No time to talk!
Fallout:
-Vontaze Burfict will be given the rest of the season off to not think about what he did to Jack Doyle. Somebody cue up Shirley Bassey’s History Repeating.
-The lesser-known (outside of the Rockies area) Chubb, Brad, is gone for the year.
-The even lesser-known (not to me) Ryan Connelly, rook lb for the Giants is gone as well after posting an 8 tackle, 1 interception and 1 sack stat line. Goddamnit!
-Josh Allen is in concussion protocol and will likely be back in three weeks after the Bills lose to the Titans, then take a bye, and end up with a more Buffalo-like 3-2 record.
-Unfrozen Caveman QB Darnold has been cleared to start throwing the old rock again. No word on whether spears are allowed just yet.
-Hey, if you invested in Bruce Arian’s O in the form of wr’s Godwin and/or Evans, congrats! You’ve got the 3rd and 4th highest scoring wideouts in fantasy.
TO THE GAME!
Cincy/Pitt:
Qb Dalton is rather spotlight averse. He’s lost his last four Monday Nighters, has never won on Sunday night and, well, there is that 0-4 mark on his reputation as far as playoff games are concerned. His counterpart Mason Rudolph is a bit of an unknown quantity but early reviews indicate that he’s not good at the deep ball or intermediate routes but that short checkdown pass is in his wheelhouse. I see plenty of handoffs so you fellas out there that are depending on heretofore incredibly shitty James Conner to win you your fantasy matchup just might have lucked into something.
Go get ’em!
(Line Judge throws flag)
Referee: “What did he do?”
Line Judge: “I saw a Bengals 55 hitting a Steeler near the out of bounds line. It was instinct.”
Christ, they brought back the WILDCAT? Even Miami isn’t that desperate.
7/8 for 52 yards is Alex Smith’s ultimate wet dream.
Smaller hands make it look bigger.
I know right?
-D. Trump
I mean, fookin’ hell. Ain’t even no baseball on.
They taking the month off to prepare for the playoffs like usual?
ok Orders have all been dropped and time cards approved. Am getting a drink and hate watching this or Maddow
Bigger douche-bro: T.J. or J.J. Watt?
Yes
depends on who has the higher lifted truck
Are the biggest Truck Nutz the tie-breaker?
“Eifert had Bush all over him.”
Ewwwww.
Trimmed?
Changing the culture in Cincinnati involves eating your spaghetti like a human
We use forks. We’re not savages!
Good for Maya Rudolph. First, playing Kamala on SNL; now, starting QB for the Steelers. Go, ROONEY RULE!
it’s called the Red River Shootout
It’s things like this that make me foam-at-the-mouth angry.
When playing Cleveland, it’s the Fried River Shootout
“We prefer to call it the Red River disagreement.”
The Red River Mutual Endeavor
So, would this game be considered a slobber-knocker or a barn burner?
It’s a fine-how-do-you-do
I’m here for the foofaraw!
I’m all about the thingamabob and the doomaflagey.
“The ruling on the field is that this is a passable game of football. The audience is challenging the ruling on the field.”
“After review, this game should have been flexed to TNF, but its not like you’ve got a life or any thing else to do. Shut up and watch. Touchdown Seahawks.”
Pretty dumb challenge flag. Not like he fucking caught the pass. Is 2nd and 10 much better than 1st and 20?
and listen to all the unhappy fatties!
I just got here!
Here’s come the flag! Of course… its against Pittsburgh?! Am I in Alternate Earth again?
I’d stay
OPI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Mason. Rudolph. All bases covered.
Is there an “Illegal Use of the Hands; Hands to the Groin” penalty?
Encrotchment?
Not since January, 2017
I used to worry about getting caught red-handed with the Hands to the Groin call in my crazed adolescent years, if you know what I mean.
Wha happen to 3/4 of John Goodman? He get teh AIDS?
Better consult Dr. Mantis Toboggan, MD.
He went to Staples and asked for the mega stomach treatment?
I think chick would like to go behind boyfriend’s back and fuck Gordon Ramsay’s Costco appetizer making self.
Bungles are waaaaayyyyyy closer to an actual, professional footy squadron than these Stiller fucks.
#faintpraise
also coming from a Donks fan, so I know how low to look for such faintness
What game are you watching?
Cincy is closer to Cleveland than Shitsburgh?
Only on a flat earth.
Washington Mystics vs. Connecticut Sun! Sports fans! Try to guess what sort of league they play in!
Mixed doubles pickle ball?
Qudditch? or that Harry Potter broom game.
Professional Grabass?
(sees Bengals stop the Steelers on 4th down)
“What is in this Ham Wrap?”
Classic Steelers move to lose all their best players for one year, get a high draft pick, select their next franchise quarterback who’ll win a super bowl or two, then repeat.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r8-dzxTsA0M
Gee, it’s almost like Conner is a backup player.
Of all the people I’ve met in England only five percent of them speak English.
Go to the imperial war museum
I did! A photo:
And Curzon was right. But that wasn’t what did it. WWI and WWII debt killed that empire.
Justice.
Seeing that Chinese diplomat on Channel 4 saying that Britain can fuck off because they are in no position to do anything about Hong Kong was one of the funniest things I’ve seen all year.
Fuck. I miss Dennis Farina.
Yes, London. You know: fish, chips, cup ‘o tea, bad food, worse weather, Mary fucking Poppins… LONDON.
Q: Anything to declare?
A: Yeah, don’t go to England.
My favorite part he played was in his first movie, Thief, where IIRC he beat the shit out of James Caan with a Chicagoland phone book.
Which I’m sure he totally never did when he was Chicago PD.
Meh, British people quote the same percentage of English speakers met during visits to USA.
2015 Pittsburgh-Cincinnati: The Battle for 1st Place
2019 Pittsburgh-Cincinnati: The Battle for 1st Win
Rock n’ roll
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-21AtiWV3TE
Oh shit. Street Fight released an O&A retrospective with Felix Biederman. A fine alternative to ESPN audio.
Ryan Switzer is pointless.
Seriously. They have great looking away uniforms being wasted away as color rush jerseys.
“The Bengals look ready.”
I hate it when famous people start to show senility.
Mason can make all the throws? PFF tells me he’s 2-9 on long throws.
I guess he can make the throws, just not the completions.
Ah crap!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hou0lU8WMgo
I miss Futurama. A lot.
C’mon man needs the Old Yeller treatment.
The “C’mon Man” segment begins and ends with old yellers. smh at your comment.
Nice. So I can take all the talking heads out behind the woodshed?
Leave David Byrne alone.
Give him land, lots of land under starry nights above.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uuMvkNDuOuQ
Oh, David Byrne reference. Obligatory posting of Rhode Island School of Design (Byrne’s alma mater) sports mascot
Be sure to hack directly at the joints. You’ll thank me later when you’re trying to lift those garbage bags into the dumpster of your choice,
It’s no “JACKED UP!”
The only thing that can make this shitty week better is to see the Steelers lose.
As a football aficionado who hates teams on the basis of their current success (like the rest of America that currently hates the Patriots), i hated the Steelers second only to the Cowboys back in the 1970s, and while my hatred was ameliorated somewhat by their suckitude in the 80s and 90s, I have had my hatred of them re-invigorated in the Rapelisburger era, and I will join you in your desire to see a Shitsburgh loss tonight.
Oh for fuck’s sake, ESPN, not the fucking Hanna-Barbera sound effects, please!
I want so much for Josh Allen to somehow mature into a Farve-ian type of qb (on-field play only). He’s got all the gifts in the world but… Him going back to the bench after throwing yet another interception and looking at pics of how the D lined up? HE WAS GOING TO LAUNCH THAT FUCKER ANYWAY!
You have Jen Sterger’s attention about the “D lined up”.
That’s what I’m counting on. DON-T I AM COMING FOR YOU!!!!!
(let me rephrase that)
I’M COMING ON YOU!*
*hey, you’re excited these things happen**
**something a girlfriend in university might have said to me
The fuck is with all the grifty as seen on TV ads tonight?
The media is aligning themselves with the current WH administration.
thank GOD, I finally saw the “non-DFS” button for my Rotowire articles list
End of Month on a Monday sucks. Fucking sandbagging sales. Get your Orders in.
Not exactly sandbagging but at one time I would take a look at large orders in the system yet to be processed, on the last day of the month. I was very good at calculating how much net profit the company was going to make and if I figured we needed a bump I’d process them. I was in a tight spot back then so I’d always try to inflate that month’s numbers, knowing that I’d be doing the same thing at the end of the next month. I was dumber than a fucking concrete block.
Was the name of your company Enitech?
As a point of reference: The only time the Bengals and Steelers were both 0-3 was 2000 (Akili Smith and Kordell Stewart/Kent Graham).
Akili Smith is the sole reason I think that qb’s that had only one solid year in college are destined to be flops in the pros.
cough cough Dwayne Haskins cough cough
soon, two reasons!
I Was Getting To Him!
That 1990s Bengals deserves an ESPN 30-for-30 Special:
1997 Bengals End of Season Interview:
Bruce Coslet: “The team really responded to Esiason at the end of the year. We may be a Playoff Team next year.”
Mike Brown: “I’ve convinced Boomer to retire and go to Monday Night Football.”
1998 Bengals End of Season Interview:
Bruce Coslet: “The team really responded to Blake at the end of the year. Maybe even O’Donnell; his TD-INT ratio was awesome. We just need to shore up the offensive line and we’ll be okay. Maybe”
Mike Brown: “No, we need a new quarterback.”
1999 Bengals End of Season Interview:
Bruce Coslet: “You’re not listening to a god damned thing I’m saying, are you?
Mike Brown: “Its about time your figured that out. Hell, Shula figured it out in 6 weeks.”
This tilt without Vontaze Burfict is like Trump without the piss tape
The face of bigotry and intolerance in the 70’s, Anita Bryant
There are so many more of those faces to choose from these days, it seems.
Don’t worry. I’m sure Vontaze Burfict will rush the field and headshot Ryan Shazier pregame for old times sake.
“Alright, got him. Are Darryl Stingley or Mike Utley in the stands, by any chance?”
I also need Juju Bee to outperform Tyler Boyd tonight, in order to fend off BFC.
Wat
DFO-ball! I am facing a Colonoscopy-named opponent, this not you??
https://football.fantasysports.yahoo.com/f1/111098/matchup?week=4&mid1=4&mid2=2
Dead-on 50/50 tossup, one player left for each. Two top scorers in League this week, obvs! 😀
That’s me. I took over for BFC but wanted to honor the previous owner
Interesting to watch the ESPN pre-game to see how they try to polish the turd that is tonight’s game. Earlier there was a Bill Cowher felching session with the show’s hosts (don’t google “felching” on your work computer). It was kind of discomfiting to see Suzy K fondling Cowherd’s balls while she sang his praises to the heavens, I feel the need for a Silkwood Shower.
https://thumbs.gfycat.com/AccomplishedAgedAdeliepenguin-mobile.mp4
I should change my fantasy team name to “Felching Mimes”
“It’s a silly bunny that doesn’t follow his own advice.” -me
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yzLT6_TQmq8
Don’t make fun of cavemen. They invented music (with a push from Ringo).
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tYBNoFcvcWI
I can’t remember the “artist” but I’m 99% sure that there is an Oakland Raiders themed hip-hop song that uses the tune from Caveman.
Well, John Matuszak was in the film, so I guess a rapping Raiders fan might have picked up on that.
I’ve been on the road for the past weekend so I’m out of the football loop. MNF’s in Pittsburgh, tonight? Okay, so what rejected squad of pond-scum do they have playing them?
Tiger-scum!
Whooooo! How about them Browns! Looking good!
Sorry…its my first day of vacation for the year. I have been drinking since 4 this afternoon. My typical boss sits me down “Holy shit JSD…you have 30 days to burn. If you show up tomorrow, you will be written up”
So drinky drinky….
Congrats to your Browns for pushing Baltimore’s shit in. That was cool.
I’m in the family doghouse.
Everyone jumped to the Ravens when they moved. My older brother was a Steelers fans. My dad was a Colt fan and my younger brother was a [*Redacted] s fan…until the Ravens showed up.
Its always weird that once in a blue moon when the Browns beat the Ravens.
The funniest thing is I detested every job I did in Cleveland over the years. Other than Washington State, Ohio is the craziest, most racist state I have worked in.
God Cleveland sucks balls. But for some crazy reason, I have always been a Browns fans. God sports are weird….
So, never worked in Texas, eh? Or maybe only in one of the relatively liberal large cities (which is Houston/Austin/El Paso/and mi casa San Antonio, but definitely not DFW). It’s the fucking 18th century down here, outside the big cities.
Yes. I enjoyed seeing that score.
I also have been referred to as “heretofore incredibly shitty,” more than once.
I was as recently as….
/checks watch