball, clever play-calling and solid defense. We have been dutiful all the year long and deserve better. Amen.

TO THE GAME!

Brotherly Love/Broad Shoulders:

 

I hope that neither of the kickers here win the Mike Badgley of Honor Award for their actions today. I mentioned in the autre intro that the Ravens had shut opponents down over the last few games to the tune of 13 per. Dose Bears have done even better over their last four-10 points they’ve surrendered on average. This is a great time of the year to be putting the thumbscrews to hapless miscreants that happen to wander on to the turf. One caveat-Foles has over the last 3 games been number uno in passing yards, completion percentage, yards per attempt and net yards per pass attempt. He’s caught and maintained fire before so who knows how things might play out.*

*one of the ways it’s gonna play out is that the Bears defenders are going to target those bruised ribs and rough him up a little. That’s just what aggressive D’s try to do. Inflict pain.

As for the Truth Biscuit, qb’s seeing their very first playoff action (see: Jackson & Watson) usually need to get a loss under their game cups in order to understand what it takes to come out on top. If he just plays the game-managing game and stands back so that the other talent flourishes he should be okay.

Buckle up-should be a good ‘un.

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Mr. AyoBrick MeathookSenor WeaseloballsofsteelandfuryFormer C-G-U-O Recent comment authors
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Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

I’ve run out of interest in discussing this issue further.

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

h
ttps://i.postimg.cc/QtDzjsm6/idiot.gif

No idea how that’s a car.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

On my desktop:
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On my iPad:
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WEIRD!

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

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Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

IT’S A FUCKING CAR AGAIN ON MY IPAD!

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

It’s a Monty Python gif on my desktop computer.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

It’s a car on my iPhone also.

Senor Weaselo

Senor Weaselo

Now that I have seen the kick post-gig, I think after that kind of hit off the post Cody Parkey’s going to get in some sort of trouble and as community service have to coach a rag-tag, down-on-their-luck youth football team. After some tough games and tough practices the team bonds together, and thanks to some questionable zoning calls picks up the star player from the archrival team. And then they start winning some games and ultimately make it to the championship where we learn that he banged one off the upright and crossbar when he was playing on that rival team. Which causes the football team to lose trust in him, then gain it back by him doing something outlandish. Ultimately after their signature play which may or may not be legal it’s up to the kid whose mom Parkey’s now porking to make the game-winning field goal. He tells the kid to do some sort of triple move before the game-winning kick, which goes off the upright, crossbar… and this time, it goes in. And then eventually they make an expansion team with the same name as that team, because Disney.

Former C-G-U-O
Former C-G-U-O

I haven’t logged on here for a while, but in my what the fuck was that loss depression, figured I’d come on here to see what I’ve missed. And I see that I missed a post a month ago hating on Harold Baines. (1) As a White Sox fan who’s favorite player growing up was Baines, anyone who doesn’t think he belongs in the Hall of Fame can suck it. Harold is a HOFer and that overrated, bat-corking juicer Sosa isn’t! (2) Parkey is Einhorn.

Wakezilla

Hey Litre, I heard about Fulham. How you doing, bud?

ballsofsteelandfury

I think the Eagles win more than made up for his shitty soccer team.

That was pretty laughable, though. Is Oldham a third division side?

Senor Weaselo

“Full ham AND old ham? I mean, I won’t be picky.” -Andy R., Kansas City, MO

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

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Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

WTF? On my desktop this is a gif of John Cleese as the idiot in bed with two girls (which is what I posted). On my iPad there is a photo of a car here. Anybody else see a car? (not that anyone’s reading this)

ballsofsteelandfury

I see a car. I’m on my phone.

ballsofsteelandfury

Is this the new blue dress gold dress?

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

I see what you meant.

ballsofsteelandfury

Do you see a car or John Cleese?

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Cleese of course. I’m not terrible at the internet.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

This is really weird! It’s a link from PostImage, not a copy/paste link.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

I’ve refreshed both my iPad and my desktop machine and it stays the same: Cleese gif on the desktop, picture of car on the iPad. I blame that kicker for the Bears.

ballsofsteelandfury

That is fucking strange. I followed the link to the source image and I still saw the car.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

What’s the image address for the car you are seeing?

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

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Gratliff

Well, shit. Turns out the Parkey kick was actually a block, so maybe don’t gather up that lynch mob just yet.

https://twitter.com/ScottGustin/status/1082095504970919936

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Not sure that’s going to be sufficient to dissuade Bears fans.

They crave more than just the tip.

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli

We’re a malicious, vengeful people

Redshirt

No, they’ll gather and lynch the lineman who allowed that block and sullied Poor Parkey’s good name.

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli

I do love the Bears fans in the mentions insisting the tip meant nothing.

Gratliff

MGS2 on AGDQ right now. The game that seemed like a crazy view of a psychotic tech future and ended up basically being the current state of the world. comment image

WCS

The Tanker mission is one of my all-time favorite video games. Big Shell? Not so much.

Gratliff

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WCS

Raiden’s a bitch, the main plot continues to try to be too weird/clever/God knows what, and there are waayyyy too many stupid subplots.

Meanwhile, Tanker is straightforward Metal Gear at it’s pinnacle.

Gratliff

Hideo Kojima is and always has been an insane person. Here’s the ending of Snatcher, where Metal Gear (the helpful robot companion) is magically okay after being destroyed, but had to have his main body replaced with a Sega CD.comment image

WCS

Snatcher is a bad acid trip on a fever dream with a double hit of peyote.

Petronel

Just finished watching it. Was an enjoyable run – last year’s runner did a great job too.

Gratliff

We have 3 people watching the Portal AGDQ race. Do we have enough to justify liveblogging?

Gatoraids
Gatoraids

should set up a twitch channel to host and chat

Gratliff

Could also try a few speedruns myself.

“This is my 47th day attempting to clear the escape from the volcano in Ori and The Blind Forest. Only 3 more days of failure to hit a world record.”

Teddy's Bridge Over Troubled Water
Teddy's Bridge Over Troubled Water

Ori is an absolute gem and I really need to get my shit together and finish it.

Gatoraids
Gatoraids

98 attempt to finish totalwarhammer 2: goto turn 125 and then switch to another lord

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli

*furiously checking 2019 cap space to see if the Bears can cut Parkey without taking too big of a cap hit*

Gratliff
Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli

Barstool can impale themselves on stool legs.

litre_cola

I have never had a bounce go for a team I support. It is so strange.

Gratliff

Now you’ve had two!

Gratliff

This gonna be very big on brietbartcomment image

Brocky
Gratliff

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Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli

It’s funny. I’ll be fine in a few days but my people will rage for a while

litre_cola

Bears fans. Listen to Interpol and smoke weed/drink whisky. Welcome the brood.

litre_cola

Orgasmic.

Brocky
Doktor Zymm

Oh for fuck’s sake. RELEASE YOUR FAITH WITH MIRACLE SPRING WATER! NOPE!

Petronel

Parkey doing the locker-room interview, accepting blame, not falling apart. Kinda impressive in its way.

Redshirt

You have to respect the quality in a man who can face the music and accept responsibility.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

[shrugs]

– Paul Manafort’s cellmate

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

When you said “locker room” I was thinking you were talking about what you should do if you have a teenage daughter and Mark Sanchez stays over as a houseguest.

litre_cola

Hi. I only have enjoyability,

Teddy's Bridge Over Troubled Water
Teddy's Bridge Over Troubled Water

*Cody Parkey leaves the stadium to a chorus of boos, goes around the corner into a dark alley*
*Doug Pederson steps out of the shadows smoking a cigarette* “You did good. Didn’t think you could pull off a trick shot like that.”
“Yeah, well I’m gonna be jobless tomorro-”
*Pederson tosses a briefcase at Parkey, he fumbles it and it falls to the ground*
“There’s a cool ten mil in there and there’ll be a contract waiting for you at the start of next season. You’ll be an Eagle again soon.”
*They embrace*
~Fin

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“$10 million? Perfect! Ha ha, suck it Acosta-Cortez!”

– idiots who don’t understand how marginal tax rates work

Doktor Zymm

Shit I was gonna victory dance!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“So about this breakfast club…”

– Andy Reid

yeah right

Cody fucking Parkey.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Fuck it, I’m going for a walk

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli

Same. There’s a good Mexican place nearby so I’ll probably devour my sadness with in Al Pastor burrito.

WCS

Ice Stillers already up on Ice Bears 2-0. I’m a prick, but, even I have some empathy.

Game Time Decision

Live blog the golden globes?

WCS

Hawkey

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli

I have no idea what to do tonight this sucks so much lol

Col. Duke LaCross

Drink

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Hire a hooker, maybe? I’m not entirely joking.

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli

I’ll just stare into space for the whole hour and she’ll never fully undress before leaving lol

Redshirt

I’m here for you (Bengals-Steelers 2015 Playoffs). The next few hours are going to be dark. You may be hate watching the TV on mute for hours on end. Eventually you’ll come to the conclusion that based on how they played, the right team lost today and even if they won, they wouldn’t have lasted past next week.

You will get through this.

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli

I’ll be fine. This is kinda hilarious because ultimate my expectations were never *that* high.

But shit. The next round was right there.

Col. Duke LaCross

It’s gonna be at least three hours before I’m sober enough to go home. Fuck everything.

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli

This really fucking sucks

WCS

How much horse shit will be consumed tonight?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

DOINK2

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

D O I N K
O
I
N
K

Gatoraids
Gatoraids

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Redshirt

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli

Staley Da Bear died tonight, and Cody Parkey killed him pic.twitter.com/Cfzf80dGiu

— Deadspin (@Deadspin) January 7, 2019

https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli

Well folks, this season was technically still better than I had predicted and I’m still angrier than if they had just gone 8-8 and been eliminated in Week 15.

Doktor Zymm

Oh hey, Jaws is on. Imma listen to that while playing Civ. Condolences to those of you just bitten in half.

Redshirt

Mayor of Amity Island: “Our thoughts and prayers are with the victims of the shark attack. But sadly there’s nothing we can do to stop the shark attacks.”

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

The towns inhabitants insisted on building a wall on the beach to prevent the sharks from invading the town.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

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Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli

Jesus Christ it’s only 7:00 p.m I will be up for like four more hours simmering in this loss

BrettFavresColonoscopy

And now I have to watch the golden globes. What a terrible day.

Doktor Zymm

You could leave the room or I could help you fake your death. The choice is yours.

herodotus450
herodotus450

Bea Arthur > Estelle Getty > Betty White > The other one

Gatoraids
Gatoraids

watching majora’s mask speed run instead on agdq and soul calibur finals to spare myself

Gratliff

Oh shit. AGDQ time.

Petronel

Holy crap. Totally forgot!

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli

I love that my cat slept through all of this. Give zero fucks about the Bears. She’s a good girl.

Brocky

My poor dog cowers every time I react to anything football.

I mean, he’s been a wuss ever since I inherited him, but still.

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