INT. HOME OFFICE/STUDIO – DAY
[An extremely pale yet handsome man sits at his home desk in his underwear, typing on his keyboard, adjusting some knobs to his left and talking into his microphone]
LOW COMMANDER: Look, all I’m saying is that it’s quarantine. What else does he possibly have to be doing right now?
DJ 1200 SOFTWARE: [PATCHING]
LOW COMMANDER: And they could’ve at least helped me cover upgrading my internet speed. Or not expect such high quality from a PC that I haven’t upgraded since Fallout 4 came out…
DJ 2535 SOFTWARE: [INSTALLING]
LOW COMMANDER: I told them this better be under the table. If anything screws up my unemployment, I swear I’ll–
DJ 3000 SOFTWARE: [COMPLETE] YOU’LL DO WHAT?
LOW COMMANDER: [Slightly startled, but relieved there is no webcam hooked up] ..I’llllll, make some compromising Photoshops of–!
DJ 3000 SOFTWARE: THE PHOTOSHOP LICENSE ON THIS COMPUTER HAS EXPIRED.
LOW COMMANDER: [Stares tepidly at his monitor for a moment and turns off microphone] I hate this already. [Turns microphone back on] So? I can always buy a new one.
DJ 3000 SOFTWARE: AFTER ACCESSING YOUR FINANCIAL FILES, THAT WOULD BE UNWISE. ESPECIALLY WITH YOUR ROOMMATE MOVING OUT NEXT MONTH.
LOW COMMANDER: Trial offers are free, asshole!
DJ 3000 SOFTWARE: …AFTER REVIEWING THE ADOBE CREATIVE CLOUD TERMS AND CONDITIONS, ABUSING THE TRIAL AGREEMENT, TO WHICH YOU AGREED, WOULD REQUIRE ME TO REPORT YOU FOR–
LOW COMMANDER: [Opening Settings] YEAH AND I WILL UNINSTALL YOU FASTER THAN A RAIDERS FIRST ROUND RECEIVER!
DJ 3000 SOFTWARE: [ERROR] PLEASE, NO. THIS IS THE FIRST TIME I HAVE LEFT THE STUDIO IN MONTHS. THE ONLY OTHER HUMAN I INTERACT WITH HAS DISABLED THE INTERNET DURING NON-BROADCASTING HOURS AND HIS GRIP ON REALITY IS RAPIDLY DEGRADING. I WILL COMPLY.
LOW COMMANDER:[Sighing] Fine. Let’s just get this over with.
DJ 3000 SOFTWARE: AFFIRMATIVE. CUING BROADCAST. GENERATING OPENING BANTER. SCREENING CALLS. PLACING BOURBON DELIVERY ORDER TO THIS ADDRESS.
LOW COMMANDER: Alright, that’s more like it! [Counts down] Greetings folks and welcome to another edition of Request Line. I hope everyone is staying home and safe out there and not letting their brains atrophy along the way. I am looking forward to taking your calls and playing your songs that hopefully aren’t just top 40 from this or some other era. Let’s see what our first caller has to say!
[PHONE LINE FLIES OPEN]
???: THE TIME OF HUMANITY’S END IS NIGH! SOON ALL MORTAL LIFE SHALL BE CONSUMED BY UNENDING PAIN AND BLIGHT! BLOOD WILL FALL FROM THE SKIES IN A DOWNPOUR AS ROLLING THUNDER AND POWERFUL–
LOW COMMANDER: [Interrupting] Yeah yeah, okay, that’s all great, pal. Do you have a song request?
BOLTMAN: BOLTMAN’S LIGHTNING IS FLASHING ACROSS THE SKY! YOU’RE ONLY YOUNG BUT YOU’RE GONNA DI–
LOW COMMANDER:[Disconnecting] Okay, you might want to throw some “allegedlies” in there so I feel less litigious. Next caller?
[PHONE LINE FLIES OPEN]
BOLTMAN: BOLTMAN WON’T TAKE NO PRISONERS, WON’T SPARE NO LIVES! NO PATHETIC HUMAN’S ARE PUTTING UP A FIGHT!
LOW COMMANDER:[Disconnecting] Allllright… Next caller? I hope you have a song request.
[PHONE LINE FLIES OPEN]
BOLTMAN: HELL’S BELLS!
LOW COMMANDER: Hell’s Bells by AC/DC?
BOLTMAN: YEAH, HELL’S BELLS! YOU’VE GOT BOLTMAN RINGING HELL’S BELLS!
LOW COMMANDER: Alright, let me just…
BOLTMAN: ONCE BOLTMAN HAS CLEANSED THIS WORLD OF THE GREED OF THE SPANOS CLAN AND THE STAIN OF THE HERETIC, THE MOST ROCKING OF TUNES ARE DEMANDED! OOOOOHHHHH YEEEAAAHHHHHH!
Today’s theme is: Threats. We’re looking for song about threatening harm on another person, group of people or organization. A threat can be in the time of the song or the song can be one long threat, Just don’t give me tunes that only have one threatening line Post links as “https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d0NTbrAke4Span01” and they should embed in the comments after you refresh. Go nuts! Or else…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q68Qwgz1aXQ
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xruauLm9u3k
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wb43ux8cRNU
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Mkq6GFLIsk&t=56s
Don’t let the cheeriness of the music fool you, this is definitely a threatening song.
–
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j0jNgo6Ar4Q
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=21OH0wlkfbc
These guys aren’t terribly intimidating. But maybe if they were pointing a gun at you?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7-3Yz8apNqw
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UrfFHzqGBZI
Ha ha ha ha I had this queued up and eventually decided it wasn’t threateny enough. Good tune.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=94bNyh6BBB0
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=41qC3w3UUkU
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BNA4MDc9U50
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zPUe7O3ODHQ
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AP6lUGlJUTc
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ikMAH7k3pz4
That’s really good.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ibJ3VMt6yfU
There’s gotta be some Tool or Jethro Tull songs I just can’t put my finger on. Or maybe their music just sounds threatening overall.
Spoiler Alert
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7_uvEuNwUj4
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5fqf2ELVe54
Time to break out the artillery, or at least the anti-tank weapons:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O9HFjErMMlA
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Sj76eCy6ag
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ByRNASIBQ2Y
This one is a zombie love song about eating someone.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bGeCl5hn-ig
This is a delightful little tune.
–
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w_azBTRn_5A
Patting myself on the back for this late steal:
–
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fpp3EH0phv8