Oh What, You Don’t have one of these?

It’s Okay You can Kiss mine

Football, what’s football? I know what a pandemic is, I didn’t used to, but I damn sure know now.

First let me say that of course I want the cherished game televised in all its splendor right in my own living room but at what cost? According to scientists (I know, I know) and the CDC, with the number of players in the league and the death rate of this particularly nasty airborne issue someone is going to die.

Is that what we want? Will that bring the nation together, some player taking it home and killing his mother?

At what cost?

Sadly we still don’t seem to want to take this disease seriously. There is no leadership in politics, we are forced to read and react to what we believe and not trusting the experts has cost us significantly.

A simple mask? No, anything but that. It really is the simplest thing that we can do as a species to protect one another, it doesn’t hurt, it doesn’t cost anything and it’s been proven to work. Would it help if I said please?

Let me give you my favorite analogy of the spread so far. Doctor says “Imagine someone peeing on you, (his words) if you’re wearing shorts you will get quite moist but if you’re wearing pants much less. Now if you were to cover said pants with say a plastic covering well, you see where this is going?”

The mask series just for you discernable viewers

I guess some of us insist on being urinated on.

Which begs the question how do we do this?

That crazy bastard who owns the Cowboys is swearing that there will be crowds watching his games. Can you imagine climbing into one of them flying death tubes to go to a game filled with drunken knuckleheads? Jeez thanks, but I’m going to say no thanks.

I want, NO I need this game. Again, at what cost?

So if you will allow. I have two scenarios to play out for you.

First.

The games won’t make it 4 weeks, entire teams will be ravaged by the virus. By week 6 it’s shut down entirely.

Second.

It goes off without a hitch. Hold on there little fella, have you seen the disaster that has befallen baseball? What? The NBA you ask? Who cares? Half full stadiums by week 5 and full attendance come playoff time. No masks no virus. Cheerleaders, fireworks, insanity, enough for everyone!

What a beautiful dream.

It’s like when you try to see how many marshmallows (not those miniatures either) you can stack and carry in your ass (I can do 7) crack and walk without dropping any. Sounds like fun at first but then makes no sense.

How do we do this? I am not smart enough (you already know that) to make decisions over my head, I’ll leave that for you guys. I want football but not at the cost of the ultimate sacrifice, not worth it.

Damn boy you ain’t said shit about football and nary a dick joke, you’re not very good at this are you old timer? Frankly no.

What the hell, you’re right.

The Saints have been good enough to have won another championship in any of the past five years. A couple bad breaks and now Drew’s 167 years old and we’re smack dab in the middle of a viral crisis the likes of which we have never seen and you want me to say how many games my team is going to win in dreamland?

Screw it, we win it all!!! Only losing once all season to the Raiders in week two. As far (please dear Jesus please be a season) as opening day in Tampa Bay? We are going to slap them fools in the face and hey Tommy we opened up a whole new cold box just for you.

Final score Saints 38 Succaneers 3

WHO DAT?

les cadavres s’entassent

Seriously please wear your mask. Yes even you walking your dog. I hate to tell you this but your dog does not secrete immunization spray from it’s anal gland no matter how close your face gets.

When I was writing the marshmallow bit I was giggling and wondering if anyone might try it.

Be nice to each other and please vote.