Well, well, well. After complaining about ‘squirrels running circles inside my helmet’ and ‘constant rain falling off my body’, Jets team physicians diagnosed Unfrozen Caveman QB Sam Darnold with mononucleosis. Asked by reporters how he contracted it, he replied, “It was a girl from The Clan of The Cave Bear. She lives beyond the pine trees where the snow is always angry. You wouldn’t know her’.
Not all is lost… actually quite a bit is lost. Wr Enunwa is done, lb Mosley has got “The Groins”, rook dt Williams has an ankle owie, rb Bell had an MRI on his shoulder today and wr Thomas has hamstring issues. Help is on the way though-enticed by a stick slathered with honey, qb Siemian has descended from the trees and will camp behind center for as many weeks as needed.
TO THE GAME!
Bucs/Panthers:
Rb McCaffrey had a mere 29 touches last week. All his fantasy owners are yelling ‘huzzah!’ but that’s not really sustainable, is it? He’s going to be so beat up at the end of the year, if he makes it that far. Still, what are you going to do, hand the ball off to (checks roster) Reggie Bonnafon 10 times? Newton has to get the passing game flowing and according to PFF, wr’s Wright and Samuel match up well to the covering cb’s-D.J. Moore not so much.
The Tampa backfield started the season as a mess as there was no clear leader but last week Ronald Jones (I maintain he’s a bust) showed some signs of life and has now edged a few hairs ahead of Peyton Barber. (sorry)
It can’t be worse than last week, right?
Beto better not settle for VP.
I’m just turned on the Democratic Debate. Did they say what’s going to happen with Moderate Republicans like me? Reeducation? Labor camp? Shot out of a cannon into the sun?
You’ll be protected by the Endangered Species Act. You know, the one the other 99% of your party hates.
forced gay marriage
Can I choose or am I going to be staring at McConnell’s ass three times a week?
only if its an interracial partner.
Alright! Michael B. Jordan is on my Purely Hypothetical List. I’m okay with this.
What’s so deeply disappointing about Klobuchar is she has the personality disorder to bully people into supporting whatever vision she has but her vision doesn’t go beyond tax-advantaged savings accounts to buy school supplies.
after “Johnny” Edwards fucking me (and other NC Dems) over, I am over anyone with rampant personality disorder. That’s part of what I like about Warren, she seems like a good person.
LBJ was a monstrous bully and BECAUSE of it accomplished more “progressive” goals than anyone in the last 60 years.
I will give you that. He was also 100% a dead-eyed ladder climber! 😀
Not quite. He had a vision animated by his childhood in poverty. He believed in doing something transformative for moral reasons. Biden, Harris, and Buttigieg do not.
Have you read the LBJ Robert Caro series? It’s very, very good. Nobody really knew LBJ had that in him until he unleashed it (once he had the power he thought).
Biden’s having endured such intense personal hardship COULD be that impetus for him. He’s just so old and so undisciplined a campaigner (plus, one could see that making him a sloppy executive).
If you looking to get fucked up, take a drink every time someone says “access.”
Okay, let me access the liquor cabinet.
Pray for Redshirt.
the woman standing next to irwin has the same look a rookie snake charmer woudl have when a screwy ass cobra rises out of hte basket.
I want Klobuchar to crack open someone’s skull and eat their brains.
That would be good TV.
Who in the fuck dressed Micheal Irvin. He looks like a leprechaun on acid.
Did someone say leprechaun?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K1ljOcl39PQ
Kamala getting called out. Finally.
I thought she was last debate.
She was. Politics ain’t beanbag, but I am a bit baffled at how much visceral dislike there is for her (especially online). She is clearly good in “prosecutor mode” against the Trump corruption, and is to the left of Mayor Pete and Biden (though not quite to the Warren-level).
Biden and Sander/Warren see her as a threat and are trying to take her out before the primaries.
She’s despised because she’s a dead-eyed cynical ladder climber who thinks she’s entitled the job.
Nobody runs for President without being extremely ambitious. It hasn’t seemed to me like she puts off her colleagues or isn’t a team player.
You could 100% say the same thing about Sanders – and he also isn’t a team player at all.
Sanders is a big team player with the Democrats.
He’s fine in the Senate. But I don’t see how he could plausibly be an effective executive with his temperament/people skills.
I’m sorry, they mentioned the words “Rain Delay” so I am bound by Ohio law to post the song they play on 700 WLW during rain delays when the Reds games go to rain delays and they take phone calls from viewers. Now let see if they have the balls to take calls from viewers.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sJTH5qIT-UI
Reparations? You get some after the Joe Blackfoot family gets their tax free 5 million dollars.
But instead of giving every descendent from a slave money like payment for services rendered (like THAT makes up for enslaving an entire race!), why not work to solve the systematic deficiencies keeping minorities down?
Redistributing wealth IS fixing a systematic deficiency.
What’s more important, giving a person $5,000 once or giving them the tools to make at least $5,000 more a year?
1. Those are not mutually exclusive.
2. There is no “skills gap” keeping wages low so giving people more “tools” is a waste of money.
3. Hereditary wealth makes a *huge* difference in one’s ability to have a comfortable life.
true, but it’s never going to sell. So it basically becomes irrelevant.
I knew the ref was going to call it when the Cam’s placenta fell to the floor
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xsJ4O-nSveg
Mayor Pete looks like an actor on a show that couldn’t land Chris Parnell.
All this bothersome politics, getting in the way of my football! Can’t wait for it all to be over in two months.
What the fuck shit damn I am watching? Fuck Florida football!!!
While normally this is correct, this is North Carolina shitty football weather.
Anything from Harris? Be objective/nice – I am just curious and not trying to convert anyone (and I am halfway converted to Warren anyway).
What’s a few casualties due to weather if it’s “such a war” out there on the field?
Do…do the Bucs digital numbers glow in the dark?
explains why Winston’s rape numbers are down. All the ladies can see him coming.
By the time they see him coming it’s too late
Can you rephrase that last sentence?
They knew this was coming, why the fuck did they START?
Boss Goodell wanted his money.
Its a dry rainstorm.
It’s just lightning. Buncha pussies
Fuck you Booker. Someone needs to ask him why we can’t import drugs from Canada?
“Now that Cam is off the field, TAKE COVER!!!”
How was he short? Did the magic red line lie to me?
Just think of the giveaway nights!
https://bleacherreport.com/post/trending/d73f5d12-5335-4b74-87c6-ab9e70d8454c
Box score progression just now:
4th and 1 Panthers
Cam Newton rushes for no gain
1st and 10 Panthers
CANT EXPLAIN THAT!
Oh, I guess its 1st and 10 Bucs. That explains that.
It’s about as bizarre as Wil Myers getting a called strike two, getting ejected, and then striking out!
“I am Asian so I know a lot of doctors”
Yeah that joke didn’t land like he thought it would
Snake eyes, Riverboat Ron.
This sucks! I WANT to see a cameraman get struck by lightning. That’d look cool as shit.
As long as it was caught on camera by a guy that survived.
Tampa Bay’s “Let’s hope all guys named ‘Peyton’ are generational talents” strategy appears to be… 0 for 2?
Poor Beto. He needs to run for Senate again.
YES! THIS!
Dems need to get 60 votes in the Senate to get anything done.
Only because they refuse to eliminate the filibuster out of some misplaced reverence for norms.
Don’t forget, if its 50 votes for the Democrats, its also 50 votes for the Republicans. Just imagine how screwed up this country would be if Trump had two years of the House and a Senate with no filibusters.
The same as it was from 2017-2019?
It will change next time, if they have 52+ (Manchin won’t vote for it, and can’t get a better Demmycrat out of WV)
It’s going to be down ticket year. Dems need to fight for every Senate seat.
Nah, he’s “gone national” now, they’d do better with someone who stayed locally focused. MJ Hegar could be really good, she has a story to tell.
These teams have presumably played each other twice for the past 17 seasons, and i have no memory of any single game between them
Maybe adjust the dosage on Forgetalot?
Lightning might kill the camera operators but let’s throw Cam out there
Fuck my insurance company. I owe them no loyalty and will not be fear-mongered into staying with them just to keep the money flowing into their pockets.
Evening Folks
(my issue with politics)
“I’m going to __________________.”
“How are you going to pay for it?”
“…. Knibb High Football Rules!”
(crowd cheers)
Gonna have to build like 2 less fighter jets and that’s gonna make it real hard for mitch to get his dick hard
“How are you going to pay for it” is a selectively used question that everyone knows the answer to (taxes) That usually doesn’t to acknowledge most of the things in question are already being paid for in some other way.
We’re treated to Sassy Ref tonight.
always a treat, hope there will be much HOE-ding
Mostly just watching this to see Warren and Bernie tag team Biden all night
Yeah. This is not the year to be a moderate.
I’m just waiting for the aphasia to set in.
I’m usually not one to kink shame, but…
Where was he when we needed him 3 years ago?
His son died so he had a good reason. But if he did run, he would won the thing running away.
and his dying son told him to run.
That’s like the best part of “Rocky II”. How do you not want to run?!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kPgPrtOxvK4
And seriously – the only real reason I have SOME sympathy for his running in 2020 is that I believe Obama asked him to stand down.
Obama told him this year that he didn’t have to run.
I am not at all convinced he would have won in 2016 because his brain would have been just as gooey and he’d probably have run to Hillary’s right.
he’s a better storyteller than HillyBob, but also less disciplined. Who knows.
I think we got the last pornhub tag
It’s only a matter of time before Aikman comes out… as an Instant Pot lover.
Fixed the scoring in the DFO (Slight Return) League. They haven’t fixed the Head Coach scores yet, so I’ll do it manually on Sunday morning & into the future, if need be.
Let’s get this started.
From Josh Marshall, the voice I trust most:
8:15 PM: Warren’s just a really good politician. And I mean that in the positive sense. Just connects, has a story. She’s a natural.
She’s the one. It’s troubling the electorate isn’t clear on this yet.
She really isn’t though and her handling of the DNA test really shows that.
That is the thing that held me back, but she hasn’t had any similar stumbles. Seems to be vastly improving with time/practice.
She will have more.
also, 3 JV matches tomorrow, NONE tonight
They’re all studying, Hippo! Shhhh!
Wow. Not a big Beto fan but digging the balls of opening with the el Paso shooter killed people because the president told him to.
Sure sign we know he’s done running for anything in Texas! Please do let me know how Sens. Warren and Harris perform. I’m still in no mood to watch. FITBAW!!!
It is bravery or merely desperation?
I think he’s just brand building for future races at this point
I don’t know what else he’d run for at this point, but I do believe he’s fine getting a bunch of attention from running while being happy not winning because winning would put him in well over his head.
He’d be Paul Rudd in parks and rec
fuck me, dumbass lightning delays
You need a better moonshine distributor/supplier out there in Norf Cakalacky
don’t even get me started on the lack of first-rate jug bands
who’s ready to FUCKING HAILGAMBLOR starting tomorrow??
/both tonight’s sides are TOTES un-bettable
//also, I have benched Uppity SCAM for lunch pale hard-working blue collar Brokeback QB this week (matchup v. Los Gigantes)
Giants threw a shit ton of ‘talent’ at the cb and wr spots this off season. All for naught so far.
I guess still possible this was more to do with DAK DAK DAK DAK!
“The pre-game ‘Suck McCaffrey’s Dick’ segment lasted longer than he does, usually.”
-Christian McCaffrey’s Girlfriend
Just made a THC cookie bar. I may have snacked too much along the way to the finished product.
I don’t know about kissing, but Darnold has the “Prepare your anus” stare down pat.
“Oh shit, really?”
-Pat
I mean, the larger question is, who goes around spreading the kissy-face disease to freaking ret…Special Young Men like that?
Who ate more lead paint as a kid; Darnold or Zeke?
YES
“Broth?”
-Tent Breen
I know its sophomoric, but now I want the entire Jets locker room to break out in mononucleosis.
we’ll get to see who participates in the team-building circle jerk, I guess!
Don’t forget your Pormhub search terms!
My Pormhub search for ‘Bersty Girgles’ came up empty. I want my mombley back!
Funnily enough, there’s actually 2!
Its Tampa Bay and Carolina, try furries AND pirates.
Flurrbies and Pilaters.*
*corrected
Vestigal tail