Your “I’m Just Here For The Dolphin Slaughter” NFL Football Open Thread

Perusing team stats it’s remarkable how playing the Fins skews pretty much everything from ‘good’ to ‘wowzers!’. Average rushing yards, sacks, pressures, passes defended-it just goes on and on. You’d think that players on teams that have Miami on their sked towards the end of the season might have to pay out a part of their individual bonuses to the Fins, especially dudes on the Pats, Bills and Jets.

TO THE GAMES!

Titans/Falcons:

Good news for Matt, Julio and Calvin-the Tennessee secondary is giving up passes to outside receivers at a 75% clip. Yeah, that’s right, three of every four passes is successful.

Pats/Bills:

Dare we dream the dream? I’ve got faith that Josh can escape pressure from the ends with those wheels of his but that Pats secondary of Jones, McCourty and Gilmore is a crack unit. Not helping matters is that Bills wr’s have eight dropped passes already-good for third in the league. I think the Buffalo front seven can hold up their end of the bargain and force Brady to quicken his throws and he might not get much help from Edelman, who has some chest/ribs thing going on.

Chiefs/Lions:

Do you have T.J. Hockenson Buyers Remorse? It’s a real condition that might just be cured by playing from behind the entire game to K.C. Catching just one pass for more than eight yards will shatter his previous two week’s combined output.

Raiders/Colts:

A player prop to consider? How about Brissett throwing for less/more than 221.5. He tossed more than 300 last week but is a very tentative guy usually and has no T.Y. this week. What to do, what to do…

Chargers/Fins:

All (most) of L.A.’s skill guys are off today-wr Williams, rb Jackson, te’s Henry and Green among them. Is your fantasy team all banged up like mine and you’re looking for a spot starter at the flex? You could do worse than Dontrelle Inman.

Potato Skins/Giants:

These guys should be able to score at will on each other, just not on the ground. I’m throwing rook wr McLaurin in there today because Janoris Jenkins is giving up a 140 QB rating to the guy he covers.

Browns/Ravens:

When does Baker, Baker The Touchdown Maker come out of hiding? Betcha Jarvis Landry is re-thinking his open-arms approach to OBJ joining the team. He’s averaging less than 60 yards receiving per game.

Panthers/Texans:

The Carolina D is allowing a paltry 189 yards through the air so far this year. Deshaun should murderkill that number this week.

Do your blurst!

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LemonJello

Just switched to the Bears/Vikings and first thing I see is Bollo del Verdad being taken back to the locker room?

Titties will not be kissed if that continues.

Doktor Zymm

THROWBACKS!

King Hippo

#BFIB will beat the Bastard Man Small Bears to win the division. On the last day of the season.

King Hippo

Loser pool entry survives!!

bk109

Aaaaaand unclench butthole… Uhhh…. Never any doubt, no-sir-eeee… Good game, we’re onto the Redacteds!

Doktor Zymm

The field itself is a greater threat than the team

bk109

But is it a greater threat than the Redacted’s medical staff? XD
Edit: In theory I can swing a trip to the DC Wasteland, but do you reckon I could find an empty seat at FedEx MWAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAAA

King Hippo

c’mon fucking Chefs

Doktor Zymm

has anyone pornhub searched ‘fucking chefs’ yet?

King Hippo

add to Balls’ list!

bk109

No need to, we had a perv at work with that pornhub bent, lol… And apparently is a thing, given the amount of shit that got caught on the logs 😀

Doktor Zymm

Lions going 2-0-2 would be okay

Col. Duke LaCross

Symmetry

Viva La Tabula Raza

SUDDEN CHANGE!!

Gratliff

Pats getting the msot bullshit pop up interceptions Iv’e ever seen

Mr. Ayo

CIRCLE THE WAGONS!

Mr. Ayo

Welp.

King Hippo

predictable ending is predictable

King Hippo

who turned Mahomes-y into Alex Smith?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Nothing would make me happier than to see Mahomes turned into Alex Smith.

/by which I mean I would like to see him traded for peanuts to a garbage franchise coached by a man named J. Gruden.

Gatoraids

Long as they can make buffalo turn Brady into Robert Smith we cool

Doktor Zymm

comment image

King Hippo

at least #BFIB have an 8-nil lead

Gatoraids

Patriots not covering Beasley cuz they think he’s on their team

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Yes, these are definitely not My Raiders.

DOES ANYONE KNOW WHOSE RAIDERS THESE ARE?

King Hippo

FUCK YOU IN THE FUCKHOLE HUMPS

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