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Sexy Friday – Balls on Vacation Edition!

ballsofsteelandfury

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By the time you read this on Friday night, I should, hopefully, be somewhere on the East Coast. I do not know exactly where as I am driving across our country Smokey and The Bandit style to drop off an important package at an East Coast Institution of Higher Learning.

If only it had been a week later, I could have joined y’all at DFO-con East!

Anyhoo, if I’m anywhere near any of you, I’ll post in the comments my whereabouts and maybe we can meet up for a drink. We’ll see.

So, seeing as I’ve been out of town for a week now (hopefully), I prepped this post ahead of time.

And, OH WHAT A POST THIS IS!

Some of you may remember how sad I was when I announced that the Miss Bum Bum pageant in Brasil was no more.

Well kids, I’m here to tell you that good things DO happen in this world!

The Miss Bum Bum Pageant is BACK BABY!! AND BETTER THAN EVER! I present to you today the candidates for this year’s crown!

For more pictures directly from the contest website, click here.

***

For those of you prudes that don’t like cheesecake or beefcake, click HERE to skip to the music videos.

Here are your Miss Bum Bum Pageant contestants!

Vicência Nascimento – Amapá

Carol Medeiros – Santa Catarina

Grazieli Nunes – Piauí

Rafaela Lyra – Pernambuco

Thaynna Dantas – Rio Grande do Norte

IAMLARI$$A – Bahia

Luma Kardashian – São Paulo

Juli Figueiró – Rio Grande do Sul

Michelly Martins – Paraná

Karine Matielle – Alagoas

Laysa Padovani – Mato Grosso

Day chedre – Roraima

Maya Dhurval – Espírito Santo

Monique Magnani – Ceará

Dhessica – Goiás

Ingrid Reis – Sergipe

Day Reis – Pará

Deny Barbie – Distrito Federal

Molina – Maranhão

Lívia Nayara – Pernambuco

Mayra Barbosa – Amazonas

Karina Mauro – Mato Grosso do Sul

Geanne Lima – Rio de Janeiro

Carolina Lekker – Acre

Kaszila Prata – Tocantins

Jéssica Oliveira – Rondônia

Samea Soloni – Minas Gerais

***

YOU’RE-A-PRUDE

***

And now, for the music!

As I mentioned before, I’ve decided that I must take up the mantle that tWBS ran with and help to make this world a better place. I will do this in the one way he couldn’t: By introducing you to good music!

Song Number One:

Canción Número Dos:

Chanson Numéro Trois:

Canzone numero quattro:

Canção número cinco

Seigarren zenbakia:

https://youtu.be/kH57rX-vP_U

***

That’s all for this week, folks! Be good to each other and fly low and avoid the radar.

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Brocky

Update .. .. still awake, why is there so much sugar in modern liquor?

1
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Because you touch yourself?

1
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Which is probably why I can’t sleep too

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Dunstan

Speaking of sugar, I just finished icing a birthday cake, and if you think I’m not licking the bowl….

1
TheRevanchist

Why Am I still somewhat sober? I am not, but I need to feel less sober. Off to the booze!

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Dunstan

I’m here to enable you…

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TheRevanchist

TY. I am now suitably drunk.

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Brocky

Fuck yeah

1
blaxabbath

Mother — the Mrs has the stupid rona. She was supposed to take the boy to the grandparents on Wednesday (I’m following Thursday night) for his birthday Sunday.

This is like day 38 of something ridiculous to deal with every day.

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TheRevanchist

Fapping might make you feel better? Try GILF porn. It will be glorious!

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

This variant is not fucking around. It is tearing through my social circle.

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Brocky

So I’m at a campout/bachelor party. I may or may not be drunk at a camp site that’s 420 friendly.

A friend is recounting a story of hallucinating a pet turtle stealing a girl.

There’s a pond full of VERY LOUD frogs near by

I’m drunk.

Life is good

2
Brocky

Did I mention I’m drunj?

1
Brocky

I’ll never understand autocorrect

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Are the frogs and/or turtles also drunk?

1
Brocky

Frogs maybe. Turtles i doubt it, as it was imaginary. Human guy got dumped, then imagined the turtle shit talking him. I don’t know if this is a reoccurring idea, just they find it funny as hell….

Jessica loves me more Michael!

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TheRevanchist

I am on my 3rd large Midori sour, and one generous shot of tequila.

1
Brocky

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yeah right

Hey folks!

Still here. Managing an entire second department ain’t hard but it does indeed include more moronic emails to respond to and a definite waste of my hard earned blogging time.

This will work and will be even better when they pay my righteous ass to run said second department.

My new crew is fucking badass. These people would go to battle for me.

It’s actually reinvigorating and pretty damn cool.

Last edited 3 years ago by yeah right
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Brocky

Man why the fuck do I try malort every single time it’s offered to me?

3
Doktor Zymm

Because free?
It’s really not that bad

2
Sharkbait

What does one do with Malort?

0
yeah right

Plug your nose, toss it back and hope for the best.

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Brocky

Ya drink it, and then wonder why the FUCK you did so

0
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Collingwood v North Melbourne about to start, but I’m gonna angrily watch Sydney v Western for a bit since I missed it earlier.

0
Sharkbait

One of these days I’ll catch an AFL game

1
yeah right

I want to do one live. Fremantle is a sister city of San Diego and apart from the 18 hour flight sounds cool as hell.

1
Sharkbait

I’ve done LAX to Sydney and back. It’s worth it, but you need to stay for at least 2-3 weeks to adjust to the time. Luckily I was able to stay for a month

2
yeah right

Fuck. I can only do that in retirement.

Guess I’ll retire early.

0
Mr. Ayo

Much like time and timezones, jet lag is a social construct that’s not real.

Fight the clock I say!

2
Dunstan

Jet lag has never been a big deal for me. When you’re at your destination, get a lot of sunlight, helps reset the body clock, power through as late in the day as you can.

1
yeah right

Do you use the watch afl app? They don’t show shit on the satellite.

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Yeah it’s worth it. Plus a hat!

1
Mr. Ayo

Following Buddy Cole’s twitter account just paid off.

0
Doktor Zymm

Speaking of books, just starting the third book in the Felse mystery series, by Ellis Peters (real name Edith Pargeter) of Cadfael fame

2
yeah right

I’ve got book 2 The Brentford Triangle lined up.

0
Doktor Zymm

I’m intrigued by how evenly split we seem to be on the cheese/booze question. If we’re attacked by sober vegans we should make sure we have a plan to avoid falling into sectarian conflict

3
Dunstan

I think the big issue for me is that I don’t do pot or other intoxicants. If I gave up alcohol, I’d have to face the world unprotected, and that’s crazy talk.

3
Sharkbait

Likewise. Save for the occasional edible.

1
Doktor Zymm

I’m in a similar boat, but I think I could effectively fill that gap with books and video games. I suspect the social/experiential aspects would be the greater loss for me, although I see no reason why cheese clubs and cheese tourism couldn’t be popularized eventually

1
SonOfSpam

“Cheese tourism” is pretty much Branson.

0
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Could we alternate? Give up cheese one month, booze the next, back and forth?

0
Dunstan

I can go one better.

Give up cheese for ten seconds, then booze for ten seconds. Repeat.

3
Doktor Zymm

I think we could emulate the French and go on strike until we reached a compromise like that. Or maybe something like 2 months of vacation where you can have both

4
Brick Meathook

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WCS

“Nailed it!”

— Cody P., parts unknown

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scotchnaut

You call him a dumbass, I call him a hero that took Motorcycle Parkour to the next level.

1
Redshirt

Cincinnati https://s.w.org/images/core/emoji/14.0.0/svg/1f494.svg on Twitter: “IT’S A BALK-OFFhttps://s.w.org/images/core/emoji/14.0.0/svg/203c.svg #ATOBTTR https://t.co/BP3ZhsNn9h” / Twitter

HA!

0
Redshirt

Okay, this topped the Balk-Off tweet.

shawn moore on Twitter: “I just laughed way too hard at this. https://t.co/tH6wJw3r7l” / Twitter

0
Doktor Zymm

I’m glad there was some lighthearted news today in the form of Musk making a first stab at weasling out of the Twitter deal. I am really enjoying this saga

5
Dunstan

I felt a disturbance… like a million dudebros crying out in anguish…

7
Redshirt

These are the same dudebros complaining about Kavenaugh’s privacy not being respected while going out to dinner in DC, but not noticing the irony of the situation.

7
Redshirt

Bears shut down Soldier Field dome proposal, renovations to keep team in downtown Chicago – CBSSports.com

These aren’t the Patriots who are consistently in the playoff hunt, or even the Bengals who had one amazing year that somehow makes up for decades of disaster. These are the Bears!

If I’m Chicago, I’d go scorched earth on the Bears. I’d close all roads and sidewalks outside of Soldier Field for “scheduled construction”. I’d play accordion music loudly during games and practices. I’d hold fairs, festivals and shows on gameday on the lakefront right outside the stadium, so people would still tailgate, but not go into the stadium.

Plus, I’d cancel all extension on the lease for Soldier Field. If you’re suburban stadium isn’t ready, congratulations, you’ve just become a 21st Century barnstorming team, but this time its due to a hurricane of greed.

3
WCS

Do what Hugh Grant did, and have the Benny Hill theme played over a loudspeaker near the stadium at Operation Just Cause volumes for 72 straight hours.

2
Doktor Zymm

It’s a colossally dumb move on the part of the Bears. They can’t even fill Soldier for out of division games, so I don’t know why they think they need a big stadium in a spot that’s already fucked for traffic. They’re not gonna pull a FedEx and somehow make money by fleecing the fans, and if they try they’re just gonna end up in prison with whatever politicians they bribe.

0
blaxabbath

Seriously. It’s insane how just beholden these cities are to these stupid football teams.

0
Brick Meathook

I had a Klondike bar. Then I had another.

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3
Doktor Zymm

What did you do for them?

2
Redshirt

Will we respect you in the morning?

2
WCS

Drank the blood of his enemies.

1
Dunstan

What happens in the Legion Hall bathroom, stays in the Legion Hall bathroom.

5
scotchnaut

But we know he did it at a cut rate price.

1
Brick Meathook

I deserve nice things.

1
Doktor Zymm

I know this would be an easy choice for some, but for the rest of us, if you had to give up either all alcohol or all cheese, which would you go with?

0
Redshirt

Alcohol. While it would be painful, cheese is in most foods I like.

0
Dunstan

I’d give up the cheese. No contest.

And I like cheese.

0
Gumbygirl

Alcohol. I hardly ever drink anymore, so it wouldn’t be a big deal. Cheese is essential!

0
Mr. Ayo

Cheese if I must. RIP pizza.

1
scotchnaut

“Away foul dairy product! Don’t eventh ponder crossing mine threshold everth again!”

/that’s straight out of Shakespeare, btw. Pretty sure it was Hot Fellow.

3
Redshirt

Shakespeare makes everything better.

1
SonOfSpam

Right now I’m trying to do the former.

Cheese is still on the menu.

0
Brick Meathook

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

What should I have for dinner tonight? I’m hungry but at the moment nothing appeals to me.

Oh, and I’m going to see Kinky Boots at the Hollywood Bowl tomorrow night. It features the music of Cyndi Lauper, so I expect to enjoy it.

Last edited 3 years ago by Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
2
Dunstan

Sticking with the classics here: steak, baked potato, and some grilled eggplant. And there shall be wine, oh yes, right after I finish sharkbait’s Cocktail of the Week.

1
blaxabbath

I’ve not had grilled eggplant. Usually have Asparagus with the above-plated steak/tater.

Intriguing.

1
Dunstan

So, my old way of grilling eggplant was to cut it in slices, season, brush with olive oil, and grill. That’s good for a nice steak-like texture.

My new way is to just put the whole damn eggplant on the grill and let it blister on every side, which essentially steams it from the inside. Then split it open, scoop out the now-softened inside, season, and top with a drizzle of one or more of tahini, yogurt, pomegranate molasses, maybe a sprinkle of paprika. Very different but also tasty.

2
scotchnaut

and some grilled eggplant

Do they taste better when they confess?

1
King Hippo

You had me at “nothing” – Karen C.

5
Gumbygirl

I’m roasting some potatoes and broccoli. Ham steak in the cast iron skillet with a pan sauce.

1
blaxabbath

I’m brocollini and never going back.

1
BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

Saw the production in Toronto, good musical.

0
King Hippo

Who will be the Top Bottom in 2022??

Hippo just might be in love with #6 on Spain’s European Euros de Feminina squadron. OH THOSE SHOULDERS

0
blaxabbath

I remember back when ballsofsteelandfury was some other better balls.

0
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

[eats a dozen meatballs] – Coach Reid

Last edited 3 years ago by Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
1
blaxabbath

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Dunstan

Ok, but in this house WE OBEY THE LAWS OF THERMODYNAMICS!

2
blaxabbath

I got a new tip for my stylus and it sucks. How do you make a tip that doesn’t work? It’s just a THING.

0
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

[tries to think of someone who was famously impotent so he can target blaxabbath with a THIS GUY joke]

0
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

War Machine I guess but that’s not really a laughing matter.

0
Dunstan

Jake Barnes from The Sun Also Rises?

2
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Ooh, good one.

1
scotchnaut

I’m not famous but pretty much every time I’ve been RSVP’ed I’ve replied that ‘I’m unable to come’.

1
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Lady BFC and I ordered some food at a kiosk called “Immigrant Food”. It’s all fast casual but somehow took almost half an hour.

She did not appreciate my “I thought immigrants had a reputation for working quickly” quip.

5
scotchnaut

“It takes a bit of time but the ‘Mexican Lawn Clipping Salad’ is worth the wait!”

/apologies

0
blaxabbath

While I appreciate the short term gains of the social justice trend, I’m predicting it lowers of the ceiling of their eventual progress in the medium-long term.

But I’m not one to complain about improvements

0
King Hippo

It is a constant struggle, trying to raise good, compassionate daughters…but who also aren’t humoUrless scolds.

A little effort and nuanced thought, folks. Ain’t that fucking hard if HIPPO can do it.

3
Doktor Zymm

There have been improvements?

0
BrettFavresColonoscopy

So, Balls, where you at?

(Also what John Kruk, Louie Aguilar, and Lance Armstrong have to ask)

4
ballsofsteelandfury

I’m in NYC but I’m in my hotel room getting ready for bed. Free day tomorrow though.

3
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

[shuffles off, kicks rock] – Nate Solder

1
Dunstan

That was a big hit at my elementary school. Wow, thanks for that flashback!

1
WCS

I just smashed the mosquito that bit three times in ten minutes.

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3
scotchnaut

I fucking love Paul F. Tompkins’ standup. Here’s his assessment of jazz music. It starts with, “I do not like jazz music and I do not like it on behalf of you, the common stupid person. [audience laughs] Now c’mon, you’re pretty stupid. Because jazz music is all about making the common man feel dumb.” Maybe I should just post the relevant material…

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XKSMbPbuGYE&t=100s&ab_channel=DavidClarke

1
scotchnaut

“A genre of music that is defying you to like it.”

0
WCS

What is, “BRO COUNTRY”?

I’ll take Famous Mothers for $600.

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1
scotchnaut

There are so many tattoos on the women above I feel compelled to shout, “De Plane! De Plane!”

1
BrettFavresColonoscopy

The Miss Bum Bum Pageant is BACK BABY? More like the Miss Bum Bum Pageant is BABY GOT BACK!

/shows self out

0
WCS

Paulie Walnuts died.

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0
Brocky

We knew that crew was cursed

0
scotchnaut

I heard the cannoli was left behind. There’s the real tragedy, smgdh…

1
Brocky

Evening,, I won’t be around much tonight, I just wanted to post this:

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2
scotchnaut

“It’s very close to mating season and the South Shore Bums are becoming increasingly restless.”

-David Attenborough, on vacation in Miami

3
litre_cola

Must have been a sale on blue bikini bottoms.

2
blaxabbath

Way to give the kids an achievable challenge, SkyZone.

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