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2019 Quotables – Week 1 (Submissions)

blaxabbath

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,

I’m not going to stand here and preach to you all about how FOOTBAWL IS BACK! But that’s mainly because I’m a hater.

Not an official Quotables entry.

From what I understand, there is no real discernable difference between 2018’s contenders/nobodies and 2019’s pretenders/somebodies. Unless I missed the part where Joe Flacco is returning the Broncos to relevance or The Pauls are finally making that 2020 push I’ve read so much about. Maybe Josh Rosen has become anything other than a must-have for teams chasing the number one overall draft pick? No? How strange. Because I’m sure the Patriots are still fuck the Patriots and the Colts are NFL nonfactors.

Might as well call the regular season the primaries because, hey, I like Andrew Yang too but it isn’t like the Titans are going anywhere this year. Oh! Word limit! Wooo!

So, please, enjoy your Week 1 Quotables submissions below.

Reigning MVP Patrick Mahomes throws a no-look pass.
Christian McCaffrey plays piano in the 2019 Carolina Panthers hype video, Change the Tune, because he went to Stanford and the CTE hasn’t taken hold of him yet.
Quotables is nothing without NFC North fans.
Metaphor for that time Megan McCain was tasked with protecting that 190 pounds of margarine.
I had to remove some frames to get the size down on this file but I think it actually gives a more accurate in-crowd affect.
Eli, 2019
The San Francisco 49ers enter the tunnel for their game against the Tampa Bay Buccaneers.
Bills quarterback Josh Allen is taunted in a game against the New York Jets
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WhyEaglesWhy

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With the game well in hand, Pat Mahomes entertains teammates with his killer Jameis Winston impression.

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WhyEaglesWhy

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Oh Cam you have to be a big shot, don’t you
You have to open up your mouth
You have to be a big shot, don’t you
All your threads are so far out

You have to have the last word, that’s right
Your arm is fucked and might have gout
You have to have a white hot spotlight
You have to dress like Minnie Pearl, right?

Whoa ohh ohh ohh

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WhyEaglesWhy

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[“The Girl From Ipanema” plays on an endless loop]

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

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Unfortunately, no Darwin Awards were won during the course of this kerfuffle

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Unsurprised

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Banner image for the DFO “About” page

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

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And he would have sounded even better if Jerry Richardson’s estate didn’t shorten all the black keys by 40%

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Unsurprised

He had to be talked out of removing 40% of them outright

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