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"This site goes down so often we oughta change the name to “Dating Nancy Reagan”" – Horatio

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Your “Changing Landscapes Are Always Changing” Monday Evening Open Thread

Beerguyrob

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NFL Nuggets:

  • Julio Jones is now officially a Tennessee Titan.
    • They received a second- and fourth-round pick in 2022, but also gave Tennessee a sixth-round selection.
      • More importantly, clearing Jones’ $15.3 million means they won’t have to wreck their cap signing all their draft picks.
    • That faint sound of an orgasm you may have heard on the wind over the weekend was actually from Puerto Rico & was the emotional release of beloved Commentist Don_T feeling emboldened by the Titans playoff chances.
      • Especially since Ryan Tannehill now has check-down options in both Julio Jones and AJ Brown.
  • On the other end of the spectrum, and straight out of a John Schneider fever dream, the Titans also signed three-time All-American wrestler Adam Coon to play on the offensive line. 
    • He is available since he didn’t make the Tokyo Olympic squad.
    • He had a 116-15 record in college while wrestling at Michigan, but he never played football.
      • He did play high school football, which puts him in the same category as Brock Lesnar.
    • It should make for some… interesting chants in Nashville if he makes the team.
  • Gus Edwards is staying in Baltimore.
    • One of the more valuable components of my fantasy team signed a two-year, $10 million contract extension.
      • He is scheduled to make $3.38 million in 2021.
  • Oh dear Lord – Peter King has an opinion on the Aaron Rodgers situation. 
    • Brett Favre unofficial 2008 agent says there is a way for all sides to find a compromise to get through the season.
      • Basically, without giving it the FJM treatment, it involves Rodgers giving Packers GM Brian Gutekunst a list of AFC teams he’d be willing to be traded to after the 2021 season but before the 2022 Draft.
        • That way, Rodgers shows up for minicamp and both gets paid & doesn’t have to pay back his bonus, and the Packers can maximize whatever draft capital they think they have.

And this – I’m just going to present without comment: New Era displayed the Lions new hat.

Tonight’s sports:

  • NHL:
    • NY Islanders at Boston – 6:30pm | NBCSN / Sportsnet1
      • Game 5 – series tied 2-2
    • Winnipeg at Montreal – 8:00pm | NHLN / CBC / Sportsnet
      • Game 4 – Habs lead 3-0
  • NBA:
    • Game 2: Milwaukee at Brooklyn – 7:30pm | TNT / TSN
    • Game 1: Denver at Phoenix – 10:00pm | TNT / TSN4
  • MLB:
    • Cubs at San Diego – 10:00pm | ESPN / TSN3
  • NCAA:
    • Softball:
      • Women’s World Series – Alabama vs FSU – 7:30pm | ESPN
  • WWE:
    • Monday Night Raw – 8:00pm | USA / Sportsnet360

I don’t know where you’ll find your homophobic chants tonight, since the US likely doesn’t play Mexico again for a whole six weeks. Maybe take a few minutes & join the [DFO] Euro 2020/1 pool. It’s free to join, and the password is “futbol”. Take a run at some bragging rights, and see how close you’ll come to owning your own gently-used fleshlight.

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Gumbygirl

Gumby sent me this. Do you think he’s trying to tell me something?

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Beerguyrob

Only that you haven’t melted like Melanie Griffith has.

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Gumbygirl

That is a lot of unfortunate plastic surgery. Not as bad as Priscilla Presley, but getting there.

1
yeah right

Since it doesn’t fit the format for horror movies, I thought I should wait to post it.
Episode 8 of Lovecraft Country on HBO was terrifying. Spectacular film making and will haunt you for days afterwards.

Not a movie! The whole series was fantastic.

1
Brick Meathook

Ernie Johnson or John Waters?

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Brick Meathook

The Blair Witch Project:

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Gumbygirl

Now I’m hungry for peanut brittle. I have peanuts, and I might have corn syrup, but I’m high. Probably shouldn’t mess with anything molten tonight.

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Gumbygirl

Sooo, I’m thinking of entering the Euro pool. I’m as proficient at that sort of thing as you might expect from someone who routinely bets on the gray horse, AND is a lifelong Pirates fan (sob), but at least everyone would get a good laugh.

1
Mr. Ayo

You vastly over estimate the rest of the participants’ proficiencies.

Even I’ve won a gently used fleshlight and I put zero time into these.

4
Gumbygirl

Does this thing really want my credit card, or am I being scammed by the Cossacks?

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Mr. Ayo

Unless you really like the Cossacks is does not need a credit card.

2
ballsofsteelandfury

Do not give a credit card. It should be free.

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Gumbygirl

It said I wouldn’t be charged. Then what the fuck a do you need it for? I’ll start again.

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Brick Meathook

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ballsofsteelandfury

Don’t give a card. I didn’t have to. You might have clicked a bad link.

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Gumbygirl

I think I’m good. We shall see!

1
Dunstan

I haven’t seen Jets get taken down like this since 9/11!

5
Dunstan

So last night I watched Zach and Miri Make a [thing the software don’t let me type?]. It was ok I guess, but the entire thing made no fucking sense to me, because at no point in the film does even a single character acknowledge that Elizabeth Banks is gorgeous. Instead we’re supposed to believe that a video of her in her underwear went viral because “lol she’s wearing granny panties, what a loser!” and Zach explains that their former high school classmates will pay to watch their film just because hey, you’d want to watch a film of anyone you went to high school with.

Of course, if they had cast an ordinary-looking actress, I wouldn’t have watched it, so I guess I’m part of the problem….

1
Beerguyrob

Of course, having now watched Traci Lords in something with “porno” in the title gets you a visit from the FBI.

2
Horatio Cornblower

Britt Reid has pled not guilty to charges related to his hitting a parked car on the highway and critically injuring a 5-year-old. Asked for comment, Andy Reid looked up from film study and grunted.

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Brick Meathook

Who names their kid “Britt”? Communists, that’s who.

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Doktor Zymm

Or people who are very fond of peanut brittle and affectionally refer to it as “britt”

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Brick Meathook

Peanut brittle from See’s Candy is good stuff. I love it even though I’ve never critically injured a 5-year old but I have seen the Blair Witch Project, which is my next choice.

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Beerguyrob

I don’t think that’s the same reason why Eli & Peyton refer to Cooper as Britt.

1
ArmedandHammered

I see the Detroit Lions are appropriately branding their fans.

4
litre_cola

Hell Yeah! – NXIVM

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litre_cola

I may let Decilitre make my picks. In fact for the 1st round I will see if he can have his own bracket. He know 0 and I will use flags for him to choose.

“That is an easy one, France.”

He has picked Ukraine to win their group.

Also had Scotland winning 1 game but losing to England.

Really thinks Hungary is moving up.

He is in. I am not sure he will win the fleshlight.

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Horatio Cornblower

To be fair, Scotland has a better flag than England.

Also, scotch >>> gin

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Doktor Zymm

Gin was invented by the French though, the English might get rum but only through their colonies….certain types of ale is probably the most they can claim by their own efforts

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Beerguyrob

.

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TheRevanchist

I like the hat, but only b/c it reminds me of the Seibu Lions hat.

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1
ballsofsteelandfury

Holy shit! I just realized that I was present at a Stanley Cup Final the last time that a Canadian team won the Cup.

What I’m saying is that these Canadiens look pretty strong. If they can get by Vegas/Colorado, I’d give them a good shot.

1
Sharkbait

Did you tell McSorley to play with the illegal stick?

3
Horatio Cornblower

That fucking guy.

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Sharkbait

2 things:

1) I hate the Islanders

2) I am IN the Euro pool!

1
ballsofsteelandfury

I am also IN the Euro pool!

I don’t have anything against the Islanders.

2
Dunstan

The Islanders are playing the Bruins. That is all you need to know or care about. Go Isles!

4
Beerguyrob

Jesus, thanks for showing up, Bruins.

1
Dunstan

“I’ll take ‘Things Said At a Buddy Cole Party’ for $800”

5
herodotus450

Somewhere in a nice quiet padded room Ilya Bryzgalov is smiling, and rocking back and forth on the floor with his arms around his knees, and he doesn’t know why.

0
BrettFavresColonoscopy

No one wants their D, so they had to take the L

2
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

>the Titans also signed three-time All-American wrestler Adam Coon to play on the offensive line.

Yeah, sign a guy from a sport that consists of almost exclusively grabbing and holding people to play a sport where doing that is against the rules. What could possib-lie go wrong?

2
Beerguyrob

“I’LL GIVE YOU FOUR DRAFT PICKS FOR HIM!”

— John Elway

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scotchnaut

I was way too busy today and couldn’t participate in the Mock Draft. Did anyone happen to mention The Blair Witch Project?

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ballsofsteelandfury

I picked the Hallmark Christmas Movies for you.

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scotchnaut

You’re the best!

2
Horatio Cornblower

DENIED!
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Lori Loughlin terrifies me.

3
TheRevanchist

For my next pick, I select Gigli. The crap-tastic acting of Ben Affllicted and Heniffer Lopez and her taco-flavored kisses was horrific. Dare I say my wallet was scared of spending any money to watch that shit. Truly a horror picture.

2
Horatio Cornblower

There’s going to be a draft of terrible movies at some point. Something like “movie you would go back in time to stop them from making”

I expect Gigli to play the part Blair Witch played today.

2
litre_cola

The only movie I have ever walked out of was Armageddon.

1
Gumbygirl

I walked out of a crapfest called Freebie and the Bean.

1
TheRevanchist

Idk. Have you seen The Net? My instinct was to walk out of the movie within the first 5 minutes. It was a dollar theater, and my gf at the time worked there, so things were either cheap or free.

And I still should have walked out of there.

2
Horatio Cornblower

Was that a Sandra Bullock movie? If so, I think I walked out of that when it was playing in my own house.

2
herodotus450

Someday, my genius will be recognized when hockey players stop trying to keep playing when they break a stick and instead just haul it to the bench. You’re a liability out there without a stick, buddy!

2
Horatio Cornblower

Just gonna flail around here and try to tackle people, inevitably giving up a goal or taking a penalty.

3
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Are they allowed to take another player’s stick? Because that could make for some fun highlights.

0
herodotus450

you can use a teammate’s stick, except for the goalie’s.

0
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

No, I mean from the other team.

2
Horatio Cornblower

Please refer to the “or taking a penalty” portion of my comment.

1
herodotus450

Aging WR free agent? What could go wrong?

0
Beerguyrob

What?! He’s not a former QB/Met who hasn’t played a down in six years. He’ll be fine.

0
scotchnaut

“Knees, ankles, hamstrings, some other things as well.”

-Andre Johnson, Megatron, AJ Green, Chad Ochocinco and Julio

2
Don T

Ever since Tannehill came in, Tits have the most TDs in the NFL.
Now with Quintorris López Jones, I demand primetime flexes.
/starts 3-month plan for nicotine gum + weed reserves for 47-45 shootouts

6
Gumbygirl

Gumby and I were talking about Le Tits yesterday. We think this could be their year. Should be fun to watch!

1
scotchnaut

That is so weird! I was thinking about tits yesterday as well. We’ve so much in common!

3
Gumbygirl

Yes! I think of murdering random strangers every day as well.

0
Gumbygirl

That hat.
https://youtu.be/YgSPaXgAdzE

3
Senor Weaselo

Are our knockouts going to load or are we going to have to wait for those picks?

1
Beerguyrob

I believe waiting will be involved.

0
litre_cola

I have no idea, I would assume so. I was looking everywhere for a pool and found this one which I think we used last World Cup or Euros.

1
scotchnaut

Hot Fantasy Football Take(s):

-Cal Ridley is going to go nuts this year. Naysayers are thinking he won’t be able to handle being defended by other team’s #1 db but he’s already been through that because Julio missed so many games last year.

-Also, in injury-free seasons (2016-19) Julio has averaged 120 targets. A ton of those passes are headed Ridley’s way.

1
Horatio Cornblower

Plus they now have Kyle Pitts.

1
BrettFavresColonoscopy

And they beat the Knicks!

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