Your “No Stereo, Just Mono” Thursday Night Football Open Thread

Well, well, well. After complaining about ‘squirrels running circles inside my helmet’ and ‘constant rain falling off my body’, Jets team physicians diagnosed Unfrozen Caveman QB Sam Darnold with mononucleosis. Asked by reporters how he contracted it, he replied, “It was a girl from The Clan of The Cave Bear. She lives beyond the pine trees where the snow is always angry. You wouldn’t know her’.

Not all is lost… actually quite a bit is lost. Wr Enunwa is done, lb Mosley has got “The Groins”, rook dt Williams has an ankle owie, rb Bell had an MRI on his shoulder today and wr Thomas has hamstring issues. Help is on the way though-enticed by a stick slathered with honey, qb Siemian has descended from the trees and will camp behind center for as many weeks as needed.

TO THE GAME!

Bucs/Panthers:

Rb McCaffrey had a mere 29 touches last week. All his fantasy owners are yelling ‘huzzah!’ but that’s not really sustainable, is it? He’s going to be so beat up at the end of the year, if he makes it that far. Still, what are you going to do, hand the ball off to (checks roster) Reggie Bonnafon 10 times? Newton has to get the passing game flowing and according to PFF, wr’s Wright and Samuel match up well to the covering cb’s-D.J. Moore not so much.

The Tampa backfield started the season as a mess as there was no clear leader but last week Ronald Jones (I maintain he’s a bust) showed some signs of life and has now edged a few hairs ahead of Peyton Barber. (sorry)

It can’t be worse than last week, right?

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yeah rightBrettFavresColonoscopyMr. AyotheeWeeBabySeamusUnsurprised Recent comment authors
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yeah right

I’m coming to grips that this may be a permanent scar on my lip so I’m creating a backstory.

“That one night in Wichita, Bobby Two Strokes tried to take my masseuse.”

Working title.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

So I should go to sleep, but I’m going to keep rewatching Psych

theeWeeBabySeamus

The Baltimore Orioles got 2 hits tonight. How they scored 2 runs I have no idea because I didn’t watch their sorry asses tonight.

yeah right

All in all I’m good.

Stay strong boppers.

yeah right

And if you fall try not to land on your face.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I have a neighbour whose outside dog often begins barking for no reason, and he goes on for hours. Thus far I have resisted making it an issue so as to keep the peace, but that might be about to change.
It’s almost 2am here and this dog will not stop barking.

IF I CAN HEAR IT YOU CAN HEAR IT SHUT YOUR FUCKING DOG UP.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Sneak the dog back into his house.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Man I do NOT want to go to work tomorrow

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

You’re in luck! I’m not going to work tomorrow.

So, just pretend you’re me when that alarm clock goes off. And instead of a shower, you’re pouring yourself a screwdriver and planning if your nap is at 1pm or 2pm.

theeWeeBabySeamus

1pm or 2pm my ass. I’ll be hammered by noon if I have anything to say about it.

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

The goal is to be hammered by 10am. Then ride it until nap time.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Yeah, now that’s more like it.

yeah right

I’ll work.

pays the bills.

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

In my defense, I’m still working tonight for another 3 hours.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Brick Meathook
This sucks! I WANT to see a cameraman get struck by lightning. That’d look cool as shit.

Calm down there, Coach Kelly.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Brocky’s gif that didn’t post as a gif from the last page:

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ballsofsteelandfury

I guess that was NOT a photoshop…

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Technically this is a guitar the size of a blood cell, but you get the idea.

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Brocky

Since its past midnight on the east coast:

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Hi. I’m late to the party but WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF PLAY CALL WAS THAT ON 4TH AND 1

ballsofsteelandfury

Riverboat Ron thought he was hot…

Senor Weaselo

Guess what, he’s not.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Been there, done that. Still owe the guy money, but he works for the Dodgers now so fuck it.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

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ALXMAC
ALXMAC

Andrew Yang?? Hells jeah:

WCS

LOLphins…

https://www.espn.com/nfl/story/_/id/27603958/sources-miami-db-fitzpatrick-okd-seek-trade

They are Dennis Reynolds trying to convey “feelings” at this point. They say they care, but ,inside, they feel nothing. They mean none of it.

ALXMAC
ALXMAC

SUCK FOR LAWRENCE??

WCS

Or Tua.

None of this means anything, because whomever they draft has no running game, no receiving corps, and definitely no line to work around.

Andrew Luck 3.0

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

It must suck that being the best college QB earns you the booby prize of being drafted by a flaming sack of garbage team.

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ALXMAC
ALXMAC

SAM BRAMFORD WITH THE STL RAMS!!

Sharkbait

Well, that was better than last week at least

Brocky

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ALXMAC
ALXMAC

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

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Brocky

is she gonna transform into wonder woman?

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

WW’s non-union Mexican equivalent.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Jeeez I miss that mile between Venice and Santa Monica.
So much….fun.

King Hippo

pretty poor game, but I like that they got a pedestrian 14 points by the wackiest of means (4 FG + safety)

Sharkbait

That is impressive

Senor Weaselo

Crash Team Drinking is not amused.

King Hippo

turns out I was fading McCaffrey in DFO ball, so WOO! bad game plan

/money league team is still uber-fucked

ALXMAC
ALXMAC

King Hippo

think he was out before he extended the ball

theeWeeBabySeamus

yup

Sharkbait

I think he got that

Redshirt

Whatever happened to running straight ahead?

ballsofsteelandfury

Exactly

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

They’re gonna expect that.

ballsofsteelandfury

If you can’t pick up 1 foot when you need it, you deserve to lose.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Deserve’s got nothing to do with the NFL

ballsofsteelandfury

How do you not QB sneak here?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Yup.

King Hippo

they tried earlier on 4th down and a foot, ain’t get it. The interior of that OL is trash.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Hell, even that was a generous spot. He went out at least yard earlier.

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

That’s a 1st down.

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Wait, it’s where the ball goes out of bounds? When did that change?

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

Reid-like clock management right there!

Senor Weaselo

Wow, the ol’ defensive delay of game.

Senor Weaselo

Also good evening lizard people.

King Hippo

WOMP WOMP

Sharkbait

This is approaching basketball levels of two minutes remaining

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