Your Afternoon-ish NFC Wild Card Game Open Thread

I finish this intro off with 6 minutes left in the Bolts/Dead Birds game. Please Football Deity, let your glorious light shine through in this tilt in the form of touchdowns, great catches, good execution on both sides of the ball, clever play-calling and solid defense. We have been dutiful all the year long and deserve better. Amen.

TO THE GAME!

Brotherly Love/Broad Shoulders:

 

I hope that neither of the kickers here win the Mike Badgley of Honor Award for their actions today. I mentioned in the autre intro that the Ravens had shut opponents down over the last few games to the tune of 13 per. Dose Bears have done even better over their last four-10 points they’ve surrendered on average. This is a great time of the year to be putting the thumbscrews to hapless miscreants that happen to wander on to the turf. One caveat-Foles has over the last 3 games been number uno in passing yards, completion percentage, yards per attempt and net yards per pass attempt. He’s caught and maintained fire before so who knows how things might play out.*

*one of the ways it’s gonna play out is that the Bears defenders are going to target those bruised ribs and rough him up a little. That’s just what aggressive D’s try to do. Inflict pain.

As for the Truth Biscuit, qb’s seeing their very first playoff action (see: Jackson & Watson) usually need to get a loss under their game cups in order to understand what it takes to come out on top. If he just plays the game-managing game and stands back so that the other talent flourishes he should be okay.

Buckle up-should be a good ‘un.

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fleshwound_NPG

that shoulda been a pick 6

...

*winces*

Recovery Whiskey

Trubs living dangerously

BrettFavresColonoscopy

That pass was closer to me than Cohen

Gratliff

Oh man. If Jenkins looks backward, that’s picked.

ArmedandHammered

For that Chevy commercial, am I surprised that a survey of Americans voted Chevy the most reliable? Well no as a survey of Americans elected a defective human as POTUS. So of course they would mistake defective vehicles as 5he most reliable.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Jordan Howard needs 20 touches or this is a travesty

Doktor Zymm

I have no desire to see the fruit of an Andy Reid tree

Gratliff

Well, he has been in the ground for a while

King Hippo

I have no desire to see fruit” – Andy R.

fleshwound_NPG

why? it would be ribs and porkchops

bk109

The fruit?! No goddamn fruit on that tree! Just proper goddamn rib-eye steaks! Edit: Damn, BBQ’d by Fleshwound!

Dunstan

Well, that settles it. At halftime I’m running out to buy a steak.

King Hippo

just me, or does that “Live Mutual” ad subliminally say who needs progressive policy, the RIGHT white folks will come through out of noblesse oblige?

Dunstan

Some of the examples were ok, but some were classic examples of supposed feel good stories that should make us feel bad. Like, maybe we should have a health care system that provides enough nurses so that we don’t need retired folks hanging out in ICUs to deal with crying babies? I’m always grossed out by stories about how heartwarming it’s supposed to be when, e.g. there’s a Go Fund Me to help this sick or homeless person. Like, what happens to the sick or homeless people who aren’t sufficiently photogenic or superficially sympathetic?

Unsurprised

They die.

Dunstan

“This is the Olympics of talent. By which I mean, it’s run by corrupt assholes like me who make out like fucking bandits.” -Simon Cowell

Doktor Zymm

OH LOOK AT THAT A KICKER KICKING WITHOUT HURTING HIMSELF

...

So my weird sense of 2006-07 deja vu is really justified. The playoff field was exactly the same except for the Giants and Jets instead of the Rams and Texans.

fleshwound_NPG

title games will be again bears/saints and colts/pats

just different home teams and different winners this time

fleshwound_NPG

fearful if foles keeps throwing to alshon, which is what wentz does not do

Doktor Zymm

Which team would it be most hilarious overpaying for Foles?

Col. Duke LaCross

Donks?

King Hippo

A POX ON THEE

Gratliff

Vikings

Spur

if Foles wins this postseason. The Eagles keep him and trade Wentz?

Doktor Zymm

That would def be interesting

...

Boooooo

BrettFavresColonoscopy

SACK SACK SACK SACK

BrettFavresColonoscopy

My jokes may take a backseat to lizard brained glee today

Gratliff

I love that stattracker is 30 seconds ahead of the fucking TV feed

Spur

Bout time. Hit that QB.

...

Looks like Foles was weighed down by something there.

Recovery Whiskey

First sack of many

Doktor Zymm

Go Bears, because we 100% do not need an NFC East matchup to happen in the playoffs

BrettFavresColonoscopy

No booing of Alshon you ingrates

Old School Zero

It makes me so happy that Sproles is still playing, and still playing really well.

Petronel

The only upside of last year’s Owl results for me was Tiny Darren getting a ring out of it.

Spur

Come on Mack go rip off Foles dick.

Gratliff

Khalil Mack looking for the sharpshooter a little early in the match

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Bears look a little overamped…

The Maestro

I like that the manlet industry still has ties to pro football, even in the modern era. Little guys need work too!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I am wearing my Bears jersey and boxers while heating up matzo ball soup. Go Bears!

ballsofsteelandfury

You know that’s right!

– Gus

Mother Puncher

My fellow 5’6″ian Boston Scott

...

Oh shit I should get out the malort.

...

Urlacher with hair will never seem right to me.

Doktor Zymm

It just looks fake, no matter how real it actually is

fleshwound_NPG

urlacher with hair is still wrong, he was the only bald white dude that didn’t look odd

Recovery Whiskey

I’m amazed Butkus can still walk

King Hippo

Eddie Jackson way more crucial than Burton

fleshwound_NPG

why did they fuck with that stadium…

...

Well folks, this had better not suck.

King Hippo

I love good, defensive football. Last game was just shit offensing.

Dunstan

“Why not both?”

Doktor Zymm

I’m gonna be super disappointed if this game blows marmoset chunks

Spur

I want dead birds left all over the field.

Gratliff

Killing birds is more a Minnesota stadium thing. They couldn’t come.

...

BIRDMURDERDOME
BIRDMURDERDOME
BIRDMURDERDOME
BIRDMURDERDOME
BIRDMURDERDOME
BIRDMURDERDOME

Old School Zero

Fine, I’ll make a sacrifice to BOLTMAN… lemme just make some tortillas…

Old School Zero

Smith: “These Bears are a force! I gotta say I think Grossman and Urlacher have what it take to win in 2019!”

Ditka: “I don’t think Jews should be allowed to own property.”

/an anomalous X-zone opens up around them and quickly becomes a hard vacuum, sucking the oxygen and warmth from their bodies

...

It’s uncanny how many specific matchups happening this season happened in the 2006-07 playoffs.

Spur

Go Bears! comment image

Recovery Whiskey

Chicago fans dead animal headgear game is on point

rockingdog

yo my roommate just got back from Florida. he was gone for 2 weeks. I think im gonna roll with him to grab some wings and beers at da bar and watch this game there.

GOOOO BEARS!!!!!!
comment image

Recovery Whiskey

If I’m a Bears fan the clean sweep of expert picks is concerning

fleshwound_NPG

florio and dung go philly, feeling confident in chicago now

...

*clears throat*

Folks

rockingdog

Hi!

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