Please to keep your hands inside the car at all times.  You don’t want to acquire the nickname “Stumpy.” (this opener accompanied a winner, and I am superstitious as fuck)

As during three previoUs Bitter Blue torture sessions, I will add my instant reactions as the match progresses (with time stamps) in the body of the post.  I used to regularly live blog NC State fixtures this way, as quaint as it seems with modern interbwebs technology.  But fuck it, I’mma give it a try.  If nothing else, it will keep me off the Everton/NSNO message boards.

Whatever the result today…this is FOOKIN’ IT.  There will no online Hippo come Sunday, if we need to suck out (PHRASING).  I am 90% sure Everton will be relegated if they Draw today, 99% sure if they lose.  I will not watch at all come Sunday, nor even check scores – unless Everton win today (then it’s a dead rubber and no stress).

Opening Lineup Thoughts

RumoUr mill beforehand was that we’d have as many as THREE senior, healthy, non-suspended centre halves available for today’s “life or death.”  This proved thankfully TRUE but Ben Godfrey is on the subs bench.  Andre Gomes is playing, Lord knows why.  Looks like 4-3-3 setup.  JUST KILL ME ALREADY, THE WAIT IS INTERMINABLE.

Number of pills down the hatch (cumulative since sleepy-time) – THREE.

First Half

Have y’all ever wondered what Black Jesus has on His mudflaps?  You might be thinking “but Hippo, would Black Jesus possibly be a redneck” but we live in a world where Randy Moss talks on the teevee.  Makes yew think, don’t it??

Kickoff – The Two Robbies provided me a little bit of comfort.  We should be good enough, the support should put us over the line.  But Christ, am I ever nervous.

3 – Fuck a duck, ANTHONY TAYLOR????

11′ – Important header by Holgate.  Nerves worsening.

13′ – Palace settling in.  UGH.

17′ – Very close by Richy.  But horseshoes, hand granades, yada yada.

21′ – Gordon is stinking the joint out.  Kid has hit the wall.

22′ – That’s all she wrote.  nil-1, it will worsen.

24′ – If wondering what attacking options Everton can make?  Maytag Repairman Dele Alli.  List exhausted.

28′ – Prediccion is nil-3.  Palace will sit back after that.

36′ – Only Anthony Taylor would fail to give a red.  Then the bellend scores.  TV off.

Second Half

(Hippo plays Footy Manager)

Full Time (Oh Dear GOD, What Next??)

Hoping in vain for others to lose, followed by certan relegation.  Perhaps administration in a year or two.