*Sees it’s Wednesday the 5th* Shit, I should probably write this.

Greetings lizard people one and all, it’s time for another season of everyone’s favorite inhuman and therefore wholesome violence! Yes, it’s the 2021 season and they’re starting it on *checks calendar* dammit, Light Treason Day.

Well, at least there’ll be something to look forward to as opposed to watching a third of the country continue to trumpet that day, half sweeping it under the rug, and the other sixth knows we’re boned.

Anyway, let’s get into the things. It’s Season 6, so modern BattleBots has officially been on the air for more seasons than classic BattleBots. That’s also pretty crazy. Even crazier, they’ve left California entirely for Vegas. This year’s season was filmed in Las Vegas, and we’ll see about future seasons. With that, I have sets of Senor’s Sixes to reveal.

Six Returning Bots I’m Excited For

These are bots that did not compete in 2020 due to reasons (probably pandemic-related but not entirely.)

6. DUCK!
Everyone’s favorite duck-shaped tank returns to spend two minutes getting punched in the face repeatedly and then spending the last minute scoring all the control points. And now that it’s officially in the rules, “It is considered Damage… even if the Bot inadvertently harms itself,” (source, BattleBots Judges Guide) DUCK! might actually score some damage points. That wording is huge for control bots like DUCK!.

5. Blacksmith
First things first, the Big Time Hammer™ is gone. For those not in the know, that was the name given by the commentators to Blacksmith’s flaming hammer. Which because of the flame spout didn’t actually do much, but it looked cool. It’s been replaced by another saw-hammer (see SawBlaze and Skorpios). We already know Blacksmith can take a beating. Now it can do some damage maybe? This could be interesting.

4. Deep Six
The vertical wonder returns, after taking a year to, among other things, figure out what to do after they made a rule because Deep Six’s vertical bar was like half the weight of the damn thing. The “Deep Six Rule” from last year states that a robot’s weapon (like a bar or drum) can only be up to 80 lbs., while a full-body-spinner’s shell can be up to 120 lbs.. Part of this maybe means added stability so it doesn’t fall over?

3. Cobalt
Previous robot… new team? Team Carbide… has essentially retired from robot combat, meaning that they won’t be the first Triple Crown winner. Team Robo Challenge (Quantum) isn’t here this year, though they are hoping for 2022, along with noted Brit flippers Team Apollo (with Orion). But Cobalt was one of my picks to click in 2018 and they did a fuckton of damage, except for the part where their wedge would get stuck in the floor, but according to the hero shot it’s been removed. They’ll be the second Robotic Death Company bot this year (Gigabyte). Will this be a Matt Maxham vehicle? I’m not sure.

2. Yeti
The Alaskan Assassin returns! Except Greg “Don’t Be a Dick” Gibson has actually left Alaska and lives in LA now. Not only that, but Christian Carlberg has offered his services—this is actually under the C2 Robotics (formerly Coolrobots) banner. We’ve seen Yeti in action and we know just how good it’s been, making it as far as the semis in an absolute war with Tombstone back in Season 2. Can Yeti SMASH through the new fork meta?

1. Minotaur
   No WordPress, I do not want a list now. I want to mention that the Brazilian Bull is back. Even though Marco Meggiolaro has taken a step back and will not be traveling with RioBotz this year, everyone knows how dangerous Minotaur is. In three competitive seasons they haven’t been stopped before the quarters. We know Bounty Hunters is back. The bounties are unknown, but they could be a bounty boss. Good luck collecting that one.

Six New Bots I’m Excited For
These are of course new to BattleBots, not necessarily new teams. In some cases it might be more teams’ seconds.

6. Jäger
We’ve heard a lot about this team and this bot on the BattleBots Group (and also the Shuntposting page) over the last couple years. It’s a multibot, and it might be, similar to The Four Horsemen, three bots and a given two are in a fight. So I’m just interested to see how and if it works, as multibots haven’t exactly had the most sterling reputation in modern BattleBots. The most successful has been Gemini, and even that’s not the world’s highest bar to clear.

5. Blip
Everyone, meet Tantrum’s younger sibling, Blip. It’s a flywheel-powered flipper (think Warrior). Aren Hill’s enough of a fan that he’s technically running captain on this bot, and not Tantrum. Y’know, Tantrum which made the semifinals last year. Also just lookit that face! I’d want to squeeze it if not for the fact it’s metal so I can’t, and that it could toss me many feet in the air.

4. Pardon My French
Like Jäger, this bot’s been in plans for awhile, and probably would have come in 2020 if not for covid. If my memory’s right, the drum weighs 78 lbs., or something like that. We’ll see how the Quebecois bot can use that big drum.

3. Switchback
We’ve seen articulated saws and saw-hammers. How about an articulated drum? I have no idea if this is going to work, but it’s an interesting enough advancement of the concept. At first I thought there was a lifter there as well a la Whiplash, but it doesn’t look like it. They’ll get a chance to cut their teeth against Gruff in the season premiere tomorrow.

2. Blade
Meet the Korean iteration of Tombstone. But in yellow. That’s essentially what Team ORBY’s Blade is. It competed in King of Bots in China to modest success, and I don’t know, maybe there’ll be a horizontal matchup.

1. Glitch
   Still don’t want a list, WordPress. Glitch is, at first glance, a pretty cool-looking eggbeater spinner bot. With omniwheels, so added coolness. But, we also know from redacted pictures that they may have tossed someone out of the arena, and that they fight Hydra. Which means that the bot from Berkeley is no slouch. Because Hydra’s fighting End Game in the first main event.

Okay, that’s the big ones, but I do have other questions. Okay, one. Namely, is the Shelf (referred to as the Upper Deck) in the rules actually going to be any use? Because right now it still looks like an eyesore. To quote the Tournament Rules (Rule 6.1.3):

“The Upper Deck is an approximately 16 foot wide by 8 foot deep platform raised about 6 inches off the
floor of the Arena. It is located against the far end of the Arena opposite the side with the entry/exit doors.
The platform floor is covered in Lexan plastic. The side of the platform facing the center of the Arena has
two screws identical to the hazard screws used on the sides of the Arena. The screws can rotate in either
direction. The two other sides of the platform are vertical edges with a height of 6 inches, with protruding
spikes.”

This is partially because all of the out of the arenas, whether by flipper or by spinner, are starting to get excessive, and more importantly, dangerous. There is a part in the rules stating, “If BattleBots officials determine that a Robot’s Operator has intentionally and purposefully put its competitor into a DBZ, the Team that did that action will be declared to have lost the Match by Knock Out.” I’m sure flippers love that. (Rule 7.5.9 (c)) (Oddly, inadvertently putting your opponent there, according to Rule 7.5.9 (b), is okay. Good luck, refs.)

There is a time limit of how long you can be on the Upper Deck before you start getting counted out, and you’ll have to deal either with the screws or the spikes, so damage is meant to be done if you get there. But so far, the community isn’t the biggest fan. We’ll see if having it in action changes opinions.

Other notes: There won’t be a Science Channel fight. Instead it’ll be a Youtube exclusive that from what I read will go public on Sunday. For the premiere that’s now the hometown bot, JackPot, taking on Deadlift.

Your opening fight card:

SawBlaze vs. Minotaur
Uppercut vs. Gigabyte
Switchback vs. Gruff
Captain Shrederator vs. Tombstone
Free Shipping vs. Blacksmith
Pain Train vs. Deep Six
Deadlift vs. JackPot (YouTube exclusive)
MAIN EVENT: Hydra vs. End Game

Third note: I have no idea how many of these episodes I will watch live, so time to see how Discovery Go works. But with a little luck, we’ll see you next week!