Important Dealing-with-your-mother news:

Brace yourselves: “The Big Bang Theory” ends tonight.

^{Farewell from our memories, Kaley Cuoco}

Now, this doesn’t mean much to most people here. We have wide & varied interests, and a multi-camera sitcom about “nerds” and their societal awkwardness isn’t really an attention grabber.

^{We do seem to like car washes, though.}

But it’s going to matter to your mother. So much so that in past years, during March Madness, I’ve provided primers on how to talk to her about her favourite show being gone for a week or two.

Well, now it’s gone forever. But don’t worry – I’m here to help.

So, the first thing you need to do is remind her it’s on tonight. How bad a son/daughter are you if you didn’t do that?

Next, you have to either sit down & watch the show with her or – more likely – talk to her on the phone after it’s done. If you opt for the second option, it saves you from having to watch because she will fill you in on every last detail.

There will likely be many questions, so be prepared to pull up a Wikipedia page for help & obfuscation.

After that comes the next stage – denial. For this, I will substitute an actual conversation with my actual mother:

Beermom: Robert, what do you mean it’s the last ever episode?

Beerguyrob: That’s what I said mom. The show’s over.

BMom: But that doesn’t make sense. They’re all so funny, and they get paid lots. Why would they give that up?

BGR: Well mom, they’ve been doing the same thing for 10 years. Maybe they just want to do other things.

BMom: But none of them have done anything else. Oh, like is Leonard going to go back to ‘Roseanne’?

BGR: I don’t know. Besides, Roseanne isn’t even on the show anymore. 

BMom: It is because she said that stuff about the blacks?

But now that she’s accepted that change is inevitable

then you can move on to discussing new TV options for her. Looking at Thursdays, you’ve got until September, because current shows will go into reruns, or other networks will trot out their summer replacement shows.

Myself, I’m going to try & get her onto Jordan Peele’s new “Twilight Zone”. She liked the old Rod Serling episodes back in the day, so it might be easy to transition her into the new stuff.

Currently, the word around the senior’s centre down the road is that ABC’s “Game Night” shows should fit in right nicely. They have “Match Game” starring Alec Baldwin,

and if she’s a MAGA-naut & finds Kim Basinger’s ex- a little too traitorous for her liking

then there’s always “To Tell The Truth” or the “$100,000 Pyramid”, and you’ll just have to worry about listening to stories about inflation & how back in her day it was the “$10,000 Pyramid”.

If those don’t work, there’s always NBC and their “Hollywood Game NIght”, hosted by America’s second favourite lesbian, Jane Lynch.

If all else fails, you can try & get her to watch [DFO] favourite, “Paradise Hotel”,

a show where Jay Cutler’s wife tries to trick people into catching & spreading gonorrhea amongst a cadre of willing twenty-somethings. You can call each other during the show & kvetch about all the naughtiness. Hopefully, she will provide you some gems for Balls’ reviews of said show. Plus, if she’s lucky, Jay Cutler will make an appearance.

If all else fails, remind her that football takes over Thursday night’s in September, so her usual programs won’t be on until after Christmas – because they don’t want to fight for ratings. It’s not the worst lie you’ve ever told her, and I doubt it will be the last.

Plus, she might find Joe Buck attractive enough to watch along with you.

Good luck!