INT. EVIL LAIR I MEAN WELL-APPOINTED MANSION – DAY

An older man sits in a leather chair in his front parlor.  He is surrounded by a gaggle of reporters.

MARK DAVIS: …AND THEN WE SIGN HIM TO PLAY FOR THE RAIDERS AND THEN WE WIN ALL THE SUPER BOWLS FOREVER.

REPORTER 1: Um…well, thanks for explaining your idea for the next Justice League movie to us, Mark.  But actually we were wondering…

MARK DAVIS: OKAY I HAVE TO GO IT’S TIME FOR SPAGHETTI CAMP.

REPORTER 2: You mean…lunch?

MARK DAVIS: NO IT’S CALLED SPAGHETTI CAMP.  OKAY BYE BYE ALL YOU REPORTERS GO BACK TO METROPOLIS NOW.

The reporters are shooed out of the house by an British-looking nanny type.  The camera follows MARK as he rises from the chair and exits through a doorway into his study.  He removes the backpack and hangs it from a hook on the wall, then settles behind a large oak desk that features a few folders and stacks of paper.  On the right hand side of the desk is a large bowl of spaghetti and meatballs.  On the left hand side of the desk is a brightly colored toy telephone.  

Moments after MARK DAVIS sits down, the phone rings – apparently it is a fully functional device.

MARK DAVIS: [picking up the receiver] HI I’M MARK DAVIS!

SECRETARY: Your noon appointment has arrived, Master Davis.

MARK DAVIS: OH GOOD SEND HER IN BYE BYE! [slams the receiver down]

— [DOOR FLIES OPEN] —

CONDOLEEZZA RICE: Hi Mark, thanks for seeing me.

MARK DAVIS: HI I’M MARK DAVIS!

CONDOLEEZZA RICE: [frowns, confused] Oh, of course. [she shuts the door] As I was saying, Mark, I appreciate you…

MARK DAVIS: Perhaps the subtext wasn’t clear.  It’s “Mr. Davis.”

CONDOLEEZZA RICE: Of course, of course.  My apologies.  As you’re no doubt aware, I recently spent some time with Jim Irsay…

MARK DAVIS: Yes, yes, I’ve read the transcript of your conversation.

CONDOLEEZZA RICE: …and made an appearance with Peyton and Eli’s broadcast of Monday Night Football…

MARK DAVIS: Please get to the point, Ms. Rice.

CONDOLEEZZA RICE: I’ll be blunt, Mr. Davis.  I’d like to be the next commissioner of the NFL.

MARK DAVIS: [scratches his chin] I’ve been giving it some thought for a good while now.  It’s not going to be easy, though.  As much as I detest the man personally, Roger Goodell has been serving his purpose quite well.

CONDOLEEZZA RICE: Are you serious? The “on-field product” as he likes to call it, is the worst it’s ever been.  Jim Irsay was telling me that they’ve spent over thirty thousand dollars on legal consultants this year alone trying to interpret the latest changes to the rulebook.

MARK DAVIS: [taps a pile of papers] Yes, I’ve got a few invoices from my own attorneys I’ll need to get settled.  But that’s simply a cost of doing business in the NFL.  And business, as you may have noticed, Ms. Rice, is quite brisk.

CONDOLEEZZA RICE: But…I thought you hated Goodell?  The Jon Gruden disclosures have caused the worst disruption to a Raiders season since…

MARK DAVIS: [chuckles] Oh, my goodness, you didn’t think that came as a surprise?  You’re familiar with the game of chess, are you not, Ms. Rice?

CONDOLEEZZA RICE: Of course.

MARK DAVIS: When you open with Lubchenko, it comes with a cost – your queen-side bishop is going to be in a weak position.  If your opponent employs the traditional response of a Wierzbowski defense, that “weak” becomes “precarious”, and your opponent will come after it in short order.  This is something one can anticipate well before the first piece moves, and it comes with some advantages and disadvantages.  One of those advantages is that, properly supported, that bishop can bring your opponent’s king-side maneuvers to a standstill.  In the case of Gruden, that “support” comes in the form of a financial war chest that can be used to finance a lawsuit that handcuffs the NFL from a public relations perspective.

CONDOLEEZZA RICE: I see.

MARK DAVIS: Now of course the most significant difference between events on a chessboard and those in the real world is that events on a chessboard are entirely predictable.  Whereas in the real world…

The telephone rings.

MARK DAVIS: Excuse me for a moment, Ms. Rice.

MARK DAVIS picks up the phone.

MARK DAVIS: HI I’M MARK DAVIS!

He listens intently for a few seconds, then frowns.

MARK DAVIS: Well, I appreciate the update, but Henry really isn’t our concern anymore.  Yes, the standard noncommittal response to press inquiries will do.  Protocol C should be ideal.  Thank you.

MARK DAVIS hangs up the phone.

MARK DAVIS: As I was saying, Ms. Rice, even the best-laid plans can be disrupted by unpredictable events.  Take the case of Mr. Henry Ruggs, as it were.  When we performed our due diligence prior to drafting him, there was no indication that he’d engage in reckless behavior of the nature that he engaged in on a certain night at the beginning of November.  In fact, there were several credible indications of the exact opposite.  But one must adjust to these happenstances.  Is DeSean Jackson an ideal replacement?  Of course he is not.  However…

The telephone rings again.

MARK DAVIS: HI I’M MARK DAVIS!

He listens again for a slightly longer interval, and begins tapping his index finger on the desk absently.

MARK DAVIS: I see.  And what was the Goldblatt family’s reaction?

Another pause.

MARK DAVIS: I’m a little confused, DeSean signed the lease for that property less than seventy-two hours ago, and you’re telling me…

He listens some more.

MARK DAVIS: I don’t suppose the child happens to be a football fan?

MARK DAVIS sighs with relief.

MARK DAVIS: Well, that’s something, at least.  Prepare the standard package for them.  Yes, Section 112 and a non-disclosure agreement.  And I’ll try to make some time to meet with them personally before the game.  Please keep me informed if there are any difficulties.

MARK DAVIS hangs up the phone, then smiles thinly.

MARK DAVIS: My apologies for the disruption, Ms. Rice.  Now where were we?

CONDOLEEZZA RICE: You were explaining the nature of the chess match between yourself and Roger Goodell.  And I must say, it seems he’s at something of an advantage at this point.

MARK DAVIS: He certainly would be, if he had sufficient intellect to understand the value of his position. But as it were…

The telephone rings again.

MARK DAVIS: HI I’M…

MARK DAVIS is interrupted by someone frantically speaking on the other end of the line.

MARK DAVIS: Astroworld?  We weren’t involved in the…[listens]…well, of course, but I really don’t see how being a client of the same insurance carrier is going to…ah.  Yes, of course.  But that doesn’t explain how our venue would be liable for…wait, he did what?  No, I don’t think that would be part of the standard non-disclosure agreement that we prepared…WELL WHY WERE THE PROSTITUTES EVEN INSIDE THE LOCKER ROOM IN THE FIRST PLACE?

MARK DAVIS pauses to what appears to be a long-winded explanation, then sets the handset down in the cradle with an ever-so-slight tremor in his hand.

CONDOLEEZZA RICE: Perhaps we should do this another time…

MARK DAVIS: [composes himself] That would be best.  [he glances down at the bowl of spaghetti] Please inform any member of the press who inquires that I assigned you to the “red team” and tried to engage you in something called “meatball wars”.

CONDOLEEZZA RICE: Of course.

CONDOLEEZA RICE rises from her chair to leave.

MARK DAVIS: And Ms. Rice? Arrange to spend a little time with the Bowlen family and come see me again in a few weeks. Our conversation regarding this matter is…incomplete.

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