Your Saturday Evening Open Thread & Broadcast Coverage Discussion

Beerguyrob

Beerguyrob

A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
Beerguyrob

 

The one good thing about the Patriots opening the season on Thursday is that there’s no Patriots game on Sunday. Oh sure, the pre-game shows can’t help themselves, and after the GAME MANAGING they took Thursday night it’ll be quite enjoyable, but thank heaven for tender mercies.


Courtesy those hard-working maniacs at 506sports, here are tomorrow’s broadcast maps for game coverage:

CBS SINGLE


 Anchorage AK  |   Fairbanks AK
 Honolulu HI

Oakland @ Tennessee Jim Nantz, Tony Romo
Pittsburgh @ Cleveland Greg Gumbel, Trent Green
NY Jets @ Buffalo Kevin Harlan, Rich Gannon
Baltimore @ Cincinnati Spero Dedes, Adam Archuleta
Jacksonville @ Houston Andrew Catalon, James Lofton
Indianapolis @ LA Rams (LATE) Ian Eagle, Dan Fouts

UPDATES:

  • Miami FL: IND-LAR to BUF-NYJ
  • Tampa FL: IND-LAR to PIT-CLE
  • San Diego and Palm Springs CA: OAK-TN to IND-LAR
  • Mobile AL: PIT-CLE to JAX-HOU

 

It looks like CBS gets the shit end of the stick opening weekend. Unless you are a fan of one of those teams, it looks like there isn’t an appealing game in the bunch. The highlight looks like Oakland at Tennessee, as we will bear witness to the Emmy Award era of the Tony Romo show on CBS.


FOX EARLY


 Anchorage AK  |   Fairbanks AK
 Honolulu HI

Atlanta @ Chicago Kevin Burkhardt, Charles Davis
Philadelphia @ Washington Kenny Albert, Ronde Barber
Arizona @ Detroit Chris Myers, Daryl Johnston
NO GAME due to local team at home on CBS

UPDATES:

  • all Florida: TB-MIA to ATL-CHI (TB-MIA rescheduled for week 11)
  • Memphis TN: PHI-WSH to ATL-CHI
  • Wichita KS; Fargo and Bismarck ND: ATL-CHI to PHI-WSH
  • Chico CA: PHI-WSH to AZ-DET

 

Whoops! Maybe I spoke too soon. Philadelphia at Washington is the early ‘marquee’ matchup on FOX, but that’s only because no right-thinking person should ever consider watching the Falcons again, and I don’t want to watch Carson Palmer lead Fitty over the middle to his eventual doom.


FOX LATE


 Anchorage AK  |   Fairbanks AK
 Honolulu HI

Seattle @ Green Bay Joe Buck, Troy Aikman
Carolina @ San Francisco Thom Brennaman, Chris Spielman

UPDATES:

  • Bakersfield, Santa Barbara and Chico CA: SEA-GB to CAR-SF

 

Oh yeah, now we’re cooking with gas.

Poor Chico getting cockblocked out of both PHI-WSH & SEA-GB. It’s probably Aaron Rodgers taking more shots at his parents for supporting Jordan.

And for you poor bastards sentenced to blackouts or shitty games, DFO is here to remind you that Directv is doing a free preview of RedZone this weekend. Take advantage of the gifts you find.


Tonight’s sports: College football is back with a vengeance.

  • CFL:
    • Calgary at Edmonton – 9:00PM | TSN
  •  NCAA:
    • Auburn at Clemson – 7:00PM | ESPN
    • South Carolina at Missouri – 7:00PM | ESPN2
    • Oklahoma at Ohio State – 7:30PM | ABC
    • Georgia at Notre Dame – 7:30PM | NBC
    • Stanford at Southern California – 8:30PM | FOX
    • Minnesota at Oregon State – 10:00PM | FS1
    • Utah at BYU – 10:15PM | ESPN2
    • Boise State at Washington State – 10:30PM | ESPN
  • NASCAR:
    • Federated Auto Parts 400 – 7:30PM | NBCSN / TSN4
  • UFC:
    • UFC 215 Prelims – 8:00PM | FS1 / TSN2
  • MLS:
    • Whitecaps FC vs. Real Salt Lake – 10:00PM | TSN2

Rest up my lovelies, FOR TOMORROW WE DINE!

Beerguyrob
Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.

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LemonJello
Member
LemonJello

Hey! Thanks for taking all the booze and snacks and going into the other room without telling me.

Jerks.

/I’m not cleaning up the mess. Make one of the new guys do it.

Horatio Cornblower
Member

There are 18 beers in my fridge right now. How fast can you get here?

Spanky Datass
Member
Spanky Datass

I know, right?
And … um … somebody needs to replace the light bulb in the DFO Clubhouse latrine. Just sayin’.

litre_cola
Member

Everybody gwtting their stretching in for tomorrow?

Redshirt
Member

Not me. I got a ticket for tomorrow. 12th row, end zone.

King Hippo
Member

Especially during ASU/SDSU!

yeah right
Member

I’m feeling generous and I will give you my pick for tomorrow’s two team parlay. I took Carolina to beat the Niners – straight up – and I parlayed the Jets getting 8 points against Buffalo.

Sit back and get ready to pop the bubbly!

Horatio Cornblower
Member

I also took Carolina in the eliminator challenge so full disclosure, Yeah Right’s losing that one.

King Hippo
Member

Bet the family farm on RAMIT!!!

King Hippo
Member

tOSU does nothing, punts.

Boomer Sooner storms into limbo, fucks up.

Lather, rinse, repeat.

Horatio Cornblower
Member

Just got home from drinking with my brother and father at the local brewery. Pretty sure my brother’s sleeping over. Working through a six-pack of Arrogant Bastard, which I’m entitled to because I HAVE THE BANNER MOTHERFUCKERS!!!!

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

Arrogant Bastard is good shit.

King Hippo
Member

For the moment, at least, you are our Dark Lord.

Redshirt
Member

Yeah, rub it in that you dethroned me!

King Hippo
Member

Hey some of us have NEVAR been bannered, and will likely die that way. Not sayin’ just sayin’ imo godbless.

Horatio Cornblower
Member

I fully expect my reign to last well into the 1st quarter of tomorrow’s open thread.

Horatio Cornblower
Member

King Hippo
Member

The drinking portion of the evening has commenced. SO MUCH DRINKING.

Horatio Cornblower
Member

Yeah. “Commenced”

King Hippo
Member

hey, I been disciplined. Only pills so far. Maybe a whole fuckton of ’em, but still…

Wakezilla
Member

EX Roughriders making the game interesting against Hamilton.

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

If Buddy were here he’d insist that there’s no such thing as an EX-roughrider.

Also, I believe they like to be called former roughriders, like Marines (same thing, really).

litre_cola
Member

Really? I changed to osu v sooners.

Wakezilla
Member

4 point game

Senor Weaselo
Member

Has anyone ever eaten it running down the hill for Clemson? And if so is it hilarious?

Redshirt
Member

Senor Weaselo
Member

Wow, how did he not dent the bell or anything? And I said hilarious, the musician in me sees falling with instrument as more terrifying.

King Hippo
Member

He didn’t end up with it in his ass, did he?

/have too many windows active already

Redshirt
Member

Update. The pool is closed. Also, going into 63° water is actually quite refreshing once the hypothermia kicks in.

JustStopDude
Member
JustStopDude

I was at a barbecue festival. I got drunk.

I then got a ride home and got beer on the way. Kept drinking.

I had two mormon missionaries show up.

Drunk talking to Mormons is so much fucking fun. We watched football for an hour while I drank.

Wakezilla
Member

I went to a mormon wedding reception a few years ago in Nevada. It was full of a lot of good looking people. Really nice folks, too.

JustStopDude
Member
JustStopDude

That’s the fucking cool thing about Mormons. They are as hung up about shit as everyone else, but they are smart enough not to be dicks about it to non-Mormons.

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

Until they vote.

Senor Weaselo
Member

We could make a talking to Mormons on substances power ranking! Acid probably wins, not that I’ve tried acid, and definitely never talked to Mormons while on acid. Or some other hallucinogen.

JustStopDude
Member
JustStopDude

At one point, I just finished shotgunning a beer and I lit a smoke. The one guy started talking serious…

“Dude. I am NOT giving up smokes, booze, coffee, or casual sex. Furthermore, I have translated into English the Vulgate and the Talmud. No offense, but the book of Mormon is kind of a joke to me”

The other guy, I shit you not says “Steve…just let it go. We got a bathroom and all the water we can drink. And I want to see who won the Virginia game”

The non- Steve guy was alright!

Horatio Cornblower
Member

Fuck yeah NotSteve.

herodotus450
Member
herodotus450

Did someone say festival?
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King Hippo
Member

how could tOSU and their dolt homer announcer boo that??

Redshirt
Member

Brainwashing at Freshman Orientation, after the placement exams.

yeah right
Member

Hey Kids!

If you haven’t joined our suicide league there’s still time! You just can’t choose the Thursday game retroactively.

You will need an ESPN account. Go to Eliminator challenge and search for group DFO Crack Suicide Squad or just click this handy fucking link.

http://games.espn.com/nfl-eliminator-challenge/2017/en/group?groupID=56874

Be sure to get your pick in before kickoff tomorrow.

Should you choose the Rams over Indy?

You are a suicide specialist!

JOIN US!

Dolph Ucker
Member
Dolph Ucker

I just joined.
Made a pick.
Forgot pick.
Fuck New England.*

*Remembered that, at least.

Horatio Cornblower
Member

Just joined to pick Carolina over the 49ers.

You’re welcome CB

ballsofsteelandfury
Member

Please note that ONE unfortunate soul lost on Thursday so by joining now, you are guaranteed NOT to finish last!

litre_cola
Member

Who was it?

yeah right
Member

The guy who picked New England!

yeah right
Member

Just kidding, I believe it was NATO Pats Fan.

ballsofsteelandfury
Member

Game over now for the cornfuckers.

King Hippo
Member

OR’s 2nd half prevent offense will just barely hold on.

Redshirt
Member

Unless their name is Barry Sanders, any running back who runs backwards should be dragged off the field immediately.

King Hippo
Member

So now here’s the thing – OR makes the 3rd and 5, then NE gets the ball back with like :25 left.

ballsofsteelandfury
Member

QB should have kept the ball

King Hippo
Member

coulda walked for the first. He can’t read the option fer shit

King Hippo
Member

Corn-up-teh-butt within 7

ballsofsteelandfury
Member

2:47 left. Onside here?

King Hippo
Member

I would, just because one first down beats you regardless.

ballsofsteelandfury
Member

they still have 3 TOs

King Hippo
Member

yeah, but unless they get said 1st down on 1st down, getting it will bleed at least 1:30 off the clock before the TOs can be used.

King Hippo
Member

FGs ain’t enough, Aubie

Redshirt
Member

OK, Ohio State. Just because sucking in the 1st Half and let the team score on you worked against Indiana doesn’t mean that it’ll work against Oklahoma.

ballsofsteelandfury
Member

I own a Toyota and I love how well-made and reliable Toyota cars are, but they really need to fire their marketing people. Their commercials make me want to buy anything else.

blaxabbath
Member

Yeah. Fuck Pat.

King Hippo
Member

Boomer!!

/or whatever one is supposed to do to express approval of dem Okie fucks

//I draw the line at fucking steers, tho

ALXMAC
Member
ALXMAC

Sooner!!

Redshirt
Member

Dear Buckeye Fans,

Don’t chant that stupid ass “OHHHH-OH-OH-OH-OHHHH-OHHHH” song when your team is running out of the tunnel and the Marching Band is playing “Fight the Team”. You’re better than this.

Redshirt

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

No, they aren’t.

ballsofsteelandfury
Member

Great minds

Redshirt
Member

At least we’re not Patriots fans.

King Hippo
Member

counterpoint under consideration

Redshirt
Member

In times of “They beat us in a close game”, “They took out our best player”, and “They’re assholes”, its kind of refreshing that “They sang their Alma Mater on our turf” is considered a motivation to win a game. Not a fight song or a taunting chant. An Alma Mater! The slow boring song from our schools that we all forget the words to.

Senor Weaselo
Member

“There are words in an Alme… Alma… school song?” -U*NC “student”

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

comment image

Redshirt
Member

Is that Karen Gillian? Asking for a friend.

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

Yes. Full size.

King Hippo
Member

where is Moose? He won’t want to miss this.

Redshirt
Member

O/U ABC’s new series “The Mayor”: 5 episodes

ballsofsteelandfury
Member

I’ll take the under.

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

Phrasing?

ballsofsteelandfury
Member

South Florida got switched from Indy – Rams to Jets-Bills. There are some sadistic assholes at CBS, aren’t there? HAVEN’T THESE PEOPLE SUFFERED ENOUGH?!?

Senor Weaselo
Member

Which suffering is worse?
/Okay, we know which one is worse, but… you know

King Hippo
Member

That’s like being switched from cold spam on Wonder Bread to a bowl of dog vomit.

BaldingSpiritually
Member
BaldingSpiritually

Dammit, I’m stuck with Pitt and Cleveland or Atlanta and Chicago? Looks like I’ll be firing up the illegal streams

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

I paid for a membership at hehestreams.xyz last year and it was worth every penny. I have been shilling relentlessly for them ever since.

ballsofsteelandfury
Member

I’m a little pissed we don’t get CFL games down here in the States anymore…

litre_cola
Member

Les Bombères beating the inbreds today was fantastic. Battle of Alberta rematch tonight.

ballsofsteelandfury
Member

I picked that! Wooo!

Now, WTF is wrong with Ottawa?

litre_cola
Member

The whole East is a dumpster fire. All 4 teams can beat each other and thats it.

BaldingSpiritually
Member
BaldingSpiritually

Because nothing screams a fun night out than a game between the Shreveport Pirates and Memphis Mad Dogs. On the plus side I got to hang out with the former University of Houston coaches the night before a game and hear some interesting stories about recruiting back in the late 80s and early 90s.

ballsofsteelandfury
Member

I love me some good hookers and coke stories…

BaldingSpiritually
Member
BaldingSpiritually

More commonplace now but they kept claiming how they enticed athletes with stripper parties as they financially couldn’t keep up with the big SWC schools. They refused to go against A&M because they would start negotiations at 30k, forgot what he said LSU offered but he talked about a heated recruiting battle they lost to Louisiana Tech because Tech was willing to throw in a Corvette for his signature.

ballsofsteelandfury
Member

That sounds awesome! Oh, for the days of the old SWC…

King Hippo
Member

I enjoy maps.

ballsofsteelandfury
Member

As do I

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Senor Weaselo
Member

There’s a Shakespearean scene joke to make here… no, seriously. Except the person talked about in the scene is spherical like a globe, which this lady is clearly not.

/Something about “visiting her Low Countries”
//Comedy of Errors, Act III, Scene 2

herodotus450
Member
herodotus450

That’s a fictional map though.
/Puts a new meaning to the phrase “Visiting Asshai the shadow lands”

herodotus450
Member
herodotus450

//It’s because Asshai would be on the other side, presumably where her butt is

King Hippo
Member

don’t be going straight FOAR the peninsula ,, smh

Redshirt
Member

Time for the Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny:

Land Settlers vs. Poisonous Tree Nuts

Senor Weaselo
Member

If only it was USC-Oregon, Dido and Aeneas jokes aplenty!

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