All words that follow belong to Scotchy, by the magick of e-mail (the Aqib Talib pic is based on Hippo’s joy at the new announcer pairing).
Many, many thanks to Hippo for helping things along as I (and Rikki) try to sort out what the banana is going on with my pooter.
To The Games!
Minny vs. Arizony:
It looks like wr Hopkins will be primarily matched up with Peterson, who did his usual shutdown thingy last week to the tune of 13 yards receiving allowed. His partner-Breeland-was in a giving mood and gave up 113 yards. Quietly effective fantasy qb Cousins best do all his leg stretches and more pre-game ‘cause he’ll be running plenty-though it’ll be away from Chandler Jones and Co.
Falcons/Bucs:
You’d have thought (well, I did) that Ryan and Ridley would rack up all kinds of garbage points last week but the O was just that futile. It should play out that way for the rest of the year, starting here. Funny how Brady found another division that sucks balls and gifts his team a 6-0 or 5-1 record. #notfunny
Cowboys/Chargers:
If the fur, I mean, balls don’t fly in this tilt many fantasy folk’ll be upset. But between Dallas’ piddly excuse for a secondary and Prescott and Friends firepower, that over/under of 55 should be toast. Joey Bosa can’t wipe the grin off his face given that La’el Collins has been switched out for Terrence Steele.
Titans/Seahawks:
Tennessee allowed 4 passes of more than 20 yards last week and goodness me, I believe that very well might be one of Wilson’s strengths. Ah yes, his total of 60 scores of 20+ yards since 2016 is numero uno in the league. Unleash the hounds, um, Metcalfs! This doesn’t look like a good gamescript for Henry but he does have a habit of bouncing back from lousy performances. We shall see.
See you down below.
Can’t believe Minny gonna punt here
They had to decline an unsportsmanlike conduct penalty due to a touchdown? That makes no sense.
(see Herbert retreat 20 yards backwards)
But someone reality fixes itself.
…no hard feelings on the game today?
Burrow’s alive and our defense showed up. I calling it a moral victory.
If we can replace our interior linemen with a sofa, we’d be set.
Chargers are getting hosed.
eh, fuck ’em
Need heavy Dak! to Coop pls
Gus and Aqib, enjoying that Bananacakes
Henry just found the fountain of youth
Finally
Oh good, Chris Godwin got a touchdown.
[is playing against Tom Brady]
The bad news: Social Security is a poorly designed pyramid scheme that won’t sustain another generation or 2.
The good news: By the time that happens, Capital One will employ 60% of the country in their commercials, providing them with a generous pension.
Actually if Congress repays the 2 trillion “borrowed” for tax breaks to the corporations and the rich, SS would be in great shape. We are so fucked.
/checks bet slip
Fuck! I thought I bet on Russ et al, but did nae. I heed Hippos words most of the time like stay away from Tenn. What the fuck was I thinking?????
Looked like a Wilson audible
I feel bad for any antivaxxers who are in Rod and Todd’s crosshairs right now – fixing Derek Carr would have used up all of the prayer warriors’ mojo for today. All the other folks are on their own (assuming they haven’t eaten their own weight in horse paste, of course).
Bleergh in Seattle
Did that Cowboy defender break the plane on that Interception?
alright, just want the Dallas D needed. and he was smart to stay in the endzone
Picked off in the endzone. Ouch.
33-31? What’s with all the weird scores?
Wow. Touchdown off the board.
Just shaved my beard. Did I give myself a few ridiculous moustaches and end with the Linz, Austria special? You know I did!
I am team beard all day long, but if you’ve gotta shave it, definitely do stupid mustaches along the way.
decided you wanted to have carnal relations again, eh?
Nailed it.
I once shaved my beard but kept my mustache as a joke. My grandmother asked when did I become a 1970s Gay Porn Star. Rather that asks the several questions that comment suggested, I quickly shaved off the rest.
1977?
I grew a beard for the only time in my life while in The Yukon driving the Alaska Highway. What a wonderful trip. When I got back to Santa Monica I shaved it off, but in stages, and photographed each stage. At one point I looked like a gay biker. My friend Tracey took one of the photos and made a painting of it that hangs on my studio wall.
Gumby is working on a ZZ Top beard. He looks like the wild man of Borneo.
.
It’s nice to see that tWBS was reincarnated as a cat.
ROUGHING THE PUNTER FOR FUN AND PROFIT!
NOT PITTS WHO WAS SINGLE COVERED AGAIN
Draft a TE 5th overall, use him primarily as a blocker/decoy
not having a QB doesn’t help
Da fuq was that Cowboys play? a slow-developing double WR screen with 3 OL? wtf?
BlueBunny thinks doing weird shit must be “SMRT”
?????
You know Hippo needs a long Zeuerlein FG, DAK! takes a bad sack.
God, who do you think ah am, Brocky???
Henry reroutes faster than my google maps app
Henry still isn’t doing Henry things for the most part.
He’s a “play from ahead” momentum-based back. He might be cooked, but too early to tell.
/and he makes a nice scoring run as I type
Aged like milk. But it was a mostly lucky run not a power run
agreed
Or the second week in a row, I’ve got no primetime players other than my kicker.
My projected total is disappearing faster than a pizza at a weight watchers convention
This home team comeback is really deflating to the home crowd.
Are Vrabel and Schiano separated at birth?
Remember that AI that Microsoft put on Twitter and people made it into a Nazi in just a couple days? Kinda the same thing happened with the AI that the government uses in the “Wyoming” simulation
No Scorigamis yet today, but there was a “halftime Scorigami” in Cowboys-Chargers according to CBS.
14-11? That seems odd to be THAT odd.
That was Romo’s reaction.
But I guess that the two-point conversion hasn’t been around THAT long, and not a lot of teams go for two in the first half unless they’ve already missed a 1-pointer. The only other ways to get 11 are three field goals and a safety, or the even less probable TD+PAT+2 safeties.
I will NOT ignore the authorship!
hmmmm, that DO look like Hippo’s gut
Afternoon, gentlefolks.
How do
This is great. Shatner spends the first 90% of the video complaining that none of the impressions of him are accurate, because “I don’t talk like that” with the erratic speeding up and slowing down. Then there’s a clip of Bruce Campbell explaining that Shatner slows down when he’s having trouble remember the line and speeds up after to catch up, and Shatner is all “oh yeah, this guy gets it.” Dude, that’s exactly what the impressionists are all doing.
Forgot the link:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xw-1C8DsufE
Rondale Moore – who I foolishly benched – is a legitimate weapon.
That’s incredibly impractical footwear for hiking in that terrain
And she doesn’t even have any water or a phone with her, 2/10 would nawt rescue
God helps those who help themselves.
That Seahawks drive is exactly why I always raged at Darrell fucking Bevell. He had no fucking idea how to put a drive together like that.
I’m starting to think we might be good
God: “play is under review? Oh, who has Julio jones on their fantasy team?”
Angel: “…..its brocky….
God: “Aw, Excellent! Overturn the ruling, make them kick a field goal, and make Brocky lose by exactly four points!”
Hey man, ah told yew not to piss in that holy water receptacle
This just in – Falcons are really, really bad.
75 yards in 46 seconds for Charmslinger
Hey guys, did you know Pete Carroll is 70! THAT’S SO OLD HAHAHA
He’s 70 in hexadecimal tho
Vrabel is probably dead from a heart attack by then if he keeps going
How many years is that in steel beams?
that was cool. to bad just a bit short
[tapes over webcam]
Cut it out, Spur.
Dad would be proud
Holy shit Julio got lawyered harder than Marcia Clark
My fault for drafting him