Your “Finally! A Valid Excuse For Day-Drinking” Sunday Afternoon Football Open Thread

It’s here. A full slate of games (except for the ones not being played due to Mother Nature’s shenanigans) to wallow in. Do you have your Doritos, chicken wings, crackers, nachos, bacon-wrapped scallops, pickles, vegetable tray(!?), mozza sticks, pretzels, popcorn, chips, jerky, onion rings, chocolate chip cookies and ice cream in front of you? I do. This day is the bestest as far as I’m concerned and that’s without the Pats being 0-1. Let’s not dawdle-To The Games!

NYJ/Buf: The fight for the AFC East basement begins anew between a team (the Bills) that is obviously tanking versus another (the Jetskis) that seems to regard tanking as a core organizational philosophy.

Atl/Chi: It should be a long season in Chicago. Cutler scurried away as did Alshon Jeffery and then wr Meredith was lost for the year. That’s quite a bit of skilled players to lose year over year. The Atlanta front office has thrown a considerable amount of research funding at a group of scientists that are trying to replicate the memory-wipe thingy from the Men In Black movie.

Bal/Cin: Rb Mixon begins his inevitable unseating of Jeremy Hill from the starting slot but it should be the passing game that is the game decider. Dalton worked to create a rapport with Tyler Boyd after AJ Green went down last year. The latter is back and there is also Top 5 te Eifert in the mix. And don’t forget about little Giovanni coming out of the backfield.

Pit/Cle: Pour one out for DeShone Kizer. He’s going to have the longest year of any player in the league. The ‘d’ stands for demoralized.

Ari/Det: Final score 51-48. You should probably take the over.

Jax/Hou: The Jags have more than their share of young-ish talent. Is this the year when that finally translates into “W”s? I think they’re one more year away but they seem headed in the right direction.

Oak/Ten: Qb Carr has a new OC this year that is giving him greater freedom to change plays at the line of scrimmage. I foresee wr Cooper destroying his previous career highs across the board.

Phi/Was: The Dacteds have won five straight against their divisional kin and get them at home to start the year. Qb Cousins has two new wr’s in Pryor and Doctson but the key to his success comes down to the (according to Football Outsiders) second-ranked pass protecting O-line unit in front of him.

NOW GO GET ‘EM MATEYS!

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Senor Weaselo
Member

Hey, Bills-Jets is a battle for first place! But, ARE YOU READY FOR A SHITSHOW?
/Drinks bleach

blaxabbath
Member

Got this surround sound thing all fixed up. Bluetooth is back on but I still had surround sound issues (speakers not working). It seems that SOMEONE, probably after the bluetooth wasn’t connecting and the sound bar had not yet been plugged in, reset the sound settings to turn surround sound off.

So, you know, FYI for anyone else who might have the same issue to troubleshoot because some broad got her hands on the remote one day.

Gratliff
Member

I thought Boomer retired. What is this shit?

ballsofsteelandfury
Member

Serves you right for watching ESPN…

Gratliff
Member

This is fair

King Hippo
Member

I decided to bench DeAndre Hopkins fer Evan Engram (Emmanuel Sanders also available). I have resolved to be MOAR INSANE this season.

litre_cola
Member

Hippo in the league we are playing against me you have already treated me like an NFL wife.

King Hippo
Member

still gots to gets mah fists bloody in auction ball, dawg

/huzzah for KHunt

Senor Weaselo
Member

Well, you earned your red wings on Thursday, so yay for you.

ballsofsteelandfury
Member

I thought he swore off sex…

King Hippo
Member

fantasy KHunt counts!!

ballsofsteelandfury
Member

someone needs to make a gif of Jimmy and Terry dancing on the Fox pregame show.

litre_cola
Member

Grillin at 10:30 AM. My balcony looks over a parking lot for the LDS Church. I have a glass of wine and smoking a J while they all load the 17 children to church and look at me with scorn. I make few good decisions in my 40 years of existence, but this is one of them.

Wakezilla
Member

Too bad it wasn’t and LSD church

blaxabbath
Member

That’s why they get for building their church in the middle of project housing.

herodotus450
Member
herodotus450

If only we had named them “Hurricants” they wouldn’t even be able to hurt us

blaxabbath
Member

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ballsofsteelandfury
Member

I really want this to be true.

blaxabbath
Member

You know those memes where some famous person is holding a blank paper? I feel like that’s the inspiration for how WAS is going to produce cheer #content every week this season.

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Gratliff
Member
ballsofsteelandfury
Member

HTTR?

Is that the Redacted’s version of Minitel?

JustStopDude
Member
JustStopDude

I had to take one of my foreign coworkers to the DMV to get his drivers license (VA has this new moronic law that you can’t use a rental car for the driver test…but you also can’t purchase a car unless you have a fucking valid drivers license…)

So VA, there is a MASSIVE wall of all the vanity plates you can get. One of them is HTTR. My coworker thought it had something to do with praising Hitler.

Brocky
Member

Decisions, Decisions….all with various pros and cons

Pork Rinds (grease) or Funyuns (crumbs)?

Jordan Reed (toe) or Jason Witten (age)?

Bears jersey (more “official”) or off brand tie dye bears shirt (less worried about spilling sauce/bear/saliva)

……. the world may never know

ballsofsteelandfury
Member

Chinese knockoff jersey so you can wipe the pork rinds grease off while watching Jordan Reed waltz into the end zone.

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli
Member

FUCK YOU RICK SCOTT

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli
Member

Smash that thumbs up button, folks.

King Hippo
Member

“studs who will be duds” – you fucksticks best not have jinxed me, I am against BOTH TY Hilton and Ty Montgomery.

Brocky
Member
Brocky
Member

This should help

https://c.shld.net/rpx/i/s/i/spin/10124735/prod_2245000012??hei=64&wid=64&qlt=50

Brocky
Member

fuck you wordpress, you’re ruining the only comedy fun I get to have

ballsofsteelandfury
Member

Thoughts and prayers to everyone in Florida. Sorry the Jags, Bucs, and Dolphins suck!

King Hippo
Member

should have made Fins/Bucs play through it. FUN SHIT

Brocky
Member

didn’t the bucs and chiefs play through a hurricane once?

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli
Member

I’m wondering how bad the damage is in Key West and how long it will take them to get back to parading tits down Duvall Street to cheer us all up.

ballsofsteelandfury
Member

I’m pretty sure they’re doing that now.

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli
Member

AND THE SIX-TOED CATS!

ballsofsteelandfury
Member

“Happy first football Sunday, America!”

See, that’s how you start a broadcast! Good job, Curt!

King Hippo
Member

FEAST OF BLEERGH

trollsoharduniversity
Member

I’m watching Fox and there’s no Bradshaw, JJ, or Strahan. Instead there’s Vick, Cowherd, and there’s Cooper Manning doing remote pieces.

blaxabbath
Member

They should just put up a feed of the FoxSports homepage on autoplay until kickoff.

Don T
Member

I’m stuck doing chores. In lieu of YAAAA FOOTBAW, fuck all y’all.

King Hippo
Member

taking the tarp back off the island, eh?

ballsofsteelandfury
Member

Yeah, it’s the PRE pregame show. Fuck us.

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli
Member

I’m watching hurricane disaster porn instead. Far more interesting.

MitchKissingTitsbisky
Member
MitchKissingTitsbisky

So you’re watching the Bears game too?

ballsofsteelandfury
Member

I’m watching actual porn. Far more interesting and satisfying.

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli
Member

We’re both getting incredibly aroused by tight eyewalls.

King Hippo
Member

“hmmm, I could try “redtube lesbian hurricane” and see what comes back?

Don T
Member

Get the tsunami one. All wet, no wind.

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli
Member

Something very sticky for sure.

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli
Member

Glad football’s back because I always welcome another thing to disappoint me.

CBQUE
Member
CBQUE

HOW THE FUCK WE DOIN BOYS??????!!!!! Okay in between anthem protests & disgruntled white men telling me how I should be grateful to breathe their air lets have some fun. Oh Fuck New England. Which game should I focus on at 1 on Directv? Titans-Raiders or Eagles-Washington. The latter is on locally but still I may focus on that because it’s a division game. Be well people see y’all tonight.

ballsofsteelandfury
Member

FREE PREVIEW OF REDZONE!!!!

Doktor Zymm
Member

If I don’t make it out to the bar to watch, you should watch PHI/WAS and tell me what the hell is happening, since I’ll be stuck watching the Bears fail

CBQUE
Member
CBQUE

Phi/Was is on the local affiliate. The Jets should never be televised. EVER

Gratliff
Member

Goddamn. MOrt is old as fuck now.

Brocky
Member

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Doktor Zymm
Member

Man, looking at the TV maps I wish I had already moved. NO CBS, I DON’T WANT TO WATCH THE COLTS PLAY JUST BECAUSE INDY IS SORT OF CLOSE TO CHICAGO. AND I KNOW THEY ARE THE HOME TEAM, BUT NO ONE WANTS TO WATCH THE BEARS PLAY EVER.

Gratliff
Member

I continue to be punished for moving to Michigan with the Detroit Lions.

CBQUE
Member
CBQUE

I remember when I was in college he looked so young in his Sporting News photo. yes I am old I used to subscribe to that shit

Gratliff
Member

Looking forward to an afternoon of questioning the humanity of Slurs fans.

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King Hippo
Member

OMFG guys, like 80 minutes until the heroic RedZone muzak starts!!

CBQUE
Member
CBQUE

I am watching The Directv fantasy channel. Why did I waste my money again. FREE KAP

Horatio Cornblower
Member

I have a hangover.

King Hippo
Member

I have the “hangover shits” which seems to be a post-40 thing

Gratliff
Member

So many games, so many questions. Will people stop pretending Kaepernick is somehow worse than Random Name Generator Failson White QB backups for like 75% of the league? Will the NFL do anything even vaguely redeemable so I can justify to myself why I’m not joining in on the boycotts? Will the Eagles suck so bad that I can pretend I’m not watching it for purely ideological reasons?

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli
Member

“Failson” describes half of current NFL coaching staffs.

yeah right
Member

I’ve got peanuts, pistachios, almonds, English cheddar, aged Welsh cheddar, Swiss cheeses, hot and spicy pork rinds, Ruffles and onion dip, with the main event being grilled brats and German potato salad. To drink we’ve got an ocean of beer, a bottle of shiraz, bottle of Buffalo Trace, a bottle of stoli and all the makings for Moscow mules.

Engage!

Brocky
Member

I’ve got peanuts, pistachios, almonds,

http://37.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m5fp5z591R1qabfx1o2_500.gif

ballsofsteelandfury
Member

and it’s before 9 AM here. People, pay attention! That’s commitment right there!

litre_cola
Member

At the grocery store right now. Clearly I need to up my game to take part.

yeah right
Member

That’s why I don’t do Sunday Gravy during the season.
I just won’t do it.

King Hippo
Member

I try not to distract myself with eating. Coffee, water, pills.

Modderific
Member
Modderific

HOW YOU DOIN” BOYS????

Spur
Member
Spur

Folks

yeah right
Member

Spur.

JustStopDude
Member
JustStopDude

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Gratliff
Member

TFW a Vietnamese family moves in across the street

JustStopDude
Member
JustStopDude

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theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

Gonna be on the road and miss the early slate. Pull my Ratbirds thru plz, k thx (and call Redshirt a son of a bitch for me if you see him).

Gratliff
Member

There is a random nodding Rex Ryan taking place behind the Countdown set and it’s creepy as fuck

blaxabbath
Member

I have a sound bar with the surround sound speakers and, first, the bar quit auto-bluetooth connecting so I had to plug it in to the TV. But now the surround sound (just a sub and two small speakers) don’t appear to connect. Is this somehow related? I NEED SURROUND SOUND FOR NFL FOOTBAWLL ACTION!

Beerguyrob
Member

EAR HERPES!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

[tries to remember whether or not he’s still allowed inside the Sound Bar]

– Justin Blackmon

litre_cola
Member

Sounds like a problem with the sound bar connecting to the host if nothing is playing at all.

blaxabbath
Member

The bar plays, I just had to plug it in. But now that it is plugged in, I don’t have the surround sound working.

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