I’m running a bit behind because I’m taking off tomorrow to drive blaxito & fam to Tucson so he can spend the next week or so at Grandma’s house. I’ve still got some “work” on my desk to wrap up and then a Thanksgiving story so — look, it doesn’t matter. Below are your Week 12 Quotables submissions (with bonus #content)
“Let’s see, we’re down by 9, 4 minutes to go, 4th and 7 from their 9, weather’s horrible, we’ve probably only got one possession left…
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Yeah, field goal. Definitely field goal.
Six Flags Over Cleveland looks like shit.
Mr. Peters, how would you describe the Rams’ performance tonight?
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THE ARISTOCRATS!
I’ve never seen anyone get credit for 3/5 of a sack before.
Jerry Richardson smiles in Hell
Mmmm, yes, if only I could get muffy this damp. Now that would be good eating.
In the TV glow I see them
Blue guys crying in the rain
Jerral just called me retarded
And I’m afraid I’ll never coach again
My career is like a dying ember
Only muffed Romo holds remain
Though we’ll make the playoffs as pretenders, we’ll still be
Blue guys crying in the rain
Ade due Damballa.
Give me the power, I beg of you.
Leveau mercier du bois chaloitte.
Secoise entienne mais pois de morte.
Morteisma lieu de vocuier de mieu vochette.
Endenlieu pour du boisette Damballa!
Bro.
Know your audience.
C’mon, no Child’s Play references?
So that makes two kickers that should have never left the Meadowlands above ground. Maybe Scorsese will make a movie based on a completely debunked, bullshit premise about that too.
The movie was good, though
Alright dammit, who replaced the White Stripes with The Byrds greatest hits?
Jesus, even a weapon-wielding Brown can’t stop a goddamn Steeler.
Or a former Bill.
Marcus Peters announces his intention to join the Democratic field of candidates for president, running on a “twirling, twirling, twirling towards freedom” platform.
He’s just hoping for a shot at the Veep spot with Marianne Williamson. What are the chances she’s never busted out a hula hoop at a jam band show?
[whistles appreciatively] – Philip Rivers
A very underrated submission.
According to urbandictionary, holding up a nacho like that and then eating it is known as a “Cuernevaca Communion”
The last time I saw a Browns fan take a swing at a 2 and fail so hilariously was last week, when I went to a singles event at a bar in Dayton.
Wow. It was at 10.1K last night.
Russia?
No no wait….
UKRAINE H4X0rz????
Don’t worry. I still add the “Roger Goodell is a national disgrace” tag to every quotable.
I think it’s neat you do that and, apparently, some people get a use of them. I feel like pretty much every team has a decent starter library built up at this point.
Even Houston has six (five of which are in a game vs. the Bungles), which is weird, since it doesn’t have a NFL franchise.
Only the Niners have 1 gif for them. All the others have at least three or four. But I haven’t made them of every team and I haven’t been even remotely as comprehensive about identifying the teams in this season’s gifs.
For whatever reason, this is #1 among Quotables with 67,700 views:
So far the Steelers head joke is #8 most popular by hits (*rimshot*)
#2: 41,800 views (JAZZ HANDS!)
#3: 39,300 (Taint Tackle)
#4: 32,900 (Texans? Whodey?)
#5: 29,000
6: 27,800 (JAX MAN!)
#7: 23,300 (Zak Sanchez interception)
There is a handful that have fewer than 21,900 but more than 10,000.
I forgot about my own blind joke and just lold.
That is a really good joke. I just LOLed, too.
That’s probably on me — I sort of hate the 49ers.
Also, York murdered the roster when we started Quotables so SF has been generally lacking in relevance until this season.
Fall out boy
Cure
FALL OUT BOY
CURE
Touchdown Seawhawks
– Replacement Refs
I’m KING OF THE WORLD
Or
The hill are alive with the sound of music
The Bills Mafia scoffs at the lack of destruction
Looks like Ma wuz right, get’er to the game, get’er drunk, and hope we win so she is so happy and out of it I can get’er out of those pants and into the meat grinder.
Peters showing the proper form for dancing on the grave of your previous employer’s post season dreams.
I think she would have made Rothlesburger a eunuch if he had tried to corner her in a bathroom stall.
I’m no lip reader, but that looks a lot like a “harf” to me.
“What a blockhead!” – C. Brown & L. van Pelt
“Pitt, the Elder.”
-Carr
“Palmerston.”
-Adams
“Boris.”
-Washington
“Christ, you’re dumber than Antonio Brown.”
-Carr and Adams in unison
TFW, it’s a sin to score before you are married, but God hates teh gays.
“If only I had someone that once played basketball to catch that pass.”
I haven’t seen this many Panthers get absolutely wrecked since the battle of Kursk on the Eastern Front in 1943.
Deep cut!
“What was in that juice box that Eli gave me?”
It’s filled with turnovers and racism (maybe?)
“What kind of turnovers?”
-A. Reid
Usually when you see a Raven defender dance around like an asshole, it comes with a couple of murders.
I give this the (basically worthless) BFC-al of approval.
This kind of expression of human emotion will NOT be tolerated in Las Vegas.
“Hookers. Are. Not. People.”
WOOOOOO FOOD AND BOOZE ARE MY ONLY SOLACE LIVING IN THIS HELLSCAPE WOOOOOO
Maybe she could have performed at a high level hitting that piñata if she hasn’t wasted her vacation partying shirtless on a fucking boat.
“I can’t believe I’m losing to a, ugh, Weslyan man. At least he did spend time at Andover.”
-Princetonian
Maybe they shouldn’t have built this stadium on that sacred old kicker burial grounds site.
Is there a sign out front that says DEAD KICKER STORAGE?
THEY CALL THIS MOVE THE BALTIMORE…WAIT, no one’s ever done that in Baltimore before.
Not without being riddled with bullets.
John Waters wants him to tone it down.
The Southie interpretation
Female Titans Fan: “WOOOO WOOOO!!! EL TRACTORICITO CAN PLOW MY FIELD ANYTIME HE WANTS! WOOOOOOOOwoooooooWOOOOOO!!!”
Bearded Male Titans Fan: “Why are you making train noises?”
FTF: “CAUSE HIS TEAMMATES CAN JOIN IN TOO!!! WOOOOwoooooWOOOOOO WOOOOOOO!”
BMTF: *stunned by sudden, painful erection*
She totally thought “Smashing Mason Rudolph” meant that she’d get to bang him in front of her boyfriend.
That’s what her boyfriend was hoping for too
This is actually a secret test used in Cleveland to find any Mexicans that are “passing” for white. If you can hit the pinata while drunk enough to attend a #Pauls game ICE will be called.
And here we see the female Midwest Skankbird in her native environment, reacting to a mating ritual performed by the male. Notice the complicated dance that communicates “Yes I will fuck you” while also saying “You may want to get yourself tested afterwards.”
Rosas is bad
Giants are blue
Elisha is sad
His team smells like poo
J. Adams: “What? You don’t hear so good? I said Robert Smith and The Cure are overrated!”
D. Carr: (visibly upset) “You don’t understand anything about them…OR ME! JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!”
“♫The staaaaaaaadiums alive, with the sound of Seven Nation Army♫”
“I try to lose games in the worst ways possible, and still that bat-shit crazy loon in the owner’s box won’t free me from this cursed job. Well played, Satan, well played.”
“Most holy nacho, see me through this dark time and I will honor the heritage you came from.”
/puts on Speedy Gonzalez costume
“Sign that man.”
-Vikings fans
“That isn’t Cam, right? Roughing the passer 15- yard penalty.”
-Refs around the league
“Better result than last time I decided not to run it at the goal line.”
-P. Carroll
I don’t think this will be part of the next AWS commercial.