Your “We Can Have Shootouts, Please?” Monday Night Football Open Thread

Feels like the beginning of the season for some reason. Thank The Covid for that. As we move forward and things get less and less predictable, I want Wednesday night games. I want Friday morning games. I want Saturday midnight games. BLOW IT ALL UP, NFL! Maybe listen to someone in marketing that is under 45 years-old, for once.

Fallout:

-Listing injuries to stars is something I fear will not be a thing that goes away at any time this year. This is Agatha Christie’s “And Then There Were None” (original title was “Ten Little Washington Teams”) played out on the field. Anyhoo, Ekeler, Chubb, Drake and Darnold will likely miss (insert number here) weeks. It’s cool perusing one’s fantasy teams, reacquainting oneself with the “IR”, “D”, “O” and “Q” parts of the alphabet.

-The Colts D is a thing? With the exception of the Bears last drive (when Indy was likely in ‘prevent’) the Colts gave up only 170 yards. I’d heard before the season began that Ya-Sin and Blackmon were impressing and that cb Rhodes had regained his form. With this on top of above-average play from Buckner and Leonard, is the team modeling itself after last Year’s Pats? What with the lockdown secondary and the aged qb dinking and dunking to his heart’s delight?

-Feasting on wonky O-lines tends to inflate superior defensive players numbers-Myles Garrett and Aaron Donald share the league lead in pressures with 27.

-Shoutout to the many rookies that are flashing right now. The smartest of the smartest NFL jaw-waggers insisted that this would a very tough year for them. Apparently Herbert, Burrows, Lamb, Jefferson, Higgins and more than a few others didn’t bother listening.

TO THE GAMES!

Pats/Chiefs:

He’s so frickin’ entertaining! Patty sees the field so well, can make any type of throw, responds to texts in a timely fashion and can fold a fitted sheet! The latest rumor is that he’s going to carry the baby for his partner because he doesn’t want to burden her too much. So many of us thought that this 2-4 year window of Chiefs play would be them outscoring everybody and giving up mega points. The game vs. the Ravens and halftime adjustments last year on the run to the Super Bowl have put that notion to the side. Belchick will take one of Kelce, Tyreek or CEH out of the game and it won’t matter because Hoyer is bringing his talents to the starting spot.

Falcons/Packers:

What with Rodgers flinging the ball like his 27 year-old self again and Matty Ice in the late prime of his career, I don’t think that’s a big ask. Brian Hill acquitted himself well last week which automatically pings back to questions as to whether Hurdy Gurley is on a snap count. If Quinn loses another high scoring game and goes 0-4 he’s got to throw Raheem Morris to the sidewalk, right? Both Jones and Ridley were assessed as questionable but are ready to go.

Tell me something I don’t know, below.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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litre_cola

Please be fake, please be fake, please be fake.

/probably isn’t fake in this timeline

Viva La Tabula Raza

Seems like it would be legit.

Recovery Whiskey

Did anyone ever find the “Emperor Nero renovates Rome” commemorative coin? Asking because I enjoy disaster history.

litre_cola

Hippo could be on to something with P*ts ML.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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ballsofsteelandfury

It feels really weird seeing the Pats get screwed on a bad call and feeling BAD about it!

That was bullshit.

Last edited 4 years ago by ballsofsteelandfury
Dunstan

A controversial call goes against the Pats? 2020 really is a crazy year!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Redshirt

Darth Hoodie’s mask is down. Throw him out of the game!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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It’s fine.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Redshirt

The Chiefs only broke out the Quad Stack because Reid though they were talking about flapjacks.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

You all wearin’ your football outfits?

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litre_cola
Ordered Vietnamese subs tonight. I had the Spicy Super sub which has both satay chicken AND satay beef on it. Absolutely fantastic and rất cay
litre_cola

I do not know how I did this.

Redshirt

Oh, great! You broke the site!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Viva La Tabula Raza

How was the rat?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I don’t think he said Burger King….

litre_cola

Spicy!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Do it again!!

Gumbygirl

Sorcery!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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King Hippo

I do not think using the challenge is worth it, for 5 yards.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I never turn down a helping hand.

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rockingdog

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litre_cola

Hi there!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Not a problem.

King Hippo

Coffee and pills. Demon weed is ILLEGAL smh

litre_cola

Not up here!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Goes great with squid.

King Hippo

The visible ribcage suffices to overcome the likely racism. Totes would!

King Hippo

They’s a NEW magick white WR!!!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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King Hippo

I really, truly do not understand the non-voter. Good on the NFL for trying to lessen the numbers.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
litre_cola

Hippo if we up here in your attic could vote, we would.

Gatoraids

Finally were back to Hoyer Country

King Hippo

Give us Stidham…suburbia?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Redshirt

Trump is a complete idiot for leaving the hospital early. He’s only going to finish infecting his whole administration, and all of them will get sick and possibly die and I withdrawal my objection, please proceed.

King Hippo

I was half wondering today if he got #NuAIDS on purpose, with the plan of infecting Diamond Joe (and making him ded)

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Redshirt

I’m still in the “He’s faking it” camp.

King Hippo

Maybe he had to go to Walter Reed for the clap?

Doktor Zymm

I’m thinking he’s just giddy from the steroids and will crash in a couple days.

Redshirt

Like Wile E. Coyote going after Road Runner.

King Hippo

During the debate. I bet he tries to spit on Biden.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Biden needs to wear one of these. Harris, too, this Wednesday.comment image?odnWidth=1000&odnHeight=1000&odnBg=ffffff

Redshirt

No way. Ivanka is a clean woman. I know from first hand exper…

I may have said too much.

Gatoraids

Just hotboxxing COVID in the white house

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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ArmedandHammered

There is no indication as to what order these actions should be performed.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Pink eye. “Life is a flat circle.”

King Hippo

True, Scott Baio is a right winger.

litre_cola

Tyreek may hit them if they don’t.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Are they pregnant?

King Hippo

Ok have I ever mentioned that I really like my cats? Because I really like my cats. Even the one who bogarts the remote control.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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King Hippo

His “non-ded son” you mean, Jim?

ArmedandHammered

That was my reaction to that comment as well.

ArmedandHammered

Also, I wish Collinsworth had taken parenting tips from Reid.

Doktor Zymm

The bonus P*ts game is on CBS isn’t it? Freaking primadonna network that thinks they’re good enough to strike out on their own instead of participating in the major streaming networks. They also use a shorter line-of-site digital signal making it harder to watch them with an antenna. I really, really hate them.

King Hippo

Looks like Litre was right to mock my $25 P*ts moneyline bet. But +425!!

litre_cola

I just dont think Hoyer can beat the Kool Aid man and his weasel DC.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

HAWT TAEK: Norah O’Donnell is quite attractive

King Hippo

Oh, indeed.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

She has a great ‘What the fuck are you talking about?” look.
I get that look quite a bit, so yeah.

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Dunstan

I’m more of a Katy Tur man myself.

King Hippo

I’d be proud to have either mace me.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Also a great WTF? Face.

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King Hippo

Very good point. Few things beat the disapproval of a hot, intelligent lady.

Game Time Decision

soooo, all of our significant others?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

No intelligent woman would be my SigOt (see what I mean?)

Viva La Tabula Raza

That’s why I’m going to die alone.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Second from the left eats ass

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Or at least balls deep, no gag reflex…..

Okay, *certain* people wouldn’t provoke it anyway.

Doktor Zymm

People with noodle-dicks?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Or Favre-ian girth/ length.

King Hippo

Norah O’Donnell would NEVAR. Stern and disapproving missionary – as the LAWD intended

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

HIPPO SEXUAL PRACTICE DISAPPROVAL ALERT!

HIPPO SEXUAL PRACTICE DISAPPROVAL ALERT!

HIPPO SEXUAL PRACTICE DISAPPROVAL ALERT!

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Fronkenshteen

Oh yeah! I bet on Tyreek Hill tonight, so a heartfelt apology to anyone who needed him to produce tonight.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

What’s the plus/ minus he punches a pregnant woman?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

If it’s a blue plus sign…

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

He likes to punch them when it is a lot further along.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Romo’s mic has the ‘rona

Last edited 4 years ago by BrettFavresColonoscopy
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised

Desus & Mero with the important news that someone is keeping Vegas from putting odds on Trump dying from Covid.

I guarantee you it’s Sheldon adelson.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Right wing facebook tells me if he dies with a comorbidity (like obesity) then he didn’t die from covid

Gratliff

Would very much enjoy the chuds fiercely screaming that he died because he was too fat

Last edited 4 years ago by Gratliff
King Hippo

Trying to think of a more worthless stat than “record during regular season month”

Fronkenshteen

Unless it’s December?

Last edited 4 years ago by Fronkenshteen
BrettFavresColonoscopy

/triggered

–T. Romo

Sharkbait

Baseball is notorious for shitty stats like that

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Bird Law needs stats.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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ArmedandHammered

If he wants the last jelly doughnut, you better let him have it!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Pretty confident that’s a Subway.

ArmedandHammered

Then somebody better go get him a jelly doughnut.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

He’s not competent; it would be like going out wearing all of you sports gear….. every sport.

ArmedandHammered

I was thinking more of the lines of him having the same reaction of a 2 year old in the candy aisle when he is told no.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Good point, or random shooting/ no target.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Well, well, look who’s being all generous!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I’m just glad he has a camo mask on, to blend in.

Unsurprised

I’ll put this pussy repellent against the most disgusting pony-fucking (no offense, Redshirt) Otaku weirdo.

Unsurprised

Look at this fucking loser.

Fronkenshteen

Interested to see if Damien Harris pops tonight for NE.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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ArmedandHammered

Ryan Air scribbles notes furiously.

Gratliff

Lol he fucking took the mask off as soon as he entered the white house, surrounded by people. Gotta love our big dumb president and our big dumb country.

Spur

you left out our big fat asses.

Unsurprised

It was riding its own limo in

Gratliff

Anyway, he keeps trying to show off and walk up stairs unassisted like he’s not actively destroying his lungs and we’ll get our Danny Devito in Batman Returns ending.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Ok, 51 points out of Sammy Watkins and I can win this week….

Gatoraids

Yeah I’m also relying on Sammy to protect 30 pt lead on someone with kelce helaire and crosby

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Wait, they have different planes for those who had contact with Cam Newton and those who didn’t? Did Jerry Richardson finally get a posthumous separate but equal wish?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Every tv network should get fucked for abiding that Kim Jong Un bullshit

King Hippo

CBS better go STRAIGHT to the FITBAW at 7p

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Live footage of a bloated asshole being airlifted back to the white house doesn’t get you going?

Spur

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King Hippo

/specially knowing WE IS PAYING FER TEH JET FUEL

litre_cola

What about your local Carolina news? How will you keep up with the bbq sauce debates???

ArmedandHammered

There is no debate, vinegar bbq is the only true bbq, at least for pork.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Trump is returning to the empty WH, he’s going to be like Orson Welles in Xanadu.
Hosebud…

Last edited 4 years ago by Viva La Tabula Raza
Spur

Bill O’Brien is gone. Double J offering Texans McCarthy, the Picasso hanging above the Nacho Hut on level 3 in Jerry Dome and a nice fucking from any of the current studs on the team for Lady McNair.

Sharkbait

I sat Mahomes in case this game wasn’t played. In favor of FItzmagic.

My name is Sharkbait and I make bad fantasy football decisions.

King Hippo

oh man, Maggie FUCKS!!!

King Hippo

Mahomes-y is probably also a thoughtful and generous lover.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

How much “respect” are we going to have for Brian Hoyer from the booth while he throws three INTs tonight?

Spur

Infectious Monster Escapes from Military Installation

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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