Well, this is the first actual day of the outbreak with no sports on evening TV. I hope you’ve all got topics you want to discuss.

Me – I want to discuss how we’ve all let each other down.

Many times, in the comments, especially during the regular season, we’ve asked Balls if he wouldn’t mind researching the odd medical term for us on yonder biology related websites. And he has provided those answers, be they related to “bun length”, “furry road”, and the ever-popular “Miami back door cover”.

But where we were once in the vanguard of asking such questions, instead we have been beaten to the punch.

Yessir. The fine folks over at Cracked have followed up on the question asked by the weirdos over at Vice. Now, at [DFO] this type of query is normally reserved for killing time at the end of a Thursday Night blowout (pun intended). At first I thought Balls was the actual author. I mean, the terminology was accurate – “By March 4, 2020, a PornHub search for “coronavirus” produced 112 results.” – and the dedication to explaining the science bore all the hallmarks of a Balls Of Steel production

But then I saw that the Cracked post was written by a lady named Amanda, and the Vice post by a different lady named Samantha.

FYI – the most popular video so far (which I will not link to) is by a lovely young woman who goes by the moniker “Little Squirtles”, and is properly called “COVID-19 CORONAVIRUS: HORNY SLUT HAS TO USE PROTECTION DURING OUTBREAK!” Despite the wordiness of the title, it already has over 221,000 views since it went up about six days ago, which is a testament to trying to be both first & accurate in the field of science-related pornography.

In the approximately six-minute video, she is taught by someone claiming to be her step-father the proper way to interact with a gentleman during the COVID outbreak, and having watched this instructional video a number of times, I can attest that the entire production contains more scientific fact than your average Trump news conference. In fact, due to its popularity there are already a number of follow-up instructionals, including how to avoid touching one’s face and how to clean up unexpected expectorations.

As of yet, the official spokepeople for the porn health industry, the Free Speech Coalition, have not called for a halt to movie productions. But it is monitoring jurisdictions where performers shoot and/or travel, including LA County, and that it would call for a halt in production “if the public health authorities in one of these areas indicates that the spread of the virus has created a significant risk of infection to the general population.”

So, I guess what I’m saying is that we really need to step up the scientific inquiry in these threads. Or go play poker – I hear we have the site loaded up again.

Barring that, we’ll at least have Free Agency to talk about on Monday, right?