Your “That’s Why The Sun is Shining Brighter-The Pats are on a Bye!” Sunday Afternoon NFL Football Open Thread

It really does have a pronounced effect when one doesn’t have to hear about the goat-ness of Tom and the greatness of Bill. Food tastes better. My kids seem smarter. My mistress is open to new ideas. Clothes fit better. The hobo population seems to be thriving. (Well, not for much longer) Expense reports aren’t questioned. Life is good!

TO THE GAMES!

Fins/Colts:

Are you thin at wr? You might want to give a streaming opportunity to Zach “He’s Whack!” Pascal because he’s in line for all kinds of touches, what with Hilton out. The downside is his tosser will be the adequate Bobby Hoyer. But it’s Miami-whether it’s blow or TD’s, everyone scores! I’ll let you decide. The Fins give up a half first down (4.8 yds.) every time you run on them so Mack all day, right? Not so fast-although he has plenty of redzone touches (21) he only has 3 (!) inside the five yard line. Just weird. If you need a six spot from him he’s gonna have to run it in from outside the 10.

Panthers/Packers:

Both qb Rodgers and rb Jones were big disappointments last week after busting out two weeks ago but both should get back on track at home. McCaffrey has been everyone’s bread and butter and it likely will keep on going here because the Packers run D are 5th in missed tackles and 3rd in yards gained after contact.

Rams/Steelers:

Here’s yet another wr you could stream but why the hell are you looking for one at 4pm? Sometimes I just don’t ‘get’ you. Where was I-hey, the guy’s name is Josh Reynolds and he’ll carve out a spot for himself now that Cooks has had a second concussion on the year. He’ll likely take some time coming back just like Shepherd. Rb Conner is ruled out and Edmunds is banged up so unleash your handcuff of Samuels and have no worries. You did handcuff him, didn’t you?

Preach to the choir down below.

0 0 votes
Article Rating
Subscribe
Notify of
303 Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Brocky

sees that San Andreas is scheduled to record

Me: you put dodarrio on auto record?

Dad: no, gugino.

Man’s got his own taste I guess.

Also, this

comment image

Redshirt

Your dad has excellent taste.

Unsurprised

He really does

JustStopDude

I look forward to tomorrow, when about a half a dozen cheapskate coworkers offer to “take me out to lunch” tomorrow and then try to get me to vouch for them at Applebee’s

Gratliff

I sometimes wonder if vets view that shit as cynically as I do. At the sawmill I used to work at, we probably had 30% ex-military. They’d go on about how much they supported the military by hiring veterans all the fucking time. The tangible benefit was one hour long lunch (half hour more than usual!) with management per year.

Gatoraids

Unfortunately the horrible rising suicide rates for vets recently shows how supported they feel

Spur

birthday or you fucking the hostess?

Viva La Tabula Raza

Wait, you go to lunch with your fellow employees on a federal holiday? Or do you work for one of those America-hating companies that makes you work on this sacred national day off?

Spur

Burger King Cheese Tots,, cheese made from rat milk and sawdust

WCS

“There’s very little cheese in these gym mats!”

Spur

I buried my coworker in FFL today. Punkass in accounting is buying Spur breakfast on Tuesday.

Dunstan

Woo hoo! Dolphins are the hottest team in the league!

Oh, yeah, the 49ers, right. Well, the hottest team in the AFC!

Yeah, ok, Ravens. Sure. Hottest team in the AFC East?

YEAH! HOTTEST TEAM IN THE AFC EAST!

King Hippo

NOBODY DENIES THIS!!!

Spur

Hottest Teams in the NFL? Tell me more – Rodgers

King Hippo

Been annoyingly stealing DFO-ball matchups with P*ts D/ST. On their bye? RRRRRRRRRRRRRRAM IT!!

Redshirt

Steelers giving up a Safety Dance is Best Safety Dance

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AjPau5QYtYs

Spur
Spur
Redshirt

Okay, this duplicate comment thing is getting scary.

Spur

Safety Dance is a DFO tradition

King Hippo

RRRRRRRRRRRRRRAM IT!! being smart. Get it back to the defense, see if they can get some points on the board.

WCS

Nailed it!

Mr. Ayo

ORLOV’SKOR feasts!

King Hippo

Now the question is whether they can run the free kick back into FG range. But methinks 14-12 is it.

WCS

Do the three comments of “disappointing win for the Dolphins” count as scoregami?

Mr. Ayo

I was hoping more of you would jump aboard.

Gatoraids

one of us one of us

ArmedandHammered

As I get older, I can no longer jump on anything, just ask my wife.

Redshirt

I see my prototype DFO Collective Consciousness is functioning as planned.

Redshirt

Yes! Two game lead in the Race for #1!

Redshirt

Nevermind. Forgot about the Washington Bleeps.

King Hippo

Hey, you no impressed by Ryan Finley from muthafuckin’ North Carolina State??

/at least Beatie finally got some touches

Redshirt

Either he doesn’t work and we get Burrow, Tua or Fields or he does work and we get Young. We can’t lose.

NFL DRAFT NIGHT ONE THREAD Future Comment

Spoiler

WHAT THE FUCK?!

Mr. Ayo

Back to back disappointing wins for the LOLfins

King Hippo

Back-to-back disappointing wins for MIA

Gatoraids

Back to back disappointing wins for the dolphins

King Hippo

Three of us concurrently react alike!

Mr. Ayo

lol Clots. What was that?

King Hippo

Nice route, U*NC dumb fuck

King Hippo

/Ebron sitting down at 8 yards on 4th and 10

tomsellecksmoustache

Say what you will about turning a blind eye to children being abused, but Tom Bradley turned the Steelers around. And isn’t that what matters most?

Redshirt

Ah, the Ben Roethlisberger Defense.

King Hippo

ONE MOAR PLAY, LOLfin!

ArmedandHammered

Time to go make the pizza-getti.

Redshirt

If a pizza-getti isn’t a pizza with spaghetti, mushrooms and meatballs as toppings and spaghetti sauce instead of pizza sauce, you’re committing a mortal sin.

ArmedandHammered

Was a reference to the other night where some restaurant had it on the menu. Was basically half a pizza and half a plate of spaghetti. We are having spaghetti and I am cooking a frozen pizza so when I serve supper I will get the WTF look.

Redshirt

If I see this on the menu for a restaurant I’m eating in, I’m leaving.

Gatoraids

Fins up for Hoyer

Gatoraids

Finsup As in the thalidomide babies for anyone who Is watching this game

Spur

Riverboat Ron Ruins Ride

Gratliff

I feel like Ron makes this statement a lot in his career

I want to sincerely apologize to our viewers and Canadians. During last night's broadcast, Don made comments that were hurtful and prejudiced and I wish I had handled myself differently. It was a divisive moment and I am truly upset with myself for allowing it. (1/2)

— Ron MacLean (@RonMacLeanHTH) November 10, 2019

ArmedandHammered

They should just post it after every Don Cherry appearance, also one for the suits.

Gratliff

It’s actually gonna be the design of his next one

Gratliff

This was about immigrants btw. Honestly, I’d be more surprised if he didn’t say this. Thought it was part of the annual sales pitch.

“You people… you love our way of life, you love our milk and honey, at least you can pay a couple bucks for a poppy or something like that,” Mr Cherry said.

“These guys paid for your way of life that you enjoy in Canada, these guys paid the biggest price.”

King Hippo

seems tame for him

Brick Meathook

Seriously, man . . . buy a fucking poppy.

Gratliff

Looking at what the money goes to and wondering why the Canadian government isn’t paying for those services. They really are the same as us.

hippofant

I bought a fucking poppy. Those fucking things fall off all the fucking time, and there are a lot fewer places to buy them now that the Royal Legion’s getting old and Tim Hortons fucking sucks.

Gratliff

If you loved the troops, it wouldn’t fall off smgdh

Redshirt

Unless I’m missing something, this may be an overreaction.

hippofant

That stupid fucker, the reason I immigrated to Canada was because in 1942, a buncha dumbass Canadian kids from Manitoba and Quebec were volunteered by the British government to defend my grandparents from the Japanese, and the whole bunch of them were killed or held in Japanese POW camps for it.

So fuck Don Cherry for even fucking insinuating that we immigrants don’t care about Remembrance Day. I remember the exact Canadian military units who sacrificed to ensure my existence. Go to hell asshole.

hippofant

Y’all don’t even know how much I want to punch Don Cherry in the face right now.

Gratliff

I mean, the floor for that emotion is pretty high by default.

King Hippo

MARK IT ZERO, Cooper!!

WCS

This game is a world of pain.

WCS

BLEERGH FEASTS IN YINZBURGH

Spur

Am getting drunk now so I can be fresh for the Dallas game.

King Hippo

waking up hungover for SNF is a suck-ass feeling

tomsellecksmoustache

“Todd Gurley with a big hole!”
Damn bro, leave him on the DL.

King Hippo

dude wanted to top Troy’s “gash” comment

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

ArmedandHammered

That turkey looks like it was from Nightmare Fuel farms.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Good work here.

Mistborn Impossible

In the future, all professional athletes will be the sons of other professional athletes.

ArmedandHammered

“Like I always said, they are doing what their genetics programmed them for, and they only need a few of us owners to tell them what to do” – Richardson, Charlotte N.C.

Mr. Ayo

Rosen has risen!

All the backup quartered backing today.

WCS

I thought the Stillers cut Donte Montcrief.

King Hippo

think Yinz have entered the Twilight Zone

King Hippo

MIA even has white guys in the secondary making plays!

tomsellecksmoustache

GRIT

King Hippo

Every positive Yinz play involves holding. Just take knees and win 14-7

Mr. Ayo

Bring back duck!

Gatoraids

Who gives a shit about Young Sheldon, but why does CBS have to go waste Walter Goggins time

tomsellecksmoustache

Let’s do one with Sheldon where he has friends and a girlfriend. Freshen up the series.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Viva La Tabula Raza

I’m sure it had something to do with the dumptruck full of money they unloaded in his driveway.

WCS

Baby Buster out
GOB (AKA Bort) in

King Hippo

This…is quite a fixture. Punter just threw a pickerception?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Mr. Ayo

comment image

Gatoraids

Hail shanklor our draft pick be blessed with thee

Gatoraids

Fuck you bitch goddess

tomsellecksmoustache

Sean McVey is a head coach at 33, meanwhile, I’m 34 and still jerk off to Carmen Electra. Life bounces weird, you know?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

jjfozz

That’s classic old school jerk off material. So you’ve got that going for you

Viva La Tabula Raza

What makes you think Sean McVey doesn’t spank it to Carmen Electra too?

tomsellecksmoustache

Looks more like a Jenny McCarthey man.

King Hippo

he likes his ass without any vaccine autism obvs

Mr. Ayo

I think you made the right choice here.

Brick Meathook

When Mozart was your age he had been dead for two years.

tomsellecksmoustache

But did he crank hog to Carmen? Clearly I’m the real genius here.

Brick Meathook

“crank hog”

Viva La Tabula Raza

Mozart died in 1791, Bizet didn’t write “Carmen” until 1875, so probably not.

Col. Duke LaCross

I’ve gotta add “crank hog” to the lexicon.

Wakezilla

Based on a few comments I saw on social media, iI have to ask:

So… How much help are the Packers getting today from the zebras?

King Hippo

YUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGE

jjfozz

THEY DON’T NEED HELP! THEY’RE OUT THERE PLAYING LIKE A BUNCH OF KIDS IN TEH SNOW!

Mr. Ayo

Well if that last call is any indication. None.

Spur

Downing that punt in 1 and getting it called back was beautiful

Gatoraids

Adam vinaterei looks like he’s ready to Star in Jackie Brown 2

King Hippo

Hope he doesn’t have himself in fantasy

the Alpha and the Amoeba

Jackie Brown sounds like an alternate title for Rush Hour

tomsellecksmoustache

Ramsey got some serious doo doo ass in this game and I love it.

jjfozz

THIS ADAM VINATIERI, I CALL HIM MARLON BRANDO, BECAUSE HE’S AN OLD ITALIAN GUY WHO CAN’T KICK ASS ANYMORE

Mr. Ayo

Alright Vinatieri, it’s time to put you down.

Mr. Ayo

This is Hoyer Country!

Gatoraids

Yeah dolphins back in it lets go draft pick

King Hippo

13-12 forthcoming

Dunstan

That’s my lolfins!

King Hippo

#JustATurdOutThere

Viva La Tabula Raza

Fuck this, I’m gonna go watch Ant Antstead work on cars.

King Hippo

the downside of BloodSugarFitzMagic?

jjfozz

Let’s make one thing clear, you ham brained sports announcers. Anyone on the field is an athlete. Anyone on the field is a competitor. Get some new material.

the Alpha and the Amoeba

Who shit in your cornflakes?

jjfozz

Mr. Nibbs, my hairless chimpanzee.

Spur

Snow is great to look at but a pain in the ass to work/live in

King Hippo

we get half an inch here, society shuts down for 3 days (minimum)

the Alpha and the Amoeba

You’re not wrong, but I still kind of miss it. Here in Kentucky we just get 4 months of cold, gray days.

tomsellecksmoustache

4 months? You must live in the tropical part of the state.

the Alpha and the Amoeba

I’m in Louisville. To be fair, my bar for what counts as a “cold” day is probably a little higher than most people here

tomsellecksmoustache

Northern Kentucky here and how about that bitch Bevin, amirite?

the Alpha and the Amoeba

Good riddance to bad rubbish

the Alpha and the Amoeba

Also, I love your Avatar

tomsellecksmoustache

Thank you, but someone else here found it for me, I can’t steal valor like that.

Viva La Tabula Raza

So Troy, I guess he didn’t really fumble there?

jjfozz

AARON ROGERS IS THERE NOTHING HE CAN’T DO! HE COULD TURN GREEN BAY INTO MIAMI BUT WE’RE JUST PLAIN OLD FOLKS OUT HERE ON THE FROZEN TUNDRA!

Spur

Host Thanksgiving Dinner with the Family. Let’s see him do that.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

TURDUCKEN!

Mr. Ayo

Dessert is ready?

— A. Reid.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

IS HE JUST HAVING FUN OUT THERE?

tomsellecksmoustache

You mean you can fill Wisconsin with toned gay men? Why would he do that?

jjfozz

Maybe he owns a chain of tanning salons with strategically placed hidden cameras?