Your Saturday Evening Open Thread & Broadcast Coverage Discussion

Beerguyrob

Beerguyrob

A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
Beerguyrob

 

The one good thing about the Patriots opening the season on Thursday is that there’s no Patriots game on Sunday. Oh sure, the pre-game shows can’t help themselves, and after the GAME MANAGING they took Thursday night it’ll be quite enjoyable, but thank heaven for tender mercies.


Courtesy those hard-working maniacs at 506sports, here are tomorrow’s broadcast maps for game coverage:

CBS SINGLE


 Anchorage AK  |   Fairbanks AK
 Honolulu HI

Oakland @ Tennessee Jim Nantz, Tony Romo
Pittsburgh @ Cleveland Greg Gumbel, Trent Green
NY Jets @ Buffalo Kevin Harlan, Rich Gannon
Baltimore @ Cincinnati Spero Dedes, Adam Archuleta
Jacksonville @ Houston Andrew Catalon, James Lofton
Indianapolis @ LA Rams (LATE) Ian Eagle, Dan Fouts

UPDATES:

  • Miami FL: IND-LAR to BUF-NYJ
  • Tampa FL: IND-LAR to PIT-CLE
  • San Diego and Palm Springs CA: OAK-TN to IND-LAR
  • Mobile AL: PIT-CLE to JAX-HOU

 

It looks like CBS gets the shit end of the stick opening weekend. Unless you are a fan of one of those teams, it looks like there isn’t an appealing game in the bunch. The highlight looks like Oakland at Tennessee, as we will bear witness to the Emmy Award era of the Tony Romo show on CBS.


FOX EARLY


 Anchorage AK  |   Fairbanks AK
 Honolulu HI

Atlanta @ Chicago Kevin Burkhardt, Charles Davis
Philadelphia @ Washington Kenny Albert, Ronde Barber
Arizona @ Detroit Chris Myers, Daryl Johnston
NO GAME due to local team at home on CBS

UPDATES:

  • all Florida: TB-MIA to ATL-CHI (TB-MIA rescheduled for week 11)
  • Memphis TN: PHI-WSH to ATL-CHI
  • Wichita KS; Fargo and Bismarck ND: ATL-CHI to PHI-WSH
  • Chico CA: PHI-WSH to AZ-DET

 

Whoops! Maybe I spoke too soon. Philadelphia at Washington is the early ‘marquee’ matchup on FOX, but that’s only because no right-thinking person should ever consider watching the Falcons again, and I don’t want to watch Carson Palmer lead Fitty over the middle to his eventual doom.


FOX LATE


 Anchorage AK  |   Fairbanks AK
 Honolulu HI

Seattle @ Green Bay Joe Buck, Troy Aikman
Carolina @ San Francisco Thom Brennaman, Chris Spielman

UPDATES:

  • Bakersfield, Santa Barbara and Chico CA: SEA-GB to CAR-SF

 

Oh yeah, now we’re cooking with gas.

Poor Chico getting cockblocked out of both PHI-WSH & SEA-GB. It’s probably Aaron Rodgers taking more shots at his parents for supporting Jordan.

And for you poor bastards sentenced to blackouts or shitty games, DFO is here to remind you that Directv is doing a free preview of RedZone this weekend. Take advantage of the gifts you find.


Tonight’s sports: College football is back with a vengeance.

  • CFL:
    • Calgary at Edmonton – 9:00PM | TSN
  •  NCAA:
    • Auburn at Clemson – 7:00PM | ESPN
    • South Carolina at Missouri – 7:00PM | ESPN2
    • Oklahoma at Ohio State – 7:30PM | ABC
    • Georgia at Notre Dame – 7:30PM | NBC
    • Stanford at Southern California – 8:30PM | FOX
    • Minnesota at Oregon State – 10:00PM | FS1
    • Utah at BYU – 10:15PM | ESPN2
    • Boise State at Washington State – 10:30PM | ESPN
  • NASCAR:
    • Federated Auto Parts 400 – 7:30PM | NBCSN / TSN4
  • UFC:
    • UFC 215 Prelims – 8:00PM | FS1 / TSN2
  • MLS:
    • Whitecaps FC vs. Real Salt Lake – 10:00PM | TSN2

Rest up my lovelies, FOR TOMORROW WE DINE!

Beerguyrob
Beerguyrob

A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.

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Unsurprised
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Unsurprised

Fashion is weird. The thong on the first one is nice, though.

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Beastmode Ate My Baby
Member

Whatever drugs the fashion designers are taking… I want some!

Brick Meathook
Member
Brick Meathook

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King Hippo
Member

oh the dick self-shootery

WCS
Member

AAAAAARRRRGGGHHHHH ME MATIES

— Mike Leach

King Hippo
Member

Boise sure knows how to shoot itself in the dick

Brick Meathook
Member
Brick Meathook

The play-by-play guy for the Boise St game went to the Joe Buck Announcing Summer Camp

blaxabbath
Member

Khalil Tate trucks a DB; I sometimes wish UA football wasn’t power 5 because, nationally relevant or not, they always fun teams to watch play.

WCS
Member

2nd and 30? NFL BLITZ!

ballsofsteelandfury
Member

I just want to point out that over 128,000 people watched live football at the Rose Bowl and the Coliseum on the same day.

Keep that in mind tomorrow…

Go fuck yourself, Roger Goodell!

Wakezilla
Member

Speaking of the Clippers and Ramit, holy shit, the media really needs to chill with all the air time they’re giving both teams. They do know they’re shit, right?

ballsofsteelandfury
Member

The teams are bribing the media to give them coverage. As soon as the media realizes no one here gives a shit, they’ll move on.

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

It’ll go away when they start costing the media money because no one cares.

blaxabbath
Member

“Bribe the media for coverage? More like get millions in free coverage from dipshits too dense to see the longterm damage to their #brand that was, basically, spending 2016 utterly failing at their jobs.”

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Unsurprised
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Unsurprised

/kills self

Unsurprised
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Unsurprised

Fuck yes.

Brick Meathook
Member
Brick Meathook

I actually looked up tickets to see the Chargers vs Bills; I picked that game because I figured it would be the cheapest. Not only were most of the seats still available, they wanted $200 each to watch that shit at fucking Home Depot Center or whatever it’s called now.

ballsofsteelandfury
Member

Yeah, that shit is ridiculous. I wonder if they’ll lower the price when the stadium is half full.

Senor Weaselo
Member

“Did you say raise the price? Okay!”

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

The NFL clearly doesn’t know shit about fuck.

Brick Meathook
Member
Brick Meathook

I would go there on game-day with a $10 bill and offer to buy a ticket, take it or leave it.

King Hippo
Member

Pretty funny, an underwear commercial during the Utah/BYU game

King Hippo
Member

I think it would be cool if some team dedicated their game to Hurricane Irma. Not the survivors/victims, but the Hurricane itself.

Senor Weaselo
Member

Miami?

Brick Meathook
Member
Brick Meathook

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ballsofsteelandfury
Member

I seriously cannot stop laughing. I’m an awful person.

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

I’ve decided to catch up on Rick n Morty finally.
Fuck football.

herodotus450
Member
herodotus450

Revolio Clockberg Jr. salutes you

Senor Weaselo
Member

Fuck that guy, he forgot to look out for #1.

Senor Weaselo
Member

Mr. Ayo
Member
Mr. Ayo

I’m quite disappointed in that show.

herodotus450
Member
herodotus450
King Hippo
Member

We have Catholic universities, Mormon, Baptist, Methodist. Wonder how the conferences and TV networks would react to a team from a Nation of Islam-affiliated university?

WCS
Member

About as well as an NFL team signing Kaep.

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

White people would shit themselves to death.

King Hippo
Member

We’d just be so concerned about the message it sends teh children

blaxabbath
Member

I like SDSU’s logoless helmets.

Wakezilla
Member

How about Dem Whitecaps? They are 3 points back with 3 games in hand! Way to go lesser footy Liouns!

herodotus450
Member
herodotus450

Well they did just sign Vanek, he might help.

Wakezilla
Member

Wrong sport. But they did sign a guy from Egypt who is pretty good

herodotus450
Member
herodotus450

No no, Thomas Vanek. Big guy, scores lots of goals, probably from Sweden. He signed with the canucks.

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

Behind which team?

Just kidding. I don’t really give a shit about how good the Timbers are or aren’t. Well, I like that they’re ahead of the Sounders just to fuck with my ex-roommate who’s an honest to God shareholder in S2 and got himself a championship fan ring (for his pinkie. He’s classy that way.) because the Sounders won the MLS Cup last year.

Senor Weaselo
Member

I haven’t seen football players from BYU this futile at scoring since the last BYU student mixer!

herodotus450
Member
herodotus450

The concept of mixing is a tool of the devil! In this cult religion we minimize our increases in entropy!

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

Is that why black people didn’t have souls until 1979?

King Hippo
Member

I knoe this will SHOCK AND AWE ppl, but I’m starting to think Oregon State might not be very good this season.

blaxabbath
Member

Anything other than baseball? Yes.

herodotus450
Member
herodotus450

The Beavers being exposed seems like a relatively recent phenomenon.

King Hippo
Member

everyone hates to see exposed Beaver like that to

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

I’d say half of Oregon does, but you can’t always tell by looking at them which half.

Wakezilla
Member

Beavers are meant to take a pounding. It’s how Canada was created.

Brick Meathook
Member
Brick Meathook

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Duchess
Member

This guy on the phone talking about how he has food for 2 months and a shit ton of water is just making himself the next mark for when the looting starts.

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

Maybe he’s just baiting people and looters are his intended food.

King Hippo
Member

Like that song goes “People who eat people are the luckiest people…”

Wakezilla
Member
Duchess
Member

So this thing is real.

This might be everyone in my family’s Christmas gift.

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

Just in case it wasn’t clear that As Seen On TV items generally tend to be items for the disabled repurposed for the general public.

Duchess
Member

yeah, I just found the fit person frustrated at putting on their socks was a bit over the top at least life alert doesn’t try to sell itself to people who don’t need it.

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

“Why can’t I reach my foot with my leg fully extended while I don’t bend at the waist?”

King Hippo
Member

I’m just gonna wrap up pinecones and seashells and see if everybody starts whispering about whether I have Alzheimer’s or have just finally had a full breakdown.

Mr. Ayo
Member
Mr. Ayo

That would make a good sex toy

Senor Weaselo
Member
King Hippo
Member

DID THEY MAKE IT??

herodotus450
Member
herodotus450

They had to punt, on 4th and Goal.

Senor Weaselo
Member

Defensive holding would have been funnier IMO.

King Hippo
Member

EXACTLY what NC State would have done

herodotus450
Member
herodotus450

Utah averaging 6.9 yards per play. Nice.

WCS
Member

Did Pirate Mike Leach sign Sam Bradford for this game?

herodotus450
Member
herodotus450

What the fuck is the guy on the right doing in this vid?

herodotus450
Member
herodotus450

On an unrelated note, the wiki page for the NMH album lists, among others, instruments performed by the band: white (racist btw) noise, flugelhorn, and shortwave radio.

King Hippo
Member

I’m letting those motherfuckers now they triggered me right out mah safe space

Duchess
Member

Looks like a Mouth/Jaw/Jews Harp
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herodotus450
Member
herodotus450

Speaking of things I’ve seen stuck up rectums…

King Hippo
Member

“million to one shot, Doc”

herodotus450
Member
herodotus450

I like those odds
https://www.
kink.com/channel/everythingbutt

King Hippo
Member

makes one wonder if there’s a “canIputitupmybutt.com” website

/I sure as shit ain’t checking

herodotus450
Member
herodotus450

Found that video searching for any worthy successor to this cover

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

She totally strikes me as the kind of woman who could transition from porn to mainstream. I’d watch her host like Wild On or Parts Unknown or some kind of travel series in an instant. I don’t even care whether she speaks English.

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King Hippo
Member

hee hee “Parts Unknown”

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

I’ll give that a hee hee as well.

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

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King Hippo
Member

she has a certain glamour about her, that other ladies who have put they fist up other ladies’ rectums on camera for money simply do not posess

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

Teh Hippo do have a point.

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

NEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRDDDDDDDDD

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King Hippo
Member

oh shit, she might even noe how to read! I’m in love now. She’s probably even rich!!

/nope, she’s Czech, they pay them in tic-tacs, I’m pretty sure

herodotus450
Member
herodotus450

That’s all theyre allowed to eat too

King Hippo
Member

#synergy

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

That’s not the only thing they swallow.

So I’ve heard.

Wakezilla
Member

She seems lovely. Who is she?

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

Little Caprice

ballsofsteelandfury
Member

Seriously. I don’t know either.

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

Little Caprice. She also goes by Caprice, Marketa Stroblova, and from her early days her fan subreddit is r/patriciacaprice

Senor Weaselo
Member

NBC 11:00 news about Rutgers playing a cupcake team (Eastern Michigan), “but what happens if the cupcake wins?” It’s Rutgers. THEY’RE the cupcake.

WCS
Member

Some WR for Boise State’s leg just exploded by itself. Wasn’t hit, nobody around, it just shot itself. Yikes.

Mr. Ayo
Member
Mr. Ayo

RIP his knee ligaments.

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

Teddy Bridgewatered it, eh?

Duchess
Member

Has anyone checked the grassy knoll?

King Hippo
Member

IT WAS PAPA SMURF KILLT JFK AFTER ALL TEH PIECES FIT!!111

Duchess
Member

Killerly was conveniently traveling through the state of Washington for some unknown reason last year… Add it to the list.

King Hippo
Member

HOLY MOTHER OF FUCK

/I bet Gargamel fits into this somehow, too

herodotus450
Member
herodotus450

Well at least sweet sweet booze can never lose. Undefeated to all comers.

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

[To Alcohol! gif]

Unsurprised
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Unsurprised

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Unsurprised
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Unsurprised

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King Hippo
Member

she seems nice

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

Alexis Ren. She’s good friends with Jessie Andrews (DJ, former porn star) and my brother.

She is nice.

King Hippo
Member

Hey, I feel like I know Jessie!!

ballsofsteelandfury
Member

Jesus

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

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Unsurprised
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Unsurprised

That one above really needs to be seen at full size: https://gfycat.com/GaseousShyFulmar

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Unsurprised
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Unsurprised

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Unsurprised
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Unsurprised

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Mr. Ayo
Member
Mr. Ayo

Yes it does.

wpDiscuz