Your “The Pickens are Mighty Skinny” Sunday NFL Football Early Slate Open Thread

Well, it’s looks as though all my whining and carrying on has been heard by the powers that be and we’ll get a half-decent number of games on the late end. But I never thought things all the way through. We’ve got ourselves a real mixed bag here. Shall we put our metaphorical hand in and root around to see what’s there?

TO THE GAMES!

Texans/Browns:

When will Cleveland understand what they have in Rashard Higgins? The guy catches everything thrown his way, (12 grabs on 15 targets) he moves the chains and when he was actually thrown to 6 times he scored 2 TD’s. Perhaps they should look across the field and see what Houston has done since Billy Bob O’Brien was axed. Wr’s Cooks and Fuller have gone bananas to the tune of 7 TD’s and 688 yards receiving combined. They need all that and more because their D is a joke. Opposing #1 wr’s usually get 100+ yards and a score (or 2).

Team/Lions:

Do you think Wash’s qb Alex Smith is (perhaps understandably) jumpy/gun shy? He throws to his first read more often than anyone aside from Cam and Josh. It’s worked out so far because that look tends to be McLaurin, who has the most yards after the catch than anyone not named Kamara. The secondary beneficiary is the suddenly fantasy-relevant J.D. McKissic.

Jags/Pack:

Not that it’ll be an issue this week but Green Bay only generates pressure on opposing qb’s 25% of the time, down from a figure of 39% last year. Rodgers should be padding his MVP CV here and wr Adams will likely go for 150+ and a score or two. [wipes hands]

Eagles/Giants:

You’d think that of the qb’s on offer here that the one that has the most turnover-worthy plays (off-target throws, passes into tight coverage) would be Dimes. Incorrectamundo! The honour goes to Wentz. Still, the guy has 30+ fantasy points in two of his last three games. You might want to sit Slayton here because since Shepard has returned he’s averaged 9 targets per game. Last week The Darius had just the one.

Bucs/Panthers:

For a 3-6 team Carolina is doing okay on D, giving up an average of 23 points per game over their last seven. Had they been able to score one more TD their record would be closer to 6-2-1. Brady needs to do the rebound thingy after getting hounded by the Saints D and ending up TD-less but them Panthers have three highly-rated cb’s in their secondary, including the league’s most prominent Mennonite, Corn Elder.

Do your blurst.

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King Hippo

Seriously, elevate this WAS/DET crew, fire Joe and Troy into the sun.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Wow this backup qb for the Panthers makes Ben Dinucci look like Andy Dalton

JustStopDude

I’m fairly certain we could form a WR corp among us that could successfully get a legit first down reception.

JustStopDude

Derp. Forgot to mention it has to be the Detroit secondary we play against.

Gratliff

Nope. The tie still gives philly the insurmountable lead.

Doktor Zymm

IN CHARGE OF THEIR OWN PLAYOFF DESTINY AT 3-5-1!

King Hippo

My NAME is JUDGE be turning it around!

ThePirateSloth

Future Mrs Sloth loves to get on my case because while we have all sorts of good things I could make for lunch right now… and I’m standing here making some ramen.

I’m a simple guy, I like simple things at times.

Redshirt

Sunday Breakfast and Sunday Dinner can be extravagant. Sunday Lunch can be easy.

blaxabbath

I love ramen.

Sharkbait

Mrs. Sharkbait just got back from picking up par cooked food from a local brewery/restaurant/ They’re doing a beer tasting with the food later tonight via zoom. lobster fondue, Chorizo, and duck are on the menu for later.

Doktor Zymm

Breaking out the weird Singaporean snacks. Opened up the salted egg crab tempura seaweed

King Hippo

out of times out, yeah?

King Hippo

Man, I love me some Two of the Good Ones in the booth

King Hippo

he’s like Fox’s Tony Romo, just Black and terrorist (smh)

clint greasewood

So I’m just going to ignore this text from the misses asking about our plans for Thanksgiving. This is only going to end with us going to one of her dipshit coworkers house.

Sharkbait

They are aware there is still a fucking pandemic going right?

ArmedandHammered

Story of my life, a fucking pandemic going on and I still can’t get laid.

King Hippo

You’re married, right? You knew you wouldn’t get laid no MOAR.

ArmedandHammered

Yep, the change has put that on hold.

clint greasewood

The faulty logic is since everyone going are coworkers and are in close contact anyway might as well tempt faith and ruin my Thanksgiving.

blaxabbath

Well, you’re already basically in his exposure circle. What’s the risk of a little gangbang?

King Hippo

Dear Penthouse Thanksgiving Letters: I couldn’t believe it really happened to me…

ArmedandHammered

Depending on the coworkers, may be something to certainly be thankful for.

hippofant

I thought they couldn’t challenge PI any more. WTF’s going on in Green Bay?

King Hippo

Just “tip v. no tip” – not the subjective element

King Hippo

You know, DET could have AT MINIMUM chewed up all the ‘Dacteds timeouts and got it to 2:00. If they had just kept giving the fucking ball to Swift.

Sharkbait

I guess Matt Patricia isn’t a

(•_•)
( •_•)>⌐□-□.
(⌐□_□)

Swift learner

https://www.myinstants.com/instant/yeah/

King Hippo

turns out, Team was able to force Swift out of bounds, so Patricia NEEDED TO TEACH HIM A LESSON

ArmedandHammered

Lions making bad decisions since, wait when was their last good decision?

King Hippo

Asking for permanent Thanksgiving game hosting?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Firing Matt Millen?

ArmedandHammered

That was more like an inevitability.

King Hippo

gee, whoever could have predicted that Th’Andre Swift might be better than 60-year old Purple Balls Jesus?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Is Wentz so bad that I should be starting Burrow and Cam instead of Burrow and Wentz? Burrow and Gilbert Grape?

Gumbygirl

Gumby just told me about a new self-administered covid test. Stick one finger in your mouth,one up your ass. After 10 seconds, switch them. If you can’t tell the difference, isolate.

ThePirateSloth

That’s taking everyone’s fantasy for their own personal ATM a little too far.

Redshirt

Huh, I’ve been testing myself for COVID for years.

clint greasewood

Devante Adams walks out the Racehorse kill tent and scores a touchdown.

King Hippo

they’s magic in them needles!

Game Time Decision

Its 340 here, almost dark, raining and there are wind warnings so prob losing shingles again. They are calling for winds between 90 and 110 kph (55 -70 mph). Gah.
And supposed to bbq tonight. Gonna be fun if I can even get it lit

Recovery Whiskey

Losing shingles is no joke — Terry Bradshaw

blaxabbath

Panthers train just not providing any blocks.

Very 3-6 of them.

Last edited 3 years ago by blaxabbath
Redshirt

Insurmountable lead in the Mistake by the Lake.

LemonJello

Who is up by 1?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

What happened to Davante if he’s in the magical mystery tent?

Redshirt

Mr. Miyagi?

Recovery Whiskey

Et tu, Scott Hansen?

“Tom Brady does not have back to back bad games”

King Hippo

against a semi-pro Black Panthers defense, he’s been TOTES ADEQUATE ,, suck it libtards

LemonJello

Detroit AV guy had to flip to the B side of the cassette of crowd noise there.

King Hippo

ay yi yi, muy INTERESANTE

King Hippo

Time to go pet my cat. NO, this is not a euphemism

King Hippo

Viva Gigantes!

Recovery Whiskey

GGGOOOOOLLLLLLLLLLL

Last edited 3 years ago by Recovery Whiskey
King Hippo

the fixtures are so dull in honoUr of CBS jerking off over fucking golf.

King Hippo

Non-monetary Survivor Pool WOO!!!!!!!!

ThePirateSloth

Lol Panthers

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Yeah that was pretty amusing.

King Hippo

eh, fuck it. If you know you are boned, might as well lose interestingly, yeah?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Ugh, fox is probably already working up a tale of two halves piece for Bridgewater

LemonJello

I imagine they have whole Mad Libs-type books of storylines that they can use.

clint greasewood

More likely a Brady is the Goat-athon is the likely play.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

It’s time to eat some burritos, but I really don’t feel like putting in the work to make them. Man, does football make me lazy or what?

King Hippo

sheeeit, I am too lazy to make TOAST.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Scorpion and the frog

Recovery Whiskey

Both Oregon and Washington State went back to full lockdown this weekend. Y’all enjoy your freedoms, we’ll quarantine for ya.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

For a while I was doing an over/under on how many new cases there would be each day, but I’ve stopped because it’s too depressing.

ThePirateSloth

I live by the big Nike store in Portland. They’ve been boarded up all summer, since the first of the protests I believe – because of windows/walls spray painted, a couple of windows shattered. They just reopened the store this past week, after redesigning the interior for social distancing.

First day of opening: line stretching around the block, no one spaced 6′ apart, not everyone wearing masks. Portland has its share of idiots too.

You can’t fucking buy Nikes online? You been fucking shoeless all gotdamn summer because the Nike store was closed?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Ugh, Succop. I saw all I needed of that during the Blue Lives Matter rallies over the summer.

King Hippo

Anyone ever get a stumpy handjob?? Asking FOAR a frend obvs

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Nice job by the Panthers defense giving up the first down on 3rd and 19)

blaxabbath

Two huge overthrows from midfield. Quick! Someone start dialing up how Brady must be the victim of FRAUD!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

OW-AH OBSEVAHS WEREN’T ALLOWED INTO THE STADI-AHM!

Redshirt

I fell asleep to Texans/Browns and woke up to the commentors talking about a pigeon eating grass on the 21 yard line. I believe I am up to speed with this game.

Doktor Zymm

That pigeon is pretty chill

Gumbygirl

Woohoo, that was exciting. Let’s celebrate with fireworks!

blaxabbath

I tell ya what, once JPP gets his stumps on that ball there’s no way he’s letting go.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

JPP with the 8 fingered catch

Recovery Whiskey

Just the usual fudge

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

[universe flies open]
comment image

blaxabbath

THESE CAROLINA PANTHERS I CALL THEM THE REPUBLICAN PARTY BECAUSE THEY’VE GOT NO BUSINESSS GOVERNING ANYTHING.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

WHAT A HANDOFF BY BRADY!

is what the announcers were saying, I assume.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Wow that’s what happens when I bench RoJo

Recovery Whiskey

Jinxed it

King Hippo

Dakota Jeebus benching??

King Hippo

wait, nvm