Your “More Like ‘Sneakers At The Beer Garden'” Tuesday Evening Open Thread

Beerguyrob

Beerguyrob

A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
Beerguyrob

Banner photo by Daniel Berman/www.bermanphotos.com

NFL Nuggets:

  • First game of the season, and the first officiating error against the Saints.
    • As most of you watched, prior to the half the refs pulled an accounting error in calculating when to do the 10-second runoff, forcing the Saints to hurry their field goal attempt.
    • Since they won the game feelings aren’t as raw as they could be:
      • Said Drew Brees: “We had to kick a 58-yard field goal or whatever it was. … If we had 15 more seconds, are you kidding me? We’re going to get closer. That’s a game-changer. That can’t happen.”
    • Al Riveron was forced into making another apology to the Saints.
  • Bill Belichick came right out & compared signing Antonio Brown to the chance they took in the mid-aughts on Randy Moss.
    • When asked if AB would disrupt the team’s chemistry, Grumblelord grumbled, “That’s the same thing you (the collective media) said about Randy Moss when we brought him in.”
    • Jon Gruden wished the Patriots nothing but the best with their new acquisition.
      • You know, we gave it a shot. Now New England gets their turn. Good luck to them. I can’t deal with it anymore.”
  • The NFLPA has contacted the NFL, who will likely be talking to the Browns about the fans who threw beer at various Titans celebrating a pick-six in Sunday’s game.
    • There will likely be a fine to the team, an increase in endzone security, and probable banishment for said members of the Dawg Pound.
      • Although, being banned from Browns games seems more like a reward.


Hippo, as usual, had it right about the Seahawks-Bengals game.

Any time Andy Dalton gets to look like Tom Brady proves someone didn’t gameplan properly.

But the lack of fun wasn’t just on the field. First off, they closed my favourite pre-game watering hole. Henry’s Tavern.

Turns out, Restaurants Unlimited, the parent company, went belly-up at the end of the summer, owing $37 million to creditors plus $7.6 million in rent & supplies. They laid off over 1900 employees, many of whom were owed at least one month’s wages – which is ironic because one of the causes they attribute for their bankruptcy is “progressive wage policies” in the cities where they operated, including Seattle, Portland and San Francisco, for adding $10 million to their outlay over the last three years.

Author’s interpretation.

There is a rumour that parent company might be bought by Landry’s brand, based out of Houston & owned by Tilman Fertitta, third-cousin to the UFC Fertitta family, the owner of the Houston Rockets, and original investor in the Houston Texans. (He had to sell his interest in the Texans in 2008 when Landry bought the Golden Nugget casino.) He has bid $37.2 million in bankruptcy court, and the decision will be revealed on September 18th.

Fortunately, there was room at the Pyramid Brewery,

   

but I don’t know if I can trust a place that advertises Labatt’s Blue as their guest tap.

So I’m on the hunt for a new bar, which as many of you can attest is a royal pain in the ass. You can drink anywhere, but you want to be somewhere. Luckily, my mood improved upon seeing the left-, right-, and free-love wings of American society were on full display heading into the game.

          

Oh First Amendment, don’t you go changin’.


Tonight’s sports:

  • Beisbol:
    • Red Sox at Blue Jays – 7:00PM | Sportsnet
    • Cubs at Padres – 10:00PM | Sportsnet1 / MLBN
    • Cleveland at Angels – 10:00PM | YouTube Live
  •  Fútbol:
    • International Friendly Soccer:
      • U.S. vs. Uruguay – 8:00PM | FS1 / UNI
      • Mexico vs. Argentina – 10:00PM | UNI
  • Lucha:
    • WWE Smackdown – 8:00PM | USA / Sportsnet360

Lord – who know what tomorrow might bring.

Beerguyrob
Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
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WhyEaglesWhyCol. Duke LaCrossBuddy Cole's Halftime Show!yeah rightBrettFavresColonoscopy Recent comment authors
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Your “Gonna Avoid Puns Today” Wednesday Evening Open Thread – [DOOR FLIES OPEN]

[…] I’mma wrap this up with a quote from last night’s open thread: […]

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show!
Buddy Cole's Halftime Show!

Antonio Brown has been accused of rape and somehow is the second most embarrassing thing this season involving his helmet.

yeah right

I’m following through on consumption of Moscow Mules. It’s a double positive because when I finish the delicious beverage I can ice down my busted ass lip with the ice.

I’m probably the last person you want to watch eat or drink right now.

It’s different.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Mission cook delicious pork chops was a success. Operation get a bunch of work done was a mixed bag, with heavy casualties.

yeah right

I would love to hear your pork chop recipe. I’m going to cook my other pork tenderloin this weekend with a mustard schmear, some garlic and fresh rosemary from my balcony along with the Greek lemon, garlic potatoes I featured this year on Sunday Gravy. Super simple and delightful.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

This one was me just fucking around with very high quality pork chops. Salt and pepper, fresh thyme, oil in a cast iron, throw in some peaches to absorb some acid and sweetness, get a sear, then finish it in the oven. Would have benefitted from a brine and more peach (less thyme). I have a couple of different variants, this was the first time I tried the peach thing after grilling some peaches this weekend and wanting more of that flavor.

yeah right

Brine is so important.

WhyEaglesWhy

This is my favorite pork chop recipe. It was one of the best things I’ve ever had at a restaurant and making it at home it’s pretty great too. https://www.familycookbookproject.com/recipe/2721536/grilled-pork-chop-with-cherry-peppers-cipolline-onions-and-balsamic-vinegar.html

Doktor Zymm

Yeah, so cheers to my co-worker who suggested I start watching Letterkenny. The Florida State Seminal Vesicles indeed!

Porky Prime
Porky Prime

My five year old watched a Teen Titans Go episode where they parodied the Goonies and made the connection. I shouldn’t be as impressed as I am.

SonOfSpam

No no, that’s high quality intellect. Get the child into GATE or a non-molesting Catholic school.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

a non-molesting Catholic school

A what?

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Looking at this again, who is letting this poor bastard still play football? Does he really need the money?

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Porky Prime
Porky Prime

He does it because he Cam.

yeah right

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Porky Prime
Porky Prime

Scrolling through my Facebook feed…it’s not the heartfelt, emotional video compilations regarding 9/11 that I mind. Visually, they’re quite touching.

Then they fuck it all up with Disturbed’s hammy dildo queef cover of Sound of Silence.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

The only 9/11 memorial that matters

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WCS

I know far more people than I should who think Five Finger Deathpunch’s version of “Bad Company” is just one of the best recordings of all time. When I tell them it’s a Bad Company cover, they ask me, “Who’s that?”

Senor Weaselo

Bad Company, they played “Bad Company,” from the album Bad Company.

WCS

These are the people I deal with. 80% of them don’t understand why anything bad happened in Charlottesville.

Wakezilla

Jesus.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

No one ever mentions the actor who played Uncle Rico was also the guy who lived behind the closet in Real Genius and was also Ronnie in Get Shorty.

WCS

That’s because those others couldn’t throw a ball over those mountains.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Touché

Gratliff

Just woke up everybody cackling at a phone being thrown in the garbage. Goddamn it, what a scene.
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Porky Prime
Porky Prime
rockingdog
rockingdog

also I finally got my great grandparents portrait…check it out!
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Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Stately Dog, Esq.

rockingdog
rockingdog

found a funny:
Adam Corolla is pretty ridiculous, even for a car that came to life after being struck by lightning in a rainstorm.

Col. Duke LaCross

...

He went from acceptably racist to unacceptably racist so gradually almost no one noticed the change.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

I contend that it had to do with money. He went from growing up and living the first half of his life where no one really gave a shit how a person gets by or makes due or whatever to having enough money where everyone else around him is very specifically interested in making sure that things are done the right way or at least the way they want and they are ready, willing, and able to fuck him right back. Or maybe I just read too much into something like him fighting with neighbors over zoning shit because poor people can’t and won’t give a shit or rat you out (or know to rat you out) because there’s nothing to be gained to living around people whose living is made by exploiting chickenshit technicalities and who have vested interests in protecting their interests over everyone else.

I love the idea of everyone with an official windbreaker or whatever giving him shit and never backing down and making him suffer slight inconveniences because he’s lazy or stupid or entitled because that’s what always happens when you give people authority, but also because … Oh, fuck it. He sucks. Moving on.

...

In short: yes, it was the money. He, more so than any other person I can think of who got rich, believes he should get special treatment because of his wealth and it made every one of his odious traits worse.

SonOfSpam

This guy right here gets it.

Col. Duke LaCross

And that’s a real tragedy, because early Loveline and his morning radio show in ‘06 were a fucking comedy goldmine.

He subscribed to the Dennis Miller corollary.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

A Corolla in human form would be less racist.

blaxabbath

I’m watching just the final fights of each matrix movie right now.

It’s way better than 45 mins of any one matrixfilm.

Wakezilla

So, Raiders found out about the assault and released Brown as a result, right? That’s why Gruden said ” Good luck”?

Also, RIP Henry’s Tavern. It was a beaut

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Pfft, no. The Raiders front office still probably hasn’t even heard about it yet.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Heard what?

Senor Weaselo

THIS GUY JOHN GRUDEN, I CALL HIM IRON MIKE BECAUSE HE GETS ALL HIS NEWS BY CARRIER PIGEON.

Porky Prime
Porky Prime

I’m sure it’s all a big missunderpenis. Misunderstanding! What did I say?

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Miss underpenis is what Jen Sterger first did when she got a text from Brett Favre.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

So fucking tired, but about to cook some pork chops in between nighttime bullshit for work.

blaxabbath

Are you Herbert Powell’s personal chef?

WCS

This Truvada commercial is the Antonio Brown of commercials: inane, annoying, gets FAR too much attention.

Porky Prime
Porky Prime

Possibly non-consensual…

Fronkenshteen

Well at least there’ll be PRESSURE to cut Brown. They won’t, though.

litre_cola

Oh hell no. This has Big Ben, Kobe, pay off written all over it.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

He got paid, and now she will too.

Senor Weaselo

It’s not like anyone pressures the P*ts on Sundays.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Brown started masturbating behind her and ejaculated on her back. Brown bragged about the incident in profane text messages that are copied in the lawsuit.

NEVAR PUT IT IN WRITING!!!!!

Errrrr, I mean don’t do that.

SonOfSpam

Wait…THAT’S assault now???

brb gotta text some awkward apologies

theeWeeBabySeamus

What did I just say???????

(Also….seems like a friendly way to share)

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Wow, you can write with it? Man, and I thought *I* knew a few tricks.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

If you have a big enough mouth on your inkwell. Or you’re Brett Favre.

theeWeeBabySeamus

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Col. Duke LaCross

Patriot fans on Tuesday night after dislocating their elbows high-fiving other Patriot fans all night Saturday: “CUT THAT OVERRATED BUM! HE WAS NEVAH ONE OF US!!”

herodotus450
herodotus450

Kraft: “Ok AB, just one more thing, do you have any legal issues that could come back to bite us?”
AB: “Well there is this one thing. See there’s this girl, she’s gonna say I– well you see she was my trainer and she was giving me a massage and–”
Kraft: “INNOCENT UNTIL PROVEN GUILTY! YOU’RE HIRED!”

Porky Prime
Porky Prime

“I’M FREE!! I’M FREE!!!”

rockingdog
rockingdog
Horatio Cornblower

Yankees lead Detroit 11-10 in the 7th inning in a game with more scoring than the Packers and Bears managed last Thursday.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Baltimore is sitting in the corner and not saying anything.
(not scoring anything either)

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

One would expect multitudes of scoring when packers and bears get together.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I just told my Mom that I had swallowed two Jewish weiners.
She didn’t get it and actually seemed a little pissed.
I’m still laughing, however.
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Unsurprised
Unsurprised

“Bun length”

Add that to Balls’s porn search

Senor Weaselo

The tips are skinless, I presume.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

There’s a machine to make weiners skinless

SonOfSpam

Antonio Brown has been accused of rape and sexual assault stemming from three different incidents in 2017 and 2018. (per a NYT article)

Would be a shame if he never played a down for the Cheatriots.

(Also, I should add that I’m anti-rape in addition to being anti-Patriots.)

SonOfSpam
herodotus450
herodotus450

Says she was a gymnast that Brown hired as a “trainer”

SonOfSpam

“Why did she call herself a trainer if she didn’t want me runnin train on her???”

herodotus450
herodotus450

Oooooooooh, the most important part of the whole AB saga is hidden in the article:

Brown is a resident of South Florida…

That explains everything.

litre_cola

Definitely explains the bathsalts look and blonde moustache.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Did he get training advice from Larry Nassar?

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

At least Peyton Manning only teabagged a trainer.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

This is so much bullshit. If he really were a rapist, then explain to me how come he and Ben Roethlisberger didn’t get along better.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

There Can Be Only One.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Probably had some kind of “Tastes great / less filling” dispute.

THE BEN: Get her drunk and corner her in a bathroom!

BROWN: Wait ’til she’s asleep and jack on her back!

…and so forth.

Horatio Cornblower

That’s not even the worst thing a Patriot has been convicted of, and then cleared on the most extreme of technicalities, in the last two years.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Hernandez’s conviction was reinstated. The reasoning seems kind of BS just skimming one article, but I won’t say more. The important thing is: fuck Aaron Hernandez and fuck the P*ts.

SonOfSpam

Belichick, explaining to AB the best option moving forward:
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SonOfSpam

Yes, “progressive wage causes” led to your demise. Or, and hear me out, FUCK YOU.

ballsofsteelandfury

I would eat a hamburger made out of Aborted Fetal DNA. Wait, isn’t that what Beyond Meat is?!?

SonOfSpam

Stop, I can only get so erect.

herodotus450
herodotus450

Beyond Meat is what I call the extra three inches of my penis that only exist in online dating profiles.

SonOfSpam

Shows good restraint to only claim four inches.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

— Brett Favre

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Be on da meat” is a way of saying that which would also be kind of funny.

nomonkeyfun

I don’t usually associate strip clubs with free love.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

Before TB12:
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After TB12:
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SonOfSpam

That’s called the Derek Carr Filter.