Ever notice how the Elite Eight is spelled out and not a numeral because it’s the rule of ≤10? Anyway, that would make it (what the hell are) regional finals time! Oh yeah, results:

BLEERGH Region
44. “Thoughts and prayers for COVID-19 as it has tested positive for Stephen Miller.” defeats 52. “‘Ben trying to slam it in there.’ Is he watching the game or reading a deposition?” 14-11

6. “What do Kobe and democracy have in common? They both died this past week.” defeats 31. “Think Dallas has to change their name to Houston after getting scored on this much.” 13-12

GAMBLOR Region
35. “Brady’s big mistake was asking Jason Pierre-Paul what down it was.” defeats 11. “An XFL stadium employee tested positive for coronavirus, so Vince McMahon can finally celebrate the XFL going viral.” 21-5

41. “Washington is gonna have to remove ‘Football’ from their name next.” defeats 22. “Most productive Pole since Chopin. Or the one in the Vegas Spearmint Rhino.” 15-10

SHAN’KHOR Region
34. “I’m sorry, did someone get addicted to getting every call and break for 20 years?” defeats 33. “[My partner] told me a joke about a dwarf rap[p]elling down the wall of a prison. I didn’t laugh, because it was a little condescending.” 11-10

19. “The protests have reached Cleveland but with the current condition of the city it’ll be social unrest’s first ever beautification riot.” defeats 45. “I’m getting more COVID information from Fantasy Football morning shows than the Trump Administration.”  13-8

DOINK Region
46. “Two in the thoughts, one in the prayers.” defeats 39. “No wonder you don’t hear about Falcons players getting COVID, they can’t seem to catch anything.” 15-6

5. “I’m shocked Kobe Bryant has passed away, strictly because that would be the first time he has passed.” defeats 3. “Wilson hasn’t felt this much pressure to score since his wedding night.” 15-5

Which makes your regional finals, Flacco Eight matchups, and candidates for the Penultimate Four:

44. “Thoughts and prayers for COVID-19 as it has tested positive for Stephen Miller.” vs. 6. “What do Kobe and democracy have in common? They both died this past week.”

35. “Brady’s big mistake was asking Jason Pierre-Paul what down it was.” vs. 41. “Washington is gonna have to remove ‘Football’ from their name next.”

34. “I’m sorry, did someone get addicted to getting every call and break for 20 years?” vs. 19. “The protests have reached Cleveland but with the current condition of the city it’ll be social unrest’s first ever beautification riot.”

46. “Two in the thoughts, one in the prayers.” vs. 5. “I’m shocked Kobe Bryant has passed away, strictly because that would be the first time he has passed.”

Screw it, let’s get some exciting music going. (And I just got through it in my play of Reignited, so it’s fresh in my head.)

Go vote!