The days dwindle and we’ll end up being done before the actual Final Four is settled (though the unveiling of the commenters may be for another couple days after). We had our first two entrants punch (no, not that kind, Ray) their tickets to the Penultimate Four (this year located at scenic Final Destination Arena)
And now we’re here to see the rest of the Penultimate Four play out. But first things first, who moved on to fight again another (to) day? First, the SHAN’KHOR Region:
4. “I see they’re honoring Joe Paterno’s 50th anniversary of the first game he coached. To start the game, they will have 40 years worth of moments of silence.” beats 1. “Man, I LOVE the old touchdown, tv timeout, kickof [sic], tv timeout routine. Really gets my nipples hard for more hot NFL action when my team sucks, the commissioner is fining someone for special cleats, a star player beat his pregnant girlfriend, my favorite former player blows his fucking brain out due to CTE, and I’m not sure if I can keep supporting this sport. That’s what keeps me going, the excitement of a touchdown and a kickoff broken up by several commercials for dick drugs, cars, and fascism.” 25-22
I’m not calling this one too big of an upset to be honest. That’s a 4 seed and yet holy shit that quote is both amazing and amazingly fucked up. It moves on to face:
14. “MLS? Is that like Lou Gehrig’s Disease? I’m glad these people are getting better though, let’s keep hoping for a cure.” beats 2. “I haven’t seen a khunt debut like this since Traci Lords’s 14th birthday!” 25-21
This surprises me more, because I thought that Traci Lords quote had a serious chance to go the distance. You know, like I presume… y’know what, I’m gonna stop there, because I don’t actually know who she is apart from what I’ve heard from you miscreants here. I do love you miscreants though.
Nevertheless, it’s the ol’ 4-14 matchup for the regional crown!
SHAN’KHOR Regional Final
- 4. “I see they’re honoring Joe Paterno’s 50th anniversary of the first game he coached. To start the game, they will have 40 years worth of moments of silence.” (58%, 26 Votes)
- 14. “MLS? Is that like Lou Gehrig’s Disease? I’m glad these people are getting better though, let’s keep hoping for a cure.” (42%, 19 Votes)
Total Voters: 45
Before we move to the BOLTMAN Regional Final, one announcement. GET YOUR VOTES IN EARLY TODAY AS DUE TO THE PENULTIMATE FOUR WRITE-UP NEEDING TO BE, well, written up, THE VOTING WILL END AT 1:00 AM DFO TIME (2 Eastern, 11 PM Pacific) RATHER THAN 7 AM AS IT HAS BEEN.
With that, the BOLTMAN Region’s results:
13. “I haven’t seen a group of Saudis go down in flames like this since 9/11” beats 9. “‘Punch and Pie’ perfectly encapsulates Johnny Manziel’s philosophy on dating.” 31-12
10. “I haven’t been this anxious for a period to start since a broken condom scare junior year of high school.” beats 3. “Wow, free porn?!?!?!? Are they also giving away a free email address and 40 hours of AOL?” 32-11
So yeah, your ol’ 10-13 matchup for the BOLTMAN crown.
BOLTMAN Regional Final
- 13. “I haven’t seen a group of Saudis go down in flames like this since 9/11” (53%, 24 Votes)
- 10. “I haven’t been this anxious for a period to start since a broken condom scare junior year of high school.” (47%, 21 Votes)
Total Voters: 45
So get at it quick, as we move tomorrow to the big stage!