Have you not been watching, on CBS All Access, pirate stream from Krygyzstan, and/or one of your teevee box’s espanol channels?  Boy howdy, has you been missing some good Shempions Sheeeeit.

The headline story (and the only non-awesome match) was the wheels of the Barca jalopy coming…all…the…way…OFF.  Think separation from the axle, whilst driving down the freeway at like 90 mph.  Nobody had previously surrendered 8 soccer points in a knockout stage fixture.  Until yesterday, that is.  Bear Team 8, Barca 2.  And that’s only because some first half chances went awry, and the Germans had a smidgen of pity.  It could have easily been 10 or 12.

A very proud football club is being run like a crackhouse “fan service” outfit.  It’s embarrassing, watching them try to blame manager after manager (former Everton head man Roberto Martinez – who is actually a very good pundit – had some sharp words on that front).  Also, remember when Toffee hearts were worried Roberto would flee Merseyside for the Barca job?  Things, they change.

This very possibly sets us up (long term) for some terrible Hippo Alsace-Lorraine jokes…because the other side of the bracket looks mighty good for PSG.  Those fuckers got a midnight reprieve from the Governor against Atalanta.  And then a 2nd call, which said fine, have a few hookers, too – TWO great goals in stoppage time, to turn away inevitable defeat.  It was cruel as fuck, as the Lesser Falacons (h/t Spam – obvs) really didn’t spit the bit at all.  Gay Paris just fucking took the match out of their clutches.  Sans lube.  As much as I hated seeing Neymar happy, one has to love Mbappe.  That guy is pure sex on the footy pitch.  And Atalanta will be back, mark Hippo’s pill-addled word salad.

I am looking past the Energy Drinks, which is both unfair and unwise.  They punished Atleti/Other Madrid with a late goal, after surrendering their first half lead (and starting the parallel Atalanta narrative).  Perhaps this should have been a harbinger of extreme doom for Barca, in that La Liga is seemingly in a bit of a down cycle.  The Germans are deffo ascendant, that much is clear.  Hold onto your ass, Poland.

But still, my brain says PSG matches up well with Team Kraut Product Placement.  And they have belief dripping from every orifice.  They wanted no part of Atleti, and their root canal setup.

Oh yeah, the last game – Fo’ Reelz Man City takes on “just happy to be here” Lyon (3p EST).  Seriously, OL are like in 9th place in the Frog Table.  Pep will enjoy a nice warmup lap, which still doesn’t make up for 24 hours less rest than German efficiency/terror.  One sees this as Bayern/PSG, and a ratings monster.

Pretend Man City, you ask?  Just finished 2057-58.  Lost my 2nd Invincibles season Round 28 at the fookin’ Cottage (/makes stinkeye at Litre), also lost FA Cup final to Arsenal.  But 101 points, my 20th straight Prem title, and 4 total trophies…will have to do.  Fuck you, you have a problem.

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Balls Notes

It’s a good thing I was working while watching the Barça game because it was an embarrassment. The funner thing to watch was El Chiringuito De Jugones which is a show on TVE (Televisión Española) that discusses Spanish fútbol.

They absolutely destroyed this Barcelona team.

And deservedly so.  In my opinion,  the problem lies with the front office.  Bartomeu manages the team like Trump manages his businesses.

Inevitably,  the bankruptcy has arrived.

It’s not just a football bankruptcy.  It’s a fiscal bankruptcy and a moral one.

On the show,  one pundit made the great point that everyone agrees the playing group needs new blood but where is the money to pay for that new blood? It’s not there.  Bad signings after bad signings have put the club that is on the top five in revenue IN THE WORLD on the edge of financial insolvency.

Morally,  this group has no leader and no spine. Messi might be the greatest player in the history of the game,  but he’s not a leader. His experience as Argentina captain is testament to that.  In truth,  Barcelona’s best years were when Xavi and Iniesta were captains and Messi was allowed to be brilliant without having the burden of carrying the club.

Speaking of Xavi, it’s an open secret that he won’t coach Barça as long as Bartomeu is in charge.  So,  the rumour is that Pochettino (last of Spurs) will be the next coach until elections take place next summer.

HOWEVAH, this defeat has brought out calls for the election to be moved up. None other than Piqué alluded to this in the post-game press conference.

There’s a revolution happening within the Barça world and the future of the club is in the balance. And it’s all being brought out of the shadows because of this loss.

Call me a naive optimist,  but I firmly believe that everything bad brings something good.  If this embarrassment causes real change,  then it will have been a great thing.