Your Sunday Night Football Open Thread

This thing… This fucking thing is playing with my sanity. Been holed up too long, starving on memories and something’s going to break. Soon…

I hated being out of touch with what’s going on in this town. I need to get a feel for this place so I took to walking at three or four in the morning, just snooping around. Early on I figured there might be something to be had around schools because everything was shut down. “There’s not even any need for custodians”, I thought. You see, the homeless naturally gravitate to spots where people aren’t. For the most part they want to be left alone, un-hassled by cops or any authority figure really, as they drink and fuck (if they’re lucky) and eat and sleep.

I found a school about 15 minutes away that looked promising. There were at least two entrances that I could see that had walls built around them-a perfect place to curl up with a fetid blanket and sleep off the rotgut. I looked for the tell-tale signs-cigarette butts, beer bottles, junk food wrappers but no luck. It didn’t make any sense. But then I walked around to the back and I figured I might have hit the jackpot. A huge parking lot, two baseball fields next to one another and a small forest of pines and elms behind the fields. I realized there was housing behind the forest so no doubt the decades and decades of kids that lived there created paths to get to the school and back home again. Not wishing to press my luck I peeked into the dugout and yes! the signs were all there. I marched home quickly, knowing I wouldn’t be able to sleep that night.

Such anticipation! I waited until mid-morning to do my exploring and followed a trail that ended between two houses but also veered off behind a small three-story apartment complex. There was a rock outcropping with grafitti spray-painted on it so I wandered over. There was the firepit that was most likely used by teenagers on the weekend and some bums during the week, bottles strewn everywhere, of course.

As the sun was setting I crept behind the baseball field closest to the pathway and sat down by the pole on the third base line. I was a bit exposed but was certain that I couldn’t be seen unless someone were specifically looking for me. I waited. After ninety minutes or so a figure, staggering along, walked into the woods. Time for me to shine. I gave him fifteen minutes to take a leak and pass out.

Maybe it was because it had been so long but the night seemed to go silent. The air turned thick and seemed like a weight on my shoulders. No sounds at all but the crunch of pine needles underfoot. I reached the small clearing and saw my guy with his back to me. He wasn’t snoring and that was a bit surprising. I crept closer, step by step, took out my knife, raised it, rolled him over…

He had a knife in his hand and slashed at me! He opened up the side of my bicep just a little (hobos never take proper care of their knives-they’re always dull) as I almost missed entirely but managed to get under his shoulder blade. Panicking, not thinking, I grabbed at his blade as I buried mine just under the top of his jawbone. Fuck, it hurt! I was able to pin his arm to the ground with my knee. I ripped down with my knife and the floodgates opened up. He wasn’t going to hurt me anymore.

Now I was the one that staggered along the path. I was sure that the wound to my arm wasn’t that bad but the area below my thumb was opened up wide. Damn it! I was sweating profusely. There’s no way I could show up at a hospital, I would just have to do some rudimentary stitching myself and I’m not looking forward to the prospect but it has to be done.

The irony that I would have to hole up again for quite some time while the wound healed was not lost on me.

TO THE GAME!

Cowboys/Rams:

Dallas has so much frickin’ talent on O it’s ridiculous. The question then becomes, “How will they end up squandering it?”. Will their dissembled secondary give all those points right back? Don’t look for Amari to be gangbusters tonight, he’s being tailed by a friend to the site, Jalen Ramsey.

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JustStopDude

The engineers for version 5g commercials are all H1 Visa holders. #TrumpWinming

Romonobyl

Think ol’ Double J has a serious case of stadium envy right now?

Spur

LA Hookers are world class.

WCS

Even better this entire thing was his idea.

LemonJello

The Catholic Church will move him to another parish, ad infinitum.

Spur

pack it up. Season over.

Dunstan

NO ONE DENIES THIS!

Brick Meathook

TONIGHT’S POLL:

Who do you hate the least?

A) Whitey
B) Negroes
C) Chinamen
D) The Jews

ArmedandHammered

Furries

ArmedandHammered

I am an equal opportunity misanthrope.

Viva La Tabula Raza

E) Uighurs

JustStopDude

It’s not fair. All of us could have been NFL starters in the sixties

Dunstan

We may have been, and are just too concussed to remember it.

clint greasewood

More life like than real Los Angeles “fans”

Doktor Zymm

I see the designers for the Rams googled ‘Circular stock logos’

Romonobyl

I swear I saw the same logo on a disposable coaster at a Shawarma joint in Des Moines.

Spur

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Petronel

That’s also a wedgie, in the process of happening.

Spur

Beefcake! comment image

Petronel

That’s a wedgie just waiting to happen.

Dunstan

Jerry Jones has just fired McCarthy.

JustStopDude

The lack of LA fans….this isn’t actually Covid related is it?

Spur

Sunday night blog is missing something…..

Game Time Decision

Watch “From Russia with Love” or SNF?

LemonJello

Trump has a press conference tonight?

Game Time Decision

haha. Touché Mr Lemonjello

blaxabbath

Well Trump’s spreader event in my community does not go off til 7….

LemonJello

Which Div III school is missing their alternate uniforms?

Petronel

…WOW that Rams logo is…a thing.

Dunstan

I feel like the orange isn’t enough. They should just make the ram horns rainbow-colored and say it’s to support LGBTQ rights. The FABULOUS L.A. RAMS, everybody!

Game Time Decision

not that the NFL would EVAR do that, but I’d want one of those

Viva La Tabula Raza

It would be even better if Dallas did it. Aortas across the country would explode.

Fronkenshteen

WHAR COPPER KOOP?!

Brick Meathook

If I walk down to the end of my street I can see the roof of the new L.A. stadium.

Not that it means anything to anybody.

Gumbygirl

Go down there and pound on the gate and demand to be let in because you paid for that gotdamn new stadium!

Spur

someone tell the Cowboys the game started

Redshirt

comment image/revision/latest?cb=20181210220108

Mega Man X wore it better.

Last edited 4 years ago by Redshirt
JustStopDude

Imagine the worst, most embarrassing STD medication commercial. Now realize that the dude that is the “face” of genital herpes, beat out around 10,000 people for that role.

That is Hollywood and why it needs to be bombed from space.

It’s a mercy thing. They are already dead inside.

Gatoraids

Gronk Party Cruise disagrees

Game Time Decision

baby Jeffrey forever unclean

Spur

no, stop the fake noise. i want to hear the players talking.

Romonobyl

I once had really good seats at an NBA game and could hear some of the trash talking between the players.

Damn…

Gumbygirl

I went to a Mariners game at the Kingdome that was so empty we were shit talking the A’s bullpen, and they were shit talking back until a coach made them stop. We were many many rows away from them.

Fronkenshteen

DEAD BUM! DEAD BUM! DEAD BUM!

Dunstan

What are “things a personal trainer would yell at me”?

Petronel

Michelle! Lookin’ good girl!

Doktor Zymm

WHAT POSTURE DID PEOPLE HAVE DURING THE MAGIC SONG FOR THE SKY CLOTH?!

Viva La Tabula Raza

Am I the only one that mutes the TV when someone sings the national anthem? I’ve heard that fucking thing more than Freebird and Stairway to Heaven combined.

Last edited 4 years ago by Viva La Tabula Raza
LemonJello

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Dunstan

Mute, or click away. Even more so if they decide to “mix it up” and play God Bless America — all the jingoism, but we added more God!

Spur

Wait, that really is LA’s no logo? that wasnt a twitter troll thing.

Romonobyl

They’re pissed that someone else picked “Football Team” for a name.

Petronel

Well this is going to take forever

Brick Meathook

TONIGHT’S POLL:

Who are more unfunny?

A) Chinese comedians
B) Korean comedians

Redshirt

C) Sino-Korean comedians

Romonobyl

North or South Korea? I understand there is a bit of a difference.

LemonJello

Jebus! Did you just get out of prison? HOW THE FUCK YOU DOIN!?!

Romonobyl

All good, managed to dodge any time in the joint.

Viva La Tabula Raza

No shit. I thought he might have been hanging out with tWBS.

Brick Meathook

There are no living North Korean comedians.

Spur

I’m just drinking Margaritas tonight. Felt like something different.

No beer, whisky or vodka.

Porky Prime
Redshirt

Even the wildfires can’t be forced to be seen at that monstrosity.

Gumbygirl

HOT TAKE! I hate Al Michaels more than Collinsworth. Discuss.

LemonJello

Big if true.

Redshirt

Ironically, both of their careers went through Cincinnati.

We are very sorry.

Gumbygirl

Maybe that’s why the Bungles suck so much! It’s like the curse of the Bambino.

Viva La Tabula Raza

SNF Theme-singing lady should have her roots done.

Spur

you leave Carrie alone. She’s still all upset about scarring her face.

Gumbygirl

I was thinking she’s due to be replaced by the younger model soon.

LemonJello

“Break the seal.”

Al has a bottle off camera just waiting for this shit show to get going.

JustStopDude

The one fucking thing not on fire on the west coast is this godless monstrosity.

Redshirt

People are starving. Family are being evicted. But lets watch the SNL Opener that cost $4,000,000 to make before they talk about racism and social inequality.

Spur

Evening Folks

JustStopDude

Covid made me forget how much I fucking detested NBC.

Viva La Tabula Raza

As a 50+ year hater of Cowboys, I really hope they get ass-RAMmed tonight. I was a big Roman Gabriel fan, back in the day.

Petronel

As a not-quite-that-long NINERz fan, here’s my vision for the game:
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Game Time Decision

Always team meteor

Redshirt

Why are the Rams jerseys look dirty? They haven’t even used them in a game yet.

LemonJello

Budget cuts. They haven’t been washed since the last game of last season.

Redshirt

…but they are brand new!

Redshirt

The Rams and Chargers expect to fill that stadium eight times a year?! I don’t think their yearly total attendance hits that number.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Man, watching NBC, it’s like Brady and Bucs won today.

Unsurprised

They didn’t.
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JustStopDude

nbc. Tommy lost. No one cares about the Bucs. Move on.

JustStopDude

lets go to Tim’s bastard child and her opinion about the Pats”



Petronel

Oh Cam, never change (those ridiculous postgame presser outfits)

Doktor Zymm

It’s too bad he wasn’t in the league at the same time as Clinton Portis

ballsofsteelandfury

WTF is Cam wearing?!?

Viva La Tabula Raza

Outfit by HuggyBear and Superfly, circa 1975.

Gumbygirl

I just saw that! I was thinking Sly Stone goes to an early 70’s prom.

Redshirt

I think you misspelled the last word.

Gumbygirl

That’s the after prom party.

Last edited 4 years ago by Gumbygirl
Viva La Tabula Raza

Hi, I’m Velvet Jones.

LemonJello

Another hobo is now worm food?

NOW THE FITBAWL SEASON CAN BEGIN IN EARNEST!

ballsofsteelandfury

And such a timely tale too!

Redshirt

I DIDN’T KILL RANDY BULLOCK!!!!

I meant “yay. football.”

JustStopDude

That pappa john’s thing that keeps being shown in commercials. Please stop. It looks gross as fuck.

LemonJello

That “thing” is Shaquille O’Neal, sir.

blaxabbath

IS IT TIME FOR THE BUCS TO TAKE A LOOK AT MIKE GLENNON?

Last edited 4 years ago by blaxabbath
Gatoraids

Necks out for Glennon

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Tom Brady: unfeated

LemonJello

Rex Ryan does not like the sound of that.

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