Snaxx Special Balls Episode – Viva Canadá

Today, we are back with another installment of Snaxx!

This one, however, is a little bit different as your friendly neighborhood Balls is writing. Your regular Snaxx expert, Mr. Litre_cola, though, is very much involved.

About a week ago, Mr. Litre notified me of the existence of a spicy tamarind-flavoured vodka that, due to Canadia’s draconian and quite ridiculous liquor laws, he could not procure in The Great White North.

Luckily, I live in the great city-state of Los Angeles, where most any kind of booze can be found at your local grocery store, 7-11, or yes, even a regular ole liquor store. I did not need to search far as the BevMo at the end of the 110 freeway had it in stock.

I informed Mr. Litre of my find and we agreed to a Snaxx exchange program whereby I would send his way more Mexican snackies with a well-wrapped and protected bottle of Mexican lemonade. He, in return, would send me a batch of All-Canadian snacks. My package arrived today, so I am sharing the goodness with all of you!

On to the SNAXX!

Ruffles All-Dressed Chips

One of my favourite things about my trip to Vancouver was getting to sample All-Dressed chips. We, for some god-forsaken reason, don’t get them in the States

I do remember at one point Ruffles had them as a limited time flavour here in LA and I bought as many bags as I could. Let me just say this: GET OFF YOUR ASS, RUFFLES, AND BRING THE ALL-DRESSED CHIPS BACK TO AMERICA!!

Ruffles Ketchup Chips

I was initially hesitant when I bought these in Vancouver, but I had heard so much about them that I had to try them. I didn’t know what brand to buy, so I got two. The first one I didn‘t particularly care for, but the second one was amazeballs. Sadly, I don’t remember which ones I got in Vancouver.

These are the good ones. I won’t describe them because I want you to buy them when you see them. Dee fucking licious!

Cheezies

You don’t even know how excited I was when I found these in my care package. I also had these in Vancouver and I got addicted to them. Seriously, I packed three large (and I mean LARGE) bags into my suitcase for the flight home. I took my time enjoying them and was more than a little bummed out when they finally ran out.

Fuck Cheetos. These are the best cheese-based corn snacks in the planet. You can really taste the real cheddar cheese. Anything south of the border is a poor imitation. If there is one thing to move to Canada for, it’s Cheezies.

Hickory Sticks

This was a new one for me. Now, Mr. Litre had given me the heads up that Mrs. Litre had seen these on the counter and then got righly miffed because she came back to the kitchen and they were gone. I believe the exchange went like this:

Mrs. Litre: Where the hell did the snacks go?

Litre: LA

Mrs. Litre (staring daggers at him): Grrrrr.

Anyhoo, I can see why she was pissed. These Hickory sticks are amazing! The closest thing I can think of in terms of texture is the potato sticks things we have in the States that end up on top of casseroles in the Midwest:

These are SO MUCH BETTER! They are salty, of course, and potatoey, but they also have a little bit of BBQ/spice flavour. I’m assuming that’s the hickory but GOOD GOD is that good! I’m not going to lie. It took a great amount of willpower not to house the entire bag in five minutes.

Coffee Crisp

I’ve been the lucky recipient of the Coffee Crisp bar from earlier exchanges with Mr. Litre and I can attest that this is my favourite candy bar. Now, even though I have a sweet tooth, I’m not really one for chocolate bars. The Coffee Crisp is great because it’s more of a light crispy cookie with chocolate and coffee flavours. It eats quick and easy with not much of a mess and no sticking on the teeth.

I’ve discovered they are available at my local Cost Plus World Market store, but I hesitate to purchase them. I’d turn into a fatass as I’d be eating these all the time. Best to enjoy them only on the occasion of my good Canadian buddy sending them to me!

Cadbury Crunchie

This was also a new experience for me. The label says “Sponge Toffee” and I had no idea what that meant. I took my first bite and immediately realized that it’s not soft and squishy like a sponge but it’s really serious about the toffee part. I need to show you a cross-section:

The chocolate coating, as is de rigueur, is better than any American chocolate. Seriously, US chocolate sucks balls.

The bar breaks apart easily on the bite yet the inside sponge is hard as toffee tends to be. I discovered it was best to take the bite and let the piece of the bar stay in my mouth for awhile. That slightly melted the chocolate which added a nice touch and it softened up the toffee so it wouldn’t stick to my teeth.

All in all, a very pleasant discovery!

Mr. Big

First off, the bar lives up to its name as it looks like a healthy nine inches and then some.

As for the bar itself, now THAT is the soft and squishy center I was looking for! It’s also crispy and marshmallowy and it’s just a perfect texture sensation combination. It’s kinda like a Crunch bar on the exterior but there is a layer of caramel enveloping a pair of thin crispy cookies enveloping a chewy marshmallowy middle. Dare I say, the perfect candy bar.

Sorry, Coffee Crisp, I think you’re been replaced. Call me a Size Queen, I don’t care.

I bet we would be the most popular house in the neighborhood if we handed these out during Halloween…

And then there was a special surprise!

That cracked me up so much it’s not even funny. Touché, Mr. Litre, Touché!

I’ll let Litre tell you about the Mexican snackies I sent to him in a later installment. For now, let me sign off with a new drink I concocted:

1 large Taco Bell Mountain Dew Baja Blast (Zero sugar if you’re trying to watch your figure)

1 to 2 ounces of Banana Rum (I use Bacardí but you do you. Choose amount depending on how quickly you want to get drunk)

Drink about half an inch of the Baja Blast before adding in the rum and stirring to mix. Enjoy on a warm day and pretend you’re on a Mexican beach resort.

I’m not sure quite what to call my drink yet. My initial thought was to call it the Tanga Pa’ Bajo. Or maybe the Tanga Pa’lado.

Your suggestions in the comments.

That’s a French-Canadian (Français Canadien) notebook, a California-designed/Chinese-made iPad, coffee from some slave plantation somewhere, but those two mechanical pencils are All-American!