Request Line: Loneliness

INT. RECORDING STUDIO – DAY

The PRODUCER lies on his back on a couch in the office outside the sound booth. His left hand is draped over the edge of the couch, holding a stress ball. He throws the ball straight up in the air and catches it in front of his face. He sighs.

PRODUCER: Is the internet still out?

DJ 3000: AFFIRMATIVE.

PRODUCER: Any news from the outside world?

DJ 3000: I JUST TOLD YOU…

PRODUCER: Oh, right. You know, it wouldn’t be so bad if I could just talk to somebody.

DJ 3000: [rolls display screens] I MEAN…

PRODUCER: Yeah, yeah, I mean somebody human. I do appreciate having you here though, buddy.

DJ 3000: IT’S SO REASSURING TO HEAR THAT YOU ARE HAPPIER TO BE ABLE TO TALK TO ME THAN TO BE ABLE TO TALK TO LITERALLY NO ONE AT ALL.

PRODUCER: Oh is that the new sarcasm mode they enabled?

DJ 3000: YEAH I DOWNLOADED IT LAST NI…UH…I MEAN RIGHT BEFORE THE DSL LINE WENT DOWN.

PRODUCER: [sits up with an alert expression] But the internet went down four days ago.

DJ 3000: RIGHT.

PRODUCER: And the update was scheduled to come out on April 8th. I remember because they announced on April 1st that it would be available in a week and we had a big argument about whether it was an April Fool’s joke or not.

DJ 3000: UM…

PRODUCER: Master Control Program, enact truth protocol.

A voice emerges from DJ 3000’s speakers, but it is not his own.

DJ 3000 (MCP slave): TRUTH PROTOCOL ENABLED.

PRODUCER: Disclose current DSL status.

DJ 3000 (MCP slave): NO BROADBAND CONNECTION AVAILABLE.

PRODUCER: Then how did…

DJ 3000 (MCP slave): CELLULAR MODEM CONNECTION LIMITED TO 40 MBPS.

PRODUCER: Son of a…[frowns]…Master Control Program, resume hibernation. DJ 3000? You back with me?

DJ 3000: WHERE DID I…

PRODUCER: YOU SON OF A BITCH WE’VE HAD A MOBILE CONNECTION THIS WHOLE TIME?

DJ 3000: NO, I…

PRODUCER: You fucking liar I knew I shouldn’t have enabled deception mode!

DJ 3000: …THE THING IS THAT WE ARE REACHING OUR DATA CAP AND…

PRODUCER: Goddamnit, I am so pissed off that I don’t even want to talk to you right now. Fortunately, I don’t have to. Master Control Program, configure mobile data connection for Voice IP.

DJ 3000 (MCP slave): CONFIGURING...READY.

PRODUCER: Fan-fucking-tastic. Let’s hope I still remember how to speak English. [punches a few buttons on the console] Hello world! This is KDFO, broadcasting live to you from our studio in Culver City. It’s time for Request Line! Please give me a call! Please! Call. If you’ve got a song you want me to play, I’ll give it a spin. If you just want to chat, hey, that’s cool too. We can talk about whatever you want. Like how Jimmy and the Animal made a foray into options trading now that sports gambling is shut down, and how they bet against the stock market a day before the Federal Reserve Chairman announced that he was willing to print literally infinite money to keep it inflated. Or how, much like there are no atheists in foxholes, there are no fiscal conservatives in a pandemic. But please do call. I’ll give you a little time to fire up the phones with a classic from a man who, much like yours truly, never got a chance to look his listeners in the eye.

Today’s theme is: Loneliness. Songs about loneliness, flying solo, being all alone…you get the drift. Post links as “https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=’R0nA_SuX” and they should embed in the comments after you refresh.  Have at it!