Request Line: Self-Harm

INT. RECORDING STUDIO – DAY

The recording studio at KDFO looks much as we’d remember it from the before-time.  There is no evidence of the PRODUCER’s long descent into quarantine madness, or of DJ 3000’s work as a “special master” to separate material from Alex Jones’ phone into classifications of “blatantly illegal” and “merely embarrassing”.  The PRODUCER is seated in front of the soundboard, getting things ready for the show.

DJ 3000: …AND SO THERE ARE SEPARATE FOLDER FOR “REGULAR PORNOGRAPHY” AND “ILLEGAL PORNOGRAPHY” AND “GAY FROG PORNOGRAPHY.”

PRODUCER: I guess the only real question is “which one is using up the most terabytes of space?”

DJ 3000: OH, THE “ILLEGAL PORNOGRAPHY” FOLDER BY FAR.  I THINK MOST OF THE REGULAR STUFF IS IN THERE BY ACCIDENT, TO BE HONEST.

PRODUCER: That’s…disturbing.

DJ 3000: NOT NEARLY AS MUCH AS THE GAY FROG PORNOGRAPHY.  MOST OF IT IS JUST HOMOSEXUAL FRENCH GUYS DOING STUFF, BUT THE STUFF THAT ISN’T…[shudders visibly]

PRODUCER: [checks watch] Anyhow, I hope our guest shows up soon.  He sounded really excited to…

—[door flies open]—

SEAN LEE: Hi guys! I’m so glad…

—[door strikes doorjamb, reflects back and slams into Sean Lee’s forehead]—

SEAN LEE: [reels] Oh, ow, goddamnit.

The PRODUCER and DJ 3000 both cringe in sympathy.

PRODUCER: Oh, man, jeez, are you okay?

SEAN LEE: It’s cool, it’s cool, I’m fine.

SEAN LEE rubs his forehead while blinking, then shakes his head and resumes entering the room.  Both DJ 3000 and the PRODUCER notice that his left arm is hanging limply at his side.

DJ 3000: HEY MAN WHAT’S GOING ON WITH YOUR ARM THERE?

SEAN LEE: [grimaces as he attempts to lift it] Oh, don’t worry about it, I just dislocated it when I was closing the car door.

PRODUCER: Shit, are you sure you should be here right now? Maybe you should get that looked at before…

SEAN LEE: No, no, no.  I’m fine.  Listen, you guys are starting to sound like all those [makes air quote motion] “neurologists” who told me I needed to retire from the NFL.  Meanwhile, every single reputable craniologist in town was telling me that my 1-percenter brainpan can handle more punishment than the average skull.  So who are you gonna listen to? The guys telling you you gotta stop doing something that you’ve been doing your whole life?

DJ 3000: GETTING CONCUSSIONS?

SEAN LEE: You can’t let anything stand in your way when it comes to the stuff that you love. Like if you like cutting yourself, go for it. If you like boarding yourself in your own room for weeks at a time and screaming at anyone who approaches to “GO AWAY”, you go for it. If you can’t stop jerking off to animated videos of happy frogs defecating into each other’s mouths, just get yourself signed on with a quality VPN and get to work.

PRODUCER: I’m a little afraid to ask what you came up with for a topic for today’s edition.

SEAN LEE: I thought today’s subject could be “self-harm”.  We’re looking for songs about doing things that sad little killjoys are going to tell you are self-destructive or dangerous.

DJ 3000: LIKE STAYING UP ALL NIGHT?

SEAN LEE: Sure!

PRODUCER: How about eating disorders?

SEAN LEE: Absolutely.

DJ 3000: PROMISCUOUS BEHAVIOR?

SEAN LEE: Love it.  Let’s get rolling.  Can you guys get us started with a little Nine Inch Nails?

Today’s theme is: Self-Harm.  We’re looking for songs that about activities that are self-destructive – addiction, insomnia, promiscuity, etc..  Post links as “https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fTp3ach35aWAy” and they should embed in the comments after you refresh. The clue for last week’s puzzle song was “8047672M” which is of course the metric equivalent of 500 miles (by The Proclaimers) Have at it!