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Your Saturday Evening Open Thread & Broadcast Coverage Discussion

Beerguyrob

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The one good thing about the Patriots opening the season on Thursday is that there’s no Patriots game on Sunday. Oh sure, the pre-game shows can’t help themselves, and after the GAME MANAGING they took Thursday night it’ll be quite enjoyable, but thank heaven for tender mercies.

Courtesy those hard-working maniacs at 506sports, here are tomorrow’s broadcast maps for game coverage:

CBS SINGLE


█ Anchorage AK  |  █ Fairbanks AK
█ Honolulu HI

█ Oakland @ Tennessee Jim Nantz, Tony Romo
█ Pittsburgh @ Cleveland Greg Gumbel, Trent Green
█ NY Jets @ Buffalo Kevin Harlan, Rich Gannon
█ Baltimore @ Cincinnati Spero Dedes, Adam Archuleta
█ Jacksonville @ Houston Andrew Catalon, James Lofton
█ Indianapolis @ LA Rams (LATE) Ian Eagle, Dan Fouts

UPDATES:

  • Miami FL: IND-LAR to BUF-NYJ
  • Tampa FL: IND-LAR to PIT-CLE
  • San Diego and Palm Springs CA: OAK-TN to IND-LAR
  • Mobile AL: PIT-CLE to JAX-HOU

 

It looks like CBS gets the shit end of the stick opening weekend. Unless you are a fan of one of those teams, it looks like there isn’t an appealing game in the bunch. The highlight looks like Oakland at Tennessee, as we will bear witness to the Emmy Award era of the Tony Romo show on CBS.

FOX EARLY


█ Anchorage AK  |  █ Fairbanks AK
█ Honolulu HI

█ Atlanta @ Chicago Kevin Burkhardt, Charles Davis
█ Philadelphia @ Washington Kenny Albert, Ronde Barber
█ Arizona @ Detroit Chris Myers, Daryl Johnston
█ NO GAME due to local team at home on CBS

UPDATES:

  • all Florida: TB-MIA to ATL-CHI (TB-MIA rescheduled for week 11)
  • Memphis TN: PHI-WSH to ATL-CHI
  • Wichita KS; Fargo and Bismarck ND: ATL-CHI to PHI-WSH
  • Chico CA: PHI-WSH to AZ-DET

 

Whoops! Maybe I spoke too soon. Philadelphia at Washington is the early ‘marquee’ matchup on FOX, but that’s only because no right-thinking person should ever consider watching the Falcons again, and I don’t want to watch Carson Palmer lead Fitty over the middle to his eventual doom.

FOX LATE


█ Anchorage AK  |  █ Fairbanks AK
█ Honolulu HI

█ Seattle @ Green Bay Joe Buck, Troy Aikman
█ Carolina @ San Francisco Thom Brennaman, Chris Spielman

UPDATES:

  • Bakersfield, Santa Barbara and Chico CA: SEA-GB to CAR-SF

 

Oh yeah, now we’re cooking with gas.

Poor Chico getting cockblocked out of both PHI-WSH & SEA-GB. It’s probably Aaron Rodgers taking more shots at his parents for supporting Jordan.

And for you poor bastards sentenced to blackouts or shitty games, DFO is here to remind you that Directv is doing a free preview of RedZone this weekend. Take advantage of the gifts you find.

Tonight’s sports: College football is back with a vengeance.

  • CFL:
    • Calgary at Edmonton – 9:00PM | TSN
  •  NCAA:
    • Auburn at Clemson – 7:00PM | ESPN
    • South Carolina at Missouri – 7:00PM | ESPN2
    • Oklahoma at Ohio State – 7:30PM | ABC
    • Georgia at Notre Dame – 7:30PM | NBC
    • Stanford at Southern California – 8:30PM | FOX
    • Minnesota at Oregon State – 10:00PM | FS1
    • Utah at BYU – 10:15PM | ESPN2
    • Boise State at Washington State – 10:30PM | ESPN
  • NASCAR:
    • Federated Auto Parts 400 – 7:30PM | NBCSN / TSN4
  • UFC:
    • UFC 215 Prelims – 8:00PM | FS1 / TSN2
  • MLS:
    • Whitecaps FC vs. Real Salt Lake – 10:00PM | TSN2

Rest up my lovelies, FOR TOMORROW WE DINE!

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King Hippo

Dare I say a miracle from Chryst?

0
LemonJello

Tosu v OU. Boring game or MOST boring game?

/haven’t really been watching

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King Hippo

Troi Boiz/Trees is pure pinball.

0
Wakezilla

With the win, the Ticats go to 2-8 and are 2 games out of first and hold the tiebreaker against the first place team.

*snaps fingers*

The CFL East division!

3
Brick Meathook

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Horatio Cornblower

Because Pabst Blue Ribbon is better than Heineken.

2
King Hippo

I was always a High Life hipster. Ah will fight yeeeeewww

0
litre_cola

Cant believe none of us are up for whatever.

2
King Hippo

How have I never seen that film?

0
Horatio Cornblower

Indeed. That movie is not only right up your alley, it’s considering moving in next door and would very much like to invite you over for a BBQ.

Seriously man, you need to watch it.

3
litre_cola

The playoff certainly has made the opening weeks waaay better. I have nothing against watching Montana State (Go Cats) v Stanford however these games are far more entertaning.

0
King Hippo

this is absolute no risk for tOSU. If they lose, they still easily get in if they run the table. Without the game, they still need to run it (given the conference being all meh). But if they win, they could have a WTF loss excused now.

1
herodotus450

Plus a big primetime game to keep the brand alive and in the minds of our nation’s impressionable youth

1
King Hippo

true, but that’s never sufficed for the institutions of the B1G before. MAC games FOAR all!

0
King Hippo

hey, how did Chryst end up playing QB at Stanford and not Notre Dame??

2
herodotus450

He didn’t ryse to the challenge I guess

6
litre_cola

He was far too wyse to go to Notre Dame

4
King Hippo

Pretty tough Dad to brybe, too

4
herodotus450

They did have a Crist at one point though
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dayne_Crist

2
LemonJello

I guess they couldn’t nail him down and commit.

6
Unsurprised

bleh

2
herodotus450

You know Baker Mayfield is the starter because he leaves half of himself out there on every play and you have to add it back on the bench.

1
LemonJello

Was that a Malachi crunch reference I just heard?

0
herodotus450

I thought you couldn’t call consecutive timeouts (or times out ifn it’s Keith Jackson talking) ?

1
ALXMAC

Think that’s just NFL?

1
King Hippo

Trees/Troi Boiz might just be pretty good.

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Unsurprised

I ate too much. Fucking Hell. I want booze though. And her.

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1
King Hippo

Drink now. Shame LATER!!

1
Unsurprised

I have to leave the house though.

Oh, Hell …

I don’t want to put pants on, but the bums already fill the quota of underclothed losers wandering the store.

1
King Hippo

the key is TRACK PANTS. Ricky from Trailer Park Boys has reclaimed those for the common/non-homeless man. Be comfy and proud!

3
litre_cola

I wear shorts until there is snow on the ground. Freedom.

0
Wakezilla

Enjoy it for the next week, then!

0
herodotus450

Just puke it up, what could go wrong? Or isntall the stomach tap; but I don’t want to talk about that cause it’s fucking gross.

0
blaxabbath

#wouldbang

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LemonJello

“Let’s talk to a former coach and basically ignore any action on the field. That’s what the fans really want.”

-ESPN brain trust

4
King Hippo

It’s like someone told them their shitty Sunday Night Baseball coverage which infuriates everyone should be a model to ruin their one almost unfuckupable product.

Fox does a much better job.

2
LemonJello

The rotten cherry on that shit sundae is going with the full screen camera shot of the booth crew spewing away with a brief cut to the field.

1
blaxabbath

“Put it on video so you can take those archives and…get this…make those archives THE HOMEPAGE!” -FoxSports

0
blaxabbath

“Also every video is Collin Cowherd on a different debate show.”

0
King Hippo

Just watching the Gus Johnson game now, fuck it. tOSU crowd shots make me too mad.

2
ALXMAC

I’ll let you know when/if it gets better, but I’m having a GD heart attack on almost every play.

1
King Hippo

yeah, having a significant rooting interest in that would be horrifying

0
Spanky Datass

/looks at 506 maps/broadcasters above
NFL needs more Gus Johnson.

4
King Hippo

Cop Speed!

0
Horatio Cornblower

My honeymoon needed more Gus Johnson.

3
LemonJello

You sure that wasn’t Big Jim Slade?
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3
Wakezilla

61 seconds left, Ottawa down by 4 and they have the ball on theie 42 and Hamilton is in the prevent. Excitement!

1
herodotus450

But Karlsson is hurt how are they gonna score 4 goals to tie it in one minute?

3
Senor Weaselo

He said Hamilton, not the Rangers.
/Drinks

1
herodotus450

Is Hamilton like some Canadioun slang for Montreal?

0
LemonJello

SHANK’LOR deigns to appear this evening.

1
King Hippo

GODDESS BLESS

1
King Hippo

back into limbo, Okies. You know what to do.

1
King Hippo

res ipsa loquitor

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herodotus450

Translation bot that took 2 years of Latin says:
“Movement which is in the middle.”

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King Hippo

I took 1 year of Latin in high school from an alcoholic old lady, and learned to sleep with my eyes open. Nothing else.

1
herodotus450

My favorite was learning the verb moveo, which means, I move. Who woulda guessed?

1
King Hippo

and lemme guess, always brave soldiers in the fields of Rome too, amirite?? So topical for our modern world.

0
herodotus450

Fidelis Centurionus Fieldere ?

0
King Hippo

These “marquee games” have been fucking abyssmal

0
Wakezilla

Watch the Maple football game! Close game and it’s almost over

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King Hippo

they don’t appear to show those anymore (at least not today) down here

0
Spanky Datass

ESPN The Duce stopped airing CFL games aboot the time the NFL preseason started because they are stupid. Fuck those guys.

3
King Hippo

I am going to throw my shoe at Oklahoma. The entire goddamned state.

0
ALXMAC

They’re all in Columbus.

1
Redshirt

This OU-OSU game is just like me. Despite all of my effort and running around, no one is scoring.

7
King Hippo

I stopped making effort, and my batting average stayed exactly the same. Take heart!

2
herodotus450

Ah the nonchalant approach… so what are you doing later?

0
LemonJello

Hey! Thanks for taking all the booze and snacks and going into the other room without telling me.

Jerks.

/I’m not cleaning up the mess. Make one of the new guys do it.

3
Spanky Datass

I know, right?
And … um … somebody needs to replace the light bulb in the DFO Clubhouse latrine. Just sayin’.

2
Horatio Cornblower

There are 18 beers in my fridge right now. How fast can you get here?

0
litre_cola

Everybody gwtting their stretching in for tomorrow?

1
King Hippo

Especially during ASU/SDSU!

1
Redshirt

Not me. I got a ticket for tomorrow. 12th row, end zone.

2
laserguru

I’m feeling generous and I will give you my pick for tomorrow’s two team parlay. I took Carolina to beat the Niners – straight up – and I parlayed the Jets getting 8 points against Buffalo.

Sit back and get ready to pop the bubbly!

0
King Hippo

Bet the family farm on RAMIT!!!

0
Horatio Cornblower

I also took Carolina in the eliminator challenge so full disclosure, Yeah Right’s losing that one.

1
King Hippo

tOSU does nothing, punts.

Boomer Sooner storms into limbo, fucks up.

Lather, rinse, repeat.

3
Horatio Cornblower

Just got home from drinking with my brother and father at the local brewery. Pretty sure my brother’s sleeping over. Working through a six-pack of Arrogant Bastard, which I’m entitled to because I HAVE THE BANNER MOTHERFUCKERS!!!!

9
King Hippo

For the moment, at least, you are our Dark Lord.

1
Redshirt

Yeah, rub it in that you dethroned me!

1
Horatio Cornblower

I fully expect my reign to last well into the 1st quarter of tomorrow’s open thread.

1
King Hippo

Hey some of us have NEVAR been bannered, and will likely die that way. Not sayin’ just sayin’ imo godbless.

3
Unsurprised

Arrogant Bastard is good shit.

1
King Hippo

The drinking portion of the evening has commenced. SO MUCH DRINKING.

3
Horatio Cornblower

Yeah. “Commenced”

1
King Hippo

hey, I been disciplined. Only pills so far. Maybe a whole fuckton of ’em, but still…

2
Wakezilla

EX Roughriders making the game interesting against Hamilton.

1
litre_cola

Really? I changed to osu v sooners.

0
Wakezilla

4 point game

0
Unsurprised

If Buddy were here he’d insist that there’s no such thing as an EX-roughrider.

Also, I believe they like to be called former roughriders, like Marines (same thing, really).

0
Senor Weaselo

Has anyone ever eaten it running down the hill for Clemson? And if so is it hilarious?

3
Senor Weaselo

Wow, how did he not dent the bell or anything? And I said hilarious, the musician in me sees falling with instrument as more terrifying.

1
King Hippo

He didn’t end up with it in his ass, did he?

/have too many windows active already

0
Redshirt

Update. The pool is closed. Also, going into 63° water is actually quite refreshing once the hypothermia kicks in.

3
JustStopDude

I was at a barbecue festival. I got drunk.

I then got a ride home and got beer on the way. Kept drinking.

I had two mormon missionaries show up.

Drunk talking to Mormons is so much fucking fun. We watched football for an hour while I drank.

6
herodotus450

Did someone say festival?
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Senor Weaselo

We could make a talking to Mormons on substances power ranking! Acid probably wins, not that I’ve tried acid, and definitely never talked to Mormons while on acid. Or some other hallucinogen.

0
JustStopDude

At one point, I just finished shotgunning a beer and I lit a smoke. The one guy started talking serious…

“Dude. I am NOT giving up smokes, booze, coffee, or casual sex. Furthermore, I have translated into English the Vulgate and the Talmud. No offense, but the book of Mormon is kind of a joke to me”

The other guy, I shit you not says “Steve…just let it go. We got a bathroom and all the water we can drink. And I want to see who won the Virginia game”

The non- Steve guy was alright!

4
Horatio Cornblower

Fuck yeah NotSteve.

5
Wakezilla

I went to a mormon wedding reception a few years ago in Nevada. It was full of a lot of good looking people. Really nice folks, too.

0
JustStopDude

That’s the fucking cool thing about Mormons. They are as hung up about shit as everyone else, but they are smart enough not to be dicks about it to non-Mormons.

0
Unsurprised

Until they vote.

0
King Hippo

how could tOSU and their dolt homer announcer boo that??

0
Redshirt

Brainwashing at Freshman Orientation, after the placement exams.

2
laserguru

Hey Kids!

If you haven’t joined our suicide league there’s still time! You just can’t choose the Thursday game retroactively.

You will need an ESPN account. Go to Eliminator challenge and search for group DFO Crack Suicide Squad or just click this handy fucking link.

http://games.espn.com/nfl-eliminator-challenge/2017/en/group?groupID=56874

Be sure to get your pick in before kickoff tomorrow.

Should you choose the Rams over Indy?

You are a suicide specialist!

JOIN US!

2
ballsofsteelandfury

Please note that ONE unfortunate soul lost on Thursday so by joining now, you are guaranteed NOT to finish last!

2
litre_cola

Who was it?

0
laserguru

The guy who picked New England!

2
laserguru

Just kidding, I believe it was NATO Pats Fan.

1
Horatio Cornblower

Just joined to pick Carolina over the 49ers.

You’re welcome CB

2
Dolph Ucker

I just joined.
Made a pick.
Forgot pick.
Fuck New England.*

*Remembered that, at least.

1
ballsofsteelandfury

Game over now for the cornfuckers.

0
King Hippo

OR’s 2nd half prevent offense will just barely hold on.

0
Redshirt

Unless their name is Barry Sanders, any running back who runs backwards should be dragged off the field immediately.

4
King Hippo

So now here’s the thing – OR makes the 3rd and 5, then NE gets the ball back with like :25 left.

0
ballsofsteelandfury

QB should have kept the ball

0
King Hippo

coulda walked for the first. He can’t read the option fer shit

1
King Hippo

Corn-up-teh-butt within 7

0
ballsofsteelandfury

2:47 left. Onside here?

0
King Hippo

I would, just because one first down beats you regardless.

0
ballsofsteelandfury

they still have 3 TOs

0
King Hippo

yeah, but unless they get said 1st down on 1st down, getting it will bleed at least 1:30 off the clock before the TOs can be used.

0
King Hippo

FGs ain’t enough, Aubie

1
Redshirt

OK, Ohio State. Just because sucking in the 1st Half and let the team score on you worked against Indiana doesn’t mean that it’ll work against Oklahoma.

2
ballsofsteelandfury

I own a Toyota and I love how well-made and reliable Toyota cars are, but they really need to fire their marketing people. Their commercials make me want to buy anything else.

2
blaxabbath

Yeah. Fuck Pat.

0
King Hippo

Boomer!!

/or whatever one is supposed to do to express approval of dem Okie fucks

//I draw the line at fucking steers, tho

1
ALXMAC

Sooner!!

0
Redshirt

Dear Buckeye Fans,

Don’t chant that stupid ass “OHHHH-OH-OH-OH-OHHHH-OHHHH” song when your team is running out of the tunnel and the Marching Band is playing “Fight the Team”. You’re better than this.

Redshirt

2
Unsurprised

No, they aren’t.

5
ballsofsteelandfury

Great minds

1
Redshirt

At least we’re not Patriots fans.

3
King Hippo

counterpoint under consideration

2
Redshirt

In times of “They beat us in a close game”, “They took out our best player”, and “They’re assholes”, its kind of refreshing that “They sang their Alma Mater on our turf” is considered a motivation to win a game. Not a fight song or a taunting chant. An Alma Mater! The slow boring song from our schools that we all forget the words to.

3
Senor Weaselo

“There are words in an Alme… Alma… school song?” -U*NC “student”

2
Unsurprised

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6
Redshirt

Is that Karen Gillian? Asking for a friend.

4
Unsurprised

Yes. Full size.

4
King Hippo

where is Moose? He won’t want to miss this.

1
Redshirt

O/U ABC’s new series “The Mayor”: 5 episodes

0
ballsofsteelandfury

I’ll take the under.

2
Unsurprised

Phrasing?

1
ballsofsteelandfury

South Florida got switched from Indy – Rams to Jets-Bills. There are some sadistic assholes at CBS, aren’t there? HAVEN’T THESE PEOPLE SUFFERED ENOUGH?!?

3
King Hippo

That’s like being switched from cold spam on Wonder Bread to a bowl of dog vomit.

2
Senor Weaselo

Which suffering is worse?
/Okay, we know which one is worse, but… you know

0
BaldingSpiritually

Dammit, I’m stuck with Pitt and Cleveland or Atlanta and Chicago? Looks like I’ll be firing up the illegal streams

2
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I paid for a membership at hehestreams.xyz last year and it was worth every penny. I have been shilling relentlessly for them ever since.

0
ballsofsteelandfury

I’m a little pissed we don’t get CFL games down here in the States anymore…

2
BaldingSpiritually

Because nothing screams a fun night out than a game between the Shreveport Pirates and Memphis Mad Dogs. On the plus side I got to hang out with the former University of Houston coaches the night before a game and hear some interesting stories about recruiting back in the late 80s and early 90s.

3
ballsofsteelandfury

I love me some good hookers and coke stories…

1
BaldingSpiritually

More commonplace now but they kept claiming how they enticed athletes with stripper parties as they financially couldn’t keep up with the big SWC schools. They refused to go against A&M because they would start negotiations at 30k, forgot what he said LSU offered but he talked about a heated recruiting battle they lost to Louisiana Tech because Tech was willing to throw in a Corvette for his signature.

1
ballsofsteelandfury

That sounds awesome! Oh, for the days of the old SWC…

0
litre_cola

Les Bombères beating the inbreds today was fantastic. Battle of Alberta rematch tonight.

1
ballsofsteelandfury

I picked that! Wooo!

Now, WTF is wrong with Ottawa?

0
litre_cola

The whole East is a dumpster fire. All 4 teams can beat each other and thats it.

1
King Hippo

I enjoy maps.

1
ballsofsteelandfury

As do I

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7
King Hippo

don’t be going straight FOAR the peninsula ,, smh

1
herodotus450

That’s a fictional map though.
/Puts a new meaning to the phrase “Visiting Asshai the shadow lands”

2
herodotus450

//It’s because Asshai would be on the other side, presumably where her butt is

0
Senor Weaselo

There’s a Shakespearean scene joke to make here… no, seriously. Except the person talked about in the scene is spherical like a globe, which this lady is clearly not.

/Something about “visiting her Low Countries”
//Comedy of Errors, Act III, Scene 2

1
Redshirt

Time for the Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny:

Land Settlers vs. Poisonous Tree Nuts

0
Senor Weaselo

If only it was USC-Oregon, Dido and Aeneas jokes aplenty!

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