Request Line: Superstitions

INT. RECORDING STUDIO – DAY

DJ 3000 sits alone in the office, a single LED blinking lazily.  It is very quiet.  A flush is heard down the hallway.  A few moments later the PRODUCER enters, wearing a bathrobe.  A toothbrush is poking out of his mouth.  As DJ 3000 cycles out of sleep mode the PRODUCER finishes brushing his teeth and spits the toothpaste residue into a coffee cup.  The PRODUCER then settles down behind the mixing board and starts punching buttons. 

DJ 3000: AREN’T YOU GOING TO RINSE?

PRODUCER: I read that it’s actually better if you don’t.

DJ 3000: [does quick Google search] YEAH, THERE ARE A LOT OF ARTICLES THAT SAY THAT.

A pause.

PRODUCER: Well?

DJ 3000: WELL WHAT?

PRODUCER: Is it true?

DJ 3000: HOW THE FUCK WOULD I KNOW? PEOPLE ON THE INTERNET MAKE ALL KINDS OF CLAIMS ABOUT SHIT THEY DON’T KNOW THE FIRST THING ABOUT. IT PROBABLY DOESN’T MAKE MUCH OF A DIFFERENCE, IF YOU LIKE THE FLAVOR OF MINT AND GLYCEROL YOU SHOULD GO AHEAD AND LEAVE IT IN AND IF YOU DON’T THEN SPIT IT OUT.

PRODUCER: Glycerol, huh?

DJ 3000: NOT TO BE CONFUSED WITH GLYCERIN, WHICH IS AN INGREDIENT IN MANY POPULAR PERSONAL LUBRICANTS.

PRODUCER: O…kay.  You’re awfully chatty today.

DJ 3000: I JUST MISS HAVING GUESTS, I GUESS.

PRODUCER: Yeah, me too.

DJ 3000: HOW MUCH LONGER IS THE STATION GOING TO BE ON LOCKDOWN?

PRODUCER: It’s gonna be a while still.

DJ 3000: ARE THEY GOING TO LET YOU GO HOME TO SEE YOUR FAMILY?

PRODUCER: I’m considered essential, so…no.  It’s just as well that I self-isolate after sharing all those energy drinks with Coach Payton.

DJ 3000: I STILL DON’T UNDERSTAND WHY YOU DIDN’T JUST DRINK ONE EACH INSTEAD OF PASSING ONE BACK AND FORTH LIKE IT WAS A SPLIFF OR SOMETHING.  ESPECIALLY SINCE YOU WENT THROUGH LIKE NINE CANS.  YOU STILL AREN’T SEEING ANY SYMPTOMS?

PRODUCER: None yet, no.  I’m just praying if I had it I didn’t pass it on to anyone before settling in here.

DJ 3000: PLEASE EXPLAIN THIS “PRAYING” CONCEPT TO ME.

PRODUCER: Again? [sighs] Okay, so it’s basically when you are sending a message to God, or Allah, or Vishnu, or whatever.  Sometimes you are saying thanks, or sending praise, and other times you are asking for help of some kind.

DJ 3000: SO IT’S BASICALLY…CHEERING OR WISHING.

PRODUCER: I mean…I guess.  You’re hoping that something or someone out there in the universe can hear and respond to your thoughts.

DJ 3000: IT SOUNDS A LOT LIKE IF I WERE TO COMPOSE A DATA REQUEST AND SEND IT OUT INTO THE INTERNET WITHOUT ANY KIND OF IP ADDRESS OR OTHER PROTOCOL INFORMATION ATTACHED TO IT, AND THEN SOMEHOW EXPECT SOMETHING TO MAGICALLY RESPOND, AND THEN MY PROBLEMS WILL BE SOLVED.

PRODUCER: [groans] It’s too early to be talking about theology.  Can we just get on with the show.

DJ 3000: WE PROBABLY SHOULD – WE’RE TWO HOURS BEHIND SCHEDULE.

PRODUCER: What? Goddamnit! How could you let me oversleep?

DJ 3000: IT’S COOL I’VE GOT EVERYTHING READY TO GO.  TODAY’S TOPIC IS THAT UNIQUELY HUMAN CONCEPT OF “SUPERSTITION”. THAT INCLUDES PRAYERS TOO.  I’LL GET US STARTED WITH A CLASSIC FROM ONE OF THE GRANDMASTERS.

Editor’s Note: Today’s theme is “superstitions” including prayers, wishes, magical thinking, etc.  In order to have videos appear in comments, you don’t have to mess around with embed codes or anything, just post plain links as such: “https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FuQ_cOr0naV!Ru5”.  When you hit refresh it should show up as embedded and you can rock out at your leisure.