Your NFC East Division Slugfest-Orama Football Open Thread

Boy howdy has this been a day. I bid a very warm welcome to the new commenters that have done some quality yakking on this here blog earlier today. Strong start, fellas. Keep up with the funny. Me? I spent the majority of the day ignoring my family’s wants and needs. They’ve come to expect that beginning (continuing?) in the fall just as the leaves turn. We’ve come to a nice arrangement. The games themselves today were equal parts extraordinary physical displays and mind-bending mental errors. Thankfully I’m equally entertained by both. This football fan did not go hungry. Well, the last tilt of the day is before us. Shall we? TO THE GAME!

The Mighty Giants/Dall-ass: Difference-maker Old Dirty Beckham is a game timer but I sure hope he limps on to the field if only to serve as a distraction for the Cowboys D. His presence alone will make things easier for the Giants. If he’s not there using up the double team then Dallas can free up another defender to attack the basically immobile Eli. That wouldn’t be good. DAK!, Dez and Zeke ran roughshod over everyone else in the league but managed to put up only 26 points against the G-men last year. That said, both games were easily winnable last year. Dallas has lost some guys in the secondary while New York has upgraded at rb, te and wr. I hope that’ll be enough to squeeze out what will no doubt be a tight affair. I’ll say 21-17 Giants. Oh, and Eli will definitely throw an interception. Book it.

Damn. I had all kinds of fun today-let’s keep that ball rolling. LET’S DO THIS!!!

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ballsofsteelandfuryJerBear50WakezillaUnsurprisedMr. Ayo Recent comment authors
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Wakezilla

Happy 911 everyone!

Dont forget to wish Bashar Assad a Happy birthday.

JerBear50
JerBear50

/Door flies open
//Door gets ripped off hinges by Irma, lands in Gulf
HOW THE FUCK YA DOIN BOYS???

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Just finished Rick & Morty, otherwise my writer is blocked. You?

JerBear50
JerBear50

Not bad, considering.

Wakezilla

Sounds like you are getting quite the blow job

JerBear50
JerBear50

Mostly moved east of us. Got really lucky on this one. Though I won’t know how my house is until I get home in a few hours.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

I need a caption for this. I keep coming up blank joking about leaping over an Italian.

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Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

“WOP” -Chris Berman

ballsofsteelandfury

That’s not the first time #2 closed his eyes and lowered his head as he went between someone’s legs.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

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Senor Weaselo

Just a guess, it’s not a good thing for New York football if the Yankees equal the Giants and Jets combined in their respective point totals.

the Alpha and the Amoeba
the Alpha and the Amoeba

Looking forward to seeing you all tomorrow

blaxabbath

Back from it. I cowered in the shoulder of my wife’s sweatshirt for two hours BUT I can say this: it’s got great sound.

Buddy Cole's Off-Season Habit!
Buddy Cole's Off-Season Habit!

Look tomorrow is a day of sorrow, remembrance, and a sober reminder that tragedy can strike in the most random and horrifying ways. I know someone who was personally affected by this whole thing, and can recall the confusion, the anger, and the unflinchingly visceral reactions those in the tri-state had. People filed lawsuits, some lost family never to be identified again because of this horrible event we are commemorating tomorrow:

Chris Berman calling a Monday Night Football game.

ballsofsteelandfury

This is why we love you Buddy!

King Hippo

I mean, Buddy’s zingers made that turd of a Sunday nighter seemingly fly by. We STILL had fun. DO YOUR WORST GOODELL!!

LemonJello
LemonJello

So, we’re getting together and doing some more of this tomorrow night, right?

Later, Taters!

King Hippo

oh yeah, the 2 parts of the MNF marathon look decent on paper…and Berman-free!

Romonobyl

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Doktor Zymm

IT’S A GREAT WIN FOR OUR FOOTBALL TEAM TO START THE SEASON AND IT’S A BLESSING TO BE OUT HERE, I’M JUST HAPPY ETC ETC
Something something RESILIENT. Tomorrow’s gonna suck, yeah? I should be better, but nah.

Dick E. Phuck
Dick E. Phuck

This was as painful as watching my Niece’s 4th grade Fiddler on the Roof play. Only unlike that event, I don’t get a handjob from the cute drama teacher after it’s over.

Buddy Cole's Off-Season Habit!
Buddy Cole's Off-Season Habit!

Or from Harvey Fierstein. I felt like I got Bar Mitzvah’d!

Doktor Zymm

Good night, you sweet, sad bastards.

King Hippo

where’d ya get the “sweet” impression from? nighty night, happy 9/11 Eve!!

Buddy Cole's Off-Season Habit!
Buddy Cole's Off-Season Habit!

Do you celebrate by hanging two stockings from the fridge?

King Hippo

I should go do that now and see if the kids ask in the morning.

Buddy Cole's Off-Season Habit!
Buddy Cole's Off-Season Habit!

Just don’t leave cookies for Osama Claus.

Buddy Cole's Off-Season Habit!
Buddy Cole's Off-Season Habit!

Likewise, you capricious, buzzed wench.

Dick E. Phuck
Dick E. Phuck

G’night

Brocky

Night dok

Senor Weaselo

So I learned taco salad and brisket mac and cheese in consecutive things is not something Senor can do anymore. Apart from that setback, what’d I miss?

LemonJello
LemonJello

Tell me more about this brisket mac & cheese you speak of…

Buddy Cole's Off-Season Habit!
Buddy Cole's Off-Season Habit!

I don’t think he wants to photograph the toilet

Senor Weaselo

It was mac and cheese with brisket and a little BBQ sauce on it. It wasn’t mindblowingly good but all right. But I can’t have two meals with less lean meats, because the taco beef was the 85% lean and the brisket is brisket, so I got the warm sweats and immediately ran to the bathroom. My friend was concerned about me because she hasn’t seen me in that kind of physical distress and she’s known me for 4 years and is one of my closest friends.

Dick E. Phuck
Dick E. Phuck

Pics or it didn’t happen

Romonobyl

You had me at brisket mac and cheese.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

It occurs to me that The Redacteds really do reflect Washington pretty well in that they are wealthy and gentrified, filled with useless assholes and run by dangerously incompetent narcissistic megalomaniac, spend inordinate amounts of money on autofellatio while the only functioning machinery exists solely to fuck over and intimidate ordinary people at every step. But the rubes somehow still seem in awe or even to respect some of it while in reality it only exists to make the rich richer while producing nothing of value to anyone.

I loved Washington when I went to school there. I still know people who live there. Yet they would have to pay me to ever go back because it was the most openly hostile, unwelcoming place I’ve ever been to in the two times I went back to that shit hole.

Doktor Zymm

Close, but it doesn’t take 2 years to be approved to play on the team

King Hippo

with very little access by public transit, it may make getting out after the game a nightmare hellscape but at least the poors can’t get there!!!

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Poors certainly aren’t welcome within the city, either.

King Hippo

well, Southeast ,, smh

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

I understand that is beginning to be gentrified as well.

King Hippo

that…shall be quite the process.

King Hippo

and hopefully everyone will have risen up in the streets and killed whitey before then, can’t possibly be that much longer FFS

Doktor Zymm

I didn’t drink enough, I’m aware of NOT GOING TO TYPE IT win. Sad.

King Hippo

Alex Smith would masturbate to that game film.

Buddy Cole's Off-Season Habit!
Buddy Cole's Off-Season Habit!

I mean if checkdowns don’t make you climax, you’re just not a red-blooded man.

LemonJello
LemonJello

Fuck Collinsworth with a rusty grain auger.

Buddy Cole's Off-Season Habit!
Buddy Cole's Off-Season Habit!

Ben McAdoo’s toilet is called “The ‘Doo-doo” and is shaped like a high school sophomore’s mouth.

Dick E. Phuck
Dick E. Phuck

Jesus Christ

King Hippo

yeah, “shaped like”

Buddy Cole's Off-Season Habit!
Buddy Cole's Off-Season Habit!

He asked for the actress in the Bad Lieutenant traffic scene to be the mold for it

Doktor Zymm

It’s okay, Dallas wins sometimes. I’ll red lipstick and soldier on. And may they fail in all the games from now to eternity. SHOVE THINGS IN UNPLEASANT ORFICES BECAUSE DALLAS!

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli

Honestly, I’ve seen worst sexts.

Buddy Cole's Off-Season Habit!
Buddy Cole's Off-Season Habit!

From Zymm

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli

And frankly I can work with this

Buddy Cole's Off-Season Habit!
Buddy Cole's Off-Season Habit!

Not the first time someone’s told me that

Spur
Spur

Cowboys Win
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Buddy Cole's Off-Season Habit!
Buddy Cole's Off-Season Habit!

Elvis Grbac was Uncle Ed’s favorite QB. He never said why but he was really sad when Lisa Marie was with Michael Jackson.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

It blows my mind that her daughter was the redhead in Fury Road and MJ’s daughter is like 19.

Dick E. Phuck
Dick E. Phuck

Y’know, I often wonder why women won’t sleep with me. Then one day I realized it’s because I’m a fat neckbeard that makes Youtube videos about how the wage gap is a myth and how women’s freedom is destroying western civilization.

Buddy Cole's Off-Season Habit!
Buddy Cole's Off-Season Habit!

I’m a femini-ass-t, in that I can namedrop Friedan and Steinem enough to get a pity handjob.

Dick E. Phuck
Dick E. Phuck

What’s the success rate?

Buddy Cole's Off-Season Habit!
Buddy Cole's Off-Season Habit!

70% to the dollar

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

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Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli

/chugs entire Mt. Dew.

Buddy Cole's Off-Season Habit!
Buddy Cole's Off-Season Habit!

Sometimes Uncle Ed would get sad and say, “I miss Randall Cunningham” I’d ask why and he’d stare into the distance and say, “The mustache, Buddy. I had a spiritual experience watching MNF in ’88 and that’s all I will say.”

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

The Good Place is really good. BoJack Horseman is a series, but I’m almost done with the second episode after watching the first one again since trying when it was first released. I’m not necessarily sure I need to watch a series about depression. That would be like watching a series about someone being a fat fuck. I already know what that’s like.

Doktor Zymm

Been told I should watch Bojack. But don’t Netflix anymore. Even before I cancelled wasn’t sure about the should

King Hippo

depends on how much one enjoys REALLY dark humour, and lives by the “lean INTO it” theory on depression.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

I stream more movies and TV off random websites now than I watch either Netflix or Amazon.

I’m disappointed that all of these companies are developing their own streaming services because pretty soon there will be a threshold point where someone will suggest “Hey, what if we bundle some of these services together?” and end up just re-creating cable.

But ESPN will still die and the NFL will lose 90% of its revenue, so I’m okay with that.

King Hippo

nah, live sports will keep cable alive forever, and there will always be some (LIKE ME) who refuse to cut the cord completely.

But I appreciate the cord cutters putting on pressure, when I moved my cable bill got cut in like half, they were scared so shitless to lose me. And the customer service has improved dramatically.

Sharkbait
Sharkbait

I thought the NFL was cutting down on the Commercial, 1 play, commercial bullshit

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Doktor Zymm

Oh, I’ll drink Crown Royal responsibly, cause I won’t drink that shit at all
#teambourbonwine

Buddy Cole's Off-Season Habit!
Buddy Cole's Off-Season Habit!

Uncle Ed used to say, “There’s only two things in life that scare me, Buddy: Death and Rick Mirer with a throbbing hard-on tripping on ecstasy.”

Romonobyl

I laughed.

Spur
Spur

Are THE Giants taking timeouts to keep up appearances?

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