Good morning everyone! Damn glad to see you!

We’ve got something a little different for you today. We’ve got a special guest star. Our very own Litre Cola!

We’re also switching things up a bit and instead of cooking we’ll be trying food that someone else prepared.

I know, right?

I’m pretty sure the idea for today’s post originated with Litre. He was discussing how the quaint Canadian settlement he lives in has a fairly large Filipino population and he made mention that there were now “Filipino fast food places.” Being familiar with Filipino cuisine and some of their culture, my brain instinctively said. “That’s GOT to be fucking Jollibee.”

I was right.

I live in the South Bay area of Los Angeles, San Pedro to be exact, and just a couple of towns north of me is the city of Carson.

Home of the Carson Drive In!

Now closed of course.

Carson is also home to a very large Filipino and Samoan settlement and they are also home to a goddamn Jollibee.

Surrounding area.

Carson is fine but maybe considered a little “edgy.” Considering it’s neighbor to the South is Wilmington and it’s neighbor to the north is Compton it earned that “Edgy” distinction.

When approaching the store you are greeted by.

Love the “stolen shopping cart” sign. Jollibee is working some serious overtime on it’s “mascot game.” They are obviously trying to establish the cult-like following of the Big 3 “The Clown, The King and The Colonel” as Anthony Bourdain so eloquently out it.

But look at this creepy motherfucker!

Inside the store.

You can see the abject horror on the employee’s faces. They know the evil that they are about to inflict. They were rock solid with their COVID protocols and everything was safe and clean. Only 1 person at a time inside.

But mother of god! What’s that!

Holy Jesus! What type of ritualistic pagan idolatry is this? They’re trying to rope in the little bastards when they’re young. That would allow them to feast on the blood of the infants from an early age.

Nothing holy can come of this.

The Food.

Jollibee gained its notoriety in the fried chicken game and there isn’t a single fucking thing wrong with that. The also have burgers and few more Filipino-centric dishes of which I had to sample.

It’s too late. The creepy eyed fucker has now entered my home!

Let’s get a look at the menu shall we?

I ordered the Bucket Treat A which included 6 pieces of chicken, 6 “Burgersteaks” and 3 peach mango pies. I also ordered the “Palabok Fiesta” with palabok being a very similar type of noodle dish to Pancit. Of which I’ve partaken roughly 75 times in my life. Pancit fucking rules. And finally I ordered a side of steamed rice. Since I noticed a distinct lack of starch from the Bucket Joy A.

Let’s unpack it.

Hell of a spread.

Let’s plate!

I did not fuck around.

How juicy was that chicken?

They knew who they were dealing with because our order came (unrequested mind you) with this…

Go ahead and set that hook right into my goddamn mouth Jollibee!

For dessert.

Summation.

I have seen the error of my ways. I have been born again and baptized in the gravy of our unholy host!

You got me you evil little spud.

You got me.

LC: I read this before going so now my expectations have been raised. In doing my research there are 17 Jollibee locations in Canada which speaks to the pipeline of talent that we get from the Philippines. I went to the South location here in Calgary, which is very close to one of the Filipino neighboUrhoods here. Due to the Rona there was a strange set up outside.  Three lines, one for pickup, one for ordering off a gentleman and they had their dining room closed so no entering the restaurant. I had no menu so I decided to load Decilitre back in the car and do the drive thru, I mean I had a good idea what I wanted but need to see the big fluorescent board for gut decisions. Oh the smell in the parking lot is heavenly. It is like a better smell than KFC, or Popeyes, or Mary Brown’s and you know good stuff is coming. 

I ordered 6 pieces of chicken,  I was especially keen after Yeah Right’s words above. Instead of the beef thing with mushrooms (as mushrooms are the devil) I went with the sweet spaghetti which I believe is how this whole conversation got started. For dessert of course I got the mango pies, Decilitre was pumped. 

First thing I noticed is that silly bee outside. Decilitre, was not impressed. “That bee is red and I don’t like it, they are supposed to be black and yellow” Had we gone in the dining room I would have looked for the bee dance on the wall and have made him do it after I made an ass of myself showing him how. 

Here is the packaging, same round the world!

First up is the chicken! My car smelled so good the wee man broke out in some sort of chicken song that I have never heard before. He is almost 4 and just makes shit up but seems a very happy little lad. He was begging for me to give him some in the car. DADDY HAS A REASON AND NEEDS TO DOCUMENT THIS! DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHAT A DICK JOKE SITE IS????

Oh yeah, this is good. The smell definitely matches the taste. It is not overly oily and quite crispy which is what I look for in my fried chicken. There are a lot of hipster chicken joints here and in a blind chicken tasting (that is an idea) I think it would stand up to far more expensive brands. The gravy is fairly light  not peppery which Mrs. Cola likes and pairs well with the crispy chicken. I am getting more impressed by the minute as I am really looking forward to trying it cold. That is where a true fried chicken earns its points. 

Oh boy, the sweet spaghetti, here we go.

At 1st glance it does not look appetizing but this is the main reason why I wanted to go to Jollibee in the first place. I thought that there were carrots on top, nope, its a rubbery hot dog type thing. The first taste is more pleasant than I had imagined it would be. It definitely is sweeter than an Italian style but I have to say I am far more in to it than I thought! They could really leave the wieners out as they are the only off putting part of this dish.

This whole experience has gone far better than I had anticipated. As I do in Global Snaxx, I would purchase all of these again. However! They serve Pepsico products and I am firmly a Coca Cola guy. I can’t stand Pepsi even with booze!

On to the Mango Pie! After the 1st bite Mrs. Cola looked at me and stated, “We knew these were going to be good, I mean they are deep fried hand pies.” She isn’t wrong, these things kick ass. All in all this was a great experience! Yeah Right if you ever want to do this again with Global food, I am in! 

Yeah right: I would eat that palabok fiesta on a daily basis if my doctor allowed. I came here to make jokes, Honestly. I was armed with sweet spaghetti hot dog jokes.

I mean, who isn’t?

No jokes. Got to go to Jollibee.

I’ll say that without a word of indecision..