Monday Morning Mock Draft: Makin’ Some Changes

Good morning, and happy start of the work week to you. In order to ensure that your week gets off to a flying stop, I’ve got what I think is a decent topic for you. This week we’re taking one thing, (at a time), that you’d have a team undo. All you have to pick is what they’re not going to do. Bonus points if you have an alternative, but it’s not necessary. You can undo anything: a trade, a draft pick, a response to a sexual harassment charge, (glares in Redsk…uh, Commanders), a franchise move. if you didn’t like the move, you pick it. The only limit I’ll put on it is that it can’t be an in-game move, mostly because it just occurred to me that we could do a whole separate draft on that.

For me, my first pick is an easy one: The Hartford Whalers 1991 trade of Ron Francis, Ulf Samuelson, and Grant Jenning to the Pittsburgh Penguins for John Cullen, (shortly after fans would be yelling “Rent, don’t buy” at Cullen as he stunk up the Civic Center), Zarley Zalapski, and something called Jeff Parker.

For years I’ve blamed then Whalers GM Eddie Johnston for this trade, especially because Johnston later went back and coached the subsequently thriving Penguins. Doing a (very) little “research” for this draft, however, it seems that the fault lies with then Whalers owner Richard Gordon who, frustrated by stalled negotiations with Francis, (making the princely sum of $370,000, which I initially thought was missing a comma and a zero but nope, hockey players just don’t make much compared to other sports), supposedly told Johnston “if he is her on Monday you guys won’t be here. Get Ronny out of here.” Also the then coach of the Whalers, Rick Ley, apparently didn’t like Francis, or much of anyone else. I do recall Ley having the reputation of being a prick, and he was definitely a shit coach.

The result of that trade was two Stanley Cups for Pittsburgh and pretty much the death knell of hockey in Hartford. It turns out that trading your most popular player, and one who would eventually become the third all-time leading scorer in NHL history, (currently 5th) for a guy who couldn’t score without Mario Lemieux isn’t the franchise establishing move you might think.

My suggested alternative is “don’t do it”, maybe fire Rick Ley while you’re at it, and don’t sell the team to Peter Karmanos in 1994. You can’t trust that fucking guy.

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BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

This won’t get picked here, and it’s currently happening, but the Senior Men’s summer lacrosse here is on hold due to the different governing bodies not being able to get along.
It’s a crazy thing, but there was a team sold on questionable authority, that was then moved an hour north, and now the governing bodies (MSL and OLA) are having a pissing contest to see who holds more power over the sale and a bunch of other things, instead of just playing lacrosse. Cause you know how big lacrose is, ha, and they have all this money to handle a 2 year ( and counting) layoff. So, I want them get along, or if not specific enough, the sale to not happen and then all this shit doesn’t happen.

BeefReeferLives

The US women’s gymnastics team decides to investigate Larry the Goddamned rapist Nassar after the first couple of sexual assault allegations instead of ignoring them and then covering it up for decades. (& same for the Penn state perv)

The Maestro

For my next pick: the Nordiques don’t leave Quebec and we have a repeat of the Good Friday Massacre in the playoffs every year until probably like 2005 or so.

scotchnaut

The 1994 baseball strike never happens and the Montreal Expos-the best team in baseball-make it to the World Series!*

*they’re swept in four straight by the Yanks

/hee hee

Redshirt

Ken Griffey Jr stays in Seattle and doesn’t go to Cincinnati.

BeefReeferLives

The Packers brass decide to keep Farve as the starter over Aaron Rodgers – Super Genius, but refuse to trade or release him. ARog gets so pissed off and frustrated that he quits football altogether to pursue his dream of becoming the President of Mensa.

Brick Meathook

The horrible decision during that Little League World Series back in the 80s or 90s where they put that kid in, I think it was either at pitcher or at second base, and he blows the lead and forces a game three, but he also blew the Vegas point spread and there was a lot of dough on the line and the kid was ridiculed after the game and his father got his legs broken and their house was burned down.

ballsofsteelandfury

Some say they saw a Hippo that day.

Others didn’t see nuttin’

Gumbygirl

The league finds someone else to be the owner of the brand new Jacksonville Jaguars, thus sparing me five years of Dolores Weaver’s horrendous choices for the halftime shows. No More Jazzercise, Dolores, you Fucking Twit!!!!

Redshirt

Seeing a larger market and a better chance at a profit, Mike Brown doesn’t bluff in 1994 and moves the Bengals to Baltimore.

Seeing Cincinnati lose their NFL team and the NFL not wanting the NFL to completely leave Ohio, Art Modell gets his new stadium and the pre-crisis Cleveland Browns stay where they are and have the same history as the Baltimore Ravens, including the Super Bowl wins. Houston may keep the Oilers but it’s unlikely. The LA relocations occur as it happened.

Due to the Browns not moving, NFL expansion occurs in 2002 but with two teams instead of one. If the Oilers moved, it would be Houston and LA. If the Oilers stayed in Houston, it would be LA and… not Cincinnati.

Due to not being as storied a franchise as the Browns and being in Indianapolis’ market, Cincinnati doesn’t get a replacement franchise. However they do get an NBA team by relocation/expansion in the early 2000s.

Redshirt

If you can’t dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bullshit.

Sharkbait

My next pick is undoing Brian Kelly’s decision to use a scissor lift in practice on a windy day

WCS

Stopping the Ice Stillers from dealing future Vancouver Canucks legend Markus Nadland for something called Alek Stojanov.

Ugh.

BeefReeferLives

I don’t know all the details, but I sure wish the Stillers brass would’ve made the decision to do more to help Mike Webster when he was spiraling down…

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Ok gotta pay attention to work for a bit so I leave you with a simple one:

The Chicago Cubs let Mr. Sianis bring his stupid goat into the stadium in 1945.

BeefReeferLives

Cubs should have “Cabrito Taco Day” on a yearly basis to commemorate.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Speaking of the worst morans [sic] in baseball, the Cubs come to their senses and do NAWT trade away Lou Brock for Ernie Broglio and whatever other box of hammers was in that deal.

King Hippo

#BFIB do not re-sign the desiccated corpse of Albert Pujols, allowing me to watch the 2022 el beisbol season.

Redshirt

#BFIO is having the same problem with Joey Votto. He shows flashes of talent but then Father Time comes back with a counter.

King Hippo

Troof, but at least (i) this isn’t interrupting a contention window; and (ii) Votto isn’t a thundercunt (at least to my knowledge)

BeefReeferLives

The call to action: “Thunder, thunder, ThunderCunts Ho!”
just rang out inside my head.

Redshirt

Some Porn Parodies pretty much write themselves.

Redshirt

Due to the former’s injury history and the latter’s higher abilities, San Francisco decides to move on from Joe Montana and makes Steve Young the starting QB in 1988.

BeefReeferLives

After Bradshaw hurts his elbow, Stillers brass put him on IR and get him the proper treatment instead of letting him continue to play (& letting him throw too soon after he finally got treatment) and destroying it.

Redshirt

I’d parlay that pick with Greg Cook but they didn’t have the medical technology in ‘68.

BeefReeferLives

Yup. I tells ya, the advances in medical technology during the early 70ies were really amazing…

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

I support this for all the reasons

Redshirt

Seattle doesn’t get cute and runs with Marshawn Lynch on 2nd and Goal on the one with one timeout. Or at the very least attempts a screen or some other safe pass other than a quick pass that can be jumped.

Last edited 3 years ago by Redshirt
King Hippo

RELATED – At halftime of the Falcons/P*ts Owl, Dreamboat falls into an open sewer and dies.

King Hippo

It just felt too good NOT to type that, ya know?

BeefReeferLives

The Pirates schedule a New Years Eve Party for 12/31/72, and insist that all players (especially their right fielder) attend.

Gumbygirl

Ooooh, good one!

scotchnaut

Senators 1993 overall #1 pick isn’t Alexander “No One Remembers Who Was Picked 2nd Overall” Daigle but is actually the #2 pick, Chris Pronger.

/not only would the progress of the team not been slowed but those Senators wouldn’t get pushed around on a nightly basis

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Not my team but fuck it — no one teaches Chris Henry’s fiancee how to drive

Redshirt

Maybe overruled by the Commissioner, but thanks anyway for the assist.

King Hippo

Steve McNair, Questionable (head)

King Hippo

I wondered if maybe that was the last thing that went through Henry’s mind. But then I was all liek nah, that was the pavement smh

SonOfSpam

Starting in the mid-80s or thereabouts, the Lakers decide to do mandatory HIV testing for all coke orgy participants.

Last edited 3 years ago by SonOfSpam
Redshirt

San Diego Chargers do not draft Phillip Rivers and sticks with Drew Brees.

WCS

/monkey’s paw curls again

//Bengals draft King Laserface

///Marmalard quits football and instead becomes politician, eventually landing on Supreme Court

Redshirt

Hey, I went selfless in the 2nd pick! I could be here all week fixing questionable Cincinnati decisions!

BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

The Mapletorps are never sold to Stavros ( and what would beomce MLSE) and instead say with the Ballard family and due to constant infighting, they become the laughing stock of the league

Sharkbait

Are you implying they aren’t the laughing stock of the league every spring when they flame out in the first round?

BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

more that they don’t even make the playoffs and are more like the Sens of late
/waves good bye to you all
//waves hello to scotchy

The Maestro

I’m not sure how this is any different from their current reality…

yeah right

In the 1984 NLCS game 5 rather than pitch to Steve Fucking Garvey the Cubs decide to drill him in the kneecap every at bat.

Last edited 3 years ago by yeah right
SonOfSpam

/searches for old “Steve Garvey is not my Padre” bumper sticker

BeefReeferLives

Stillers take Marino in the ’83 draft instead of Rivera.

Redshirt

Jeez. I never thought of that Darkest Timeline!

Gumbygirl

Yesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyes(pauses for deep breath)yesyesyesyesyesyesyes!

BeefReeferLives

Heh. Yeah, I thought you’d like that one, GG.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

2. Okay, fine, since my last pick has been invalidated, I’ll undo the Chiefs’ decision to hire Andy Reid. I presume he retires from football and opens a restaurant, his piece of shit son never plows into a stopped car on a freeway ramp, causing life-threatening injuries to a five year-old girl, and the Chiefs don’t trade up to draft Patrick Mahomes and remain mired in mediocrity.

Sharkbait

Penn State gets the death penalty for covering up Sandusky’s crimes.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Fantastic pick.

King Hippo

Duke never hires Coach K.

WCS

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SonOfSpam

I’d like the Angels to not spend 10+ years and $250+ million on sentient double play Albert Pujols and maybe get a pitcher or ten instead.

yeah right

Yep, great pick.

BeefReeferLives

Stillers dump rapey Ben after his Georgia shenanigans.

Gumbygirl

It’s like you are living in my head!

BeefReeferLives

WWGGD?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

2. I will undo Aaron Rodgers’ full and complete recovery from COVID-19. I would like his ability to play football to have been permanently and unmistakably damaged based on his decision to a) remain unvaccinated and b) lie about it.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Nuh uh, COVID counts as a team (of viruses), 100 points to House Rikkitan!

WCS

/aliens from Independence Day wince

The Maestro

For my second pick, I have to go with making goddamn certain that DAVID FUCKING TYREE doesn’t get open in Super Bowl XLII.

Sharkbait

Or Samuel doesn’t let the pick bounce off his hands a play or two before that.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

THIS GUY THE MAESTRO I CALL HIM SAMUEL ALITO CAUSE HE APPARENTLY LIKES TO MAKE UP HIS OWN RULES.

BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

Good news, as NE doesn’t draft Brady, from my pick below, this doesn’t happen

Redshirt

Is injuries on the table or just actions/decisions?

Mike Brown firing Sam Wyche at the end of the 1991 season. 1991 Bengals were old and needed a refresh, but keeping Wyche would’ve maybe kept Esiason as QB and free agents wouldn’t have avoided Cincinnati.

Assuming Brown would’ve still drafted David Klingler, him having Wyche would’ve been light-year better than Shula.

Redshirt

Good call.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I’m not a [REDACTEDS] fan but feels like that opens it up for getting RGIII killed

Redshirt

No but that’s a quality pick there. He should not have been playing that game!

yeah right

When I first saw the topic I thought it would be a redo of our choice and not just limited to sports and I was going to choose the second amendment and the creation of guns in general.

Sure let’s allow 18 year old children buy war machines on their 18th birthday.

“I’ll take decisions that ruined the world for 1000 Alex.”

The Maestro

If that were indeed the topic, my pick would be “making sure John Hinckley Jr.’s aim is perfect the second time around.”

Redshirt

“Keeping Hilter in the military after WW1 so he doesn’t get involved in the Nazi Party in the first place. If not allowed due to the Treaty of Versailles, getting him a Jewish Prostitute in 1918 and hope for the best.”

Redshirt

“Speaking of prematurely ejaculating, for my next pick…”

Senor Weaselo

I’m not going on the 8th to ask him about that.

Redshirt

“You sure Article 2 is good as written?”
“For the last time, yes! The people can arm themselves so they can form a militia in self defense! What idiot would think it means anyone can have a gun unrestrictedly?!”

Sharkbait

Undo the Red Sox trading some guy named Ruth.

The Maestro

THIS

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Pfft. Stupid Sharkbait. Boys can’t be named “Ruth”.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

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BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

I take a certain QB from Michigan to be nawt drafted by NE in the 6th round.
/sorry Maestro

The Maestro

FACK YOU

The Maestro

/eats with bare hands, as God intended

Redshirt

7th Round, so it’s worse.

Sharkbait

All this hockey talk in the comments. The site’s transformation from football centric to hockey is nearly complete.

WCS

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BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

Just following in KSK’s foosteps
/the comments in the last post, yikes

BeefReeferLives

TWSS!!

Redshirt

(discretely and discreetly goes to last night’s post)

BeefReeferLives

I was surprised (& relieved) not to see bestiality gifs towards the end of that thread. sheesh…

Dunstan

The Montreal Canadiens don’t hire Rejean Houle and Mario Tremblay as coach and GM. That means no Tremblay-Roy blowup, and no panicked desperation trade by Houle. Not to mention that Houle’s other trades were mostly awful too.

Does it get us another Cup? Don’t know, but it probably spares a decade of flailing around in mediocrity.

The Maestro

Ooh, I know exactly what my answer is. I’ll compel John Muckler, GM of the ’05/’06 Ottawa Senators, to not allow Dominik Hasek to attend the Torino Olympics, where he’ll ultimately tear his adductor muscle and miss the remainder of the NHL regular season and playoffs, costing the Sens their best chance at a Stanley Cup. He doesn’t go —> he plays in the playoffs and dominates —> Ottawa takes home their first Cup since 1927.

Sharkbait

How he got hired after running the Rangers into the ground in the late 90s is beyond me

The Maestro

I fundamentally disagree with the Redden/Chara signing fiasco, but when you look at the context of the time, it’s hard to argue with the Hossa/Heatley trade that much – those Pizza Line years were nothing short of phenomenal. Obviously, Hossa was the much more complete player and he went on to a Hall of Fame career, but one also wonders if he would go on to reach the heights he did had he never left Ottawa in the first place.

yeah right

Somebody takes away the crack pipe that Rick Spielman used just prior to thinking that Cousins was a franchise quarterback and the answer to the team’s problems.

Fuck we’re still wasting years as we speak.

WCS

As opposed to drafting Hindu Consider 11th overall in 2012?

WCS

I wouldn’t block one New York real estate “mogul” and “reality TV star” from buying the Buffalo Bills about 15 years ago. It would have given him something else to screw up instead.

Sorry, Rev, but,
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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

1. This goes out into the realm of the conspiratorial, but…I would like to undo whatever Marcus Allen did to put him in the doghouse with Al Davis. Hopefully that means “banging O.J.’s wife” because ideally that means the murders never happen, plus the Raiders backfield becomes more of a timeshare where a) Marcus never gets sent to Kansas City and b) maybe, just maybe, Bo doesn’t get hurt.

ballsofsteelandfury

The NHL should have never hired Gary Bettman as commissioner. A used condom would have been a better choice.

Sharkbait

That situation blows my mind. Either the Coyotes have serious blackmail on the league/Bettman, or they’re hoping Austin Matthews wants to go back home when he becomes a free agent.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

*champing

Sharkbait

Undo the Rangers 1st round pick in 2003. That was one of the deepest drafts and they whiffed BADLY. They picked Hugh Jessiman at 12, when a guy like PATRICE BERGERON went 45th!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

The Chicago Cubs install a divider down the left field line preventing fans from getting close to players trying to catch foul balls (that Moises Alou probably still wouldn’t have caught but maybe the meltdown doesn’t happen)

King Hippo

North Carolina State University keeps its dignity and soul, refuses to fire James T. Valvano. I wouldn’t care if we never won another game of hoopsball.

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