Instant Hippo Thoughts – Week 3, 2019 Season

My oh my.  Sunday was a fine September day indeed.  As a preliminary matter, I sweated my balls off through the fourth consecutive 1-run win by mah beloved, Most Glorious el beisbol Cardinals in Wrigley.  First such sweep since 1921.  But you come to hear of the footy, and there was some quite excellent footy on display.  Especially late afternoon.

Daniel Jones and the New York Football Giants.  Holy cats.  Down 28-10 in the swampass of Tampa, no Saquon Barkley.  And the kid puts the team on his shoulders for a thrilling 32-31 win.  Also, the defensive coordinator must have made one hell of a halftime speech, because that front 4 was terrifying in the second stanza.  Good for Coach Shurmur drawing a line in the sand and insisting that he play his best players.  Kind of feel bad for Team MRSA’s kicker, who missed TWO extra points, and then the relative chip shot that would have won the game at the death.  TRUE FACT – the kick drifted right, and if not for the 2-3 yards lost on the last offensive snap to position the ball – it just sneaks through.

Debutantes did a good all over, with sommet called Kyle Allen leading the Black Panthers to a resounding 38-20 win in the desert.  Thankfully, the performance should allow Cam to get fully healthy, however long that takes.  And the more film there is on the Qardinals, the less “innovative” their offense seems.  They really, REALLY don’t get the ball to David Johnson enough.

Want to talk serious bananacakes?  That game in Santa Clara, where the Tomsulas turned the ball over FIVE times (four in the first half), and still won the game (24-20).  Janeane was solid aside from turnovers (8.7 YPA), and they ran the ball quite effectively.  Aside from one long play to JuJu Bee, they pretty well shut the Yinzers offense down, too.  Probably the closest thing the NFC has to a good team.  But still not really, actually good or anything.

Non-Gendered Cowpersons could also make claim to that “distinction” – though they had quite a bit of trouble early with fuck you, dolphin!  But at the end of the day, it’s hard to shit on 31-6, and DAK! is showing continued growth as a passer and a leader.  Still want to see them show something against a good opponent, though.

Buffalo is 3-0!  But man, was there EVAR some hair on this one, as Brokeback QB was looser with the ball than even usual.  Hey, no brains, no headache!  But also no fucking chance next week.

Because yes, the NFL’s only good team remains the New England P*triots.  Make peace with their winning another Owl, and quite possibly pulling off 19-0.  You can enjoy everything else once you have zen with that.  30-14 is extremely deceptive, with the 14 coming from a muffed punt (recovered directly in the end zone) and a pick six off the rookie backup QB.  Much to imaginary pal Entropy’s consternation, nobody went for a kill/crippling shot on Dreamboat.  They go to WNY Week 4, and they will win.  By a lot.

Minny-SEW-ta has a formula.  It’s (1) jump out to an early lead; (2) play defense; and (3) have Captain Dingleberry throw as seldom as humanly possible.  This team could be dangerous if they played outside, and had home games in the playoffs.  But in the Bird Murder dome, “hide the QB” won’t fly in January.  Anyway, they kicked the shit out of the Raiders, 34-14.  That “us against the world” crap played for exactly one week, and now pre-Vegas is the doormat we always expected.

Sadly, that one week came against my Donks.  For the second week, the mango and navy played mostly competently, but that isn’t enough in Lambeau.  27-16, which is a fair reflection of the run of play.  Our Equine Lord and Saviour may detest the notion of rebuilding – but it needs to happen anyway.  Green Bay still looks quite 10-6 to me.

Rounding out the West, Rivers and company lost at “home” to the 500s (I have nothing to add beyond laughing at the Lesser Footy pitch), while Patrick Mahomes continues to be a video game character.  Being that athletically gifted and with such fast processor speed?  Seems unfair, but there still isn’t enough defensive talent to worry New England.  He’ll get his eventually, though.  Lamar! was mostly contained until quasi-garbage time.  Overall, the Ratbirds didn’t show enough to be taken too seriously.

Iggles/Fuck Liouns was just strange, (wo)man.  Blocked kicks, lots of pennos, weird plays.  Detroit tried to give it away at the end, but oddly enough their defense wouldn’t allow it.  PHI is missing lots of weapons on the outside, but Dakota Jeebus still seems like he has too much in the way of “happy feet” and too little in the way of “brains” to me.  Could be unfair, I admittedly just don’t like the fucker.

This week, the Saints got a fumble recovery TD that was NOT blown ded, and whipped up on the SeaTruthers in their own lair.  33-27 is VERY deceiving, and why I hate betting against the spread.  Wilson tossed a score on an untimed down for the final margin.  Silliness.  Teddy Ballgame wasn’t asked to do too much, which is fine when one has a Bitchin’ Kamara in the garage.  Speaking of the play not getting blown dead, you saw one massive overreaction from the refs this week.  They let several OBVIOUS forward passes play out like fumbles.  It was ridiculous.

Lost in the shuffle a bit was the excellent QB performance by the Humps’ Jacoby Brissett.  Yet another Wolven Sort making himself useful on Sundays.  It always seems like Matty Ice puts up decent road numbers, but they never mean shit.  Today was very much one of those days.

I looked forward to SNF this week, and #ThePauls looked like a reasonably well-coached football team.  Again.  Great pressure from the front 7 mostly made up for personnel deficiencies in the secondary.  But Baker was poopy, and most teams can’t overcome that.  Also, when playing RRRRRRRRRRAM IT!! – you do have to guard the white guy.  The AFC Nortg remains the Ratbirds’ division, by default (but the NFC West goes through the Tomsulas’ railyard this season).