Your “Finally! A Valid Excuse For Day-Drinking” Sunday Afternoon Football Open Thread

It’s here. A full slate of games (except for the ones not being played due to Mother Nature’s shenanigans) to wallow in. Do you have your Doritos, chicken wings, crackers, nachos, bacon-wrapped scallops, pickles, vegetable tray(!?), mozza sticks, pretzels, popcorn, chips, jerky, onion rings, chocolate chip cookies and ice cream in front of you? I do. This day is the bestest as far as I’m concerned and that’s without the Pats being 0-1. Let’s not dawdle-To The Games!

NYJ/Buf: The fight for the AFC East basement begins anew between a team (the Bills) that is obviously tanking versus another (the Jetskis) that seems to regard tanking as a core organizational philosophy.

Atl/Chi: It should be a long season in Chicago. Cutler scurried away as did Alshon Jeffery and then wr Meredith was lost for the year. That’s quite a bit of skilled players to lose year over year. The Atlanta front office has thrown a considerable amount of research funding at a group of scientists that are trying to replicate the memory-wipe thingy from the Men In Black movie.

Bal/Cin: Rb Mixon begins his inevitable unseating of Jeremy Hill from the starting slot but it should be the passing game that is the game decider. Dalton worked to create a rapport with Tyler Boyd after AJ Green went down last year. The latter is back and there is also Top 5 te Eifert in the mix. And don’t forget about little Giovanni coming out of the backfield.

Pit/Cle: Pour one out for DeShone Kizer. He’s going to have the longest year of any player in the league. The ‘d’ stands for demoralized.

Ari/Det: Final score 51-48. You should probably take the over.

Jax/Hou: The Jags have more than their share of young-ish talent. Is this the year when that finally translates into “W”s? I think they’re one more year away but they seem headed in the right direction.

Oak/Ten: Qb Carr has a new OC this year that is giving him greater freedom to change plays at the line of scrimmage. I foresee wr Cooper destroying his previous career highs across the board.

Phi/Was: The Dacteds have won five straight against their divisional kin and get them at home to start the year. Qb Cousins has two new wr’s in Pryor and Doctson but the key to his success comes down to the (according to Football Outsiders) second-ranked pass protecting O-line unit in front of him.

NOW GO GET ‘EM MATEYS!

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the Alpha and the Amoeba
Member
the Alpha and the Amoeba

I know the Cardinals sucked it up today, but I’ll always have a soft spot for them because of the time they knocked the Vikings out of the playoffs and put the Packers in the playoffs with one last-second play.

blaxabbath
Member

THESE ARIZONA CARDINALS, I CALL THEM DONALD TRUMP JUNIOR BECAUSE THEY’RE A FUCKING DISGRACE BUT WILL STILL GET OCCASIONAL PRESS COVERAGE THAT WILL ALWAYS LEAD TO PEOPLE JUST ROLLING THEIR EYES AND RIPPING ON THEM!!!!!!111!1!!

Doktor Zymm
Member

Is Matt Prater dead or something? How do the Lions have so many points without Prater kicking any extra points?

blaxabbath
Member

Palmer Pick-6.

Your 2017 0-16 Cardinals.

WCS
Member

Holy shit, Cards.

blaxabbath
Member

This is a bad team.

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli
Member

THESE ARIZONA CARDINALS I CALL THEM HOUSE OF CARDS BECAUSE THEY’RE UNWATCHABLE.

Doktor Zymm
Member

THOSE STATISTICS ARE NOT PREDICTIVE, ONLY DESCRIPTIVE! ALSO, DON’T CALL THEM SIGNIFICANT UNLESS YOU GIVE ME A VALID HYPOTHESIS AND SOME GODDAMN P-VALUES

hippofant
Member
hippofant

Frequentist or Bayesian?

blaxabbath
Member

7 is generally not an acceptable number of points to score in one half of an NFL game.

blaxabbath
Member

I’m going to register http://www.LosAngelesCardinals.com

(and similar variations LACardinals.com, etc)

Wakezilla
Member

Lions starting to run away with the game.

Doktor Zymm
Member

Hey, I think Crowder just got into positive point territory!

Doktor Zymm
Member

Did someone bet Cousins that he could play an entire game without using the muscles in his hands or something?

LeighAnne
Member
LeighAnne

It’s going to be hilarious how much money Cousins is going to get in 2018.

blaxabbath
Member

I wish the Cardinals would just move to L.A.

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli
Member

L.A. should take all our shitty teams.

the Alpha and the Amoeba
Member
the Alpha and the Amoeba

I was thinking that the NFL should go all-in on LA. They should move 2 more teams there and make it it’s own division, the NFC/AFC LOL division

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli
Member

The last place team will be relegated to San Diego at the cost of the Spanos family.

King Hippo
Member

HOLY MERDE look at that opening day crowd FOAR RAMIT!!!

LemonJello
Member
LemonJello

Alright, Imaginary Internet Friends, I have to get on the road so I can be at FOB LemonJello for the work week. I do have XM in the car, so I can listen to the late games, and I’ll join you all here for the night time feature.

MitchKissingTitsbisky
Member
MitchKissingTitsbisky

Is the first Blade Runner worth watching?

Doktor Zymm
Member

What, the movie from the 70s? Yeah, totally.

WCS
Member

PHILISTINE

JustStopDude
Member
JustStopDude

Directors cut. Don’t go with the cinematic release.

herodotus450
Member
herodotus450

Eh.

Doktor Zymm
Member

Ah, yes, I remember this feeling. Maybe I should just become a Raiders fan.

blaxabbath
Member

I’ve no regrats about being a Raiders Fans fan.

the Alpha and the Amoeba
Member
the Alpha and the Amoeba

So you don’t like the Raiders, just their fans?

blaxabbath
Member

Well, I like Reggie’s iteration of the Raiders — but I’ll always root for RaiderNation.

WCS
Member

comment image

MitchKissingTitsbisky
Member
MitchKissingTitsbisky

Alshon Jefferey with a hamstring injury celebrating the defensive touchdown out 4-6 weeks

King Hippo
Member

Bills cover 8.5-point spread!

Gratliff
Member

So many good calls by refs today. Love the footsball.

Wakezilla
Member

Titans down 10: Nickel and Diming up the field with less than a minute left. Great strategy

Doktor Zymm
Member

Wow, even more holy shit. Dear Cousins, you blow.

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli
Member

Fox giving us back to back backbreaking sacks!

King Hippo
Member

I look forward to Tolzien’s benching so I can start Jacoby Brissett over this shitstain Cousins. Why the fuck I didn’t start Crazy Eyez??

Gratliff
Member

comment image

Doktor Zymm
Member

Holy Shit Cousins is awful

King Hippo
Member

Holy shit, Cousins.

LemonJello
Member
LemonJello

Fat Eagle strip-sack-touchdown.

Under review.

Upheld. Ho Lee Sheet.

WCS
Member

I liked that a lot, Kirk. A lot.

MitchKissingTitsbisky
Member
MitchKissingTitsbisky

Goddamnit

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