Well, well, well. After complaining about ‘squirrels running circles inside my helmet’ and ‘constant rain falling off my body’, Jets team physicians diagnosed Unfrozen Caveman QB Sam Darnold with mononucleosis. Asked by reporters how he contracted it, he replied, “It was a girl from The Clan of The Cave Bear. She lives beyond the pine trees where the snow is always angry. You wouldn’t know her’.
Not all is lost… actually quite a bit is lost. Wr Enunwa is done, lb Mosley has got “The Groins”, rook dt Williams has an ankle owie, rb Bell had an MRI on his shoulder today and wr Thomas has hamstring issues. Help is on the way though-enticed by a stick slathered with honey, qb Siemian has descended from the trees and will camp behind center for as many weeks as needed.
TO THE GAME!
Bucs/Panthers:
Rb McCaffrey had a mere 29 touches last week. All his fantasy owners are yelling ‘huzzah!’ but that’s not really sustainable, is it? He’s going to be so beat up at the end of the year, if he makes it that far. Still, what are you going to do, hand the ball off to (checks roster) Reggie Bonnafon 10 times? Newton has to get the passing game flowing and according to PFF, wr’s Wright and Samuel match up well to the covering cb’s-D.J. Moore not so much.
The Tampa backfield started the season as a mess as there was no clear leader but last week Ronald Jones (I maintain he’s a bust) showed some signs of life and has now edged a few hairs ahead of Peyton Barber. (sorry)
It can’t be worse than last week, right?
Sounds like Biden its past his bedtime.
Hi.
I was talking to the TEEEVEEE.
80s horror/ comedy took some turns.
Ted Cruz maintains this was all consensual
Unrelated: Hey spur, remember that redhead I couldn’t figure out if she was Isa Fisher?
Turns out there’s this Czech model that also looks like Amy Adams
hummina hummina
Nice return. Let’s see how the Panthers will fuck this up.
Am going with 3 overthrows
US and EU teaming up against China. Sounds fun guys.
Tired: Russophobia
Wired: Sinophobia
“Trade Wars” are just really fucking stupid.
Tek War. Now that was fucking stupid
seems Josh agrees with y’all:
9:33 PM: Striking to me how incoherent most of the candidates are on the China tariffs issue.
CRABLEGSSACK
It’s a horrible feeling when you see one of your worst fucking personality traits show up in one of your kids and it’s causing them the same problems you had.
Don’t like you singling me out in front of the kommentists like this
Is Kamala Harris drunk?
Is she slurring her words, pointing at people and saying “No YOU voluntarily defended the death penalty against federal challenge” ?
Kamala ain’t give a fuck!
Sounds likes Xanax slurs to me.
Why did they use a horse neigh when showing the Titans?
Kamala jokes around like a cop.
Can we skip all this debate and just have them shoot “Rock Paper Scissors” until someone wins… I’m going to vote for them over Trump anyways
Trump’s tiny hands give him an advantage to throw signs quicker.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VCXbib9MahE
Can we have a fight with a real rock, a piece of paper and a pair of scissors?
The fact this is something like the third debate and we’re still more than four months from voting is proof we have just a fucking Hell System.
WE ARE 14 MONTHS FROM VOTING! WHY WONT EVERYONE SHUT UP!!!!
Stop with all of the political comments and being involved in what’s going on in the world! You guys are making me feel dumber and more confused than Joe Flacco at Baskin robbins
I assure you, I truly hate myself for it.
A nice masturbation session is the only answer. Unless you are watching these debates while doing it.
Please don’t judge me by my fetishes, Moose.
I suppose it depends on exactly what moment makes you splooge.
Dumb? You are just missing the preseason games.
It’s not that confusing. “Economic Patriotism” is good because Warren and Bernie support it, even though it’s basically identical to “Economic Nationalism” which is bad because Trump supports it. All the candidates support the same things, they just give them different names and use different scapegoats.
It IS unfortunate that Cory Booker is such a corrupt shill. He’s got real political talent.
Could see him as Warren’s VP, but wouldn’t want him as 2028 nominee.
C’mon, Bud Light Platinum, fire The King, and bring in Silky Gerrard.
I would vote for any candidate who made this their platform, and who wasn’t Donald Trump.
Fire? let’s pull a Charles I on that fucker.
Question about China. Let’s ask Yang!
Evening degenerates.
This game may be just as bad as last week.
I turned on the game, saw that they really were running out Carolina against Tampa Bay, and turned it right back off.
Come back! They’re gonna crucify Joe Buck at halftime
Correction
They’re gonna crucify all the Democrats they find in the stands at halftime
God only knows what they’ll do to the nonwhite people in the stands
Dear Pepsi, that song you’re using makes most people want to throttle the person next to them, and it’s about 10 years old, and now I want to buy a Pepsi, and mash it into a person’s face. Fuck you Pepsi. Fuck you whoever wrote that song. And if you dance to that song at wedding, go fuck yourself with a rusty trident
I, for one, enjoy your Pepsi hate.
Second this. It’s quality hate
I didn’t realize Pepsi was using Elvis’s “Can’t Help Falling In Love With You” to move merchandise, but yeah, right there with you.
Bruce Aryans looks like the kind older uncle who will buy you a pack of smokes and a 12 pack – or the guy who has that house in the neighborhood that’s run down, and he hides in a spider hole in the lawn, shooting the mailman with a bb gun
The uncle who had the best stash of Hustlers and Penthouses.
And not all of them are stuck together . . .
There is the part where the print is gone from the centerfold…… he’s fastidious.
After seeing how the Democrats are doing and a better idea of the likely positions of the eventual nominee, I’m starting to get a better idea how drunk I’ll need to be to fill in the circle next to the Democrats name.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iEuWx4fkrrE&t=1m58s
I’m pretty happy that I live in California, I can throw my vote away on any random-ass third party candidate and it won’t matter
I live in Southwest Ohio. During the 2016 election, every sign was Trump. 2020 is going to feel like I’m taking a guided tour of North Korea with Pyongyang Sally as my Tour Guide .
Don’t steal any posters and Godspeed
Throw a catchable ball to Mike Evans you fucking retard.
One of my new neighbors (we moved in August) has had an Andrew Yang sign in the yard since we looked at this place in June. First time I saw it, I said to myself, “That’s a first…”
It’s still there.
They want those sweet, sweet Yangbucks.
Yang Gang
I wanna get Yang Banged
Yang Gang Bang.
Andrew Yang Gang Bang is a great fantasy team name.
AND plans for Saturday night!
I saw a Yang “hand-painted” sign on a telephone pole. That’s the first time I have seen any 2020 evidence in my battleground state.
They’re hoping he’ll be the last person standing when it down to Bernie or Warren.
Yang actually polls pretty damn well against Trump. Still not as good as ‘Unnamed Democrat’ but really, who is?
Tim Ryan, Seth Moulton, and Michael Bennett all just raised their hands.
Thank goodness for the cardboard protector: wouldn’t want her to burn her hand.
God damn cappuccino.
I hope she left room for cream?
HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEYOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Clearly not driving stick tho
Prolly not heavy traffic either.
Sorry, the “witty” response is “How can you tell she’s a lesbian?”
Spanish speaking, drink!
I’m still dying at Biden asking Beto if he can call him “Beto” and Beto’s eyes lighting up like Dad finally noticed his good grades.
Wait, I am reading that SANDERS won’t endorse getting rid of the filibuster??
See, hee just has no sense of practicality. He’d never get shit done.
Yeah he knows better. I don’t know why he’s saying that.
You’ve got to be able to navigate the channels of power, and be willing to knife fight now. Being “right” is irrelevant, and counting on some kind of “mass uprising” to force your policy goals through is naive at best.
Injury.
Fuck the MIdwest.
Mildwest.
More Josh Marshall:
8:32 PM: Fascinating to see Obama recede into history as a Reagan-like figure for Democrats with all the name-checking. Democrats haven’t had a figure like that in decades.
Slye Time WOO!!!!
what in the name of holy fuck shit is that?
Don’t fucking tell me you haven’t seen big zombie dick before.
Hey, Andrew Yang’s talking! Good time to go grab a beer.
Yang bang me, daddy
I would like to report Castro for elder abuse.
Modelo Negra was a bold choice but I’m sticking with it
I’m a bit of a beer snob and I like Modelo. REFRESHING!
It’s passed Miller Lite as the top selling beer in Chicago!
“Damn Messicans!!”
Actually; that’s hilarious, thanks for telling me that.
Give me a Slye FG!
How the hell do you get mono after the age of 18? I had it at 16, and I’ve had all of four girlfriends in my life.
“You need younger girlfriends.”
-Mark S., Pomona
You don’t have to do this, Joe.
“Obama trusted me to be 1st in line. He trusted you to be 13th. Stay in your lane, Castro!”
Latinos!
Warren is too good for us. No way she gets the NOM.
It will almost certainly be her or Biden. I don’t see how the maths works for anyone else (now that Harris has faded).
Biden would HAVE to have a younger, female or minority, left VP.
Provided Biden continues to deteriorate mentally and Harris continues to slide, the party will back Warren out of desperation to stop Bernie.
I mean, there’s a reason all professional Demmy-crats want to stop Bernie. It ain’t because he will thwart their nefarious plans with true left success.
Warren is at least 95% as left as Bernie, but would (i) campaign much better; and (ii) have a better chance to implement her plans once elected,
She is not 95% as left as Bernie.
She would not campaign better.
The degree to which her plans will be more likely to be implemented is because they’re far less ambitious and would challenge fewer entrenched interests.
Democrats do not fear Bernie because they fear he’ll lose–they’re afraid he’ll win.
Except he’ll never win.
As a mainstream-ish Democrat, I can assure you that this is just wrong. That’s just the “very online/left Twitter bubble.” If being an old-style Socialist won things, the power structure would co-opt it.
People remember McGovern. He would need a perfect storm to win, then would be able to accomplish basically nothing.
Either Harris (95% of Warren) or especially Warren would be the most left nominee since McGovern.
I’m just going to stop because this isn’t going anywhere (as an aside, I really wish people would understand the actual circumstances of the 1972 election before making comments about what it meant) but there is a substantial difference in the matter in which Bernie and Warren view capitalism and power and mainstream Democrats for whatever reason do not grasp that and are going to be struggling to win elections for a long time to come because of it.
Hey look Warren said the filibuster is shit and we should get rid of it. That’s good.
Sanders, Warren, Harris all agree on that. I thought (but not sure) Klobuchar as well.
If you’re on the same side as Donald J. Trump, you really need to reexamine things.
Trump thinks that because he’s an autocrat. The Dems are saying that because of what Moscow Mitch did to steal a Supreme Court nomination.
The proud filibuster, an institution that has only existed for about 100 years and didn’t even become a thing until segregationists wanted to block civil rights and has been used primarily by a Republican party desperately trying to hold onto power as they representative a diminishing minority of people, is a bad fucking idea and the fact the roulette wheel in Trump’s landed on a good idea by accident doesn’t invalidate that.
Yeah, but money talks and bullshit walks.
Games back on
Nice of them to hold the game for me while I drove home and stopped at the wine store
Here’s General Eisenhower on D-Day. Beneath his regulation uniform he wore fishnet stockings and nipple clamps:
Field Marshal Rommel commanded the Atlantic Wall defenses in a black teddy with an onyx cock-ring from Chanel in occupied Paris.
Moderate: “Can you name a Republican who supports gun control?”
Republicans: “Don’tmentionmyname.Don’tmentionmyname.Don’tmentionmyname.Don’tmentionmyname.”
ABC hates Warren
I heard the debate had a rain delay. Is that so? I’m very high on drugs.
I’m sorry, but that swim wedgie is disqualifying.
RELEVANT!!