Hey howdy, imaginary friend-erinos! Have you enjoyed the last few weeks of sportsball respite?
FUCK NO, YOU DIDN’T. Neither did Hippo. And especially not Other Hippo obvs. Let’s look into the first orgy of basketballing matchups, shall we?
(also Happy Alcoholism Day, if y’all happen to be Irish)
11S Michigan (-2.5) v. 6S Colorado State (12:15, CBS)
Hey, look-y loo. First fixture of the non-play-in round, and first glaring seeding error. If your pool is weighted for “seed/upset bonus” points – AS IT 100% SHOULD BE – you are pretty much locked into Meechigan. As distasteful as it is to back Juwan Howard. Fuck’s sake, he made Wisconsin hoopsball a sympathetic figure. Hope you enjoyed the trip anyway, JV hardwood RRRRRRRRAM IT!!
13MW South Dakota State (+2) v. 4MW Providence (12:40, truTV)
Vegas saves Hippo from himself, as I always, ALWAYS love the Jackrabbits. And they never, ever end up winning. This ain’t enough juice to get me on the SDSU moneyline. Sad Hippo, but saved $50. Cooley High Harmony onto the Round of 32!
9W Memphis (-2.5) v. 8W Boise State (1:40, TNT)
Penny Hardaway’s Memphis is fools’ gold. Like watching a car crash or some shit. They’ll fold at the first sign of adversity, just a question if Smurf Non-Turf can provide same. Likely not betting here, neither.
16E Norfolk State (+21) v. 1E Baylor (2:00, TBS)
We all know BayBay ain’t gonna ask for no permission, but Nor-FUCK ain’t gonna offer much resistance anyway. I suppose mixing in one shit-kicking in with three close matchups is good tournament scheduling.
14S Longwood (+17) v. 3S Tennessee (2:45, CBS)
So many double entendres, so little time. So little time because the Lancers (heh) will be gone before you even notice. Rick Barnes has the Vols cooking with gas.
12MW Richmond (+10.5) v. 5MW Iowa (3:10, truTV)
This is a lot of RESPEK for Team Cornpone, or a lot of shade thrown at the Spiders. I will leave it up to the viewer to decide.
16W Georgia State (+23.5) v. 1W Gonzaga (4:15, TNT)
You will watch maybe 45 seconds of this game, and want all 45 back.
9E Marquette (+3.5) v. 8E U*NC (4:30, TBS)
True, I dislike Shaka Smart. Very much. But he’s Hippo’s Stalin against the Hitler that is the inbred jackass dickmonkey Tarholes. PLEASE DO A GOOD, FOR HUMANITY’s SAKE.
Thanks a lot, Huskies.
Oh, Huskies, I could never stay mad at you…
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=edylGVZXIQc
Of *course* my perfect bracket is gonna get busted by UConn.
DaVante Adams to the RRRRRRRRRRAIDERS for two prime picks!!! God damn!!!
QAaron is FUMING right now, I’ll bet.
THESE GUYS THE UCONN HUSKIES I CALL THEM [REDACTED PORNHUB SEARCH TERM] CAUSE THEY CAN’T FINISH AT THE RIM.
UConn game on pace to finish 16-16.
As if Papa John’s wasn’t bad enough already, they are reportedly still operating in Russia.
Hasn’t the Russian people suffered enough?!
Shuttering their shops would be a net benefit to the people of Russia-not sure where you’re going with this.
Speaking of war crimes…
Along with the Kochs, which isn’t a tiny bit surprising, since granddad made his money with Stalin.
“YOUR BROTHER SUCK KOCHS IN HELL!” – me, if I ever run into the living one in the wild
Georgia State coach is from the Boeheim School of “My Starting Five Can Beat Yours. Bench? I Was Told We Didn’t Have To Play Our Bench!”
I see Gonzaga is done playing with their prey.
Yeah, this one went pear-shaped in a hurry.
He’s talking about Gonzaga not my body
They went from “will they win?” to “looks like they’ll cover” pretty quickly.
File this under your “Wacky Things” File: I was going to opine about the trailblazing work that the band Cake did in the sing-talk-ironic-rap genre for later acts such as the Bloodhound Gang. But it turns out, the latter is older than the former! Wierd!
MAYBE
I have the feeling this is the end for Georgia State. They just can’t compete in the paint.
Current 10-0 run does seem to be a pretty bad sign.