Monday Morning Mock Draft: Chapter The (Friday The) 13th

One of the biggest things I miss from our old site was the mock drafts that used to run every Friday. Those were fantastic time wasters, and a good one was a virtual guarantee that you were going to be far from productive at work, as your day instead degenerated into arguments with strangers over who would be the best Saturday cartoon character to have sex with, (and now we all know how that would go), or some other equally inane topic, all of which were still more important than that TPS report deadline your boss was yelling about. Good times.

Well, it’s been long enough. After a discussion in the back channels yours truly is bringing it back, with some slight rule changes. The old site had 4-5 main contributors, one of whom may not have been real. So they’d do 2-3 rounds themselves, then kick it to the kommentariat to draft whatever was left over. You can do that when you’ve only taken 10-15 of whatever topic was up for drafting. We, however, are a much more connected group when it comes to the writin’ and draftin’ of things, so if we did that we’d easily take out 30-50 before we threw the bedraggled leftovers to our beloved readership. That’s no fun. So these drafts, which I expect to last as long as I remember to do them, (2-3 weeks), will just leap right into it.

Also, for content and alliteration reasons, we’ve moved the draft to Monday mornings, so get ready to kill your productivity right from the start.

First come, first served, subject to my randomly assigning the first pick to someone else, generally because they came up with the idea. Or because they bribed me. For now, please wait 10 picks or 30 minutes before making another one. That will be revised up or down depending on how much participation we get, which I hope will be a lot.

This week’s draft comes from me getting way to into that US-Mexico Lesser Footy tilt last night, the end of which I’m sure isn’t being dissected in the Mexican sports media today. Totally forgot I was supposed to write this. So today’s topic is, uh, is, uh, (looks at title, realizes this is the 13th edition that he’s remembered to do), uh, SCARY MOIVES! Yeah, that’s it. Scary movies! Just like I planned all along!

Rules:

It has to be a scary movie. Scary, of course is objective. If you find Nicholas Sparks movies scary, you go right ahead and draft them. I’ll never stop someone from shitting on a Nicholas Sparks production. Scary movies aren’t really my strong suit, (I am a timid soul), but I’ll get us started with the first pick, taking the Mickey Rourke film ‘Angel Heart’, which I actually like, which I’ve seen multiple times, and which has never failed to pay me back with a nightmare the night I watch it. The rest of you, go dig deep into your recollections and your ids, and

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DJ TAJ

Sorry folks but as a connoisseur of all things demon devilish and blood filled. I simply must put the first and if not the BEST of all time, it has to be, no, “needs” to be included right now. The one that started it all, the 1922 silent release of Haxan (The Witch). What do you like in your horror films, Demons? check, Devils? check, women forced to sniff Satan’s butt hole? check, cooking and eating babies check, check, check.

Simply put if it Hadn’t been made in Norway in the 1920′ s this would have never happened. Hey movies guys, maybe (Tarantino) someone should remake this beauty. I hear Rob (best horror director of our generation) Zombie is doing an updated version of The Munster’s, so good.

No horror movie would have ever been made without this one, ever! And it has a great soundtrack.

Beerguyrob

Okay, so the Open Thread is up now, so with my last pick I’ll take “The Blair Witch Project”.

Brick Meathook

And because I just got here I’ll make my second pick thank you:

Evil Dead II

Downfield Matriculator

I saw some show called Trog when I was 4 or 5 on TV (so theoretically with the nastiest stuff edited out) that was basically about an unfrozen caveman that is studied by a nice scientist lady but then gets loose Kong style and terrorizes the citzenry — for a couple years after that I was pretty sure I saw that fucker outside my window at night waiting to break in and thump me. Other stuff has scared me since, but nothing like the Trog terrors!

Downfield Matriculator

Holy Shit, I just looked it up and the nice scientist lady was goddamned Joan Crawford!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FRYjQaqkokA

Gumbygirl

Gumby and I saw this one in a triple feature when we were kids. The other movie was one of the Hammer Dracula’s, maybe Taste the Blood of Dracula? But the third “feature” was an Ali/ Frazier fight. Swear to God! The 70’s were awesomely weird.

Brick Meathook

The Exorcist is still on the board and I’m taking it.

(DonT took Exorcist III and Weaselo mentioned (but did not draft) Exorcist and Exorcist II.)

I win!

Last edited 2 years ago by Brick Meathook
Viva La Tabula Raza

Equinox.
50 years on and I can still scare myself flashing on a few scenes in my head.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Equinox_(1970_film)

Last edited 2 years ago by Viva La Tabula Raza
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Killer Klowns from Outer Space.

That movie fucked with me as a kid, and it wasn’t even that scary.

Gumbygirl

Gumby’s pick is Dead Snow.

Gumbygirl

His second is Willard. Third, Pet Sematary.

Gumbygirl

Ok, one more. Remember those movies they showed in Driver’s Ed? The Last Prom was a banger, but the worst one was Signal 30, brought to your eternal nightmares courtesy of the Ohio State Patrol. That one had sound. Gahhhhh!

Doktor Zymm

The only movie I remember scaring me as a kid was Pee Week’s Big Adventure. Specifically this scene – https://youtu.be/lPMSGTfK4Aw

But that’s not really that scary, so I guess I’ll take the Blair Witch Project instead. That was filmed in Gaithersburg, MD same county where I grew up. I spent a lot of time in that park and it’s very scary to think I could have run into amateur filmmakers

Gumbygirl

Large Marge! When I was a kid, my school bus driver’s name was Marge. She wasn’t particularly large, but she took zero shit.

ArmedandHammered

What Ever Happened to Baby Jane scared the crap out of me for some reason. Maybe because my younger sister was going through some “issues” and was not very stable when I saw it, was always a bit wary of her anyway. As my grandmother said “That girl ain’t quite right”.

Gumbygirl

That is a great movie. Bette Davis was a badass bitch!

SonOfSpam

Also, I think Fatal Attraction was a certain kind of horror?
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Dunstan

See also: The Lorena Bobbit Story

SonOfSpam

Was just cooking up some liver and fava beans, opening a nice Chianti, and it made me think of
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Senor Weaselo

…The Blair Witch Project?

WCS

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SonOfSpam

Oh good, I was worried the clue was too esoteric.

Beerguyrob

Oh sure, but the broken leg I posted is too much?!

WCS

Next choice:

Dawn of the Dead (1978)
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George Romero’s masterpiece.

Last edited 2 years ago by WCS
Gumbygirl

Monroeville Mall! I hear that place is scary as hell now, for reals.

Beerguyrob

Since I accidentally claimed one of Senor’s by accident, I will then take “It Follows”, a brilliantly conceived thriller.

http://basementrejects.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/03/it-follows-2014-dead-girl-beach-review.jpg