INT. RECORDING STUDIO – DAY
The recording studio at KDFO looks much as we’d remember it from the before-time. There is no evidence of the PRODUCER’s long descent into quarantine madness, or of DJ 3000’s real-time transcription of Pat Cipollone’s testimony. The PRODUCER is seated in front of the sound console, getting everything set up for the day’s session.
PRODUCER: So are you excited about today’s guest?
DJ 3000: YES, HE IS ACTUALLY AN OLD FRIEND.
— [door flies open] —
BAKER MAYFIELD: Hee hee!
DJ 3000: HEE HEE.
PRODUCER: What the heck?
DJ 3000: IT’S A SECRET HANDSHAKE PROTOCOL THAT WE HAVE. HEE HEE.
BAKER MAYFIELD: Hee hee!
PRODUCER: Um, thanks for coming in Baker. We’re thrilled to have you.
DJ 3000: NICE OF YOU TO DRESS UP, BUDDY. IT SURE WAS NICE OF JIM TOMSULA TO LOAN YOU THAT OUTFIT.
BAKER MAYFIELD: This is radio, man. You’re lucky I even took a shower before coming in.
DJ 3000: WOULDN’T HAVE BOTHERED ME. [to PRODUCER] THIS GUY IS SO DUMB HE THINKS COMPUTERS HAVE A SENSE OF SMELL.
PRODUCER: Well, I certainly appreciate that, Baker.
DJ 3000: YOU LOOK LIKE YOU’RE ABOUT TO GO FISHING.
BAKER MAYFIELD: I am, actually. First thing I did when I got the news of the trade was book a deep sea trip out of Wilmington.
PRODUCER: So how do you two know each other?
DJ 3000: I HELPED HIM GET HIS NEST THERMOSTAT SET UP IN THAT DUMP OF A STADIUM THAT HE WAS LIVING IN.
BAKER MAYFIELD: It was a mistake, too. Emily kept talking to it because she thought it was voice-activated and then getting mad when it wouldn’t turn the heat on.
DJ 3000: HEY TELL HER SHE WAS REALLY GOOD IN THAT HALLOWEEN COMMERCIAL. SHE’S A GOOD ACTRESS.
BAKER MAYFIELD: Thanks, she’ll appreciate that.
DJ 3000: YOU, ON THE OTHER HAND, SUCKED.
PRODUCER: Dude, what the heck? Lay off the poor guy.
BAKER MAYFIELD: No, no, it’s cool. We give each other shit all the time.
DJ 3000: INSULTS ARE THE BASIS OF OUR COMMUNICATION PROTOCOL.
BAKER MAYFIELD: Trust me, after the way the Cleveland fans and franchise treated me, I can take it.
PRODUCER: Even after you won them their first playoff game since the franchise was resurrected?
BAKER MAYFIELD: [nods]
PRODUCER: You must be overjoyed to be heading somewhere else.
BAKER MAYFIELD: I really, really, really, really, really am.
PRODUCER: Well, let’s get you into the booth so you can get things wrapped up and get those boat drinks. Have you got a theme for us today?
BAKER MAYFIELD: I do. I was thinking we could do Solo Projects – songs by people that got kicked out of bands, or took a hiatus to do their own thing.
PRODUCER: I like it! Do you want to add “Supergroups” to the mix? Side projects made up by members of other bands?
DJ 3000: LIKE TEMPLE OF THE DOG, OR THE NEW PORNOGRAPHERS. WITH HOW MUCH YOU LOVE PORNOGRAPHY I BET YOU’D BE A BIG FAN OF THEIRS.
BAKER MAYFIELD: Sure!
PRODUCER: Got an example song we can lead in with?
BAKER MAYFIELD: I do – DJ 3000, you useless pile of e-waste, cue up some Pete Townshend.
DJ 3000: WILL DO. IT’S NICE OF YOU TO PROMOTE THE MUSIC FROM SOMEONE YOU MET AT A FILE-SHARING SERVICE, YOU’RE A REALLY GOOD FRIEND.
Today’s theme is: Castoff and Castaways. We’re looking for songs from solo projects and supergroups. Post links as “https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w3LL!t’5A11r!6hT” and they should embed in the comments after you refresh. The clue for last week’s puzzle song was “Stop Making Sense” which referred to the puzzle song of “Better Girlfriend” by the Talking Heads. Have at it!
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