Your “No Stereo, Just Mono” Thursday Night Football Open Thread

Well, well, well. After complaining about ‘squirrels running circles inside my helmet’ and ‘constant rain falling off my body’, Jets team physicians diagnosed Unfrozen Caveman QB Sam Darnold with mononucleosis. Asked by reporters how he contracted it, he replied, “It was a girl from The Clan of The Cave Bear. She lives beyond the pine trees where the snow is always angry. You wouldn’t know her’.

Not all is lost… actually quite a bit is lost. Wr Enunwa is done, lb Mosley has got “The Groins”, rook dt Williams has an ankle owie, rb Bell had an MRI on his shoulder today and wr Thomas has hamstring issues. Help is on the way though-enticed by a stick slathered with honey, qb Siemian has descended from the trees and will camp behind center for as many weeks as needed.

TO THE GAME!

Bucs/Panthers:

Rb McCaffrey had a mere 29 touches last week. All his fantasy owners are yelling ‘huzzah!’ but that’s not really sustainable, is it? He’s going to be so beat up at the end of the year, if he makes it that far. Still, what are you going to do, hand the ball off to (checks roster) Reggie Bonnafon 10 times? Newton has to get the passing game flowing and according to PFF, wr’s Wright and Samuel match up well to the covering cb’s-D.J. Moore not so much.

The Tampa backfield started the season as a mess as there was no clear leader but last week Ronald Jones (I maintain he’s a bust) showed some signs of life and has now edged a few hairs ahead of Peyton Barber. (sorry)

It can’t be worse than last week, right?

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Unsurprised

Getting a little fancy here.

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King Hippo

this is turning into the end of a hoopsball match with all the stoppages

/also, thought consecutive TOs not allowed

Brocky

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ballsofsteelandfury

That’s gotta be photoshopped.

Brocky

Nope. Supposed to be a gif. Not sure what happened here

Unsurprised

I gotcha

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Unsurprised

Nice stockings, bro

ballsofsteelandfury

So, there were two fouls and he didn’t announce the second. Wonderful.

King Hippo

sassy ref isn’t great with words

theeWeeBabySeamus

I wish this game would end already. I still have to go to the grocery store.
STOP THROWING INCOMPLETE PASSES AND GOING OUT OF BOUNDS THE STORE MIGHT CLOSE.

Unsurprised

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Video with Music (it’s a Beastie Boys mashup): https://thumbs.gfycat.com/PrestigiousRepulsiveBug-mobile.mp4

Sharkbait

Muppet remixes make me irrationally happy.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Usually when a black guy gets taken down illegally, the NYC PBA will defend you!

Sharkbait

What the fuck are these officials doing

ballsofsteelandfury

Obviously they don’t know.

King Hippo

not knowing the rules?

Mr. Ayo

They’re chasing the dragon of that NO high.

King Hippo

JEEEEEESUS

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

You can review PI all you want but it’s usually pretty unequivocal. Tom Selleck was a stud!

ballsofsteelandfury

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Linda’s gon’ have an interesting night.

King Hippo

Periera is right, reviewable PI is just really fucking stupid.

ballsofsteelandfury

No. The fact that defensive holding is not reviewable is the problem.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Wait PI doesn’t mean penile insertion? What’s everyone making a big deal about it then?

theeWeeBabySeamus

It could be both.

Sharkbait

Generous spot is generous

ballsofsteelandfury

Makeup call

King Hippo

now, a Team MRSA spot challenge!!

Doktor Zymm

The NFL is dumb

Unsurprised

Evergreen

ballsofsteelandfury

That’s some bullshit.

Unsurprised

Evergreen

Redshirt

Unless that receiver has a 30 foot vertical, he’s not catching that pass.

Sharkbait

No PI

Mr. Ayo

So you can review PI, but not illegal contact? Way to think this one through NFL.

King Hippo

Ron Rivera, going full Lovie Smith

theeWeeBabySeamus

When I said he’d be gone by week 11, I may have underestimated.

Doktor Zymm

Even though he hasn’t done anything this game, OJ Howard is still not the worst football OJ

theeWeeBabySeamus

Check him for knives though. Just in case.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

And has never lost a Heisman trophy

Unsurprised

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Mr. Ayo

Woah! Cam didn’t miss an open receiver!

What’s happening?

theeWeeBabySeamus

You were saying?

Mr. Ayo

THAT WAS PI! NOT CAM’S FAULT!

Viva La Tabula Raza

I see by the timing of your comment and seeing it on my phone that NFL Network is on a pretty significant delay.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

The Pulse shooter was a less erratic Tampa-area Gay than this kicker

Col. Duke LaCross

Jeeeeeeeezus!

/Go Utes!

Unsurprised

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theeWeeBabySeamus

OK, who is that guy wearing Mike Evans’ jersey?

King Hippo

Takes Keuchly for a big ride. – Jesus, Buck, get your mind out the gutter for a second

Unsurprised

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King Hippo

Seems like they’ve run the ball like 5 times

theeWeeBabySeamus

Bucs lucky not to get a PI call there.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Jesus, if this is as good as it gets, I think I’ll go back out to the garage.

Sharkbait

Hopefully without a garden hose stuck in the tailpipe leading to the driver’s side window

Viva La Tabula Raza

Nor worries on that front, electrical is all disconnected as well as the suspension etc.
*reads latest shit coming out of the White House*
*goes and hooks up the wiring*

theeWeeBabySeamus

Cam gon’ need some Icy Hot Patches for the next few days.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Jameis will go to Publix and steal his.

Sharkbait

Crab legs and the ice they’re resting on. One stop shop

King Hippo

Norv Turner wants Cam ded

Sharkbait

Legal murder?

Unsurprised

So does the rest of the NFL

theeWeeBabySeamus

Why do I hate McCaffrey so much? I love seeing him get pummeled.

Mr. Ayo

RACIST!

King Hippo

I balance with also enjoying when Jameis gets pummeled

Brocky

I hate how any skill posting player not of color gets a shit ton of coverage. Caffey is already one of my racist relatives favorite players, before last year i couldn’t guarantee you these people knew Carolina had a team

Don’t even get me started on douchebags arguing that 1-time pro-bowler teddy bruschi deserves to be in the hall of fame

Mr. Ayo

RIP to Riverboat Ron

Sharkbait

Go for it!

King Hippo

kick a FG!!

Game Time Decision

I so want this to end in a tie

Viva La Tabula Raza

I don’t feel like wading through several hundred comments to see, but has anyone made an inappropriate comment about the Gay kicker?

King Hippo

I couldn’t come up with right phrasing

Redshirt

Something…something…balls?

Redshirt

Panthers: “Safety! Safety!”
Referees: “You sure? He may have fumbled and you may have recovered for a go-ahead touchdown. You sure…”
Panthers: “Safety! Safety!”
Referees: “Whatever. Safety.”
Panthers: “SAFETY!”

Viva La Tabula Raza

So I decided to work on hanging the new running gear on the Impala and listen to Talking Heads/David Byrne and Midnight Oil tonight (yeah, I turned 60 this summer and am an official old fucker) instead of watching the game; did I make the right decision?

Mr. Ayo

Of course.

King Hippo

OF COURSE NOT FITBAW!!!! RULES US ALL

Viva La Tabula Raza

At least I got in in time for the Safety Dance.
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Game Time Decision

Wooohooo safety

WCS

Aww… did I miss a safety? Greatest play in all of football, especially if it happens to Tom Brady in overtime in a playoff game.

Mr. Ayo

ORLOV’SKOR!!!

Spur

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Brocky

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theeWeeBabySeamus

I like her fashion sense.
But I hope she used sunscreen.

Unsurprised

If she didn’t she’d have already burst into flames.

Unsurprised

Ann Umbird

Game Time Decision

Come on safety

theeWeeBabySeamus

Dang, you called that one.

Game Time Decision

We are in the darkest timeline….

King Hippo

see, even the honky punter is into the Black Panther movement

Sharkbait

Dare I suggest… banner?

Sharkbait

HAIL BLEERGH

King Hippo

lined up offside

Spur

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Unsurprised

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Horatio Cornblower

Google image search tells me that this is a girl.

Thanks GIS!

Unsurprised

Hannah Ferguson

Brocky

At this point I just assume all high end fantasy programs are adaptations.

There’s that fairy carnival show on amazon with orlando bloom? I just assumed it was some book series, possibly artimus fowl, a series from my youth.

I guess my point is, when the hell are we getting a decent adaptation of the paul zindle horror books?

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Unsurprised

Yeah, but you see a fairy in a softcore sex scene (the girl from Valerian and … whatever)

Brocky

The VS Model who played enchantress?

Unsurprised

Yes