Your “Gimmee More” Late Afternoon Football Open Thread

[sucks Dorito dust off fingers, wipes half-eaten wings from front of shirt] Damn that was exciting stuff wasn’t it? So much balling of foots! But wait! Don’t get up. If you stay put on the couch in your torn (“But they’re comfy.”) pyjama bottoms there’s more to come. So don’t act now! TO THE GAMES!

Colts/Rams: Finally out from under the mustache of mediocrity that was HC Jeff Fisher, Jared Goff and his 54% completion rate aim to prove he’s not the bustiest young qb in the league. At least in wr Watkins he’s got himself an above-average guy to throw to. In this here passing league it is folly to skimp on the ball catchers the way that the Rams have for the last few years. Playing against Indy and their completely talent-free secondary was a gift from the scheduling gods. Rb Gurley and his 3.2 yards per carry has some explaining to do as well. Were you aware that he doesn’t have a receiving TD in his career? That’s incredible. As for the Colts qb, the bell Tolziens for thee. (Sometimes I can’t control my inner Berman)

Hawks/Pack: How’s this for a week one tilt? Qb Wilson has struggled against a not very imposing Green Bay secondary. He’s thrown 8 TD’s against 10 interceptions in his last three games against them. The coaching staff has been super impressed with rook rb Chris Carson and are confident that if Rawls and Lacy falter he can step in. Former Jets grumbler Sheldon Richardson looks to wreck another locker room over in Seattle. He joins a squad that had the number one ranked run D last year. So Rodgers is going to have to pass-look for him to pick on rook cb Shaquill Griffin what with Sherman being on the other side. Or perhaps because he’s finally got a tight end that can catch he’ll send some action over Martellus Bennett’s way. Seattle has had trouble defending that position in the past so the Black Unicorn may feast.

Cats/Niners: Reports indicate that the surgically-repaired shoulder of Cam Newton will play but many eyes will be on the dynamic speedster that is Christian McCaffrey. If the coaching staff follows through on what they’ve tinkered with in camp, look for the rook rb to be all over the field, including under center. If he’s successful look for the phrase “WildCaff Offense” to blow up in your face. Oof. Should he be something near what he looks like so far, McCaffrey will at the very least create a little more space for the likes of te Olsen and wr Benjamin and that’s not a bad thing. Them Niners have won six straight opening day affairs and if journeyman qb Brian Hoyer has any say in the matter, the streak ends today. No stranger to streaks himself, Hoyer is 4 for 4 in that he’s started for four different teams over the last four years. He and Mike Glennon should have a chat about being glaringly obvious rentals.

 

Whoop-de-damn-do! Do your thing folks.

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King Hippo
Member

motherfucker, I could have used a 2nd RRRRRRRAMITDOWN!!!

Doktor Zymm
Member

As someone starting the RAMMIT D, I respect the Colt’s decision to not challenge and get the TD.

litre_cola
Member

I ate some expired kimchi and am feeling it. I regret nothing.

Jerry Was A Shogun Named Marcus
Member

How would you know?

litre_cola
Member

I made it myself a year ago, saw it in the back of the fridge today and said fuck yeah. Put it on 2 sausages, it looked a bit grey, still ate it. Feel stab wounds to stomach right now.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

How expired?

Doktor Zymm
Member

It’s fermented, it doesn’t expire, it inspires!

Romonobyl
Member

True, that’s like wine expiring. I am a little worried however about this layer of fuzz in this old bottle of Sutter Home Shiraz.

King Hippo
Member

pour some vodka on it first

MitchKissingTitsbisky
Member
MitchKissingTitsbisky

Meh

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

Wow. Colts are dumb.

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli
Member

When a problem comes along / YOU MUST RAMMIT
When Tolzein drops back too long / YOU MUST RAMMIT

blaxabbath
Member

“I know we all put all the country’s money in the pockets of America’s largest corporations because their lobbyists funded our campaigns — but we need those of you with stagnant wages to pay for the hurricane please.” -Former US Presidents

Doktor Zymm
Member

Hey look! It’s Frank Gore!

litre_cola
Member

Irsay thought that Tolzein was the next big thing in the pharmaceutical industry.

Sharkbait
Member
Sharkbait

Ask your doctor is Tolzein is right for you!

Only to be taken rectally.

Doktor Zymm
Member

Side effects : Choking, nausea, muscle weakness, anal leakage

blaxabbath
Member

Remember when Total Request Live had to retire videos that were first place for like X straight episodes? I’m going to have to do that with Rams kickoff crowds on Quotables.

Senor Weaselo
Member

Scores, nay, dozens of fans!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

I thought that was ESPN and the buttfumble.

blaxabbath
Member

Please. Let a white guy arguing with a negro on a ‘debate show’ have that as a topic for 45 seconds and buttfumble would be on their homepage for a week.

Jerry Was A Shogun Named Marcus
Member

Did you say Rammstein? No? Oh.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Hey, how’s it going everybody?

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli
Member

How was transforming into a Rob Ryan-esque wolfman for the morning?

Doktor Zymm
Member

We’re all RAMMITING

King Hippo
Member

and this TOTES counts as our exercise FOAR the week

Sharkbait
Member
Sharkbait

HOW THE FUCK YA DOIN?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

GREAT!

Dick E. Phuck
Member
Dick E. Phuck

I’m okay, how about you!?

Doktor Zymm
Member

Ever take a horse’s temperature? You use a rectal thermometer. Does that Colt have a fever, just RAMMIT in there and find out!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

[takes breath]

Dick E. Phuck
Member
Dick E. Phuck

GOD RAMMIT

Spur
Member
Spur

Tolzien pick-sixed. Poor fellow.

litre_cola
Member

So, we RAMMIT?

King Hippo
Member

oh, we gon RAMIT!! til it just don’ noe

/Tolzien throws like the old Tecmo Bowl Colts QB

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli
Member

Let us all RAMMIT

Spur
Member
Spur

McCaffrey’s next team will be the Pats.

Wakezilla
Member

Fox’s sportsticker intern isn’t very good. Titans game isn’t in the 3rd quarter and they have an end of 4th quarter to the Browns and Dtillers game, not an F.

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli
Member

I appreciate all of you confirming that is it in fact time to RAMMIT.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

King Hippo
Member

RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAM IT!!!!!!

Doktor Zymm
Member

RAMMIT RAMMIT RAMMIT!

Doktor Zymm
Member

And the RAMMIT D already has more points than anyone on my fantasy team from the early games! WOOOOOOOOOO!

Spur
Member
Spur

Lions and Cardinals can fuck off now

Doktor Zymm
Member

Is that the entire population of LA that moved there from Indiana?

ballsofsteelandfury
Member

Ha ha! Love that “crowd ” shot at the Coliseum!

King Hippo
Member

#OpeningDayGetHype

Spanky Datass
Member
Spanky Datass

“…to prove he’s not the bustiest young qb in the league.”

Eh, Fatt Stafford has much bigger tits.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Wakezilla
Member

Falcons celebrating like they won the Superb Owl against the Bears? They are in for a long season

herodotus450
Member
herodotus450

Oh my, 4 interceptions, 1 lost fumble and 5 sacks for Dalton. That’s what we call a “Klingler”

litre_cola
Member

Akili Smith nods.

ArmedandHammered
Member
ArmedandHammered

I thought it was a Delhomme.

King Hippo
Member

regular and post-season varietals

WCS
Member

The Cardinals look like dysentery.

Brocky
Member

comment image

Wakezilla
Member

Rammit’s crowd looms like a CFL game

ArmedandHammered
Member
ArmedandHammered

“Goff likes it because it takes some of the thinking out of the game” – No shit, anything that needs thinking is not his forte.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Spur
Member
Spur

Rodgers hates the smell of fish.

hippofant
Member
hippofant

OH BOY RAMS AND COLTS! GOFF AND TOLZIEN! I CAN’T WAIT!

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli
Member

Time to RAMMIT?

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