Your NFC East Division Slugfest-Orama Football Open Thread

Boy howdy has this been a day. I bid a very warm welcome to the new commenters that have done some quality yakking on this here blog earlier today. Strong start, fellas. Keep up with the funny. Me? I spent the majority of the day ignoring my family’s wants and needs. They’ve come to expect that beginning (continuing?) in the fall just as the leaves turn. We’ve come to a nice arrangement. The games themselves today were equal parts extraordinary physical displays and mind-bending mental errors. Thankfully I’m equally entertained by both. This football fan did not go hungry. Well, the last tilt of the day is before us. Shall we? TO THE GAME!

The Mighty Giants/Dall-ass: Difference-maker Old Dirty Beckham is a game timer but I sure hope he limps on to the field if only to serve as a distraction for the Cowboys D. His presence alone will make things easier for the Giants. If he’s not there using up the double team then Dallas can free up another defender to attack the basically immobile Eli. That wouldn’t be good. DAK!, Dez and Zeke ran roughshod over everyone else in the league but managed to put up only 26 points against the G-men last year. That said, both games were easily winnable last year. Dallas has lost some guys in the secondary while New York has upgraded at rb, te and wr. I hope that’ll be enough to squeeze out what will no doubt be a tight affair. I’ll say 21-17 Giants. Oh, and Eli will definitely throw an interception. Book it.

Damn. I had all kinds of fun today-let’s keep that ball rolling. LET’S DO THIS!!!

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Wakezilla
Member

Happy 911 everyone!

Dont forget to wish Bashar Assad a Happy birthday.

JerBear50
Member
JerBear50

/Door flies open
//Door gets ripped off hinges by Irma, lands in Gulf
HOW THE FUCK YA DOIN BOYS???

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

Just finished Rick & Morty, otherwise my writer is blocked. You?

JerBear50
Member
JerBear50

Not bad, considering.

Wakezilla
Member

Sounds like you are getting quite the blow job

JerBear50
Member
JerBear50

Mostly moved east of us. Got really lucky on this one. Though I won’t know how my house is until I get home in a few hours.

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

I need a caption for this. I keep coming up blank joking about leaping over an Italian.

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Mr. Ayo
Member
Mr. Ayo

“WOP” -Chris Berman

ballsofsteelandfury
Member

That’s not the first time #2 closed his eyes and lowered his head as he went between someone’s legs.

Brick Meathook
Member
Brick Meathook

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Senor Weaselo
Member

Just a guess, it’s not a good thing for New York football if the Yankees equal the Giants and Jets combined in their respective point totals.

the Alpha and the Amoeba
Member
the Alpha and the Amoeba

Looking forward to seeing you all tomorrow

blaxabbath
Member

Back from it. I cowered in the shoulder of my wife’s sweatshirt for two hours BUT I can say this: it’s got great sound.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show
Member
Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Look tomorrow is a day of sorrow, remembrance, and a sober reminder that tragedy can strike in the most random and horrifying ways. I know someone who was personally affected by this whole thing, and can recall the confusion, the anger, and the unflinchingly visceral reactions those in the tri-state had. People filed lawsuits, some lost family never to be identified again because of this horrible event we are commemorating tomorrow:

Chris Berman calling a Monday Night Football game.

ballsofsteelandfury
Member

This is why we love you Buddy!

King Hippo
Member

I mean, Buddy’s zingers made that turd of a Sunday nighter seemingly fly by. We STILL had fun. DO YOUR WORST GOODELL!!

LemonJello
Member
LemonJello

So, we’re getting together and doing some more of this tomorrow night, right?

Later, Taters!

King Hippo
Member

oh yeah, the 2 parts of the MNF marathon look decent on paper…and Berman-free!

Romonobyl
Member

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Doktor Zymm
Member

IT’S A GREAT WIN FOR OUR FOOTBALL TEAM TO START THE SEASON AND IT’S A BLESSING TO BE OUT HERE, I’M JUST HAPPY ETC ETC
Something something RESILIENT. Tomorrow’s gonna suck, yeah? I should be better, but nah.

Dick E. Phuck
Member
Dick E. Phuck

This was as painful as watching my Niece’s 4th grade Fiddler on the Roof play. Only unlike that event, I don’t get a handjob from the cute drama teacher after it’s over.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show
Member
Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Or from Harvey Fierstein. I felt like I got Bar Mitzvah’d!

Doktor Zymm
Member

Good night, you sweet, sad bastards.

King Hippo
Member

where’d ya get the “sweet” impression from? nighty night, happy 9/11 Eve!!

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show
Member
Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Do you celebrate by hanging two stockings from the fridge?

King Hippo
Member

I should go do that now and see if the kids ask in the morning.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show
Member
Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Just don’t leave cookies for Osama Claus.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show
Member
Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Likewise, you capricious, buzzed wench.

Dick E. Phuck
Member
Dick E. Phuck

G’night

Brocky
Member

Night dok

Senor Weaselo
Member

So I learned taco salad and brisket mac and cheese in consecutive things is not something Senor can do anymore. Apart from that setback, what’d I miss?

LemonJello
Member
LemonJello

Tell me more about this brisket mac & cheese you speak of…

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show
Member
Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

I don’t think he wants to photograph the toilet

Senor Weaselo
Member

It was mac and cheese with brisket and a little BBQ sauce on it. It wasn’t mindblowingly good but all right. But I can’t have two meals with less lean meats, because the taco beef was the 85% lean and the brisket is brisket, so I got the warm sweats and immediately ran to the bathroom. My friend was concerned about me because she hasn’t seen me in that kind of physical distress and she’s known me for 4 years and is one of my closest friends.

Dick E. Phuck
Member
Dick E. Phuck

Pics or it didn’t happen

Romonobyl
Member

You had me at brisket mac and cheese.

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

It occurs to me that The Redacteds really do reflect Washington pretty well in that they are wealthy and gentrified, filled with useless assholes and run by dangerously incompetent narcissistic megalomaniac, spend inordinate amounts of money on autofellatio while the only functioning machinery exists solely to fuck over and intimidate ordinary people at every step. But the rubes somehow still seem in awe or even to respect some of it while in reality it only exists to make the rich richer while producing nothing of value to anyone.

I loved Washington when I went to school there. I still know people who live there. Yet they would have to pay me to ever go back because it was the most openly hostile, unwelcoming place I’ve ever been to in the two times I went back to that shit hole.

Doktor Zymm
Member

Close, but it doesn’t take 2 years to be approved to play on the team

King Hippo
Member

with very little access by public transit, it may make getting out after the game a nightmare hellscape but at least the poors can’t get there!!!

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

Poors certainly aren’t welcome within the city, either.

King Hippo
Member

well, Southeast ,, smh

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

I understand that is beginning to be gentrified as well.

King Hippo
Member

that…shall be quite the process.

King Hippo
Member

and hopefully everyone will have risen up in the streets and killed whitey before then, can’t possibly be that much longer FFS

Doktor Zymm
Member

I didn’t drink enough, I’m aware of NOT GOING TO TYPE IT win. Sad.

King Hippo
Member

Alex Smith would masturbate to that game film.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show
Member
Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

I mean if checkdowns don’t make you climax, you’re just not a red-blooded man.

LemonJello
Member
LemonJello

Fuck Collinsworth with a rusty grain auger.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show
Member
Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Ben McAdoo’s toilet is called “The ‘Doo-doo” and is shaped like a high school sophomore’s mouth.

Dick E. Phuck
Member
Dick E. Phuck

Jesus Christ

King Hippo
Member

yeah, “shaped like”

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show
Member
Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

He asked for the actress in the Bad Lieutenant traffic scene to be the mold for it

Doktor Zymm
Member

It’s okay, Dallas wins sometimes. I’ll red lipstick and soldier on. And may they fail in all the games from now to eternity. SHOVE THINGS IN UNPLEASANT ORFICES BECAUSE DALLAS!

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli
Member

Honestly, I’ve seen worst sexts.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show
Member
Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

From Zymm

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli
Member

And frankly I can work with this

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show
Member
Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Not the first time someone’s told me that

Spur
Member
Spur

Cowboys Win
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Buddy Cole's Halftime Show
Member
Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Elvis Grbac was Uncle Ed’s favorite QB. He never said why but he was really sad when Lisa Marie was with Michael Jackson.

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

It blows my mind that her daughter was the redhead in Fury Road and MJ’s daughter is like 19.

Dick E. Phuck
Member
Dick E. Phuck

Y’know, I often wonder why women won’t sleep with me. Then one day I realized it’s because I’m a fat neckbeard that makes Youtube videos about how the wage gap is a myth and how women’s freedom is destroying western civilization.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show
Member
Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

I’m a femini-ass-t, in that I can namedrop Friedan and Steinem enough to get a pity handjob.

Dick E. Phuck
Member
Dick E. Phuck

What’s the success rate?

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show
Member
Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

70% to the dollar

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

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Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli
Member

/chugs entire Mt. Dew.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show
Member
Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Sometimes Uncle Ed would get sad and say, “I miss Randall Cunningham” I’d ask why and he’d stare into the distance and say, “The mustache, Buddy. I had a spiritual experience watching MNF in ’88 and that’s all I will say.”

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

The Good Place is really good. BoJack Horseman is a series, but I’m almost done with the second episode after watching the first one again since trying when it was first released. I’m not necessarily sure I need to watch a series about depression. That would be like watching a series about someone being a fat fuck. I already know what that’s like.

Doktor Zymm
Member

Been told I should watch Bojack. But don’t Netflix anymore. Even before I cancelled wasn’t sure about the should

King Hippo
Member

depends on how much one enjoys REALLY dark humour, and lives by the “lean INTO it” theory on depression.

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

I stream more movies and TV off random websites now than I watch either Netflix or Amazon.

I’m disappointed that all of these companies are developing their own streaming services because pretty soon there will be a threshold point where someone will suggest “Hey, what if we bundle some of these services together?” and end up just re-creating cable.

But ESPN will still die and the NFL will lose 90% of its revenue, so I’m okay with that.

King Hippo
Member

nah, live sports will keep cable alive forever, and there will always be some (LIKE ME) who refuse to cut the cord completely.

But I appreciate the cord cutters putting on pressure, when I moved my cable bill got cut in like half, they were scared so shitless to lose me. And the customer service has improved dramatically.

Sharkbait
Member
Sharkbait

I thought the NFL was cutting down on the Commercial, 1 play, commercial bullshit

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Doktor Zymm
Member

Oh, I’ll drink Crown Royal responsibly, cause I won’t drink that shit at all
#teambourbonwine

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show
Member
Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Uncle Ed used to say, “There’s only two things in life that scare me, Buddy: Death and Rick Mirer with a throbbing hard-on tripping on ecstasy.”

Romonobyl
Member

I laughed.

Spur
Member
Spur

Are THE Giants taking timeouts to keep up appearances?

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